Ouroboros
by Je Veux Croire
Summary: ...I wish I could say that we were going in circles, but we’re not. We’re going in an endless line - - two steps forwards and three steps back. While my own life is...standing still."-Never Again. This is sort of an homage to the X-Files.
1. all things

**Summary**: This is sort of an homage to 'all things', an episode of 'The X-Files' which was written and directed by Gillian Anderson. In this fic, Addison contemplates her life.

**"Thanks"** go out to Kedda and Agent Extremis for helping me sort out my thoughts and words and punctuation ;-)

Okay you all, this is my **first** fanfic attempt. So please be brutally honest, otherwise I'll never know what works and what doesn't. Thanks. :-)

**DISCLAIMER: ** I wish I could take credit for the characters, especially Addison, but she belongs to Shonda and the fabulous Kate Walsh.

'all things' belongs to Gillian Anderson,Chris Carter and company. No infringement intended on any.

"All things" by AgentAddek

It had been a pretty hectic day at Oceanside Wellness today and the day was finally coming to an end. Addison was trying to rush home, hoping that she wouldn't be stuck in traffic...traffic from Santa Monica to Malibu could be a bitch sometimes, and she had to get home to set things up for the get-together tonight. Get-togethers were becoming a thing with her new friends, they would trade off every other week and it was her turn to host. Addison knew that Naomi would be coming over a little early to help her out, so she had to call her to remind her about the key, just incase she got there before she did. She dialed and it went straight to voicemail.

"Hey Nay it's me, just wanted to let you know that if I'm not home when you get there, the key is inside the plant that's by the left side of the door. Let yourself in. See you in a bit."

After battling traffic for what seemed like forever, Addison had finally arrived home. She noticed Naomi's car was in her driveway and was hoping that she had gotten her message. Sure enough she walked up to her door which had been unlocked and walked past her living room and set her purse down. Addison went straight to the kitchen and saw Naomi already starting to get the appetizers ready.

"Hey Nay, thanks so much for helping me out. It took me longer than expected, traffic was wretched" said Addison.

"Oh don't worry about it, I wanted to get here before everyone else anyways, I wanted to speak with you." At this Addison raised her eyebrow and looked at Naomi, waiting to see what this was all about.

Naomi started heading towards the deck with a few appetizers in hand and Addison followed with a few bottles of wine. As they were setting the table Naomi having set the plates down, sat down and waved Addison over to do the same.

"What's this about Nay?" Addison said with a little concern in her voice. Addison sat down next to Naomi and started biting down on her lower lip, she didn't know what Naomi wanted to talk about but she had a feeling that it was serious.

Naomi had sensed for the past few weeks that something was bothering Addison. She knew that she wanted to talk about something but couldn't bring herself to do it. So Naomi being the good friend she is, decided to give her a little shove to open up.

"Addison, I need you talk to me, but I mean _really_ talk to me" said Naomi. At this Addison was a bit confused.

"What do you mean _really_ talk to you, I talk to you everyday" Addison was a bit perplexed by this.

"Look Addison, yes you talk to me but you also don't really talk. Everything you talk about is just regular day-to-day stuff, like the weather, work, movies, clothes...regular girl talk stuff...but you haven't said a word to me about what happened between you and Derek. What made you beg me to give you this job?, why were you so insistent on getting far away from Seattle and making it into a _do-not-bring-up_ topic? You have been here how long? 7 months?"

"8 months actually" Addison replied, a bit flustered about where this conversation was headed.

"Addison, I love you, you know that right?" Naomi asked.

Addison nodded in return.

"Well then, as your friend, I feel I can be honest with you and tell you that you have to talk about what happened with you, Derek, and Mark, but I don't wanna feel like I am breaking this wall that you have built. I want you to confide in me Addie, I want you to trust me enough to help me help you with this burden you have been carrying around."

Naomi stopped for a moment to gather her thoughts, then continued "Addie, you said you wanted to move here to get a fresh start. You said you wanted to get away from the constant reminder of your past mistakes. But how can you move on when you haven't faced your demons?"

Addison listened intently, letting her friend's concerned words sink in.

Naomi got the feeling that she was starting to get through, and that Addy might

finally be ready to open up and talk to her about everything.

"Look I know that you rather just forget it all and move on, and to an extent you have played that part very well. But Addie I know you, you can be a great actress when you want to be, but even now you are letting your past dictate your future. Maybe not always but I notice things here and there."

Naomi paused and looked up at her friend, she studied Addison's face and was shocked to see all the different emotions playing across her face. She felt certain that she had gotten through to her.

Addison stared at Naomi a bit dumbfounded that her friend picked up on the overwhelming feelings she had been having for the past few weeks. It wasn't that she was unhappy, she just had all of these thoughts and feelings floating around and felt that she couldn't share them with anyone. She had been afraid that people might think it was crazy that she was still so caught up in a marriage that ended almost a year and a half ago, and that she was partly to blame for. She now knew she was wrong, and she felt this relief come over her when she realized that this was her chance to just let it all out. Without fear of being judged or yelled at. She could finally tell her side of the story without anyone having preconceived notions of her, no one thinking that she was "An Adulteress Bitch". Addison let out a breath that she didn't realize she had been holding.

Naomi leaned over and squeezed Addison's hand to encourage her to go ahead and start opening up.

"I have been in Los Angeles for almost 8 months now and things are really starting to come together. Who would have thought that I Addison Forbes Montgomery would actually come back from what seemed to be the worst two years of my life. "

"I never doubted that you would Addie, you are one of the strongest women I know" Naomi interjected.

"Thank you for the vote of confidence." Addison smiled. "Nay, I have many regrets in my life, but my biggest regret is cheating on my husband. I had my reasons for doing what I did, I know, I know it doesn't justify what I did but I was lonely and my husband kept pushing me in the direction of someone else.

I was invisible to Derek for so long, so I did one of the most desperate things that I could have ever done, I slept with our best friend, Mark."

Addison paused, leaned over to grab two wine glasses for herself and Naomi, and poured some red wine. Liquid courage she thought.

Addison continued "Thinking about it now, I realize that all things happen for a reason, right?" Addison questioned, more to herself than to Naomi.

Naomi knew how hard it was for Addison to recall this pain again, but she also felt that Addie seemed different somehow.

"I mean we make mistakes to learn and grow from them. We go through life experiences to prepare us for things to come. I read or heard something somewhere that '_Time passes in moments...moments which, rushing past define the path of a life just as surely as they lead towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed. But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path' _

Makes you think huh?? "

Addison leaned back in her chair, taking a sip of her wine. Letting the words that she said sit a bit with Naomi. Naomi nodded, letting her know that she understood, so Addison began to speak again.

"And now that my life is what it is, that introspective quote seems sort of fitting. You see, I never thought I would end up here in this very moment. I had my life planned out, I knew what I wanted, I actually had everything that I wanted, but I still wasn't happy. To the outside world, Derek and Addison were the perfect couple. I mean we were, still are, the best surgeons in our fields. I don't mean to brag , or to come off as pompous, but it's just a fact. We had the perfect house, the perfect vacation home in the Hamptons, and we looked great together. But what no one knew, was that we were falling apart as a couple. _We_ barely even noticed. We were so focused on our careers, always trying to out do the work we had done before. Derek just became obsessed. I mean I was obsessed myself at one point but I started missing my husband. I wanted to spend time with the man that I loved, so I pulled back from work a bit, to try and reconnect with Derek, but he was completely immersed in his work and didn't notice, or didn't care to notice, that our marriage had taken a back seat to his career."

Addison took another sip of her wine, taking in all the emotions that were taking over her being and finally succumbing to them. A tear streamed down her face.

"I tried Nay, I mean I _really really_ did try to make it work with Derek. I even thought that I could understand him better since I'm a surgeon too. I started making the extra effort, you know, setting up reservations for romantic dinners, getting tickets to the theater, making plans to do things that I knew he enjoyed doing, but he would always have some surgery that he couldn't get away from,

so he would send Mark in his place, telling me that there was no reason why I shouldn't still go and enjoy myself without him."

Addison stopped, the memory of this still noticeably upsetting to her.

"Then it just spiraled out of control, he was no longer just standing me up for romantic evenings, he started standing me up on special occasions, like my birthday, holidays with our families, charity events and ultimately the one that hurt me the most, our anniversary. He didn't even apoligize, he just stop trying. He completely gave up on us Nay, and any time that I tried bringing it up, he would just ignore me, dismissing me with a "Not now, Addie".

So one stupid lonely night I invited Mark into my bed", Addison whispered, still guilt-striken by her weak moment.

"And on that night my husband actually decided to come home instead of staying in one of the on-call rooms at the hospital, like he had done for the past few months." Tears were freely streaming down her face now she hugged herself, Naomi leaned over to soothe her a bit. Naomi knew that Addison needed to get this out once and for all so she nodded at her to continue.

"I must admit that part of me wanted him to see me being wanted by another man, being touched by someone other than him, I wanted him to feel jealousy, to fight for me, but when I saw the look in his eyes I regretted ever thinking it, especially doing what I was doing at that very moment. I literally saw him break in front of me Nay, the man that I loved more than life itself, broke in front of me. Can you imagine what it feels like to look into the eyes of someone you absolutely love with your heart, body, and soul and see the look of betrayal, the hatred, the disgust?

I didn't know what to do except beg, beg him to forgive me, to give me a chance to explain, to make this right, but he just walked away, he didn't fight for me, he just left me."

Addison looked towards the ocean, closing her eyes to feel the breeze hit her face, to hear the ocean waves clashing on the shore.

"To this day I still don't know what came over me that night. The only thing that I feel pushed me to sleep with Mark, is the fact that I just wanted to feel alive. I had slowing been dying a little each day when I realized that my husband no longer loved me. Mark offered me a way to feel something. I knew he wanted me, he had for a long time, so I just gave in to see if he could help numb the pain that was slowing eating away at me each day. It wasn't one of my brightest moments, but that is all said and done now, and no matter how many times I apologize, or how many times I want to wish it away, it happened, and I have to live with the fact that I had a hand in ending my 12 year marriage." Addison paused again, preparing herself to dive into the drama that was Seattle.

"I stayed with Mark, I stayed with him after Derek left me. I kept telling myself that if I ruined my marriage for a one night stand I would never forgive myself. So I stayed and tried to have a relationship with Mark."

Addison shaked her head, thinking back to that time in her life now makes her feel foolish for staying with a man she wasn't in love with. I mean, sure, she loved Mark, he was her best friend, he took care of her when Derek wasn't there, he picked her up when she was down.

"Mark was a little light at the end of a very dark tunnel, so I made myself think that this could work, and I eventually ended up getting pregnant. Of course Mark is Mark and he cheated on me, so not wanting have a child with this man in the first place, I went and had an abortion. On my way home after the procedure I got a call from Richard. He said that he had a case that he needed my expertise on and wanted me to fly out to Seattle immediately. Then he said that Derek was there in Seattle, that he had been there for three months."

She laughed a bit to herself, the hurt still obvious.

"Three months Nay, three months of not hearing anything from Derek. I called him constantly, left messages but heard nothing, and he had been in Seattle the whole time. I couldn't help but think 'that asshole!'.

That wasn't the only thing Richard wanted to tell me. I knew there was more so I waited for him to continue, and that's when I stopped breathing, he said that Derek was involved with an intern there in the hospital, Meredith Grey. I couldn't believe it, the nerve to leave me for cheating on him and then he turned around and got into a relationship himself."

Addison chuckled a bit at this point, thinking to herself, 'Only in my life', Seriously!

"So I told Richard I would fly out that very afternoon and to expect me at Seattle Grace the next morning. I went home, packed up and went to the airport. In retrospect, I should have said something to Mark, I shouldn't have just left. I kept trying to call Derek to warn him that I was coming out to Seattle. I was determined to go there, take care of the patient, give Derek the divorce papers that I had drawn up two weeks after he left, and finally get closure.

Nay I was ready to let him go, I really was, I had been preparing myself for that past three months."

Addison paused for a moment to fill their glasses again.

"So I arrived at Seattle that evening and it was still early, so I decided I would go see Richard since he was still recuperating. As I walked in through the sliding door, I saw Derek, but he wasn't alone...he was there adjusting another women's coat."

Addison closed her eyes, even now she still feels the pain she felt that day.

"I walked towards them, and he gave me this look like he'd just been punched in the stomach, and I suddenly realized that this woman he's with, has no idea that her world is gonna be rocked. As I walked towards them, I kept looking at this woman and thinking to myself, what did Derek see in this woman?, she's a twig with blonde straw-like hair, not really that pretty. Then it dawned on me that she was the complete opposite of me, that Derek was trying to get as far away from me as possible."

As Addison paused and glanced at sky, Naomi shook her head and thought to herself how crazy Derek must have been to let Addison go.

"So I walked up and he's like, 'Addison what are you doing here?'

I, being a little annoyed by this, responded 'Well you'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls.'

Meredith just stood there, staring back and forth between us, so I decided to put an end to her reeling little mind. I turned to her and said, 'Hi, I am Addison Shepherd.'

Poor thing, she was so confused, she looked at Derek, then at me, hoping that it wasn't what she was thinking.

'Shepherd?' she said, and I turned to her, shook her hand and said very matter--of-factly, 'And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband.'

Obviously she was floored with this information and she ran off. Derek tried to stop her, to no avail, and then he came back to talk to me, and said in so many words, that he wanted nothing to with me or so he said."

Naomi chuckled to herself. She was a little floored by the introduction that Addison had just described to her. She could picture her friend walking into the hospital in all her New Yorker glory, red curls bouncing around her, probably dressed in black, head to toe in Prada attire, and her signature Christian Louboutin pumps.

"Nay, you should have seen how everybody looked at me, they hated me!

I was the wicked witch of west stomping on Meredith Grey's dreams. It didn't help that Derek was being an immature ass and kept referring to me as 'Satan' or 'The Adulteress Bitch'.

I could tell that he just wanted to be with the perfect 12 year old and I just couldn't figure out why. I mean, I know what I did, but I really didn't see what all the fuss was about, what was so damn special about Meredith Grey?."

The memory of all of this still noticeably upset Addison, so Naomi reached over and squeezed her hand again in support to continue.

"A few days later, I felt like I broke through to him. I was in the NICU with a patient, who by all medical accounts should not be alive. I wanted to try a procedure that could give her a fighting chance and I needed Derek to look at her labs. He did that and right away dismissed it, saying that 'she was too far gone, I had to let it go, let her go in peace' and he walked away from me.

The day was pretty long, I was already planning on going back to New York the next day, I just wanted to find Derek and give him the divorce papers and then promptly leave.

As fate would have it, an emergency came up and I was dragged back into surgery. Before I went back to my hotel for the night, I decided to go back into the NICU to check on the patient one last time.

Derek was there as well, checking on the preemie who had miraculously made some improvements. He said that if she got a bit stronger he would operate. I felt like this was my chance tell him how I felt, and hoped for the best."

Addison closed her eyes and continued.

"I walked towards him and said, 'You know, the way I see it, we could deal with us in one of three ways. Option one, I could apologize, you could forgive me and come home, and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or, option 2, I could apologize, you could forgive me, and come home, but you can still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue.'

He thought I was being funny, I then leaned into him and said, 'Satan has a sense of humor' and he replied, 'What's the 3rd?' and I didn't know my 3rd option, so I just told him, 'I don't know the 3rd option is, I just know that I still love you.'

And I kissed him Nay, and he kissed me back. So I had a bit of hope again."

Naomi knew that even after all this time, that what happened with Derek still hurt her friend deeply.

"Days later he still had not made any changes, so I was leaving. When I was walking towards the elevators I saw them talking. She had this really sad _lost_ _puppy_ look on her face and he was trying to console her. It pissed me off, so I did what I do best, I made a snarky remark 'Well isn't this cozy. Can I join in or are you not into threesomes? '. Meredith rolled her eyes and walked off, Derek stayed behind to give me a piece of his mind. He was ticked, I could tell by his defensive stance, and I of course didn't back down.

He said that I was Satan and an Adulteress bitch, or something like that. I was tired of him constantly putting me down and told him that. I also told him that he was going to forgive me at one point, because I was his best friend. He of course made some stupid comment, I just pulled out the divorce papers and handed them to him. He insulted me again, so I told him if he signed, I would sign and be out of his life, but that being said, that if even if I was Satan and an Adulteress bitch that I might still be the love of his life."

"Wow, you told him that? What did he say?" Naomi asked intrigued by this whole recounting of events.

"I didn't give him a chance to say anything, I got in the elevator and left. That was the turning point. I really don't know what made him choose me over Meredith, but he did. He said he wanted to try, and of course I blindly believed him. I really just wanted to make it work, to make him fall in love with me all over again.

I lost myself Nay, I gave up my pride, my self respect, my home, my practice, my friends, all to accommodate his needs. I felt that he could treat me like shit and pine away for Meredith because I cheated, he needed to punish me, to get it over with, and then he would love me again and we would be okay. I was wrong, he didn't wanna try, he wanted to be the good guy, the guy who stayed with his adulteress wife, and gave up love to make his failing marriage work."

Addison paused to look at her watch, she had told everyone 8:30pm and it was now 7:30pm so hopefully they still had time to finish this conversation. It felt good talking about this although Naomi picked a hell of a time to ask her about this. Actually she didn't mind, she needed this, to finally let it go and move on completely with her life.

"It was an awful Nay, he made a fool of me time and time again. I stayed hoping that the Derek that I fell in love with would come back to me. We made love, well let me re-phrase that, _I_ made love to my husband, Derek just had sex with me. Even when he touched me I knew, I knew that he would rather be touching her. Until he finally got his wish on prom night, he slept with her in an exam room while I stupidly waited for him at the dance. I found her underwear in his jacket pocket the next day, it's like he left it there on purpose, hoping that I would find it so that I would put an end to this charade of a marriage. Can you believe that? After everything, he still didn't have the balls to end it himself.

So I packed up and left, called Mark to come and help me cope, help me forget for a moment. Mark being Mark flew to Seattle to be my transcontinental booty call. You would think I would have learned from my previous mistake, but nope, not me, I like learning the hard way." Addison glanced at Naomi and winked.

Naomi chuckled and nodded in agreement and said, "Yup definitely, thats the Addison I know." They both laughed a bit, then Addison continued.

"Derek showed up at my hotel room trying to apologize and take responsiblilty for his part in the end of our marriage, when Mark chose that very moment to walk out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist." Addison said this with a crooked smile.

"Part of me was glad that Derek could see that I wasn't alone and crying myself to sleep, but the other part was like FUCK!

So that was pretty much it, he later found out that I had stayed with Mark and was livid, he told me that he wanted me to leave Seattle so he could move on with his life in peace."

Addison stopped and took a long sip of her wine.

"Mark and I decided that we would give us a try if he could go 60 days without having sex with anyone. He was keeping his part of the deal, but I just wasn't invested in it at all. He wasn't the man I wanted to be with, plus the fact that I was lusting after an intern didn't help matters either. Again I gave into the itch and slept with an intern who wasn't interested in having a relationship.

So I ran, I needed to get away and sort out my life...that's when I came here for a mini vacation. And the rest, as they say, is history."

Addison looked up to meet Naomi's gaze.

"I must say though, that because of everything that happened with Derek, Mark and myself, I have had experiences that have now shaped me into who I am at this very moment, and I like who I've grown into. I once believed that I would be spending the rest of my life with that man, what I would have missed."

Naomi nodded, understanding her friend and got up from the chair she had been sitting in and kneeled down in front of Addison to lean in and give her a hug.

"I wanna say thank you Addie, thank you for letting me in, and confiding in me. All I want is for you to be happy, and I just wanted you to know that I am here for you, I'm your someone."

Addison smiled and hugged Naomi tightly.

"Well thank you for pushing me to open up, I really needed to do this." Naomi reaches across the patio table and grabs a party napkin and hands it to Addison. "Wow, I can't believe how long that took, i'ts 8pm already! They should probably be arriving anytime soon, I should probably go freshen up...I must look a hot mess."

Naomi chuckled a little, "Girl you can't ever look like a hot mess, no matter how hard you try."

They both laughed and sat back down, taking in the view, still sipping on their wine for an extra moment, enjoying the sounds of the waves.

Pete, who had arrived extremely early hoping to be alone with Addison, had entered the house a while back and had conveniently overheard their whole conversation.

He quietly said to himself, "I wonder what the future has instore", and then he smiled.

After a moment of thought, he walked up to the women to make his presence known.

The END or NOT, you decide!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!


	2. Amor Fati

Summary: This is sort of an homage to 'Amor Fati', an episode of 'The X-Files' which was written by Chris Carter and David Duchovny.

The title is a Latin phrase that loosely translates to 'love of fate' or 'love of one's fate'. It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good. That is, one feels that everything that happens is destiny's way of reaching its ultimate purpose, and so should be considered good. Moreover, it is characterized by an acceptance of the events that occur in one's life.

"Thanks" go out to Agent Extremis, aka Beta-Bitch for helping me sort out my thoughts, words and punctuation.

Comments and criticism are happily accepted.

DISCLAIMER: No infringement intended on anything or anyone ;-)

'Amor Fati' by Agent Addek

Can't breathe...I can't breathe!

Oh God why is this happening to me again?!!

I can feel my heart pounding too rapidly!...can't breath...chest tightening...oh please someone help me! Help me!

I can't move...can't open my eyes... my fingers and toes feel numb.

I can't move, can't breathe, can't breathe!

After what seemed like an eternity, he was suddenly able to move. He opened up his eyes and realized that he was shaking and sweating uncontrollably. His heart was still pounding intensely, as well as some tightness in his chest. He got up from the bed quickly but regretted that decision immediately when he felt the dizziness overcome him, and then the extreme nausea.

This had been happening with more frequency, and it had become increasingly difficult to calm himself down during one of these episodes. He was afraid to even attempt to sleep these days.

They started over a year ago, but he never really gave them a second thought, because back then, it only happened a couple times. He never worried about it with much concern, since after all, he is a surgeon and he chalked it up to lack of sleep and stress. He resignedly realized he should have had himself checked out by his doctor, especially considering the episodes had continued to happen, and now even more regularly. He decided to jump in the shower to try to help calm himself down, and then he'd call his doctor to make an appointment.

"Dr. Vaselenak's office, this is Alexis, how may I help you?" said the woman on the other end of the line.

"Hello Alexis, this is Dr. Derek Shepherd. I wanted to see if Dr. Vaselenak had any openings this morning?" Derek waited while the receptionist checked the doctor's schedule.

"Just give me a minute Dr. Shepherd, hmm... it looks like he had a 10 o'clock cancelation, would you like to see him then?" The receptionist waited for his response.

"That would be great, so I'll see Dr. Vaselenak at 10 o'clock. Thank you." Derek hung up the phone.

He left his trailer soon after he hung up the phone as he needed to catch the next ferry. Derek walked out to his Range Rover, stopping to take a deep breath of the fresh pine air. As he was driving to the port, he couldn't help but think to himself what could possibly be wrong with him? Honestly, he admitted to himself, that at that moment any possibility terrified him.

The ferry ride was uneventful and soon enough he found himself parking outside of his doctor's office. He walked into the lobby and was relieved to see that he was the only patient there at the moment. He wanted to get this done and over with, and really wasn't in the mood to wait. Fortunately, he got his wish, because shortly after signing in, his name was called.

"Dr. Shepherd?", the receptionist called out his name. He looked up, nodded, and walked towards the open door. He followed her to one of the back rooms where she asked him to change into a patient's gown, and to then take a seat, and that the Doctor would be with him shortly. Derek did as he was asked, and then sat waiting impatiently. He wasn't used to being on this side of things... I guess it's true what they say about doctors being the worst patients, he thought amusedly to himself. Luckily for Derek, Dr. Vaselenak was on schedule and he promptly walked in with a nurse in tow.

"Dr. Shepherd, it's been a while since your last check up, what brings you here today?" The doctor pleasantly asked as he took a seat on the stool in front of Derek and waited for his response.

Derek looked up and paused for a moment before he addressed the doctor, and then started reciting his symptoms. "I don't know where to begin doctor, it feels like I'm having a heart attack! I've been having these 'episodes'... I mean I really don't know how else to refer to them...they mostly happen at night when I am sleeping. They wake me up in a state of terror! I am conscious but I can't open my eyes, and my heart starts pounding out of control. I get this tightening in my chest, and it gets extremely difficult to breath. I can't move or talk, then all of a sudden I can."

Derek paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, but before he could speak the doctor spoke.

"Dr. Shepherd how long have you been having these symptoms?" The doctor asked before he waved over the nurse. He said something to the nurse that Derek couldn't hear, then he realized what the doctor had asked when she came and stood next to him and started taking his blood pressure, first one arm, and then the other. The nurse continued to do a general exam before stepping out of the room.

"Honestly doctor, I don't really know how long... I think I first experienced a couple of the symptoms a little over a year ago. I just thought it was because, as you may very well know, the life of a surgeon does not permit for a lot of sleep and relaxation, and add to that the stress of it all and everyday life...I had assumed it was my body's way of saying 'slow down'. I took a day or two off, felt somewhat reinvigorated and never thought of it again until a few months ago, when the same problems started creeping in again here and there. They've been messing with my sleep cycle, have become much more frequent lately, and in all honesty, scare the hell out of me."

"Well Dr. Shepherd, the best way to find out what is exactly going on with you is to run a few tests. I want to start off with some blood work and then an EKG. After that, if I need any other tests we will run them. In the mean time, I think you should take a few days off from work. I need you to relax and not overexert yourself. Any questions?"

The doctor waited for Derek to answer.

"So how much time do I need to take from work doctor? I'm the head of neurosurgery, I can't just take days off without any prior notice" said an exasperated Derek.

"Well Dr. Shepherd, at least until we get your results, and since I am putting a rush on them, hopefully that's only two to three days at most. With all honesty Dr. Shepherd, with the symptoms you described, you really need to take it easy until we figure out what is causing this" Dr. Vaselenak said, a little taken aback by Derek's reaction, as he walked out of the room to order his tests.

A few minutes later, the nurse who was in the room earlier, walked back in with the appropriate lab paraphernalia, including a few test tubes as well as needles to draw his blood. After collecting his blood samples, she informed him that the doctor would be back in to perform his EKG.

Dr. Vaselenak soon showed up with the same nurse accompanying him, and he began explaining the procedure to Derek. Even though he was already aware of how an EKG was performed, he still appreciated the fact that the doctor was making him a part of the process.

"Okay Dr. Shepherd, please lie back and Alexis will start applying the electrodes to your arms, legs and chest. The electrodes detect the heart's electrical impulses and then transmit them to the EKG machine, which will then produce a graph of those impulses. Now this will only take a few minutes and then we'll know if we need to worry about anything. Any questions so far?" Derek shook his head no.

The EKG machine worked his magic, and started printing off the corresponding graph.

The doctor became completely immersed in the read out as it appeared.

After about 20 minutes, the nurse began to remove the electrodes.

"Dr. Shepherd, why don't you get dressed and then come and join me in my office so we can go over your EKG results," Doctor Vaselenak directed.

The doctor exited and Derek began to get dressed. He made his way to Dr. Vaselenak's office and found that he was already there, seated behind his desk studying Derek's EKG printout.

"Dr. Shepherd please take a seat. As far as your EKG goes, everything seems normal. There are no cardiac arrhythmias, no myocardial infarction, no electrolyte disturbances, and no conduction abnormalities. Everything seems to be the way it should be. Until I get your blood work back, I don't have any further information on what might be causing your episodes. I want you to go home and relax, please try to stay calm, and under no circumstances should you return to work. Like I said before, two to three days at most and I should have the test results. I will make sure to put a rush on them and I will see you back in my office on Thursday."

Derek extended his arm to shake his hand and the doctor spoke again. "Oh and Dr. Shepherd, if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to call me, you can reach me through my service at anytime, no matter how late."

He shook Derek's hand and began walking him out.

"Thank you Dr. Vaselenak, you have a good day and I'll see you on Thursday."

Derek made his way out of the office and back to his truck. Once seated inside, Derek took a few slow breaths. He was relieved that his EKG didn't show any abnormalities, but he knew that he still had to wait for the blood results. Derek flipped open his phone and waited for the other line to be picked up.

"Hello Dr. Webber's office, this is Patricia, how may I help you?" She paused waiting for an answer.

"Hello Patricia, this is Derek Shepherd, I need to speak with Dr. Weber please."

Derek paused for her response.

"Oh of course Dr. Shepherd, just one moment."

Derek waited on the line, trying to figure out the best way to address this, he just wanted it all over with and to get home.

"Hello Derek, this is Richard, what are you doing calling the hospital, isn't this your day off?" The chief asked, with a hint of playful annoyance.

"Richard I was actually calling you to tell you that I need a few days off, starting tomorrow. I just need a couple of days to deal with a personal problem." Derek said a bit too quickly.

"Derek is something wrong?, something I can help you with? You know you can count on me for anything" Richard said, now with a note of concern in his voice.

"I'm not sure if I should be worried or not yet Richard, but as soon as I know anything you will be the first to know." Derek replied assuredly.

"Well Derek, take all the time you need. I'll see you when you get back. Please just keep me informed."

Richard hung up, leaving Derek alone with his wandering and scattered thoughts.

Three days had gone by since Derek had been to the doctor's office and he was now on his way to get his test results. While on the ferry, Derek reflected upon how the past three days had been. He had tried to do what Dr. Vaselenak had asked him to do...to relax and not to do too much, but the 'episodes' kept happening anyways. He didn't know what he did wrong? He hadn't picked up any of Meredith's phone calls...he just couldn't deal with her insecurity issues now.

Rose had called him too, but he didn't want to speak with her either. The kiss they shared was a mistake and he had to tell her that, but not until he'd gotten over this, whatever this was.

To top it all off, for some strange reason he kept thinking of Addison. Out of all people why would he be thinking of her?? She had left Seattle several months ago, without as much as a goodbye mind you, but she was gone out of his life like he wanted her to be, right?

Okay, so maybe he didn't really relax...

Derek arrived at his doctor's office without incident, signed in, and took a seat. This time he had to wait about twenty minutes before he got called in.

"Dr. Shepherd it's good to see you again. So how are you feeling?, any more episodes?" Asked the doctor before he paused for a response.

"Actually Dr. Vaselenak, I took your advice. I took three days off of work and I tried to relax, but I still experienced a couple of episodes. What's wrong with me?" Derek asked with undisguised concern in his voice.

Dr. Vaselenak took a moment to consider his reply before answering Derek.

"Well, as you already know, your EKG didn't show any abnormalities. I have your blood work results now and everything is normal there as well. I did have my suspicions of what might be wrong, but I wanted to run some tests on you before I gave you my medical opinion."

Derek studied the Doctor's face, trying to read it.

"Dr. Shepherd you are suffering from panic attacks."

Huge relief washed over Derek's face.

"That's it doctor? I'm just suffering from panic attacks?"

The doctor looked at Derek with a exasperated expression.

"Dr. Shepherd, they're not just panic attacks. They can be very crippling in your day to day life. For the moment, you are only experiencing them during the night, and those have already interfered with your sleep cycle. They can start interfering with your day-to-day functioning, and your job as well. I would suggest that you don't take them lightly."

Derek was surprised by the Doctor's comments, but sat silently and tried to absorb properly what the Doctor was trying to explain.

"There are several options for you to deal with them, one is by taking medication..."

Derek interrupted the doctor right away. "No Dr. Vaselenak, there is no way that I will take any medication. As a surgeon I wouldn't want to take anything that would affect my job." Derek retorted with more force than he meant to.

"Well Dr. Shepherd, like I said there are several options...medication is one, but there are other ways to deal with your panic attacks as well. Cutting down on substances like caffeine and alcohol would be beneficial as they can worsen panic attacks, so they should be avoided. Exercise and stress management techniques like deep breathing, meditation or yoga can help as well. Relaxation is key Dr. Shepherd, so anything that you could do to help you relax is recommended."

Dr Vaselenak stopped and looked into Dr. Shepherd's eyes, to see if he was just wasting his words, but to his astonishment, Derek appeared to be comprehending the seriousness involved.

"Another option would be speaking with a licensed professional regarding any problems or stress you maybe encountering in your life. Usually panic attacks develop from avoidance of deep seeded issues, or ignored problems. There is also an alternative approach to your problem..." The doctor trailed off, uncertain as to whether to suggest it or not.

"Alternative approach?" Asked Derek, not sure what to expect.

"Holistic Doctors are known to help you get in touch with the problem or problems causing the panic attacks, rather then just treating the symptoms."

The doctor reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a card and handed it to Derek.

"I can refer you to this specialist, who is highly thought of in this field."

Derek took the card reluctantly. "Are you serious? Oh great you are serious! Look doctor, I will stick to the relaxing and the deep breathing, but I can do without all of the other options. Thank you for your time, I'll show myself out."

Derek stalked out of the doctor's office, not really understanding why he was reacting the way he was...after all, the doctor was only trying to help him...but come on, suggesting he go see a quack! Ridiculous! I will deal with these panic attacks myself, he stubbornly thought. It can't be that hard to relax!

Relaxing, hmmm...what relaxes me?...fishing.

That's what I am gonna do!

I will fish and relax and then I will be fine, everything will be fine.

Two days later, Derek and Mark stood side by the side at Green Lake, fishing poles in hand, laughing and enjoying the Seattle morning sun.


	3. Oubliette

**Summary:**

This is an homage to **'Oubliette'**, an episode of **'The X-Files' **written by Chris Carter.

Oubliette is a dungeon that is nearly impossible to exit out of without outside help. The word comes from the same root as the French oublier, which means 'to forget'.

Disclaimer: None of this stuff belongs to me, sure , fine, whatever!

**Oubliette by Agent Addek**

The sun was creeping through the curtains into her bedroom window. She slowly started opening her eyes and immediately felt like something was different.

Sure, waking up each morning to the sounds of the ocean made her feel peaceful, but it wasn't that. She rolled out of bed and made her way into her bathroom, but even as she walked the short distance, she felt lighter. She wouldn't be able to describe the feeling she was experiencing if you asked her, well not really, but 'happy' came to mind. Yes, she definitely felt happy!

Thirty minutes later, she came out of her bathroom, showered, dressed, and ready to go to work. She headed downstairs for her morning coffee and was surprised to find that not even the mess left from last night's get together could dampen her mood. She smiled when she thought back to the amounts of wine that had been consumed by all of the fine doctors and midwife. That's when Addison realized what had changed.

She finally felt like she fit, like she now had the new start she wanted. She no longer had the feeling of mourning the loss of her past life, no longer felt like she needed to pay for her past mistakes. From this day forward, it was all about her grabbing life by the testes!

She grinned just thinking about all of the things that she would now be able to do without feeling anything was holding her back. Speaking with Naomi about what had happened in her past, had been exactly what she needed to do to completely move on. She bubbled with the freedom she now felt. She poured some coffee in her mug, grabbed her things, and headed out the door, still beaming.

"Good morning Addison." Naomi said as she walked alongside Addison into the lounge. "Oh hey Nay, good morning." Addison said with a huge smile. Naomi looked at her curiously. "Wait, what's different? What happened?" Naomi asked, still not exactly sure what was going on with her friend.

Addison just kept smiling at her and then it dawned on Naomi. "So that's what's different!, you're happy, I mean _really_ happy. So I'm guessing our conversation yesterday has something to do with it?"

"Yes Nay, it most definitely had something to do with it. I feel like this weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel free, happy. I just feel like I can focus on me now, I mean _really _focus on me. So thank you Nay, thank you so much." Addison leaned forward and hugged Naomi. They held each other for a few seconds before they were interrupted by the rest of the doctors making their way into the practice. Soon enough they all made their way into the lounge.

"Good morning!" Addison and Naomi both said in unison as Pete, Violet, Cooper and Sam came into the lounge. All four of them stared at Addison and Naomi inquisitively, but then continued on with their morning routines. The men eventually made their way out of the lounge, but not before Pete glanced towards Addison and gave her a slight grin and a wink. This did not go unnoticed by Violet and Naomi who both turned to Addison for an explanation.

"What?" Addison asked, trying to hold in a smirk .

"What was that all about?" Violet teased, with Naomi standing right behind her, also with a questioning look.

"That was nothing, he's just being Pete." Addison said, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

"Uhmmm..yeah, you see Addie I don't buy that, there was something there, come on you can tell us." Naomi insisted, while glancing over at Violet who was nodding her head in agreement.

"Fine, fine. A few days ago, after my disastrous date with Kevin, I came home to find Pete waiting for me outside my door. He said that since we're doing the 'friend thing', he wanted to see how my date went. He hadn't expected me to be back so soon. So I asked him in, and we sat out on the deck while sharing a bottle of wine, and we talked."

Addison paused a bit to gage their reaction, they motioned for her to continue.

"Well, we talked about my date, which was bad, _really really_ bad. I don't know what happened...I mean there were definitely sparks between Kevin and I, but then we got to dinner and nothing, absolutely nothing. When I told Pete about that, all of a sudden he got that same smirk on his face and then kindly said to me that he was glad that it didn't work out. Which of course I was floored by. Why wouldn't he want it to work out? He then informed me that he wanted to try this 'dating thing' with me."

"What did you say?" Naomi and Violet both said in unison, which caused all three women to laugh out loud.

"Well, I didn't really know what to say, and besides Nay, you know as well as I do that before yesterday I wasn't really ready to move on." Violet looked at both doctors a little confused but didn't have to wait long for it to be somewhat clarified.

"Well you weren't ready then but now you are. You have completely let go of your past Addie, so what are you gonna do?" Naomi waited for an answer, and Violet was still a little lost before Addison spoke again.

"Yeah, I think and feel like Derek, Mark, and everything else is finally behind me. Like I was saying before, I _am_ ready to move on and I think I might give this dating thing a shot, and I want it to be with Pete." Addison said, lost in a smile.

Both women stared at Addison for a moment and then this huge grin appeared on their faces.

"What?" Addison said, a little bemused with their reaction.

"Well, it's just that it's about damn time you both did this" said Violet. "You both have been teetering on this thing between you and we just wanted to shove you in a room and have you get it over with."

"Well, I didn't exactly want to shove you in a room because I didn't think he was ready for a relationship, and that's what you want Addie. I did however notice this tension between you two and just wanted to scream at both of you to get a grip." Naomi joked affectionately.

"Well Nay, I think he's ready, I really do. I'm ready now, so why not give it a shot. Actually, I'm gonna go ask him out to dinner after I see my first patient." Addison said to them as she walked out of the lounge and made her way to her office.

Naomi and Violet stared after her and then looked at each other. "Well this is going to be interesting." Violet said as she gathered her coffee and started heading out. "Tell me about it." Naomi muttered as she walked out with her.

One patient had turn into 3 patients and finally Addison found herself walking into her office. As soon as she looked up towards her desk she noticed a beautiful bouquet of flowers. She smiled to herself, wondering who could have sent them. She sat down and looked at the flowers a bit more before noticing the card. She reached for it, opened it, and needless to say was surprised.

Addison,

I really enjoyed our conversation the other evening. I meant what I said, I really want to try this with you. So let's have dinner this evening, I'll pick you up around 8:30.

Pete

Addison set the card down and couldn't help but smile even more. It's like he had read her mind. She'd been all ready to ask him out herself, but he had beat her to it. She got up from her desk and headed towards the door, she was gonna go let Pete know that she was in.

Pete was standing by the counter in the lounge. The flowers he sent to Addison had been delivered to her office 15 minutes ago, and she had gone in there about 5 minutes ago. He was nervous although he would never admit it. He almost choked on his coffee when he noticed that Addison had just walked out of her office and was walking straight towards him with a huge smile on her face.

"Hey Pete, I'm looking forward to it." She said to him. Then she winked and walked away.

'Mission accomplished' thought Pete, as he made his way out of the lounge and back to his own office. Now if he could just figure out where he would take his Addison Forbes Montgomery to dinner, then all would be right with the world.

He stopped with a shock! He did think of her as _his _Addison...when had that

happened?

Perhaps it had begun when they first met, and his protective mind had finally caught up to his knowing heart.

Love at first sight...

The thought both warmed him and scared him...his heart really was open again...ready for love, pain, excitement, concern, and all of those exhilirating emotions to remind one that they're alive.

He couldn't wait for their adventure to begin.


	4. Demons

Summary:

This is an homage to 'Demons', an episode of 'The X-Files' written by Chris Carter and R.W Goodwin

(Personal Demons could be derivatives of the impulses that have been repressed)

Thanks go out to Agent Extremis, my BETA-BITCH :-P

Disclaimer:

Still don't own them. If I did Derek and Addison would have been together by now. ;-)

'Demons' by AgentAddek

Relax Derek, this fishing trip was about relaxing... he thought to himself as he inhaled deeply, breathing in the fresh air as he stood by the lake. He still couldn't believe that he had actually convinced Mark to come with him. Granted he didn't really give him a choice and it helped that they didn't have to travel that far.

Green Lake was mostly popular for the paved paths it had, and was also a major destination for people seeking exercise and relaxation. It wasn't as popular for fishing, which is why Derek had rented a house nearby for the next 2 days. He and Mark would probably be the only ones fishing, so it meant that they had a better chance of catching a lot more fish, or at least he hoped so. He glanced over at Mark who was currently adjusting his fishing pole, he gave him a friendly smile and then turned back to his area.

Mark returned the gesture and continued to fix his pole. Damn!, he thought, he knew there was a reason why he never really fished, he hated fishing. At first he didn't seem too convinced about going on this fishing trip with Derek. A part of him secretly thought it was just a ploy to get him isolated to kill him off. After all, he did sleep with the man's wife...who could blame Derek if he did do it. Mark shook those thoughts away. He was here to support Derek. His friend had told him that he really needed to get away from the city, from his trailer, and especially from the women in his life.

He still didn't know why Derek was so insistent that they did it this particular weekend, but he wasn't gonna argue with him about it. Derek was finally reaching out, trying to re-establish their friendship, and he wasn't going to mess this up.

Suddenly Mark's thoughts were interrupted by Derek words.

"Hey Mark?" Derek called from the spot where he had been for the past few hours.

"Yeah?" replied Mark without turning. He was still concentrating on his fishing pole.

"We should head back to the house. We've been at this for a few hours already and it's almost lunch time. I caught some trout, we can grill it up when we get back." He said, reeling in his fishing line.

"Sounds like a plan to me. Man I'm starving! Let me just grab my stuff and we can start heading back."

Mark started gathering his gear, as did Derek, and then they both walked in silence back to Derek's truck. Mark noticed that Derek had been quiet for most of the drive there and for most of the time spent fishing as well. Actually, what he had just said by the lake was probably the most Derek had said since he'd picked Mark up that morning.

Something was definitely up, thought Mark to himself. Derek will come around though, he always does.

When they arrived back at the house, Derek headed straight for the kitchen while Mark went out to the lakeside deck to start up the grill. Shortly after, Derek made his way outside with the prepared trout in one hand and a six pack of Guinness in the other. Mark reached for the beer to help him out and placed it on the table.

"So I'm just gonna grill these up... they shouldn't take too long. Grab yourself a beer and take a seat." Derek said to Mark as he headed for the grill. Mark just stared after Derek, something was definitely up. There was a reason why he asked him to come down here and he had an inkling what it might be about, or so he thought.

"Well, I really appreciate you inviting me to tag along with you man. I really needed a vacation from that hospital", Mark said as he sipped on his beer. "So you wanting to get away from 'the-club-the-nurses-created-solely-to-hate-you' has nothing to do with it." Derek glanced at Mark with a triumphant smirk.

"Ha ha ha, you're funny! You're a funny guy Derek Shepherd." Mark said mockingly. Derek laughed a bit, then turned his attention to the fish that was pretty much done. He scooped them up and onto the plate and then walked towards the table. Mark had taken that opportunity to walk inside and grab a couple of plates, some utensils, and a few paper towels and had set them all down on the table.

A comfortable silence came over them as they began to eat their food. Mark couldn't shake the feeling that something big was coming, he could sense it in the pit of his stomach.

Just then Derek spoke and broke Mark out of his reverie.

"I'm suffering from panic attacks." Derek said, almost so quickly that Mark could barely understand what he had said. It took him a moment to process the information Derek had just divulged.

"How do you know they're panic attacks?" Mark asked curiously.

"Well, I had some tests taken by my doctor and that was the conclusion he came up with. He said that I needed to relax and deal with whatever stress may be causing these 'episodes'. So that's why I wanted to come fishing... it's always helped clear my mind." Derek said, a bit uncomfortable about sharing this with Mark. There was a time when he could have confided anything in him, but things were different now... they weren't as close as they used to be, they were working on it though.

"So you decided to come fishing, and bring me along for what?... company?... seriously?" Mark was still not completely sure what his purpose was this weekend. Did Derek just want the company, or was there another reason?

"Look, nobody knows me better than you. Well Addison does, but she's gone, and she left without a goodbye...anyway the point is, that you know me and I just... I don't know what the hell is causing this!" Derek finished, a bit exasperated.

"Hey hey, calm down okay, I understand. We're friends right?"

Derek nodded a yes in response.

"Okay, when did the panic attacks start?" Mark questioned, already going into doctor mode.

"Well, I had a couple a little over a year ago, but that was it until maybe several months ago when they began again with more frequency. They got really bad Mark, at one point I thought I was having a heart attack!" Derek said, still a little shaken by what had been happening to him.

"So what did the doctor say was causing them?" Mark asked.

"Well, he said something about it being stress related, and that most panic attacks stem from some deeper issue. He thought that they might have something to do with ignored problems, things from my past or present that I'm choosing not to pay attention to. He even recommended that I go see a licensed professional, and even worse, he recommended a holistic practitioner." Derek laughed self-consciously. He didn't notice that something had registered on Mark's face, an understanding.

"Derek, I don't need to be a 'licensed professional' to tell you what's causing your stress."

Mark waited to see if Derek understood what he was getting at, but Derek seemed oblivious.

"So what do you think is causing my stress?" Derek said to Mark, with a bit of sarcasm in his tone.

"I can't believe you didn't figure this out sooner. Anyone who knows you could have told you Derek. You know, for a neurosurgeon you're a bit dense.

A little over a year ago...let's see... you were pining over Meredith Grey, you cheated on your wife at that prom, which consequently was the last nail in the coffin of your almost 12 year marriage, then I came into town to win Addison back and I made sure you knew that, and even though you and Meredith were together, it was always up and down, then you found out about Addison and I being more than a one night stand, Meredith almost died, should I keep going?" Mark said, almost running out of breath as he recounted the tumultuous year they had all had.

"I've dealt with all of that, I've moved on" Derek stated matter-of-factly. "Meredith and I are fine...we're just giving each other a little space, and Rose was a mistake, I realize that now. As for you and Addison, well you and I are working towards regaining our friendship, I mean you're here... and regarding Addison...I'm over her, she's gone. I honestly don't even know where she's at...I couldn't care less where she is." Derek said unconvincingly.

Mark stared at him with concern, his friend could really be dense sometimes.

"Derek, you haven't dealt with anything. As soon as things were over with Addison you jumped to Meredith, and that relationship, from what I've seen and heard, has been a roller coaster ride from the beginning. Look, I know you don't want to acknowledge the fact that Addison was a big part of your life. I know you say she was, but I don't think you want to believe it. Believing it would only make you realize how much it hurts you not to have her in your life now. Am I right?"

Mark looked at Derek to gage his reaction. He could tell that Derek wasn't too happy with what he had just said, but he was being honest. Derek needed someone to tell him the truth.

Derek stayed quiet, stared out at the lake and took a big gulp from his beer.

"Look, I'm not saying this to piss you off man, I am just calling it how I see it. You never forgave Addison for what she did to you because you never forgave yourself for what you did to her, and I'm not just talking about the indifference or the prom. You know what I'm talking about."

Mark looked at Derek who couldn't look him in the eye, so Mark continued.

"Look, I know that you don't want to think about what you did to her, because it makes it easier for you to blame her for the end of your marriage. You and I both know that's not entirely true. Derek, it's time you hear this...you broke her...you took her pride, her self-esteem...you made her feel worthless and unloved."

Derek was taken aback by Mark's sudden honesty. They had never talked about this. Not even Addison, who had been the one he had hurt so deeply, had ever brought it up, not even in their worst arguments.

"I know what I did Mark, I have never forgotten and I will never forgive myself for that...but she did hurt me back...she slept with you, my best friend, my brother, how could I forgive her? How could I take her back even if I do love her?" Derek asked.

That last phrase didn't go unnoticed by Mark.

"Derek, you had become so indifferent towards her, you hardly ever spent time with your wife, I still don't know why. You were never there, and when you were, you treated her like shit Derek! I know, I was there. You always blamed her for everything...if you woke up late, if you missed a meeting, if you lost a patient, she became your punching bag Derek. You would drink too much, and then you'd come home late and drunk. I know this because most of the time I was there trying to get you to stop yourself from drinking to death. Then on that one stupid night, I know I should have taken you back to my place. You were so angry about something that had happened at the hospital, and then you went home and you hurt her Derek. You violated her, you violated her trust, and even after that, she somehow forgave you."

Derek was quiet for some time. Mark thought that maybe he had said too much, but then Derek spoke again. This time though, he looked Mark straight in the eye, and what Mark saw floored him. He saw so much remorse and sadness, he had obviously struck a deep chord.

"I know I hurt her. I don't know why I did what I did... I just remember getting home, my mind all cloudy from the scotch, and then stumbling upstairs and seeing her lying in bed looking so peaceful and beautiful. I just wanted to be with her. I wanted to feel her, I wanted her to make me feel alive again. I remember walking towards our bed and touching my hand to her cheek. She was startled awake and pushed my hand away. I couldn't understand in my state of drunkenness why she was refusing to let me touch her, as she had been asking me to for so long. Then I remember yelling at her and her yelling back. She was about to slap me so I caught her hand and I held it tighter than I should have...then I tried to kiss her, but she turned away and pushed me with her other hand. I caught that hand as well and pushed her back onto the bed. I remember her pleading me to stop, she didn't want to be with me like that, but I didn't stop, I kept going. All I kept thinking was, I am her husband, she's my wife, and I wanted her."

Derek stopped for a moment, the realization of how much he had hurt Addison hitting him again, ten fold.

"I don't remember what happened after that, I just remember waking up in bed alone. I could hear her in the shower and that's when I remembered what I had done to her. So I sprinted into the bathroom and I scared her half to death when I touched her shoulder. I couldn't stop begging for her to forgive me for what I had done to her. I had forced myself on my wife and she just kept saying it was okay... that I had been really drunk and that she understood why I had overreacted and grabbed her like I did. She told me that after a few minutes she just stopped fighting me because she had missed me and wanted to be close to me even if it meant it had to be under those circumstances. I couldn't believe that she was dismissing this like it was nothing... I had violated her! Even if she did stop fighting me after a few minutes, I had hurt my wife. She said to let it go, so I tried. I did try hard to forgive myself for what I had done. "

Mark silently listened to his distraught friend, knowing that Derek had needed to get this off of his chest for a long time. He waited for Derek to continue.

"Remember those few months when I seemed to be making more of an effort? Really trying?...spending more time with her? I thought we were making progress, but then one night while we were sleeping, I was woken up by her screams. She was having a nightmare Mark, a nightmare of the night that I hurt her!"

Derek put his head in his hands, wiping the tears away from the corners of

his eyes.

"So I did what I do best, I pushed her away. I pushed her away so that when she came to her senses and realized that she hated me for what I did to her, it wouldn't hurt as much. I couldn't bear for her to feel lonely, so that's why I would send you in my place instead. I knew that she trusted you and felt comfortable around you, but I never imagined that she would have slept with you to hurt me. I didn't know she hated me that much. So that's why when I saw you both together I didn't fight for her, because I felt I had already lost her the night I hurt her. So I left, I left to get away from all the pain. Why couldn't she just have told me that she didn't love me anymore after what I did? Why did she have to sleep with you Mark? You are my brother, how could she? How could you?"

Derek stared hurtfully at Mark. This was the first time that he had really asked Mark about what happened between he and Addison.

Mark looked up at Derek and paused before he spoke, he knew that after he told Derek what really happened that night, he might lose any chance of regaining Derek's friendship again. He knew that it would be worth it though, because then Derek would know that Addison had never deliberately set out to hurt him.

"I think it's time you know what really happened that night Derek. What she would have told you herself if you hadn't walked away. You might hate me for this, but you need to know."

Mark took a chance and looked up at Derek, but he couldn't read his face. Well, here goes nothing, Mark thought.


	5. Je Souhaite

**Summary:** This chapter is an homage of 'Je Souhaite', an episode of 'The X-Files' written by Vince Gilligan.

'Je Souhaite' is French for 'I Wish'.

**Thanks** of course go out to Agent Extremis for being an awesome Beta-Bitch.:D:D

**Disclaimer: ** As far as I know I still don't own them, unless things have changed today and Shonda finally signed them over to me. : Je Souhaite.

**Je Souhaite by Agent Addek**

The sun was just setting and the waves were crashing up against the shore. She had forgotten how nice it was to drive on the PCH from Santa Monica to Malibu, sometimes all that traffic distracted her from the view while she drove. She was happy that she had given herself extra time in order to make it home, shower, get dressed, and be ready to go when Pete arrived.

As she pulled into her driveway, she couldn't help but smile, she was finally doing it. She was officially going out on her first date in over 15 years, and that's why she had given herself the pampering time so that she wouldn't be rushing like she normally did when she used to go out with Derek. For some reason, she was always rushing and running around like a chicken without a head whenever she had to get ready to go out with him. That's why tonight it would be different.

Addison walked into her home, set her things down and headed for the kitchen to grab a glass of wine. Having accomplished that, she made her way up to her bedroom. She found some matches in her night stand and began to light the candles around her bathroom. Leaning down towards the tub, she turned on the taps and got the water running, then poured in a handy bottle of honey and milk bubble bath. She wanted to soak in the tub a bit before she showered and got ready.

She made her way back into her room to power up the stereo, 'hmmm...what am I in the mood for?', she thought to herself, then decided on her 'Mazzy Star' CD. Addison picked up her glass of wine, went back to her bathroom and began to undress, slowly making her way to the tub where she would enjoy the warmth and smell of her bath. Laying her head back on her bath pillow, she closed her eyes and relaxed.

Half an hour later, Addison, now feeling wonderfully refreshed, stepped out of her shower and pulled on her bathrobe. She blew out her candles and made her way into her walk-in closet.

"What should I wear?" She said out loud. She scanned her closet for several minutes before she settled on three options. Her choices were a Prada silver silk dress, a Valentino dark olive green dress, or a Robert Cavalli black dress.

She went with her third option as she remembered how the dress made her feel when she had tried it on in the boutique a month ago. It made her feel confident, sexy. Plus, it accentuated her curves nicely too.

"Definitely Cavalli!" she said defiantly, with a knowing grin. She went back to her closet to pick out a pair of shoes. She settled on her black Valentino slingbacks. She smiled to herself, feeling very accomplished and satisfied with her choices, and secretly hoping that Pete would appreciate her efforts.

An hour later, Addison walked out of her bathroom dressed and ready to go. Just then, with perfect timing, she heard her doorbell ring. She walked downstairs and stopped briefly to give herself a once over before opening the door.

'Looking Good', she thought to herself.

Pete had been in the driveway for ten minutes, trying to get the nerve up to walk to her door. He felt a bit uncomfortable wearing a suit, but he wanted to look his best for Addison. She deserved a romantic evening after the way he stood her up before and he'd be damned if he wasn't gonna try his best to pull out all the stops.

He finally got up his nerve, walked to her door and pressed the bell. He could see her coming through the glass and when she opened the door, he forgot to breath. She looked amazing, gorgeous, breathtaking! "Wow, you look beautiful." Pete said admiringly.

"You clean up nice yourself." Addison said playfully. They looked into each others' eyes and time froze for a moment.

"Come on in, I just ahh.. need to grab my purse and uhh.. we can get going", Addison managed after a few moments. She walked back into her living room where her purse and keys were.

Addison, surprised by her rapid-pounding heart, was reeling from their encounter at her front door. He looked so handsome in his black tailored suit. It fit him perfectly, that man was definitely a whole lot of deliciousness.

"Okay, all ready to go, shall we?" She glanced at him and grinned uncontrollably, then he extended his hand to grab hers. "We shall."

The short car drive was filled with small talk about the day until they arrived at the valet area. Pete held her door as Addison stepped out of the car. Amazed by the view, Addison was very impressed that Pete had chosen a restaurant that faced the Santa Monica pier.

"This way Addison", Pete offered his arm again. "I ah, noticed that you and Naomi like ordering sushi in at work, and I've heard that this place is known for their impressive selection." He said, hoping that she'd like his choice for dinner.

"I love sushi, it's one of my favorites actually. Good choice Pete." She smiled at him as they made their way inside.

"Welcome to Tengu. Do you have reservations with us this evening?" asked the hostess.

"Yes, two for Wilder please." Pete replied.

"Let's see...Wilder, hmm...Oh yes, right this way please." She reached for two menus and then guided them towards the beachfront patio. "Rafaela will be with you shortly" she said nicely, and then disappeared back to her area.

What a perfect place for an intimate dinner, Addison thought to herself.

"This is really nice Pete, thank you for bringing me here. I love the ambiance." Addison gave him an appreciative smile.

"I'm glad you like it." He was about to lean over, to place his hand on hers but was interrupted by their waitress.

"Hello, I'm Rafaela, I will be your waitress tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?" She said enthusiastically.

"Addison, is a pinot noir okay with you?" Pete glanced over at Addison.

She nodded and replied, "Sounds perfect".

"We'll have a bottle of Wild Horse Pinot noir. Oh and some water as well, thank you." Rafaela wrote down their drink order and excused herself. Pete and Addie looked over the menu and after a few moments were both ready to order.

"So you've decided?" asked Rafaela, who was now pouring their wine. Before Addison could respond, Rafaela squealed "Wow! I love your shoes! They're gorgeous! I so want a pair! Who's the designer if you don't mind me asking?."

Addison smiled widely and looked down at her shoes.

"Thank you so much, I don't mind at all. They're Valentino satin sling backs, it was love at first sight." Addison said proudly. She really did love her shoes.

Pete had seen this whole exchange and got a kick out of Addison acting like a proud mama. Rafaela took their orders and again thanked Addison for giving her the shoe info.

Pete kept staring at Addison with a goofy smile. "What?" asked Addison.

"Nothing, it's just that you light up with the mention of shoes, I didn't know that shoes were your weakness." He said playfully. Addison laughed a bit at this.

"Guilty as charged, I can't help it. I do have sort of a love affair with my shoes." She looked up and they stared at each other for a bit and then they both burst out laughing.

"So Pete, now that you know my weakness for shoes, tell me something that's weird about you." She said curiously.

"Me? weaknesses?...none." He replied with a twinkle in his eye. "Okay fine, fine, I have an obsession with hockey. Actually, you should feel incredibly honored that I even stepped out of my house tonight because my team, the Pittsburgh Penguins, are playing." He said to her with a obviously fake serious tone. She swatted his arm teasingly and Pete couldn't hold back his laughter.

"Hahaha, you're a funny guy Wilder. You should be honored to be in the presence of a double board certified neonatal surgeon." She said jokingly.

She then snuck a peek at him and he was giving her that look again...the one that made her heart skip a few beats, making her weak in the knees. Good thing she was sitting down.

As they gazed at each other, time seemed to stop.

"Tell me about yourself...tell me something about Addison Montgomery, aside from your love of shoes of course", Pete asked quietly. "I want to know all about you." He leaned forward and grabbed her hand.

Addison felt the electricity between them.

"Hmmm...well, I'm originally from Conneticut, born and raised...uhmm...sorry I haven't done this in a while. I love the city, I lived in New York for most of my adult life and I still miss it sometimes. I love being near water, it soothes me. Hence my house with the beachfront view, but I must say I hate rain!"

This statement made Pete laugh a bit and he said "Yeah I noticed."

Addison gave him a grin and continued. "I love all types of music and I'm not just saying that, I really do. Let's see what else...I love to sing out loud, although I can't carry a tune to save my life."

Addison glanced behind him and noticed that Rafaela was back with their food. She placed their food on the table and asked them to let her know if they needed anything else.

As they both began eating, Pete looked over at Addison, hoping to see if she liked her meal. His inquiring mind was soon answered. "Pete this is delicious, wow, I think it's the best sushi I've had! Thank you for discovering this place." Addison said gratefully, as she took another bite.

Pete, proud of himself, grinned like an idiot. "I'm really enjoying it too. So where were we?"

"Oh, we were right at the part where you're gonna tell me all of your dirty little secrets Mr. Wilder?" She said with a provocative tease.

Pete chuckled at her sense of humor, and then paused for a moment to sip on his wine.

"Well, I'm originally from Pittsburgh, born and raised too. I can speak a little bit of Manadarin, spending 5 years in and out of China, you pick up a few things. Hmmm...I enjoy hiking, actually there's this great trail that has an amazing view, I should take you sometime, have you heard of it Runyon Canyon?" Addison shook her head and said no. "Well I should take you then. I think you'd love it."

The rest of dinner was spent in comfortable conversation and to Addison's delight this 'thing' they were doing was definitely full of potential.

As Addison and Pete were making their way out of the restaurant, Pete suggested to Addison that they take a walk on the pier. They were making their way across the street to the pier, when Pete grabbed Addison's hand and held it as they walked side by side. He looked over at her to make sure that he was not over stepping and she responded by holding his hand tighter.

"Have you walked the pier before?" Pete asked Addison. He felt a slight wind and knew that Addison would probably be cold, so he slipped off his jacket and began to pull it around her shoulders. "Oh, thank you, it is getting a bit chilly. I had actually been wanting to come here before, but I never did, it's truly beautiful." She said, as she took in the ocean view. "Yeah, it is beautiful" Pete said as he stared at Addison. It was a perfect moment, but then suddenly, Addison stopped walking and cursed.

"Damn it!!"

Pete looked at her, a bit caught off guard. She pointed at her stuck shoe. "My shoe is caught!, argghhhh...I just got these too, they're gonna be ruined."

Pete looked at her with concern.

"I know I may not look like the sanest person right now, but don't judge." She said half jokingly as she bent down and pulled hard on her heel. All of a sudden the heel came loose, but not before it flipped onto the side of the pier and into the ocean.

"Shit! My shoe." Addison half shouted.

"Wait here, let me go see if I can find it." Pete offered, and was about to go for an impromtu swim, when Addison's hand reached out to stop him. "Pete, no! I appreciate you trying to save my shoe from its watery grave, I really do, but it's okay, it's gone, and it's definitely not worth you risking your life for." She said, visibly concerned.

"Here, take a seat on this bench so you can slip off your other heel. I will be right back." Pete said, as he began to walk away quickly. Addison stared after him intriguingly.

Pete walked as fast as he could to one of the nearby kiosks. He immediately found what he was looking for, paid the attendant and rushed back to Addison. She had already slipped off her shoe and was tightening his jacket around her.

"Hey, I got you these. I mean I know they're not Valentino's, but I think they will do the trick so you're able to walk back to the car." He smiled as he handed her the flip flops he had purchased for her.

Addison was so touched by his chivalrous gesture, he was such a gentleman. If you had asked her a month ago, or even a week ago, this was not the Pete she thought she knew. She was glad that she had made the time to get to know him better.

"Thank you, that was so sweet of you", she said thankfully as she reached for the flip flops and slipped them on.

"Well, I figured we had three options...one, you'd walk back to the car barefoot, but I couldn't let you do that. Two, that I would carry you back to the car, but I don't think you would let me..." Pete winked at her. "Which brings me to my current option, risk buying you footware that you might not like." He chuckled a bit at his own joke and she joined him in a laugh, enjoying the comfortableness that they had been sharing the whole evening.

They easily made their way to the car, with Pete kindly opening the door for her and helping her inside. The short ride home was spent in a warm, cozy silence, Addison's hand comfortably entwined in his.

They arrived at Addison's driveway, sitting there for a few moments enjoying their closeness, before Pete got out and moved across to Addison's side of the car to help her out.

As he reached for her hand, he accidently stepped on her sandal and she almost tripped backwards, before he caught her just in time. They both stared intensely at each other, their faces were inches apart, he knew that if he leaned in a bit more he could feel her amazing lips on his.

Addison had stopped breathing, she could feel the tension that had been building up throughout the night that was about to burst between them. She knew that if she leaned up a little she could feel his lips again, those lips that drove her to have very vivid, incredible dreams.

Pete purposely closed the distance and kissed her. At first it was slow and sweet, with Addison grabbing the back of his neck to hold him closer to her. Then their kiss turned more passionate, they were lost in each other, neither coming up for breath. It became so frenzied, that they hadn't noticed that Addison was now up against his car and he was leaning into her.

Addison was finally able to form a coherent thought and managed to stop and catch her breath. "Wow, that was, it was, Wow" she said, not able to form a complete sentence.

"Yeah, that was, what you said, Wow." Pete said, still holding on to Addison's waist.

They stood there for a few moments, Pete enjoying the feel of Addison pressed up against him, and Addison enjoying the feel of Pete's amazing hands on her.

"I should go in, I have an early morning tomorrow." Addison's face was flushed.

"I had a really good time tonight Pete. Thank you for everything." She said with a genuine smile.

"I'm so glad we did this Addison, I had a great time with you tonight too, we should definitely do this again."

He looked at Addison and waited for a response.

"I'd love that" she said, as she began to make her way to her door, Pete in tow.

"Well, I guess this is goodnight then" he said, as he leaned in to kiss her again.

She happily kissed him back, and then after a few moments they pulled apart.

"Goodnight Pete."

"Goodnight Addison."

He watched her as she made her way into her home safely and then walked back to his car. This night couldn't have gone better. Pete knew he was grinning like a fool, but he didn't care.

He got into his car and drove away, he couldn't wait 'til tomorrow.


	6. Revelations

**Summary: **This is an homage to 'Revelations', an episode of 'The X-Files' which was written by Kim Newton.

Revelations: Something revealed, the act of revealing or disclosing, especially a dramatic disclosure of something not previously known or realized.

Thanks of course go out to my BETA-BITCH, Agent Extremis:D

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine.:(

_**Previously on Ouroboros:**_

_"I think it's time you know what really happened that night Derek. What she would have told you herself if you hadn't walked away. You might hate me for this, but you need to know." _

_Mark took a chance and looked up at Derek, but he couldn't read his face. Well, here goes nothing, Mark thought._

**Revelations by Agent Addek**

Mark couldn't believe that he was about to say this to his 'best friend', regardless of what had happened between them, he never stopped considering Derek his 'best friend'. He glanced over again at Derek, who had been staring at him waiting for him to spit it out. 'Shit, I don't know if I can do this', Mark thought to himself, but he gathered his courage and spoke.

"Derek, I know this is going to sound bad and you might not want to continue repairing our friendship once I tell you, but uhmm... shit! Okay look, I never set out for this to happen. Look, when you first asked me to keep Addie company, I was okay with it, because I wanted to be there for you and her. I knew you were having problems, but I didn't really know what was going on. I didn't ask questions because I knew you would tell me when you were ready to talk. I was just doing as you asked. Plus spending time with Addie was great, so I wasn't going to complain."

Mark looked towards Derek to gage his reaction, but his face was blank.

"I uhh.. I fell in love with her. I fell so hard and so quick that it even took me by surprise." Mark felt relieved as soon as the words came out of his mouth. Derek though, was now staring at him with this look that he could only describe as an 'I'm going to kill you look'.

"You fell in love with my wife? Wait, I thought you just had an affair?, she said that you weren't in love, she lied to me again!" Derek said, his tone dripping with disgust.

"She didn't lie to you, she wasn't in love with me, but I was definitely in love with her. She's so easy to love Derek, how could I not? I tried not to want her, I tried not to love her, but she broke through every wall I built to keep her from getting into my heart. Every time you asked me to spend some time with her, I couldn't help but feel the excitement and anticipation of being alone with her. It didn't start off like that. At first I just liked being around her because she made me laugh...she would call me on my shit and she would listen to my ramblings of the many women in my life."

Mark paused briefly to take a swig of his beer, hoping that it would give him the guts to continue.

To Mark's surprise, Derek was just sitting quietly, waiting for him to continue, although Mark could feel the anger radiating off of Derek's body.

"Look, it's not like I woke up one day and said 'I should fall in love with my best friend's wife'...I was just spending so much time alone with her, time that you insisted we spend together, that it just happened. When I realized I was in love with her, I didn't know what to do. I was so torn because I wanted to remain loyal to our friendship, but at the same time I couldn't help myself...I wanted to follow my heart. I'd never felt that way about anyone before." Mark said sincerely.

"I want you to know, that she never gave me any indication that she was interested in me as anything more than a friend. I knew that she loved you deeply, but it didn't stop me from hoping that she would want more from me."

Mark stood up and started pacing back and forth.

"I don't want to hear anymore about you falling in love with the love of my life! I don't want to know about your affair!" Derek shouted, consumed by a range of emotions...betrayal, confusion, anger, hurt, loss... he couldn't process all of this information so he stood up to go into the house.

"Derek wait! I need you to hear this!, you need to know the truth."

Derek stopped, turned around and looked Mark in the eye.

"Addison never planned on sleeping with me, it was never her intention to hurt you on purpose. The night that you caught us together was the night she confided in me about what you did to her. She had been so distraught during the weeks beforehand, and I didn't know why until she told me that evening."

Mark hesitated, recalling those moments from his past before he spoke again.

"That night, I went over to your house with every intention of telling Addie that I was in love with her. To tell her that I would fight for her, that I would never treat her the way that you did, and to please consider giving us a shot."

Mark was interrupted by Derek's outburst.

"You what?!! So you're telling me, that not only did you fall in love with my wife, but you were actually going to confess it to her and then hope that she would leave me for you?!" He seethed.

"How could you Mark? I trusted you! I trusted you with the most important person in my life!, how could you?" Derek just glared at Mark, clenching his fist .

"If that were true, then why did you treat her like shit Derek?!! If she was the love of your life, the most important person in your life, why did you put her through hell?!! Why would you beat her down until there was nothing left but a shell of the women you first met?!! She forgave you for all the shit you put her through but you could never forgive her! In fact, you made her pay over and over. You broke her, you humiliated her, personally and professionally. You call that love?!!"

An extremely agitated Mark was now standing right in front of Derek, waiting for an answer. A shocked Derek was choking back his words, too enraged to speak. He crossed his arms and sat down in a fury.

"Look, I'm not here to fight about this. I just want to tell you my truth, and I want you to tell me yours. I think we owe each other that, and most of all, we owe it Addie."

Mark took another sip of his beer and sat down again.

"So that night, I went with every intention of confessing my love for her, but when I arrived, she was a mess. She had been crying, her eyes were puffy and red. So I just held her while she cried in my arms. I don't even know how long I stood there with her, holding her, until she finally spoke."

_**Flashback:**_

_**"He hates me Mark! He doesn't love me anymore and I don't know what I did to make him stop...what did I do wrong Mark?" Addie looked into Mark's eyes, hoping that they held the answer. **_

_**"We were so perfect and then we weren't. He keeps ignoring me for work, no matter what I try to do get his attention, it's never enough. I'm not enough for him anymore. He doesn't even touch me anymore. I haven't made love to him in so long...the only reason he was with me recently was because he was really drunk and forced himself on me." **_

_**Addie said the last sentence without realizing the implications.**_

_**"What?!!" Mark said, outraged. **_

_**"He hurt you?, did he hurt you Addie?!!" **_

_**He reached for Addison and tilted up her chin so he could see her eyes. **_

_**"I am going to kill that son of a bitch!! I swear Addie, he won't hurt you again." Mark was about to head out the door.**_

_**"Mark..." Addie half-shouted. **_

_**"Please don't ...it wasn't like that. He was drunk and he wanted to be with me but I didn't want to be with him like that. I had longed for him to want me, but not when he was completely wasted. I shouldn't have fought him, he wouldn't of held me down like he did if I had just went along to begin with. The point is, that I yearned to be with him...I needed to feel my husband want me, and if that was the only way that I was going to be close to him, then so be it. I love him Mark, I will do anything for him, anything." **_

_**Addie sobbed uncontrollably. Mark went to hold her again and guided her into her living room to sit with her.**_

_**"Addie? Addie look at me, please." **_

_**Addison lifted her face up towards Mark, her beautiful face stained with tears. "You don't deserve this Addison, you deserve so much more. I want to give you so much more than this. Addie I love you, I have fallen in love with you, and I would never ever hurt you." Mark leaned down and put his lips on hers, but she quickly pulled back. **_

_**"Mark I can't! I'm sorry, I wish I could but I can't! I love my husband. I will wait for him to come back to me, I will love enough for the both of us." She started to get up from the couch, but Mark grabbed her hand and gently stopped her, then he stood up.**_

_**"Please Addison, let me love you...let me show you how much you mean to me...let me show you what you deserve. You don't know how many times I've wanted to say this to you, I always stopped myself because of Derek, but now I know that he doesn't deserve you. Please Addie, I love you... it's so hard to breath when I'm not near you...please." **_

_**Addie began to cry again and Mark leaned tenderly towards her and kissed her again, this time she didn't resist.**_

_**Flashback ends.**_

Mark paused and looked across at Derek. He resembled someone who had just been punched in the stomach, hard!

"The rest, you pretty much know... except for the fact that when I was with her, she called out your name Derek. I was trying to love her and all she could think about was you. When you found us, she realized what she had allowed herself to do in a moment of weakness and she was horrified! She ran after you. I was in shock myself, so I didn't follow you both, but I heard everything and then I heard you walk away. I couldn't understand how you could just walk away from her? I would have fought for her. I did fight for her, but she didn't want me."

Derek still couldn't believe that he was really hearing this. Mark had actually been in love with Addison, but it hadn't been mutual...then why did she stay with Mark?

Derek didn't have to wait long for that question to be answered.

"After you left she was devastated. She wasn't eating, she wasn't sleeping, all she did was cry. She was punishing herself for what she had done to you. I couldn't believe that she was punishing herself when you were the one that had put her through hell. So I kept telling her that you were never coming back and that she was lucky because she would never have to feel unloved or unwanted again."

Mark put his hand through his hair. He couldn't stop now, he thought.

Derek was at a loss for words...he didn't know if he should punch Mark or throw up.

"Derek, I convinced her to stay with me. I still don't know how, but I did. I knew she didn't want to be with me. I knew she didn't love me, but as long as I could be with her, I didn't care. She never stopped loving you or missing you, not for one second. I know, because I would hear her call out your name in the middle of the night. I held her during countless nights while she cried over you."

Mark glanced towards Derek with tears in his eyes. The memory of how much it hurt him to see the woman he loved, love someone else.

"I tried everything to help her forget you, but it wasn't enough. So I did what I do best, I slept with someone to push her to leave because I knew she felt like she owed it to me to stay. I also knew that I was holding her back from fighting for you. So I let her go. I wanted her to be happy, and I knew that she would never be happy with me. That's when she left, she didn't even tell me."

Mark had tears streaming down his face and he didn't care that Derek could see them.

"So you can hate me Derek, you can hate me and not forgive me, but you have to stop punishing Addie. All she did was love you and it wasn't enough. Even now that she's gone, you haven't forgiven her. You still hold this grudge against her."

Mark leaned towards the table to grab another beer.

"I do love her you know...I never stopped loving her...how could I Mark?, she's a part of me." Derek's honesty caught Mark off guard.

"Then why did you put her through all that pain?, not only in New York but in Seattle too. Derek, you wiped the floor with her and she took it. She let you get away with it because she loved you more than life itself and she thought that you would eventually forgive her...that everything would be fine, that you would be together. Why Derek? Why do that to the woman you say you love?" Mark demanded, with a bit more force than he intended.

Derek considered what he should do. It's time that I tell him my truth, he thought.

"I did that to her because I didn't deserve her love. Here was this gorgeous, amazing, compassionate, funny woman who was in love with me, but I didn't deserve it." Derek said with visible agony.

He took a deep breath preparing to continue...


	7. Young At Heart

Sorry that it took me so long to update. I had a very busy week. I got a new job and I have been training all week long. I also had a huge audition, I am still waiting to hear from them.:D Again sorry for keeping you guys waiting. Thanks for all your words of encouragement. Liz

**Summary: **This is an homage to 'Young At Heart', an episode written by Scott Kaufer.

**Thanks** again to my Beta-Bitch, 'Agent Extremis' :D

**Disclaimer: ** Things haven't changed last time I checked.:P

'**Young At Heart' by Agent Addek**

Addison woke up feeling like she was walking on air. Her date with Pete last night couldn't have gone better. It felt like her first real date in 15 years. I mean sure, she went out with Kevin, but that was so disastrous that she didn't even count it as one, but the date with Pete, that had been rife with sparks.

She had come in to the practice early to see one of her patients, and now she was almost done with her fourth patient of the day and was finally going to be able to sit and relax for a bit before taking her lunch break. She hadn't seen Pete yet as she really hadn't really had a chance to. She made her way into her office and noticed that there was a black box with a big red bow sitting on top of her desk. Addison smiled as she walked towards the box, what could it be?, she wondered and most importantly, who had sent it to her?

She opened the box and gleefully gasped, "Oh my God! he didn't!, I can't believe he did this!" She didn't have to read the card to know who had sent her the gift, but she wanted to see what his message was so she reached for the card and began reading.

Addison,

I had an amazing time last night. I hope we can do it again soon. By the way, I thought you could use another pair.

Pete

She looked back down at the shoes in the box. They were the same Valentino sling backs that she had lost to the deep blue sea. She was so awestruck that he had gotten them for her, that he had even known her shoe size, that he had paid enough attention to know exactly which ones to get.

His consideration utterly amazed her. Addison had the biggest smile on her face and it didn't go unnoticed by Naomi who was just then passing by.

"What's got you smiling like a cheshire cat?" Naomi asked curiously.

Addison showed her the shoes and just kept grinning, she just couldn't help herself.

"WOW, they're gorgeous, when did you get these? Asked Naomi admiringly.

"Uhmm...actually Pete got them for me." Addison said hesitantly.

"What? Naomi replied incredulously. "Well that must've been one hell of a first date?" Naomi teased. Unexpectedly, they were then startled by someone walking into the room

"Who's date?" Violet asked curiously.

"Pete and Addison's, and she got shoes out of it too." Naomi said mischievously.

"Oh yeah, you went on your date yesterday. So how was it?" Violet said inquisitively.

Addison watched this whole exchange and chuckled a bit to herself, she loved that not only did she have a great friend in Naomi, but she was starting to get close to Violet as well.

"Okay yes, we had our date yesterday, but I don't want to talk about this here, these walls have big ears." She said as she looked nervously towards the door. " How about we get together tonight?, we're due for a girls' night, right?"

"Yeah, I could definitely use a girls' night, and I've been meaning to have you guys over. Why don't you come to my place?, around 7:30 would be great!" Violet said enthusiastically.

"I'm in! I wanna hear about this date and the story behind those shoes." Naomi said coyly.

"Oh don't worry, you'll hear all about it tonight." Addison replied good-naturedly.

"Thanks for hosting Violet, is there anything we can bring?" asked Addison.

"Well, don't worry about the booze, I've got that covered." Violet said laughingly.

"Okay great, then I'll get the pizza." Addison offered. Naomi chimed in with, "..and I'll get dessert."

"I guess I should get back to work..." Violet said reluctantly. "I'll see you girls tonight then." she said with a hint of girlish exuberance.

"See you tonight Vi."

Violet exited the office and Naomi turned to follow.

"Oh Nay, can I catch a ride with you tonight?" asked Addison.

"Sure, I'll pick you up around 6:30." Naomi answered as she headed back to her desk.

Addison couldn't help but feel pleased, she was really looking forward to having a night with the girls.

The three women had had no idea that Cooper had overheard their conversation.

"Girls' night, this will be fun." He said with a devilish grin. Cooper made his way over to Pete and Sam who were standing at the front counter.

"Why do you look like you just took candy from a kid?" asked Pete, with Sam also looking his way with a questioning glance.

"Because gentlemen, we have a party to crash tonight." He said with a glint in his eye.

"What?" Sam asked, still not catching on.

"The women in our lives are going over to Violet's tonight to have a "girls night", and the main subject is to talk about your date with Addison." Cooper said, looking over towards Pete.

"Count me in." said Sam with a rascally grin.

"I'm in too!" Pete stated, with a bit more excitement than he had intended too.

Addison and Naomi were just driving up Violet's driveway, both women couldn't hide the anticipation of spending a fun and relaxing evening.

As soon as they walked into Violet's home, Addison couldn't help but laugh to herself a little...Violet really wasn't joking when she said that she had the liquor covered.

"Come on in, make yourselves at home. I'll be right back."

Violet invited, as she directed them to the living room. Then she momentarily disappeared into the kitchen.

Addison set the pizza down on the coffee table and took a seat on the couch. Naomi headed into the kitchen behind Violet to put the ice cream in the freezer. Naomi and Violet returned from the kitchen with plates, napkins, and glasses.

"Okay ladies, so what will we be having? I have wine, red of course, I have beer...Shiner Bock, Guinness, and Stella Artois. I also have some liquor if you're in the mood for something stronger." Violet said the last bit with some amusement in her voice.

"I'll take a Shiner Bock" said Addison.

"Hmmm... I think I will have a Stella." Naomi considered out loud, not completely convinced with her choice.

Violet handed them their beers and then they all grabbed a slice of pizza. They just sat there for a moment, content with eating and drinking. Naomi gave Violet a look and then they both looked at Addison, who was trying to pretend like she hadn't seen the exchange. Finally, Violet broke the silence.

"Okay, we are both dying to know what happened between you and Pete last night, so spill it already!" Violet begged.

"Well...there's nothing really to tell." Addison said unconvincingly.

"That's a load of crap and you know it!" Naomi interjected immediately. "What were the shoes about then?" Naomi demanded.

"Okay, fine. Well, it was wonderful. He was amazing and sweet, he was the perfect gentlemen. I mean everything was perfect." Addison appeared delighted as she remembered her evening with Pete. Naomi and Violet waited for her to continue.

"Dinner was perfect. He took me to eat sushi at this really nice restaurant. Afterwards, we went for a walk on the pier and it was a bit chilly so he put his coat around me. As we were walking my shoe got stuck, and as I was trying to get it loose it flipped out into the ocean. I almost freaked out in front of him, but I stopped myself. I didn't want him to know how insane I can be about my shoes." She chuckled a bit.

"Who doesn't go a little nuts for shoes sometimes?" bemused Violet.

"Oh nuts doesn't even begin to describe Addie when it comes to shoes." Naomi remarked mockingly.

"Hey, I resemble that!" Addie said jokingly. "I admit that I can overreact when it comes to my shoes. Okay fine, I go completely crazy over my shoes, but I can't help it. I just love them." Addison admitted unabashedly.

"Anyway, he was kind enough to get me some flip flops so I wouldn't have to walk back to the car barefoot. He took me home and we kissed and that's it. Today after seeing a patient, I walked into my office and there were the beautiful shoes."

Addison took a sip of her beer in hopes that they would leave it at that.

"Wait, wait, wait, back up! What do you mean that's it? How was the kiss?? I mean I know you've kissed before, but you had never been on a date and kissed. So how was it?" Naomi insisted.

"Yeah come on Addison, you gotta share the details of that kiss. I'm living vicariously through you." Violet beseeched her.

"Well, it was really good...Who am I kidding? it was amazing!! It literally made me weak in the knees!! He had me up against his car, it was probably one of the best kisses I've had in long while." Addison said with a radiant glow.

"My life sucks! Why can't I have that? I hate you, you know that?" Violet retorted enviously, as she took a gulp of her beer.

"So, what are you planning on doing with Pete? Are you really going there?" asked Naomi inquisitively.

"I don't know. I do know that I haven't felt this excited about anything in a long while. I know that he makes me happy. I know that I want to give this a shot, whatever this is." Addison replied optimistically.

"Well, I think you and Pete will be fine. I actually think he's ready and I am pretty sure that he cares for you." commented Violet.

They contemplated what Violet had just said when she interrupted their thoughts. "You know what I'm ready for?, I think I'm ready for some margaritas and more pizza."

Violet walked to the kitchen.

A couple of hours and few margaritas later, the 3 women were sitting on the couch laughing hysterically about who knows what when the door bell sounded. Naomi and Addison both stared at Violet who looked back at them with a confused expression.

"I don't know who that could be", she remarked.

Violet headed to the door and was both shocked and surprised to see Cooper, Sam, and Pete. Violet stood there dumbfounded for a bit.

"Are you going to let us in?, or are you gonna make us stand out here all night?" Cooper said teasingly.

"Uhmm... yeah sorry, I wasn't expecting you guys here tonight. Come in." Violet said, a bit flustered. As they made their way into the living room, Addison and Naomi's shocked expressions didn't go unnoticed by the men.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Naomi asked nonchalantly, secretly pleased to see Sam.

"Well, we heard there was a party here tonight, so we thought we'd come by." Sam explained as he took a seat next to her.

Pete and Addison were staring at each other from across the room,they hadn't seen one other since last night. He walked over to her and then sat next to her. It was as if they were completely alone in their one little world, just the two of them together. She turned her body to face him, neither saying anything. All eyes were on them but they didn't notice. Pete finally spoke.

"So, I heard that I would be the subject of this evening? I hope it was all good things." He said charmingly, with his trademark half-smile.

Unguarded,Addison couldn't help but beam in response, but she knew all eyes were upon them.

"Really?, so you heard we would be talking about you? You really are full of yourself, aren't you Wilder?" she said genially.

"Funny Montgomery, very funny. So how did I do?" asked Pete jovially.

"You were okay." Addison cheerily replied. "I'm kidding, you did great."

"Do you wanna go outside for some air?" Pete asked hopefully. He had an amazing time with her last night and he couldn't wait to be alone with her again.

"Yeah, just let me grab my sweater." she replied and stood up to do just that.

Naomi and Sam were immersed in mid-conversation so they didn't really notice them walking out of Violet's house, Violet and Cooper however noticed just fine.

"Twenty says they went outside to be alone and they'll probably end up making out." Cooper gleefully offered as he reached for his wallet.

"What? No! I'm not gonna bet twenty dollars on them making out." Violet said, feigning offense. "I'll bet you fifty that they're gonna make out as soon as they walk outside." She said with a saucy grin.

They both ran like little kids to the front window to spy on Addison and Pete.

Unbeknownst of their peeping toms, Pete, who had been standing next to Addison, reached out to touch her face and then leaned in to kiss her. "I missed you today." He said softly, then moved back to look at her.

Inside, Cooper handed Violet fifty dollars.

"I missed you too. I tried to get some time to see you but I had patients back to back. I really wanted to let you know that I received your gift. Thank you so much, that was really sweet of you." She said geniunely as she reached for his hand.

"Well I noticed how hard you were restraining yourself from jumping into the ocean after it. I figured it was the least I could do since I suggested the pier." Pete said truthfully as he smiled at her.

"You really didn't have to do that Pete. It really wasn't your fault by the way, but again Thank you, it was so extremely thoughtful of you." She leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. She yawned a bit, it was already getting late and she was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol she'd consumed.

"We should go back inside, it's getting cold out here." He commented, as he pulled on her hand in the direction to the door. She followed without hesitation. Inside, Violet and Cooper were in her kitchen deep in conversation. Sam and Naomi were still seated where they had been before.

"I should probably head home, I'm a bit tired." Addison told Pete as they made their way over to Sam and Nay.

"I can take you home if you'd like?" Pete offered, taking any opportunity to be alone with her longer.

"That would be great Pete. Let me just tell Naomi, and also say goodnight to the rest of the clan." Addison said as she walked towards Nay. "Hey Nay, I think I'm gonna head home, I feel kinda tired."

"Okay yeah, let me just grab my stuff and we can go." Naomi said, as she stood up.

"Oh no, it's okay, Pete offered to drive me home. You should stay, Pete doesn't mind driving me." Addison explained. Naomi stared at Addison with a delighted expression. "I'm sure he doesn't mind driving you." Naomi said, a little naughtily.

Addie gave her a fake perturbed look and then turned and walked to Violet's kitchen to thank her and say goodnight. They all said their good-byes and then Pete and Addison made their way out.

They drove in comfortable silence while holding hands. She was trying her hardest to stay awake but was failing. Next thing she knew he was lightly nudging her awake. She opened her eyes feeling a little groggy, she noticed that they were in her driveway. He came around to open her door and helped her step out of his car.

He walked with her to the front door and watched as she unlocked it. She looked up at him and lightly kissed him, he happily returned the kiss. They parted after a few moments, "Have dinner with me tomorrow night?" Pete suggested.

"I'd love to. Same time?" she asked elatedly.

"Sounds good. I'm really looking forward to it." Pete sincerely replied.

"So am I. Goodnight Pete."

"Goodnight Addison."

Basking in the warmth of each other, they reluctantly went their separate ways, each longing for it to be tomorrow night already.


	8. The Truth

**Summary:**

This is an homage to 'The Truth', an episode of 'The X-Files' written by Chris Carter.

**Truth:**

Reality, Accuracy, Actuality, Authentic, Fact, Certainty, Honesty, etc...

**Thanks** again go out to my Beta-Bitch Agent Extremis.:D

**Disclaimer:** Believe the lie and DENY EVERYTHING. :D

_**Previously on Ouroboros:**_

_**Derek considered what he should do. It's time that I tell him my truth, he thought.**_

_**"I did that to her because I didn't deserve her love. Here was this gorgeous, amazing, compassionate, funny woman who was in love with me, but I didn't deserve it." Derek said with visible agony.**_

_**He took a deep breath preparing to continue... **_

**The Truth by Agent Addek**

Derek ran his hands through his hair. He tended to do that when he was anxious. He had never talked about this with anyone...not with Addison, whom he had been married to for 11 years, not even with Mark, whom he had known most of his life. He knew that the time had finally come, he had to stop trying to fight his demons on his own.

He peered over at Mark, who had been waiting calmly for him to continue.

"I felt that I didn't deserve her love because I feared what I could become, and I knew deep down that she deserved so much more. I pushed her away because I didn't want to cause her pain, but that's exactly what I ended up doing to her anyway."

Derek paused and took a sip of his beer.

"Do you remember when we were younger, how you would rarely come over to my house?, and if you did, it was only when my father wasn't home?"

Derek looked towards Mark and waited for a response.

"Yeah I do actually, I never really understood why. Then when we were older, I was over at your place more than mine, so I really didn't think to ask you. Why was that?" said Mark curiously.

"I didn't want you to know. Actually I didn't want anyone to know what was going on behind closed doors. From the time that I was very young, my father was an alcoholic. He became intolerable. He was physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive to my mother." Derek said the last part with a shaky tone.

Mark was shocked into thoughtful silence.

"I never said anything... mostly because I was embarrassed, and also because I was young and afraid. I remember hiding underneath my bed whenever I would hear him come home. I always knew when he had arrived because you could hear the shouting, and things being thrown around, and then my mom pleading and sobbing. I remember wondering why my mom, my sisters, and I never left? My sisters tried to protect me as much as they could from him, because he was harder on me. He would always say I had to learn how to be a man and be strong. I was 7 years old."

It pained Derek even now to recount the events in his past.

Mark remained quiet but gave Derek an encouraging look to continue.

"It got a lot worst. My most horrible memory of my father being drunk, is when he came home completely wasted. My mom was yelling at him, 'What is wrong with you? The children are sleeping!' Then he was waking us all up, he was holding a butcher knife in one hand and grabbing my mother's arm with his other hand. He dragged everybody outside with him in the middle of the night. He was so drunk and paranoid that he had us huddle together in the middle of the street, while he swung the butcher knife in front of us, saying that he was trying to protect us from the "demons" that were lurking around our house."

Derek, still traumatized by his past, continued uneasily.

"I also remember another time, when it was just my dad, my mom, and myself in his car. They were arguing again because he was extremely intoxicated and he wouldn't let my mother drive. He drove us to this cliff and said he was going to drive the car over the edge and we were all going to die. I remember hiding behind his seat and begging him to please stop, that he was scaring me, I was only 5."

Derek reached across the table to grab another beer.

"How come you never said anything to me about this? I could have tried to help you Derek. I just don't understand how I could have missed this, I mean I knew you then, pretty well I thought, and I never had a clue." Mark said with remorse.

"I made sure that nobody would find out. That's why you were only around when he wasn't home. Only years later would I let you come over because then he had stopped drinking, he had finally gotten some help and was sober. Honestly, you couldn't have done anything to make the situation better. I had my sisters and they had me. He never physically hurt my sisters and I, but he sure as hell hurt our mother. He would beat her in front of us, to a point where she would bleed from her nose and mouth from being smacked around so much. I couldn't understand how she could stay with him?, he was hurting her, he was hurting us!... maybe not physically, but emotionally and mentally we were tramatized."

Derek shook his head in disbelief, even now he still couldn't understand why his mother stayed.

"I remember my mother repeating like a mantra, that she loved him and that he would change. That one day he would stop drinking and become the husband and father that she knew he could be. That he was only drinking because he was so stressed out at work, trying to run his construction company. She would make so many excuses for him, it was ridiculous. I think even now I resent her for staying with him. I resent the fact that she didn't protect us, that she allowed my father to destroy my childhood and even my life now. He still has some sort of hold over me and he's dead." Derek laughed ironically at this.

"How can that man still haunt me to this day?"

He glanced over at Mark who was still trying to digest this confession.

"What do you mean he's still destroying you now?" Mark asked a bit confused.

"Mark, I never forgave him. Even after he sobered up and got his life and his company all sorted out, he wanted to make amends for all the damage he had caused to us. My mother of course forgave him, she loved him.

My sisters eventually did as well, but I never did. I couldn't.

He tried, he tried so hard to reach out to me, but I just dismissed him. I couldn't get past all the hurt he had caused us." Derek said with anguish.

"It's not your fault Derek. He caused a whole lot of suffering, he knew what he had done, that's why he was looking for forgiveness. You know I always wondered why you were so indifferent towards him?, now I know." Mark said understandingly.

"Yeah, Addie always asked me about him too. I just told her that we were so different and that we really didn't get along, so she dropped the subject and never really brought it up again. How could I have been such a fool Mark? How could I have allowed my past to destroy my future with my amazing wife? After I found out that he died, I was feeling so many different emotions...shock, guilt ridden, heartbroken. I remember going to the funeral and just feeling numb."

Derek gulped the rest of his beer and reached for another.

Mark noted Derek's unconscious behavior.

"After the funeral, I was feeling so guilty for not being there when he passed, and I hadn't spoken to him in over a year. The last thing I remember saying to him is that if I died not ever seeing him or speaking to him again, I would be fine.

Then I began to drink...a little each day at first, and then more and more...I just wanted to quiet all those thoughts in my head. When I realized how much I was actually drinking, I became deathly afraid of turning into my father! That I would do the same thing that he had done to my mother and our family whenever he had felt pressured...especially because I had begun feeling so stressed at work, just like he had.

That's why I didn't want Addie around. I didn't want to risk any chance that I might inadvertently hurt her. I feared that I might transform into the same kind of monster that my father did! I didn't want to hit my wife, I didn't want to drink so much that I didn't know right from wrong, I didn't want to scar my wife in any way. I was so consumed with this nightmare and so deeply terrified for what I might do, that I intentionally started pushing her away. It really makes no sense at all because I was so miserable without her that I started drinking even more to numb my pain! It was an insane vicious circle that I couldn't find my way out of."

Derek went to reach for another beer and shockingly realized what he was doing and immediately stopped himself.

"I remember that." Mark recalled. "I noticed you drinking to an excess... that's why I started hanging out with you after our shifts, because I was so worried about you. That, and because Addison had noticed too...she wanted me to keep you company because she knew you were still grieving for your dad. She was so worried about you. She loved you Derek and she would have done anything for you. You know that right?" Mark asked sincerely.

"I knew she would and that's what I was afraid of. I didn't want her to stay with me, like my mother had stayed with my dad. Mark, I was so afraid of myself, I was so afraid of what I might be capable of doing, and I had proved that I could hurt her. Look at what I did to my wife that night I forced myself on her? Then she dismissed it like I hadn't hurt her, because she loved me. I didn't understand why she forgave me? I remember seeing her that night and just wanting to be close to her since I had denied myself from being with her for months. That night I committed the first biggest mistake of my life. The second being walking away from her, and then sleeping with Meredith at the dance, and finally, divorcing the love of my life."

Derek said with extreme remorse.

"So if you loved her, why did you do it Derek? Why would you push away the one good thing in your life? She would have helped you cope, but you pushed her away." Mark questioned.

"Because of my pride." Derek replied softly.

"My stupid foolish pride! I thought I could handle it all on my own." Derek shouted, angry with himself.

"Then she came to Seattle for you and fought for you, but you still pushed her away.Why?' Mark asked.

"Because I was angry! I was hurt and I wanted revenge. I wanted her to feel the same pain that I felt...so I strung her along.

Meredith was a welcome escape for me, she was my distraction from the truth. I wanted to believe that I had found my way back to _me_. I realize now that I was never in love with her, although I did a really good job of convincing myself, as well as fooling Addison, Meredith, and everyone else. Shit! What have I done Mark?"

Derek got up from his chair and paced frantically in front of Mark.

"What? Wait a minute, are you saying what I think you're saying?" Mark asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Mark, I left my wife, the love of my life, for someone I had to convince myself that I was in love with. With Meredith, at first it was easy, because it was just about numbing the pain...with sex, and with plain mindless fun.

I didn't have to put too much effort in, but once it started to be so serious,and I had to work so hard to have a relationship with her, it became increasingly difficult. I never stopped to think and ask myself "why?" It was hard for a reason...Meredith and I were never meant to be. My heart is, and always will be Addison's."

Derek was shocked by his own discovery. He had forced himself to push any feelings he felt for Addie aside, and now he had lost her because of his

immense misguided pride and his selfish inability to forgive.

"So what now? She's gone Derek. We don't even know where she's at?" Mark gulped some of his beer and observed Derek.

"I don't know. All I know is that I'm still in love with her."

Derek said knowingly, before reading Mark's reaction.

Mark had an expression that Derek could only explain as happiness and pain all rolled in one. He knew that Mark still had strong feelings for Addison, but he also knew that Mark wouldn't pursue her again.

Derek knew that he had to get his shit together. He couldn't hope to be with Addison again unless he became a better man for himself and for her.

The man that he'd always wanted to be, the man he knew he could be.

"Hey Mark?" Derek said.

"Yeah?" replied Mark.

"What do you say we sober up and get the hell out of here? I need to go back to the city." said Derek with a purpose.

"Dude, I thought you'd never ask. If you don't mind me asking, why so soon?" Mark said inquisitively.

"Because I know what I have to do now." Derek said, as he walked inside to start the coffee.

His mind was set, his will was strong and determined, and his heart was once again recognizable. Passionately back on its correct path.


	9. Detour

**Summary:** This chapter is an homage to 'Detour', an episode of 'The X-Files' written by Frank Spotnitz.

**Detour:** a deviation from a direct course or the usual procedure, a roundabout way temporarily replacing part of a route.

**Thanks** again go out to my BETA-BITCH **Agent Extremis**. Who can sometimes be a pain in MY ass when it comes to ADDEK.:P LOL!

**Disclaimer: ** All Lies Lead to the Truth.

**Detour by Agent Addek**

Lips kissing her stomach, hands gliding up and down her thighs, moans filling her dark room. ... whispers of love, she felt the throbbing in between her legs, his lips were making their way up her stomach and were now on her breast. She wanted him now, she needed to feel him inside her, she opened her eyes to look at him, to show him how much she wanted him. He finally looked up and gave her that smile that always managed to turn her into putty, "Derek" she managed to whisper in a raspy tone.

Addison shot up in bed, still flushed from the vivid dream she had just had. She was still feeling the throbbing, "SERIOUSLY!!! This is some sort of sick joke, I can not be having fantasies about my ex husband" she yelled in frustration. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and made her way to her bathroom. She really needed a shower...a very cold shower!

She'd been having these intense dreams about Derek for the past week or so and she didn't know why. She and Pete were finally taking the next step in their relationship, they were going away today for the weekend. They had been dating for two months and everything was going great.

Well, almost everything.

They hadn't slept together yet.

It's not like she didn't want to. She did have a pulse. She knew how handsome and delicious Pete was, but she wanted things to be different with him. She wanted to take things slow for a change.

So why the hell was she thinking of Derek?

She hadn't seen or spoken to him since she left Seattle almost a year ago, so why now?

Addison shook the thoughts away. She couldn't dive into her psyche right now,she needed to get ready. Pete would be arriving for her in less than two hours and she still hadn't packed anything yet. Not for lack of trying though, she just couldn't figure out what to bring. He said he was taking her camping, but when she made a face he had to explain to her where he was taking her. All she kept thinking was 'there is no way I am sleeping with him for the first time out in the wilderness inside a tent.'

_**Flashback:**_

_**"Addison, it's not that kind of camping. It's really nice actually, I think you'll really like it. They have great cabins that we can stay in, with actual beds and bathrooms where you can shower." He said charmingly, trying his best to convince her.**_

_**"I just don't enjoy camping. I went once and I don't ever really want to go again. Pete, I'm sorry but I'm a city girl. Can't we just go somewhere else?, maybe a resort on the beach? or even a nice hotel here in the area where we can go to the spa, get massages, and stay in bed all day?" Addison asked playfully with a suggestive smile.**_

_**"Oh come on Montgomery, where's your sense of adventure? Besides, like I said before, it's not the kind of camping that you're thinking of. It's a really nice place, it's called El Capitan Campground Resort, and it's 20 miles north of Santa Barbara. It's near the beach, has wellness treatments, and great hiking trails. I promise you, you will love it." Pete said assuredly.**_

_**Addison put her hands up in a surrendering motion. "Fine, fine, fine, I'll go camping with you...but if I don't 'love it', she motioned with air quotes, "you are soooo going shopping with me next weekend." she said, smiling victoriously. Pete nodded happily in agreement, then reached for her and pulled her to him and kissed her. They pulled apart after a few moments, Pete stared at Addison intently. She gave him an inquisitive look.**_

_**"What?" she asked.**_

_**"Nothing. It's just that I'm really happy you agreed to go away with me." Pete said sincerely.**_

_**"I'm glad I said yes too." Addison replied before leaning in to kiss him again.**_

_**End Flashback**_

She wasn't joking when she'd told him that she'd been camping once and didn't ever want to do it again. Actually, the last time she went camping was with Derek. Yeah, that was quite the experience... it was the worst getaway they had ever been on. The only thing that had made it even halfway enjoyable was that they'd spent most of their time doing the naked pretzel.

"Stop that Addison!", she said out loud to herself. She shook her head and walked towards her closet. She just had to stop thinking of Derek, she really needed to concentrate on packing.

An hour later she was almost done packing when the phone ringing interrupted her concentration on the task at hand.

"Hello" she said pleasantly.

"Hey babe, it's me. I'm on my way. Are you almost ready?" Pete asked.

"Almost done. I'm just finishing up my seventh suit case and I should be set." Addison teased with a devilish glee.

"What? Addison you don't need seven suit cases, we're only going for the weekend." Pete shockingly replied.

Then he heard Addison laughing wholeheartedly on the other end of the line.

"Hahahaha, very funny Montgomery." Pete said good-naturedly.

"Couldn't help it babe, you're too easy." She joked.

"Yeah yeah I know, but when it comes to you, with clothing and shoes, I never know." he said teasingly.

"I should be there in about 20 minutes, will that leave you enough time?"

he asked.

"I'll be ready. See you in 20 Wilder." she replied before hanging up.

Pete couldn't help but smile, what this woman did to him was absolutely indescribable. He would never understand how her ex-husband had been able to just leave her? Well his loss is my gain, Pete thought. She still hadn't shared everything about her past yet, even though he already knew what had happened, he did want her to confide in him. He knew that would come in time. Meanwhile he was determined to make her happy.

Addison was still trying to figure out what to bring to this camping trip, so she just started pulling out different clothing to cover all her bases. "What did I bring to my camping trip with Derek?" she said to herself, then quickly realized that she was once again thinking of Derek. "What the hell is wrong with me?" She started pacing back and forth, then reached for her phone and dialed.

"Hello?" said a familiar voice.

"Nay, it's me." Addison responded hesitantly.

"What's wrong, what's going on?" said Naomi, immediately recognizing Addison's tone.

"Uhmmm...I've been having these weird intense dreams, and also unwanted thoughts that keep popping into my head, and it's freaking me out! I'm struggling to try and decipher them." Addison paused for a moment before continuing.

"I need your help Nay." Addison's voice full of trepidation.

"Okay...so what are they about?" asked a concerned Naomi.

"I've been having sex dreams about Derek." Addison spoke the words so quickly they sounded like jiberish.

"Huh? Addie I didn't understand a word you said." Naomi said, a bit perplexed.

"I've been having sex dreams about Derek." Addie said clearly. "And to top it off, when I'm awake I find myself thinking of him too. What the hell is wrong with me Nay? I'm with Pete, we're about to go away today for the weekend. I shouldn't be thinking of Derek. Right?" an agitated Addison questioned.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down Addie. Okay, now take a deep breath and let it out."

Addison did as told.

"Now tell me, when did you start having these dreams and thoughts about Derek?" Naomi inquired.

"I think they started about two weeks ago. Yeah, definitely two weeks ago. It's crazy...I'm over Derek, I've moved on...I'm happy now. Why is this happening Nay?" Addison said desperately.

"Well, let's see...hmmm...didn't you and Pete make plans to go away about two weeks ago?" questioned Naomi.

"Yes, but what does that have to do with me having intimate dreams of Derek and I?" Addison asked defensively

"Isn't it obvious?" Naomi blurted out, before she could stop herself.

Naomi had witnessed the happiness Pete had brought to Addison and she'd be damned if she would let Addison sabatoge that relationship just as it was blooming.

"Obvious? If it were obvious I wouldn't be calling you 15 minuets before Pete is suppose to pick me up." an exasperated Addison cried.

"Sorry Addie, I didn't mean it that way. All I meant to say is that it's pretty clear, well to me anyway, that you're having this reaction because once and for all you're really moving on with someone meaningful and it's scaring you. You're finally in a real relationship Addie. This time it's not with someone just to make sure you didn't throw your marriage away,and it's not a fling, you're not with a man without any potential.

Pete is the real deal. He wants to be with you and he has made that abundantly clear to you and to all of us. I think you're just realizing that.

You and Pete have a future, and the life that you once had with Derek is fading into your past." Naomi said cautiously, but definitively.

"Wow! You really think so?" Addison was unconvinced.

"Yes I do." replied Naomi matter-of-factly. "Now get your butt ready to go! You and Pete deserve this weekend. Quit doubting yourself." she said with enthusiasm.

"Okay." Addison said obligingly. "You're probably right. I'm just making something out of nothing. I feel kinda silly now. Thanks for listening to my wacky ranting Nay."

Addison hung up the phone and continued packing, all the while trying to convince herself that what Naomi had said to her was probably true. For some reason though,something kept nagging at her, but she couldn't think about that today, she really had to finish getting her stuff together.

Addison had finished packing and was just zipping up her suit case when she heard her door bell chime. She hurried downstairs to let Pete in.

"Hey you ready to go?" He asked cheerfully.

"Always." She replied with a smile, along with a hint of innuendo.

It had taken nearly two hours for them to arrive at their destination and Addison couldn't wait to get out of the car. She hated being still for too long. As Pete took the ramp for El Capitan Canyon, Addison took in the scenery, Pete was right it was beautiful.

As they exited the freeway, Addie couldn't help but marvel at the beach and how very picturesque the view was. As they made their way to the resort, Addison noticed how peaceful and serene everything looked. Pete parked the car and explained to her that he had to check them in and then they'd soon be on their way to their place.

Once that was accomplished, they began driving down the same path until they ended up in front of a cedar cabin. She loved how adorable it looked with its creekside front porch. Pete handed her the key to the cabin while he gathered their bags. As Addison walked inside she noticed the peak ceilings, a cozy fireplace, and a comfortable looking couch with matching ottomans. She made her way through the cabin and saw the kitchenette with all the amenities. She walked a bit further and saw the full bathroom...this was definitely a different type of camping, much more to her liking. She then entered the bedroom and gasped...it was so gorgeous! The king size bed was a canopy style made out of hand crafted wood that was facing its own entrance. As she opened the doors she noticed the jacuzzi that was there for them to enjoy all to themselves. Her cabin exploration was suddenly interrupted by Pete's voice.

"So what do you think?" Pete asked curiously.

"It's breathtaking Pete! I love it! I didn't expect it to be this beautiful! Thank you so much for bringing me here babe." Addison leaned in and kissed him.

"I'm really glad that you like it Addie, I thought you would once you saw it. I like the atmosphere here because it's away from all of the hustle and bustle of the city, and it's so quiet and relaxing. Plus, I get you all to myself here too." He said energetically as he grabbed her and kissed her passionately.

Addison pulled away to breathe.

"Hold on there cowboy, let's not get carried away yet. As much as I want to do this," she waved her hand between them and the bed, "I really want you to show me around first and then maybe we could eat lunch... comeback and then shower. Then I will be completely yours." she claimed with a seductive grin.

"WOMAN, you are going to be the death of me!, but that's fine, we'll do whatever you want to do first, but then you will be all mine." Pete stated triumphantly. He held her close, then let his hand slide down to her ass. "Wait a minute, you called me 'cowboy', I thought I was your gladiator?" he said with a fake pout.

"Hey! No touching the dancer Wilder, and don't worry you're both in my eyes." She said with a smirk.

"Dancer?" Pete raised one of his eyebrows inquistively.

"Yes. My name is Cobra. Sssssss..." she hissed as she tried to hold back her laughter.

Pete laughed uncontrollably. He so loved her sense of humor. He interwove his fingers with hers and guided her outside to explore the grounds. As they made their way to the main area of the resort, Addison and Pete were surrounded by monarch butterflies, they were fluttering everywhere and it was truly magical. They strolled hand in hand to the Canyon Market and decided on lunch at the deli.

After ordering their food, they walked outside to wait for their order to be called out. Pete went on the hunt for a table while Addison walked to the side of the market to stand near the rocks that were overlooking the creek. It was a remarkable sight. The stream was running rapidly through the rocks, while butterflies floated happily by. She walked closer to the edge to get a better look and decided to sit on one of the rocks in order to better enjoy the view. She adjusted herself and let her legs hang over the side of the rock. She sat there quietly, paying attention to the sounds around her. Addison closed her eyes and listened intently, she could hear the ocean waves crashing up against the shore, she could hear the stream flowing down the creek, and she could also smell the scent of the wild sage that surrounded the grounds mixed in with the salty smell of the ocean. She smiled as she felt the ocean breeze hit her face. This is amazing! Derek would love it here, she thought to herself. WAIT!! Did I just think that? Arghh...this has got to stop! I'm with Pete! Pete! I like him, I may even love him, I shouldn't be having thoughts of Derek! Who cares about Derek? I don't! Addison stubbornly reflected.

"Addison?" Pete said.

Addison was so wrapped up in her inner turmoil that she didn't hear him.

"Addison?" Pete said a little louder this time. She reluctantly turned to look at him.

"Yeah?" she replied absent-mindedly.

"Where were you just now?" he asked thoughtfully.

"Just taking in the beautiful view." She eluded...well she was half telling the truth.

"Well the food's ready and I got a table for us on the other side." Pete explained as he walked towards her and offered to help her up.

Lunch was enjoyable as they talked about the different activities the resort offered. They made plans to get massages and to walk the beach in the morning. Their conversation topics ranged from 'Juno' the movie they had just seen, to Addison's new obsession, her iPhone.

They walked back to their cabin in comfortable silence. Pete kept sneaking looks over at Addison...he was completely in awe of her. Even with out any makeup she was absolutely stunning. I'm a lucky man,Pete thought. This didn't go unnoticed by Addison, and made her even more nervous about what she knew would be happening once they returned to the cabin. She didn't know why she was so edgy?

It's not like she'd never been with a man since Derek...there was just something that was bothering her...something she couldn't explain. She pushed her fears aside, determined not to worry about this today.

Walking into the cabin, Addison quickly excused herself and headed for the bedroom. She was hell bent on making this weekend perfect.

"Hey Addie?" She turned around to look over at him.

"Do you mind if I take a quick shower before you go in?" Pete asked.

"Go ahead, I still have a few things to unpack." Addie said with a smile.

Pete headed to the bathroom and about 10 minutes later walked out in nothing but a towel. Addison turned and eyed him. That man is definitely yummy, she thought to herself as she displayed a sly grin. She passed him by in the hallway, gave him a quick peck on the cheek and headed to the bathroom herself.

After taking a long relaxing hot bath, Addison stepped out of the tub to dry herself off. She reached towards the counter where she had set down one of the new baby dolls she had purchased for this trip. Addison began the normal routine that she usually did before bed, and then slipped on her lingerie. She looked at herself in the mirror to make sure her hair and her apparel looked Okay...and they really did. Her hair was soft and flowing around her shoulders, and the navy blue lacey baby doll she was wearing looked pretty damn hot! Addison knew that she had splurged a bit at La Perla for her new night wear but she couldn't help it. Looking now at how it complimented all of her assets made it definitely worth it. She smiled to herself, hoping Pete was going to appreciate this.

Addison walked out of the bathroom and headed for the bedroom. When she opened the door, she gasped at what she saw. The room was completely illuminated by candlelight. There were white candles everywhere...rose petals were thrown all about the floor and the bed. There was a table with an ice bucket and a bottle of champagne along with two glasses. A plate of fresh strawberries and a bowl of melted chocolate sat next to that. Then there was Pete in the middle of it all, with nothing but black silk boxers on and a long stemmed rose in his right hand. Addison slowly looked up to meet his eyes and saw nothing but admiration...and something else...something she could only describe as pure want for her. It radiated off of him...it was so strong that it made her stop breathing for a moment.

Pete walked towards Addison who seemed to be frozen at the entrance of the room. He smiled at her and then handed her the rose.

"You look absolutely beautiful Addison." Pete whispered as he reached out to touch her face.

"Thank you, not so bad yourself." she said with a sultry smile. "The room looks amazing, I can't believe you did all of this for us. Thank you." she said in awe.

"I would do anything to make you happy Addie, I hope you know that. I know you wanted this to be perfect, and so did I." He said with an irresistible lopsided grin.

He reached out and grabbed her waist, pressing himself against her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as they kissed passionately. He moved his hand to the front of her top to get access to her bare stomach, his big hands encircling her small waist. After a few moments they stopped kissing. Addison pulled away, captured his hand within hers and led him to the bed. The rest of the afternoon and the entire evening was spent pleasuring each other.

Addison slowly awoke to the new sensation of Pete's arms wrapped around her in a warm embrace, her chin nuzzled gently on his chest. She stopped and drank in the moment and marked it as a special memory . Pete sensing that she was awake, turned and looked her way. They gazed into each other's eyes and smiled in unison.

"So, the world didn't end." Addison said teasingly.

"No it didn't." Pete replied with a knowing smile.

He leaned in and kissed her before whispering, "Stay right here, I have a surprise for you." He threw the covers back, pulled on his boxers, and got up, walking towards the kitchen.

Addison, having a great vantage point remarked. "Nice ass Wilder!"

Pete looked over his shoulder, winked in her direction and responded with "Thanks Montgomery, I aim to please."

She didn't know what he was up to, but she soon heard a lot of commotion coming from the kitchen.

Shortly thereafter she heard Pete's voice, "Close your eyes, no peeking." Addison closed her eyes as requested and felt a weight on the bed. She opened her eyes and was pleasantly amazed by the romantic gesture before her. Pete had arranged a beautiful breakfast tray with fresh fruit, scrambled eggs, and whole wheat toast, along with a inviting mimosa. Pete was just full of surprises and she loved that about him.

They spent the rest of the weekend exploring their passion for one another and basking in their new-found intimacy.

Unbeknownst to Addison, her recent happiness would soon be tested.


	10. Release

**Summary: **

This chapter is homage to **'Release'**, an episode of 'The X-Files' written by David Amann.

**Release: **

'To set free from confinement, restraint, something that binds, something that holds back.'

**Thanks **go out to my BETA-BITCH** Agent Extremis **who is freaking AWESOME.

(Undoubtedly :D )

**Disclaimer: ** Resist or Serve.:D

**Release by Agent Addek**

Walking into the uncomfortableness of Seattle Grace was getting easier everyday, Derek thought to himself. It had been nearly two months since he came back from his enlightening fishing trip that he took with Mark and discovered that for one, he was still very much in love with Addison, and he also realized that he needed help with his drinking problem and his past demons.

_Flashback_

_They had been driving in silence for the past 15 minutes and Mark was still trying to figure out what Derek had meant. Mark glanced over to Derek who seemed to be entranced with the road ahead of them, but after knowing him for so many years he knew that Derek's mind was probably racing like crazy. Mark's curiousity won out in the end and interupted Derek's reverie. _

_"So, ah..okay...what the hell did you mean when you said 'I know what I have to do?' _

_Don't get me wrong, I was happy to get the hell out of there, you know me and fishing don't really uhh.. how should I put this, umm.. we don't exactly mesh together" Mark expressed as he smashed one fist against the other. _

_"But I still don't know what made you want to leave with such urgency."_

_"We needed to leave right away, I need to take action. I don't know what Addie is doing right now, for all I know she could already be involved with someone else. I mean, come on Mark, Addie is a beautiful, intelligent, strong women...she won't have any problems finding a man who would want to be with her. So I need to get back so I can start making the changes that I need to make in my life." Derek replied._

_"Changes in your life?" Mark asked inquisitively. _

_"I need to stop drinking, and the first step towards that is to start attending AA meetings. So I need to find a chapter near the hospital. I also need to keep my 'episodes' under control, so I have decided that I need to start seeing a therapist to help me deal with whatever other issues are causing them and uhmm..." _

_Derek paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. _

_"I need to end things with Meredith once and for all. I need to be completely honest with her, she deserves that after everything that I've put her through."_

_"So you're going to tell her that you made a mistake?... that after everything you still choose Addie?" Mark asked hesitantly._

_"Yes I am. I mean I don't think I will say it like you just did, but I feel like Meredith deserves the truth for once. I have lied to her and myself for so long, its time that I was truthful. I'm not sure how she will react but I am willing to take that risk if it means that we will finally be set free from all of this." Derek said genuinely. _

_"Well it's about damn time man. I always knew sooner or later you would come to your senses. You sure did take your sweet ass time though." Mark said with laughter._

_"Oh, by the way, I don't envy you one bit." Mark said mirthfully._

_End of Flashback_

Derek had done what he needed to do.

He had been attending AA meetings for the past two months and Richard and Mark had been great support. Richard had even offered to be his sponsor.

He had also been seeing a therapist for quite sometime who had helped him with his episodes, which had enabled him to let go of certain things from his past.

Derek felt like he had made so much progress in such a short amount of time that he felt like he was finally becoming who he knew he could be.

As he was making his way up to his office, he noticed Dr. Stevens giving him the evil eye. He also heard a few of the nurses whispering about him, shook his head and continued walking. It still amazed him how much this hospital seemed like high school.

"Derek." Mark shouted, as he jogged to catch up with him.

"Hey, I thought you weren't in 'till later this afternoon?" Derek questioned.

"They moved up my 2 o'clock to...hmm...lets see", Mark said as he turned his wrist to look at his watch, "I've got about 15 minutes. Do you wanna go grab some coffee?"

"I could definitely use some coffee, let me just drop off my briefcase in my office." Derek said as he turned into the hallway with Mark in tow and headed towards his door.

On their way towards the cafeteria, Derek glanced over and caught sight of Meredith. Their eyes met at the same instant, immediately taking him back to the last time he had really spoken with her.

It had been 2 months since that turning point.

_Flashback_

_As Derek was leaving the hospital for the day, he instinctively felt that this was the perfect opportunity to do what had to be done. Driving to his destination, Derek felt a calm confidence about his decision. He finally knew it was right, without hesitation. He stepped out of his jeep, took a deep breath, mustered up his courage, and approached her house. _

_He noticed her outline through the glass before she opened the door, she appeared surprised to see him standing there._

_"Derek?" she asked hesitantly. _

_"Can I come in?" he asked._

_"Oh umm... sorry. Yes of course. You just caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting you." she said. _

_Meredith walked to her living room as Derek followed._

_"Yeah I know... I'm sorry...I should have called you but I really _

_needed to speak with you." he said softly._

_Meredith turned around to really look at him. Something's different, she thought. Her stomach started churning...whatever it was, she knew that it was not good._

_"Okay" she said, as she took a seat on her couch. _

_Derek stayed standing and started pacing a bit. _

_He knew that he wanted to do this, but he couldn't help but feel awful for what he was about to do to her. Things had not been great between them...they were sleeping together with 'no strings' attached, and he kept trying to convince her that he wanted more, that they belonged together. About two weeks before his 'episodes' got out of hand, he had told her about the house he wanted to build for them. He even showed her the blue prints. Which come to think of it had not even been made with her in mind, everything he had chosen for the house were things that Addie would have loved. Now he was standing in front of her about to tell her that none of it had been true to his heart._

_"Meredith, I've been going through some things lately and ahh..." he began._

_"Is that why I haven't seen you in the past few days?" she interrupted before he could continue._

_"Yes, that's part of the reason...but Mer there's more..." he says with trepidation. _

_"What's going on Derek? You're scaring me. Are you okay?" _

_Meredith asked with obvious concern._

_"I will be. I mean, I almost am. Meredith, I have been suffering from almost crippling panic attacks for a little over a year now..." _

_Before he could continue, Meredith interrupted him again._

_"What? How? When? I've been with you most days and ahh... how could I not have noticed? Why didn't you tell me?" she said quickly._

_"They mostly happened at night and I didn't know what was happening at first. Honestly, I was afraid to admit that something could be wrong." Derek confessed._

_Meredith got up from her couch and put her arms around Derek. _

_"Derek, I wish I would have known...I could have helped you deal with them." _

_He lets her hold him for a moment, then grabs her arms and slides them off of him. This does not go unnoticed by Meredith. _

_"Derek?" she questions anxiously, as she takes a seat again._

_"Mer, about a week and a half ago, I went to my doctor who informed me that I was experiencing panic attack., He also told me about what usually causes them. He gave me a long list of things that add to them, but the one that seemed to jump off the page for me was 'ignored _

_problems'." _

_He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. _

_"When I first met you, I was so angry at Addie... I wanted to hate her for what she had done to me. I wanted to hurt her in the same way._

_I wanted revenge. _

_After that first night with you, I never expected to see you again. and as I was leaving, all I kept thinking was 'I should call Addie and tell her that were even now'. At that moment, I didn't really think about why I would want her to know." _

_Derek paused for a moment and took a seat next to Meredith._

_"What are you saying Derek?" she says with fear in her voice._

_"Everything I did after that moment was because of Addie. I just didn't realize it until a few days ago. It was always about her, but I was still too stubborn to recognize that. It's not to take anything away from you and I, Meredith, because honestly, you helped me cope with the heartache I was living with. You helped numb the pain, a pain that never went away until she waltzed back into my life." _

_He looked up and noticed the tears forming in her eyes._

_"The moment I saw her again, a rush of love overpowered me and then almost immediately I was overcome with an intense feeling of hurt and anger as my defensive instinct kicked in. I never stopped to think why I reacted that way? I buried it deep and deluded myself as an escape." _

_He stopped suddenly, reliving that moment in his head._

_"I don't want to hear about that! It's your past... it's over, it's done with. You're here with me now, and I know I haven't been willing to be in a relationship with you, but not seeing you in the past few days has made me realize that I do want this. I want us. I'm ready Derek, I'm ready for the next step. I've even thought about the house...I want that with you now." She said with the hope of diminishing what she knew was coming._

_"Mer please, just listen to me. I need to get this all out in the open. I need to be honest with you and myself." _

_He waited for her to respond, she quietly nodded and he continued. _

_"When I took Addie back, I thought I was being the dutiful husband who was trying to work things out with his cheating wife. I kept blaming her for taking away my new life with you, so I wanted to punish her for that. That's why I kept going after you, not even trying to conceal it. At the time, I thought, 'I can't help that I fell in love with Meredith, Addison just has to deal with it until it passes'. I never stopped to think why I had to constantly remind myself of that?? Every time I looked at her, all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and hold her, but I continuously battled with that feeling." He looked down at his hands, then got up from the couch and walked to the window._

_"Derek, just let it go. I don't need you to tell me all of this. What matters is that you chose me... that you love me, and that I love you." _

_Meredith stood up and walked towards him._

_"Do you hear me? I love you... we can have all the things you told me you wanted, remember? We can get married and grow old together. Please Derek, tell me you still want that. Say it!" Meredith yelled. "Say that you still want us, SAY IT Derek!" _

_She tried to wrap her arms around him but he stops her._

_"I'm sorry Meredith, I can't. I can't say something I don't mean or feel. For the past year, I have denied my true feelings and I pushed her away. She left and I don't know where she is. I don't know why I fought it Mer, she was and is the true love of my life." _

_He looked at her and saw the tears streaming down her face. He reached out to wipe them, but she turned away._

_"I don't believe that Derek!, I don't believe it! You love me!... what we have doesn't compare! Everyone told me how distraught you were when you thought I was going to die... how hard you fought for me! Even she knew!...she knew and she finally moved on with your ex-bestfriend, the man she cheated on you with! So whatever this is, you will realize again that it's a mistake like you did the first time you chose her! It's me you want to be with Derek!, it's us." she sobbed._

_"I won't change my mind or my heart this time Meredith, that's what I'm here to tell you. This, us, it's what's wrong." Suddenly and shockingly, he felt her hand make impact with his face!_

_"I AM NOT YOUR MISTAKE Derek!!" she looked at him with fire burning in her eyes._

_"Meredith stop." _

_He grabbed her hand as she tried to slap him again._

_"No!... I won't let you do this to us again Derek! I won't, I can't. _

_I won't let you regret us...I won't let you regret me. You're just confused! You're upset because I couldn't make up my mind, but I have... I'm ready Derek." she said pleadingly._

_"Meredith, I love her and I'm going to fight for her. I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago." Derek said with an undeniable look of determination._

_Meredith noticed the difference in his eyes. She would not let him go without a fight. She knew that if she could get through to him, he would realize that he wasn't thinking straight._

_"Why would you go after the woman who slept with your best friend? She hurt you, she humiliated you, she betrayed you Derek. She never loved you. How could she love you and have an affair with the man you considered your brother? She wrecked your marriage Derek, she destroyed it all by herself, she does not deserve you." Meredith said frantically._

_"It wasn't just her Meredith. I'm mostly to blame for the demise of our marriage. I did things, things that I am not proud of. I hurt her in the worst possible way and she still forgave me Mer, and the one time she faltered in judgement, I walked away from her without a fight. I'm the one who doesn't deserve her. I'm the one who needs to ask for forgiveness." _

_He pauses briefly._

_"I'm sorry Meredith. I'm sorry for any pain that I am causing you. I'm sorry for involving you in the mess I made of my life. That's why I'm here to end things between us, once and for all. I need us to be over... you need us to be over so that you can move on." _

_He glanced over at her to gage her reaction._

_"You what? You can't be serious?! Are you going after her? Are you?! What makes you think she will even give you the time of day Derek?_

_You treated her like shit!... not that she didn't deserve it, but she will never take you back. If you leave now, I will not take you back when she tells you to fuck off!" Meredith fumed as started pacing back and forth. All she could think is how can he do this to me again?_

_Derek sickenly recalled those very familiar words... he had heard those same words come out of Addie's mouth not so long ago._

_"Meredith, my heart and mind are made up... it's over. I need us to make a clean break. Of course, we have to have a professional relationship, but that is all I can offer you." _

_Derek got up and walked past her to the front door. He felt a sense of relief wash over him. He was free to find Derek again._

_Meredith stood in the middle of her living room completely dumbfounded... tears streaming down her face... she couldn't comprehend what had just happened._

_End of Flashback_

It still bothered him that he had caused her so much pain. He sincerely hoped that someday she would be able to forgive him and truly move on with her life.

Derek picked up his coffee and walked away as she longingly looked after him, unbeknownst to Derek.

Mark led the way as Derek followed him to their usual spot.

"So I went out on a date with Callie last night..." Mark began with a gleam in his eye.

Obviously, paying no attention to Mark, Derek blurted out, "I'm going to L.A. to see a Quack..."

"Oh, it's all about you, I keep forgetting." Mark joked with a chuckle.

"Sorry, I know we were talking about you for a second there, but I can't concentrate on anything else. Sorry man." Derek admitted.

"It's Okay... I'll tell you about my adventure later. So what made you decide to go?" Mark inquired.

"Well, I was referred to a specialist there by both my doctor and therapist. So I've decided to take their advice. Besides, it will good for me to have a change of scenery."

"Good for you man...when do you leave?" Mark asked.

"I leave tomorrow morning...which brings me to my next question, can you give me a ride to the airport?" Derek said facetiously.

"Yeah no problem, I've got you covered bro." Mark answered as he stood up to leave.

"I've got to get going, but I'll talk to you later."

As he turned to walk away, Mark briefly hesitated and then asked, "Hey, have you had any luck finding out where Addie is?" .

"No, not yet, but I'm not giving up hope."

Derek replied confidently.

Lost in thought, Derek felt strangely positive about this trip. Something felt eminent...an undeniable sense that he was right where he should be. The next thing he heard was an announcement:

"Welcome to Los Angeles International Airport..."


	11. Syzygy

**Summary: **

This is an homage to **'Syzygy', **an episode of **'The X-Files' **written by Chris Carter.

**Syzygy: **

When three celestial bodies align in a straight configuration in a gravitational

system things go awry.

**ThanX** go out to **Agent Extremis** my AWESOME BETA-BETCH.:D

**Disclaimer: **

Well, I think that demands a little deeper investigation, don't you?

**Syzygy by Agent Addek**

The morning light crept into her window and began waking her out of her sleep. She turned over in bed to look for Pete with her hand, but he wasn't there. She sat up a bit startled, but then the smell of fresh coffee filtered through her room and brought a smile to her face.

They had returned from El Capitan just last night and she had asked Pete to stay with her. She felt like things with she and Pete were going the way they should be. This weekend away had definitely made a huge difference in their relationship. 'No more fantasies of Derek', Addison thought with relief to herself.

"Good Morning Sunshine." Pete entered the room with a smile and a breakfast tray.

"Good Morning!" She responded with a huge grin.

"You're gonna spoil me if you keep waking me up with breakfast." Addison teased, then she leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek while sneaking a piece of toast.

"Well, I want to spoil the woman who is making me the luckiest man on earth." Pete replied as he closed in to kiss her in return.

"Ahhh...that's so sweet, an exageration, but sweet." She chuckled.

They ate in comfortable silence for a few moments.

"Okay Montgomery, I'm jumping in the shower because I know I can stay in bed with you all day, but then we won't make it to work on time."

Pete got up from the bed and started making his way to the bathroom. He stopped momentarily and then turned back her way, "any chance I can convince you to join me?" Pete asked with a suggestive grin.

"Hmmm...I think I can do that. After all we will be saving on water." Addie saucily replied. She got up from the bed as Pete extended his hand to her, leading her into the bathroom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Addison and Pete walked hand in hand into the practice, all eyes were on them. Addison smiled at Pete, then headed off towards the lounge, while Pete opted for his office.

As soon as Violet and Naomi saw Addison enter the lounge, they bolted in that direction. Cooper and Sam tried to act nonchalant as they walked towards Pete's office.

"So how did it go?" Naomi and Violet asked in unison which caused them all to chuckle a bit.

"It was great!! The campground was absolutely beautiful. You guys should go there. I definitely recommend it." Addison said the latter part suggestively.

"That's all we get! Come Addie gives us the dirty details so I can live vicariously through you." Violet whined. The women all laughed a bit.

"Okay, so it was amazing...we were pretty much in bed all weekend, it was pretty hot. He was so romantic and attentive. What can I say ladies, it was perfect." Addie sighed. Naomi and Violet stared at their smitten friend.

"It's okay that I totally hate you right now, right?" Violet replied deadpan.

"Knock yourself out." Addison joked.

"So what else? There's something you're not saying Addie, come on you can tell us." Naomi asked curiously.

Addison was pensive for a moment before she spoke.

"I think I'm falling in love with Pete." She honestly replied.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Good morning Pete." Cooper said with a smirk as he walked into the office with Sam in tow.

"Good morning indeed!" Pete responded with a huge grin.

"So how was your weekend?" Sam asked, as he took a seat with Cooper following suit.

"Good, it was good. It's amazing how a few days away from the city with the woman you love can reinvigorate you." Pete said without realizing what he had just said.

However, it did not go unnoticed by his two stunned friends.

"What?" Pete questioned when he saw their shocked expressions.

"The woman you love?" Sam asked, as he was the one able to regain his speech first. Cooper nodded in agreement.

"Ahh...I said that?" Pete asked, a bit blown away by his slip.

"Yup, I definitely heard 'the woman you love'." Cooper interjected.

"Wow, I guess. Wow!" he paused for a few moments to compose himself.

"No, I know that I love her. I, Pete Wilder, have fallen in love with Addison Forbes Montgomery!" he said full of confident wonder. "And I just told you two before I told her, well that sucks."

"Wow, you finally took the plunge. Well congratulations Pete." Cooper said.

Pete and Cooper noticed that Sam had gone quiet, he kept staring at Pete. After what seemed like an eternity of uncomfortable silence, Sam finally spoke up.

"Don't hurt her. She has been through a lot in the past 3 years and she deserves to be happy. You're my friend and I'm happy for you, but I have known Addie since med school, she's like a sister to me...so if you hurt her, you deal with me, do I make myself clear?!" Sam sternly stated."That being said, congratulations Pete, and don't worry, we won't tell her you spilled the beans to us before you told her." Sam chuckled.

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He had been circling the same street for the past 20 minutes and he still couldn't find parking. His patience was beginning to run out when he noticed the entrance for the underground parking in the building that he needed to go to.

"Well, that's just great, really GREAT!" He said out loud with a frustrated sigh as he banged his hands on his steering wheel. He couldn't believe that he wasted all this time, he had about 5 minutes to park and run into the building if he wanted to make it to his appointment on time.

He signaled and drove into the parking lot. The moment he put his car in park, this overwhelming feeling took over his entire body...he could feel something, something in his stomach. He shook his head and tried to calm himself down...breath in, breath out.

He exited out of his car and made his way to the building. Standing in the main lobby, he looked through the directory to see which floor Oceanside Wellness Group was on. As he was walked into the elevator he heard someone call out.

"Hold the elevator, PLEASE!!" a woman yelled out. He stuck out his arm just in time to stop the doors from sliding shut. "Thank you." she said breathlessly.

The elevator ride was a bit long and akward. The woman who was in the elevator with him kept sneaking glances at him and smiling. He smiled back politely and was thankful that the doors finally opened to his floor.

He walked up to the reception area, where young man was sitting behind the desk.

"Hi, I'm here to see uhmm..." he looked down at the card, "...Dr. Pete Wilder."

"Do you have an appointment?" asked Dell.

"Yes, I'm Derek Shepherd. I have an appointment with him right about now." He replied with

a lopsided smile.

"Oh yes, I have you right here. Dr. Wilder will be with you shortly." Dell announced.

Derek went to take a seat, while unbeknownst to him, the woman he rode up in the elevator with, was still staring at him.

Violet just stood in the middle of the reception area completely entranced by the man in front her. She couldn't stop herself, not even when it got a little awkward in the elevator. He was after all, extremely handsome. She was brought out of her daze when she felt someone put their hand on her shoulder.

"Woah, Shit! You scared me Naomi." Violet said a little startled.

"What's got you so enthralled?" questioned Naomi curiously.

"Look at that man who is talking to Pete. God he so good looking! Why can't I be with a man like that?" pleaded Violet.

Naomi was quiet with a look on her face that could only be described as pure shock, as she saw Derek walk with Pete into his office.

"Nai, are you okay? Naomi?" Violet snapped her fingers in front of her face to get her attention.

"Oh my God! That can't be who I think it is!" Naomi said as she walked up to Dell.

"You know him? Who is he? Maybe you can make an introduction?" Violet said half jokingly.

"Dell, who is that man that was just talking to Pete?" Naomi asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"He's a new patient, Derek Shepherd." Dell replied.

"This is not happening! Where's Addison?" Naomi asked anxiously.

"She stepped out for an errand, she should be back soon. She has a patient in half an hour. Is there something wrong Naomi?" Dell asked with concern.

"No uhmm... could you please tell Addison to come and find me as soon as she walks in. Don't let her go to her office, tell her it's urgent, Okay?" Naomi instructed. Dell nodded his understanding.

Violet who had just witnessed everything, was a taken aback, 'what the hell is going on?', she thought to herself. She didn't have much time to consider it, because Naomi tugged her arm and guided her to her office.

"I should call her right? Warn her before she gets here?" Naomi asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about? What's going on Nai?" Violet asked in confusion.

"That man...the one that was with Pete, that's Derek Shepherd." she explained.

"Yeah, I heard Dell tell you. I still don't know why you're freaking out about it??...and why you need to call Addison??" she said perplexed.

"That's Addison's ex-husband!...the one she had to move to a different state to, to get over...and now he's here in Los Angeles...where Addison works...and he's seeing Pete. Pete!! Why is he seeing Pete?" Naomi asked frantically.

"Oh Fuck" Violet retorted, as she flopped down onto the couch.Naomi simultaneously did the same.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on in. Please make yourself comfortable." Pete said as he took a seat behind his desk.

"Thank you. I'm really grateful that you could see me in such short notice. You should know you come highly recommended by two of my respected colleagues. " Derek stated.

"Well isn't it nice to be so highly regarded?" Pete said good-naturedly. "I appreciate you coming all this way to see me." he continued as he glanced down towards Derek's file which lay open on his desk.

"I've been going through my notes and have come up with some different approaches that should be beneficial to you. I have some methods that usually take about two weeks to show progress, Does that sound okay?" Pete asked.

"Yeah that could work. I just have to get in touch with my office to let them know." Derek answered.

"That sounds great. Let's go set up the appointments with Dell out front." Pete suggested.

Derek stood up and shook Pete's hand, then turned and walked out the door. Pete took a moment to write a note on Derek's file.

Almost as soon as Derek walked out, he was shocked into immobility. There in front of him stood Addison! It was almost too much to comprehend. He had been trying to find out where she was for two months now with no avail, and now there she was in the the reception area, looking as beautiful as ever.

He couldn't believe his eyes!

He somehow managed to stumble a few steps forward and spoke her name.

"Addie?" Derek said in amazement.

Addison froze. She didn't have to turn around to know who's voice it was, she'd recognize it anywhere. Her heart jumped into her throat, her breathing stopped. She stared at Dell with a look of sheer panic.

"Addie?" Derek said again, with a more determined tone as he started towards her.

Addison regained a bit of her composure, enough to turn completely around and face him. Their eyes met with questionable confusion. She stood there for a moment, and Derek noticed a myriad of emotions cross her face. She started to speak, but then stopped herself.

"I can't do this. I just can't do this right now." she whispered as she turned to escape the situation. She had to get out of there now!

Derek quickly closed the distance between them and caught up with her, reaching for her arm to stop her.

"Addie, please stop" Derek pleaded.

"I can't, I won't...let me go." Addison said desperately, as she tried to shake away from his hand.

"No I won't let you go, not this time." Derek said defiantly.

Naomi, Violet, Sam and Cooper had heard the commotion and had emerged to see what was going on. Pete, who was just walking out of his office, noticed that his colleagues were gathered nervously in the lobby.

He walked towards them and saw the scene that was unraveling before them. He didn't hesitate to react, and he lunged towards Derek when he heard him say, "No I won't let you go, not this time."

"Get your hands off of her!" Pete yelled.

Upon hearing these words Derek turned towards Pete and met up with his forceful fist.

Addison screamed in horror. "Pete!! NO!!!" and instinctively dropped to tend to Derek.

Pete was shocked at his own reaction, as well as at Addison's attentiveness to his new patient.

Confusion crossed his face when he saw Naomi and Sam rush to Addison and Derek's side. Cooper, Violet, and Dell stood and looked between Pete, Addison and Derek with astonishment.

"Derek are you okay? Derek?" Addison asked with concern as she stroked his hair.

"You know this guy?" Pete asked dumbfounded.

"Yes. This is Derek, my ex-husband." Addison answered softly.

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Well there it is ADDEK first encounter.:D:D I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, I will start working on the next one tomorrow.

I might be tempted to update by this weekend you all REVIEW!!!:D:D:D

Thanks a bunch I hope you enjoyed that punch Troatie.


	12. El Mundo Gira

**Summary: ** This is an homage to_** 'El Mundo Gira',**_ an episode of _**'The X-Files'**_ written by John Shiban.

**El Mundo Gira:** As the world turns.:D

**ThanX** go out to **A.E** who is my brilliant **beta**.

**Disclaimer: **Well, maybe if it rains sleeping bags, you'll get lucky.

**Special** shout out goes out to the** RAGERS**, you know who you are, for still **believing** and** searching** for the **truth** everyday.:D:D

_"You know this guy?" Pete asked dumbfounded._

_"Yes. This is Derek, my ex-husband." Addison answered softly._

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Everyone held their breath as they saw Pete's face register what Addison had just said. They where broken out of their trance by Derek's voice.

"I'm fine Addie. I'm okay. What I want to know why this jackass punched me?" Derek asked incredulously, as he started to gather himself off the floor with the help of Addison and Sam.

"We'll talk about that later...come on, let's go to my office." Addison said as she pulled on his arm. Any shock, anger, or awkwardness were forgotten for the moment, as she lead him to her office.

Sam, Naomi and the rest watched them walk away together, nobody knew what to say. They all glanced in unison towards Pete.

Pete was glued to his spot, he couldn't move, he wasn't even sure if he was breathing. Suddenly he felt a hand on his arm.

"Pete you okay?" Violet asked with concern. She took his hand and examined it. "Let's go to the lounge so I can put some ice on this before it swells more." She offered, trying to distract him from staring after Addison and Derek.

"What the hell is going on?" Pete was finally able to stammer, as he dazedly followed Violet towards the lounge. "Did that really happen? Did I just punch my patient, who happens to be Addie's ex? Did she just run to his side?" He said stupendously, asking more to himself than he was to Violet.

"I don't know what's going on, but I don't think he knew she worked here. So I don't think he came here with the intention of seeing her, if that's what you're thinking." Violet softly explained as she open the freezer. "She went to his side to help him probably out of instinct, just because he was an asshole

to her, doesn't mean she wouldn't care if something happened to him." Violet told Pete reassuringly.

"Shit! Addison is gonna be pissed!" Pete exclaimed as he took a seat on one of the stools near the table.

"Pete, I'm sure she will understand...you thought he was hurting her. How were you supposed to know that was her ex-husband, it's not like you had a picture of him?" Violet stated supportively.

Pete smiled weakly at her with appreciation, but he knew his Addie, she would be pissed that he tried to be a hero. No matter how much of a thing she had for cowboys and gladiators,she still liked to take care of herself. He shook his head...her ex-husband being here was the least of his problems, or so he thought.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Here take a seat." Addison offered.

"Addie?" Derek began hesitantly as he tried to reach for her hand.

"Don't. Derek please don't." She pleaded as she quickly tried to put some distance between them.

"Addie it's so good to see you, I've missed you so much." He said as he stood up,moving over to where she was standing near the office window.

"I have a patient in about 10 minutes, so if you're okay, I think it's best if you leave." She firmly suggested.

"Addie, we need to talk. You left Seattle without even saying goodbye. I didn't even know where you moved to? I've been asking everyone I could think of so that I could find you, but with no avail." Derek expressed hurtfully.

Addison raised her eyebrow when she looked at him, "You have actually been trying to find me?" she asked, genuinely surprised. Then she shook those thoughts away, 'no Addie, stop this' she thought to herself. "Look I didn't say goodbye because I didn't think you'd care...you moved on and I did the same. So there's nothing to talk about Derek." She said definitively as she walked to open the door.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for my patient." She said matter-of-factly.

"Addie?" Derek implored.

"Stop calling me that, you lost that right a long time ago. Now please go." She said more forcefully.

"Fine, I'll go for now, but I'm coming back. I need to speak to you, and Addie..." he continued as she glanced up to look at him, "...I'm not walking away this time without a fight." He spoke with self-assurance as he walked out, smiling at her.

Addison felt a bit shaky and dizzy, so she reached out to her desk to steady herself.

"Breathe Addison, breathe." She said softly as she tried to calm down.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naomi, who had been in the lobby voicing her concerns about Derek being in town to Sam,noticed Derek seamlessly exiting Addie's office and walking towards them. She seized the opportunity to rush to her friend's side.

"Hey Naomi" Derek greeted, as he started towards her, but she just waved a quick hello and kept walking towards Addison's office.

Derek frowned a bit then noticed Sam.

"Hey buddy, it's been a long time." Derek happily exclaimed, as he leaned in to hug his old friend.

"Yeah it has...I just wish it was under better circumstances. He got you good didn't he?" Sam chuckled uneasily as he patted his friend on the back and looked at the damage Pete had done.

"I know, I know, not exactly how I expected seeing Addie for the first time in over a year." Derek expressed as he rubbed his cheek."So are you gonna tell me why I just got punched out by my new doctor?" Derek questioned with bemusement.

Sam stayed quiet for a moment. Derek was his friend, but they hadn't spoken in years. On the other hand, Pete had become a great friend since he started working at the practice, and Addison, well she was Addison, she was like a sister to him. He had to set Derek straight.

"Pete? Well, he and Addison have been dating for a while now, so you can understand how seeing you with your hands on the woman he's with would make him react that way." Sam explained

"Are they serious?" Derek asked quickly, with unconcealed jealousy and concern.

"Look, I don't mean to cut this short, but I think it's better if you go for now. I don't want two of my colleagues to be upset by your presence here. Why don't we hang out later tonight?, you can over to my house and we can catch up then." Sam said without really thinking. After all he didn't want to completely leave his old friend out in the cold.

"It's okay, I get it. We'll talk later. I'm not familiar with the area...can you swing by to pick me up?" Derek asked as Sam nodded in response. "I'm staying at The Huntley Hotel near here." Derek said as he headed towards the elevator.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Naomi entered Addison's office, she was instantly struck by her friend's ashen face.

"Addie? Are you okay?" Naomi asked with immediate concern, as she walked up beside her

and grabbed her arm in support.

"I'm fine Nai. I just got a little dizzy that's all." Addison said trying to deflect Naomi's worries with a wave of her hand.

"Are you sure?, 'cause you don't look too hot?" Naomi began, still obviously troubled about her friend.

"I just need to sit down..." Addison started to say, as she made her way to her couch, when suddenly her legs gave out and she crumpled into Naomi's arms.

Naomi instinctively caught her as she simultaneously yelled for help.

"Sam! I need your help!" She pleaded at the top of her lungs.

Sam, who had just escorted Derek out, heard Naomi's desperate scream and took off running

towards her voice.

Cooper and Dell, who had been feigning work and just idling hanging around, looked up in

alarm and rushed after Sam.

Violet and Pete were also shocked into action at the terrified tone of Naomi's voice.

They all arrived at Addison's Office at the same time, with Sam leading the way. All were stunned at the sight before them. Pete burst into action first and shoved everyone out of the way to reach Addison.

He easily lifted her up from Naomi's arms and gently placed her on the couch. Violet had taken this opportunity to grab a cold compress and now handed it to Pete, who in turn placed it tenderly over Addison's forehead.

"Addie?" Pete asked with worry.

The others stood silently by while Pete tried to coax her awake.

Addison's eyes started to flutter and she began to stir on the couch.

"Addie? Are you okay?" Pete asked softly again.

"What happened?" Addison asked bewilderedly.

"Why is everyone staring at me?"

"Addie you fainted." Naomi replied gently.

"What? No, what? How? " Addison flusteredly spoke as she tried to sit up.

"Addie, don't sit up. Just try to relax." Pete said, trying to soothe her.

"I'm fine. It's okay everyone, nothing to make a fuss over. I didn't eat that well this morning and the added stress of Derek showing up unexpectedly just proved to be a bit much for me." Addison claimed as she slowly sat up.

"Are you sure?" Violet voiced unconvincedly.

"Yes, I'm sure. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go to the restroom." Addie started to get up.

Cooper, Dell, and Sam left to give her some room and privacy. While Pete, Naomi and Violet stayed behind with her.

"We'll come with you then." Naomi announced, as she eyed Violet.

"I don't need..." Addison began to say, but then she saw the stern look on Naomi's face.

"...fine come with me if you must."

"Addie?" Pete questioned again, as he reached out to touch her face.

"I'm fine, Pete. I promise, it's nothing." She put her hand over his reassuringly.

Pete just stood there, he was shocked into silence again. 'If it's nothing, how come she fainted at the sight of her ex-husband? No, don't think that way, she's with you, she cares about you, she might even love you. Nothing to worry about.' He placated himself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Addie are you sure you're okay?" Violet and Naomi asked her again.

"For the umpteenth time, yes I'm fine." Addison replied with a little frustration.

"Sorry, we don't mean to coddle you, we just want to make sure. You scared the hell out of us." Naomi anxiously expressed.

"I know and I'm sorry. It's just that seeing Derek really freaked me out a little, okay? I mean, come on, what the hell is he doing here?" She wondered aloud, sounding a little more shaken than she wanted to.

"You didn't ask him?" Violet blurted out, but then regretted it when she saw Addison's face.

"Look, It's understandable that you would go into some sort of shock when you saw your ex-husband. I mean, here is a man who really did a number on you, and you thought you had finally left all of that behind. All of a sudden he's here in the city you've moved on in, in the place you work at. It's okay to feel overwhelmed." Violet tried to explain with reassurance and Addison's demeanor softened.

"Exactly, it's not a big deal, right?" she said, as she tried to straighten herself out a little. "See Nai, it's normal and I'm fine now. I just need to drink some juice and have a banana or something, then I can get back to work." Addison proclaimed as she started splashing some water on her face.

"What? No way! You are going home to rest. You are not practicing medicine in any way,

shape, or form today." Naomi said definitively.

Addison was about to argue but thought better of it.

"Fine, but who is going to see my patient that is probably already waiting for me?" she asked.

"What you think I can't do a regular check up? I'll have you know Miss Thing, that I am most

definitely qualified to see this patient." Naomi said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

The three women laughed as they walked out, then they bumped into Sam and Pete.

"Hey? do you want me to take you home?" Pete asked, as he stepped next to Addison.

"Yup, even if I didn't want to, Nai is not really giving me much of a choice." she chuckled goodnaturedly.

"We'll come and check on you later, okay? Please rest up Ad." Sam said as he leaned in to hug his friend. Naomi and Violet did the same.

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Pete held onto her hand tightly as they stepped onto the elevator. He couldn't stop thinking back to when he first saw her crumpled up in Naomi's arms, all he felt was panic and fear take over his body.

"Hey you okay?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I should be the one asking you. You really scared me back there babe." He said with genuine worry.

"I know and I'm sorry, but I feel better. I swear." She said in a comforting tone and leaned in to kiss him.

They reached the parking area and walked towards Addie's car. Pete was a bit distracted while staring at Addison, but he was suddenly brought out of his reverie when he heard her speak.

"Derek, what are you still doing here? I thought I asked you to leave?" she said in understandable frustration.


	13. Underneath

**Summary: **

This chapter is an homage to **'Underneath'**, an episode of **'The X-Files' **written by John Shiban.

**Underneath:** directly beneath or to be hidden.

**Thanks** go out to my Beta, **Agent Extremis.**

**Disclaimer:**There are mysteries that cannot be solved. Beliefs that cannot be trusted. Events that cannot be explained. And a truth that cannot be ignored. Believe Again.

_Previously on Ouroburos:_

_They reached the parking area and walked towards Addie's car. Pete was a bit distracted while staring at Addison, but he was suddenly brought out of his reverie when he heard her speak._

_"Derek, what are you still doing here? I thought I asked you to leave?" she said in understandable frustration._

**Underneath by Agent Addek**

"Addie? Are you alright?" Derek asked with unconcealed concern once he noticed Addison's pale face. Derek rushed towards her but was stopped by Pete, who had put himself in front of Addison.

"Just stop right there!" Pete said with a forceful tone. "Addie isn't feeling well and I'm taking her home. The last thing she needs right now is to see you, since it was your presence that caused her this stress." Pete saw Derek's jaw tense up but he didn't care, he wasn't gonna let this man anywhere near her again.

Addison noticed the tension between them and reached out to touch Pete's arm, he instantly relaxed when he felt her. Derek stood there and watched their exchange.

Addison turned towards Pete and asked quietly "Pete can you please give us a minute?" Pete hesitated for a moment, and then replied, "Take your time, I'll be in the car." As he walked to the car, he intentionally turned to Derek and stated matter-of-factly, "You hurt her and you will answer to me."

Derek was a little pissed by that but admired Pete's protectiveness over Addison.

Addison was lost in thought and she hadn't noticed that scene unfold. She looked up and saw Pete opening the door, then she spoke.

"Derek, I thought I made myself clear. I don't want to hear whatever it is you have to say. Please, just go." Addison pleaded.

Derek stood before Addie, silently observing her. He could hear what she was saying but her eyes revealed the exact opposite. He suddenly realized that Addie didn't even know that what she was saying wasn't exactly what she wanted.

"Addie, I don't want to add more stress to you right now, so I'll go, but please could we meet soon? I'd really appreciate it if you could make some time for us to talk." Suddenly he was interrupted by her outburst.

"Derek STOP! Please just go back to Seattle where you belong and leave me alone. I left to start a new life and I have managed to do that. I don't need you here as a reminder of my past." Addison said adamantly and defensiviely.

She started walking past Derek but not before he grabbed her hand. The moment their hands touched she felt butterflies in her stomach and that familiar yearning in her heart. 'God what he could still do to her with just the touch of his hand' she thought.

"Addie, I'll wait until you are ready to talk to me, even if it takes forever." He said sincerely and turned to leave. Addison stood looking after him, contemplating his honest declaration. He called over his shoulder to her and said, "If I were your doctor, I'd prescribe some homemade lentil soup, along with a turkey wrap, plenty of sprouts, and a side of extra pickles. That should make you feel better Addie." He winked and continued towards his rental.

She smiled, she was pleasantly surprised that he still remembered her favorite comfort food. Addison shook her head, 'No I'm not gonna let him get to me, I won't allow it, not this time' she thought to herself. She walked towards Pete who had been patiently waiting.

"Are you alright?" Pete asked with concern.

"Yeah, I'm good." she said absentmindedly.

Pete was about to say something more but wanted to give her time to recollect herself, so he just turned the ignition and began driving.

They drove in silence for most of the way. Pete kept eyeing Addison who was lost in thought, looking out the car window. He could sense that she was still shaken by the sudden appearance of her ex-husband.

Why was he here? He knew what Derek had said about his doctor and therapist, but that just seemed too convenient. What did he want? Pete's mind was racing. He knew that Addison's ex was no good, especially gaging from Addison's reaction to him. Why did this man still have such an affect on her? His thoughts were abruptly halted when Addison spoke.

"Pete, I hope you don't mind... but I'd really like some time to myself." she said hesitantly.

"Of course I don't mind Addison, I'm sure you want to rest." Pete said understandingly.

They pulled into her driveway and Pete paused for a moment before he spoke again.

"Addie? We're okay right?" he questioned cautiously.

"Yes, why wouldn't we be?. Look Pete, I know what that must have looked like, and I am sure you have a lot questions and I want to answer them, but I really need some time to calm down and collect myself,. Okay" she said reassuringly.

Pete nodded in agreement and she continued. "Why don't you come over later this evening, I'll make some dinner." she said affectionately.

"I'll come over but I don't know about you and cooking Addie, last time you cooked it was almost deadly." Pete said jokingly.

Addie swatted him on his arm and pouted. "Hey I'm not that bad. I'll have you know Wilder that I have been taking cooking lessons." she laughed wholeheartedly.

Pete reached out to touch her face and then moved in to kiss her, she leaned in to kiss him back and put her hands on either side of his face. They sat there for a few moments, face to face resting on each others foreheads.

"I'll see you later Wilder." Addison said with a smile as she pulled back and reached for the door handle.

"See ya later Montgomery." Pete said with a grin. He stared after her, happy that she wanted to talk about what happened but he had to admit that he was worried. Pete had a nagging feeling that he needed Dr. Derek Shepherd to go away,and the sooner the better.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on pick up." Derek said out loud. The line rang a few more times before he heard the familiar voice of his friend.

"Hey buddy, how was your flight? Did you..." Mark didn't get to finish his question.

"She's here Mark. After 2 months of asking friends and family who would not tell me where she was...she's here." Derek said disbelievingly.

"Addie is in Los Angeles? What? Wow! How did you find her?" Mark asked, still shocked by the news. No one else knew how hard Derek had been trying to find Addison but him. He had made so many phone calls on Derek's behalf and had even risked pissing off Callie in their still new found relationship.

"Remember I told you I was flying out here to see the Quack?" Derek paused for Mark's answer.

"Yeah , yeah I remember. So what happened?, was she being treated by the 'quack' too?" Mark said half mockingly.

"Well sort of. She... ah...she's dating the quack, or Dr. Pete Wilder as he is known in the practice." Derek said with a hint of annoyance.

"Addison is dating a holistic doctor? Our Addie? What? Dude are you pulling my leg because the Addison you and I know would not be dating a quack, she just wouldn't."

Derek's silence answered Mark's question. "WOW! Well all I have to say is this is your fault Derek. You gotta get her back before she completely loses her mind." Mark said half seriously.

"This isn't funny Mark. Addison is dating this guy, the guy who punched me when he saw me with my hands on Addie's arm." Derek responded with a frustrated sigh.

"What the guy punched you? Did you punch him back?" Mark asked, his protectiveness of his friend kicking into gear. It was one thing when he messed with Derek, he was like a brother to him, but it was a whole other story if someone else messed with Derek or Addie. 'I already don't like Pete the quack.' Mark thought to himself.

"No, I didn't punch him back. I was shocked into a stupor after I saw Addison and I hardly felt it. Do you remember Sam and Naomi Bennett? Anyway they own a private practice and Addison is one the 6 doctors who works with them along with the "quack". Derek explained.

"So what are you gonna do? I mean is she happy Derek?" Mark asked incredulously.

"I honestly don't know, she didn't give me a chance to talk to her. I'm not giving up though Mark, I have to tell her." Derek said almost desperately.

"Just be honest with her Derek, that's all you can do. If you need me to come down there and kick some holistic doctor ass I will, just say the word man and I'll be on the next flight out." Mark said sincerely while also trying to get a laugh out of Derek.

"Thanks Mark. Look, I gotta go, Sam's picking me up soon. Gonna go do some male bonding, but don't worry, no one could replace you." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Yeah Yeah mock me dude, I'll talk to you later. Oh hey, can you tell Addie I said hello, tell her I miss her. Later." Mark said before he hung up.

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Addison walked into the house and threw her things on the couch. She felt horrible for not letting Pete come in with her, but she needed to think. She needed to regroup. She needed to breathe.

What the hell is Derek doing here? Why does he have to waltz back into her life when she was just starting to move on and slowly putting herself together. What does he want? Addison's mind was racing, she needed to calm down.

She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Shiraz, then went to one of the cabinets and reached for a wine glass. She needed a drink to relax, calm down and center herself.

This is NOT happening, was all she kept thinking. She wanted to talk to someone, but who? Addison knew she couldn't talk to Pete, that would be way too awkward. What if she called Nai or Violet? Violet is close to Pete so she would be somewhat biased, she needed Naomi.

Addison picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello?" answered Naomi.

"Nai? It's me, I need you to come over. I need to talk Nai." Addison said desperately.

"I'm on my way. Do you need me to bring you anything?" Naomi asked with concern. She knew instinctively that her friend really needed her.

"No, I don't need anything, just please hurry." Addison implored, before hanging up and heading to her bedroom. She was searching for her favorite sweater, the one she always wrapped around herself, the one that instantly made her feel better.

"Where is that DAMN sweater?" she yelled to no one but herself. "Ahhhhhhh!" she screamed, then flopped down on her bed.

Addison felt the knot in her throat, the tears starting to stream down her face, and the ache in her chest. She gave in and cried hard with frustration for a few moments. She didn't know why she was crying, his presence shouldn't affect her like this, not anymore. She was happy with Pete, she didn't want to be feeling what she was feeling right now. She felt torn, lost, and out of control, she hated it.

She sat on her bed for a few moments as the emotions subsided, then she noticed her sweater by the armchair near the window. She picked it up and wrapped it around herself, immediately she felt comforted...suddenly she felt like she could actually handle this. It's funny she thought, that a simple sweater can make her feel safe and strong.

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"I appreciate you picking me up Sam. I really needed to get out of that room after the events of today." Derek said thankfully.

"No worries, I thought at the very least we could try to catch up. I'm really sorry for what happened today." Sam replied truthfully.

"You have nothing to apologize for Sam, you weren't the one who punched me. I'm sorry that my being at your practice caused so much commotion, that really wasn't my intention, I hope you know that." Derek said sincerely.

Sam nodded in response, what else could he do?, he honestly didn't know if Derek had done it on purpose or not?, but he was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Well we're here." Sam announced as he pulled into the driveway. He noticed the lights on at Addison's house, 'Shit, Naomi's gonna be pissed if she finds out I invited Derek over. SHIT!' Sam thought to himself as he quickly walked up to open the door.

"This is a nice piece of real estate you have here Sam." Derek said admiringly, as he walked through the living room and then noticed the scenery. "Wow, that view is pretty phenomenal." Derek said with amazement.

"Thanks, I like it. It's relaxing and spacious. It's good. Hey, can I offer you a drink?" Sam offered as he headed for the kitchen.

"No, no uhmm... I'll just have some club soda if you have any?" Derek answered.

"Oh come on Derek, we haven't had a drink together in years. Just have one, it's not gonna kill ya, besides I'm driving you back." Sam said encouragingly.

"No, I can't have a drink, but thank you, club soda would be just fine." he said with a grin.

"What are you on the wagon or something?" Sam said with a chuckle but then stopped when he noticed that Derek hadn't denied it. "Oh, damn I'm sorry Derek I didn't know. Let me get you that club soda." Sam said a bit embarrassed.

"It's okay, I'm about two months sober now. It's been quite a roller coaster but totally worth it. That's part of the reason why I'm here... I uh.. I came to see Dr. Wilder because I was told he was one of the best in his field, I was told he could help me." Derek explained.

"Help you? Is there something wrong with you?, is there anything I can do?" Sam said with worry.

"No, it's nothing serious, nothing really to fuss about. I guess I'm just gonna have to find another holistic doctor to treat me while I'm here." Derek said with a slight laugh.

"Yeah I think you do." Sam answered with a chuckle of his own. "So I guess you didn't come out here for Addie then? That's good, I was afraid you were coming here to disrupt her life. She's happy and I didn't want to see you hurt her. No offense man but you put her through the ringer." Sam clarified before noticing the expression on Derek's face. 'Crap' he thought. "This is about Addie, isn't it?" Sam asked with renewed concern.

"Yes it is. I didn't know she was here though, that was a complete surprise. When I saw her I didn't even want to blink, I was afraid if I did she wouldn't really be there, standing in front of me." Derek said with sincerity.

"Derek, I don't know what's going on with your life right now, but since I consider Addison part of my family, I don't want to see you hurt her. She went through hell these past couple of years from what I understand, and you where a big part of that. Derek she's happy, and believe me that didn't happen overnight. I've never seen her so broken... there was only a glimmer of the woman I once knew. Now though, being here with us, her new friends, her new job, and Pete, she's happy. I won't let you take that away from her." Sam said in a protective tone.

Derek stood in front of Sam taking in what he had just said, there was no doubt in his mind that what Sam was saying was true.

"Look Sam, the last thing I want to do is hurt Addison. How can I hurt her when I am in love with her?" Derek said, hoping his friend would understand.

"You love her? Derek I'm not perfect and I have done my share to hurt the woman that I love, but I would never do half of things you did to Addison. I don't care what you think she did to deserve them, she was still your wife, the woman you promised to cherish and love though the good and the bad. So excuse me if I don't believe what you're saying." Sam said, a little upset at the audacity of Derek's words.

"I know I fucked up Sam, that's why I'm not leaving Los Angeles until I apologize for everything that I put her through, and if she really wants me to leave, I will." Derek said with conviction.

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She stood by her window staring out at the ocean, hypnotized by the waves, the sound of the phone ringing brought her back to the reality.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hey Addie. I just wanted to let you know that I am running a little late. Maya needed me to pick up a few things for her, so I'm gonna go drop them off and then I will be on my way." Naomi said hurriedly.

"It's okay Nai, I'll be out on my deck. Just come in when you get here. See you in a bit." she replied then hung up.

She picked up the bottle of Shiraz in one hand and her glass of wine in the other and walked out to the deck. She set the bottle down and then took a seat, breathing in the ocean air. Addison closed her eyes and felt the breeze lightly tickle her face.

She knew she needed to talk to Derek, she knew she wanted to know what he had to say. She wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything until she knew why he came down here to look for her. 'Was I the reason he was here? Maybe not, maybe I'm just too full of myself.' she thought to herself with a slight smile.

Its funny Addison thought, that even though she thought her life with Derek was finally over, it was like life was telling her, 'Oh no, no, no, not so fast Addison, you just can't forget and be happy.' This really sucked. 'God I'm starting to sound like Derek's perfect 12 year old intern. Great and now I am talking to myself.' She shook her head, "I need to talk to him" she said to know one in particular. She picked up her wine glass and took a big gulp. She knew, no wait scratch that, she felt that this was not gonna be easy.

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"Well for the sake of you all, I hope you mean that Derek. It's not only Addie that's involved in this, you'd be messing with Pete, who is one of my very good friends, and he loves her. I shouldn't be telling you this because it's not my place, but I know he loves her and I think she loves him and they deserve this. They have both been through enough at the hands of other people and they found each other. You had your shot with Addison and you blew it, let Pete have his." Sam pleaded with his old friend.

"I do want her to be happy Sam, but I just can't walk away from this without trying. I can't. Look I need some fresh air, do you mind if I step out back?" Derek asked Sam.

"Ahh..uhmm...sure, go ahead. I'll be here." Sam said hesitantly. He didn't want Derek to know that Addison had been next door all along.

Derek walked out onto the deck, taking in the serene view.

What if what Sam had said to him was really true? What if she had finally managed to move on? What if Addison was really happy with the quack? Derek ran his hand through his hair, he didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to stay and fight... to win her back, show her that he was a new man, the man he always wanted to be for her. Another part of him wanted to leave and let her be, as long as she was happy, that's all that really mattered.

He walked closer to the gate that led to the beach but something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned and saw her, she was standing near her back gate, the moon shining down on her. She looked so peaceful and beautiful, she was hugging herself. He noticed that she was snuggled warmly in her favorite sweater...the same sweater that she had had for years... the sweater that always made her feel better, he remembered when he had gotten it for her.

_Flashback:_

_It was 5 christmases ago, he had wanted to get her the perfect gift. He couldn't decide, he already gotten her jewelry, and tickets to The Last 5 Years, her favorite off broadway show, but he felt like he was still missing something. So he searched and searched and he finally gave in and went into a clothing store, he walked around for a bit and then saw what he was looking for. It was perfect, he knew she would love it, the sweater was the perfect combination of style and comfort. _

_He remembered her smile when she unwrapped it. "Derek it's perfect, I love it and you know what makes me love it more?" she asked._

_"What?" He replied with a huge grin._

_"The fact that you actually went into the store and picked it, cause I know how much you hate shopping. Thank you baby." Addison leaned in and kissed him "Now everytime I wear it I'll think of you." she said happily._

_End of Flashback_

The sight of Addison re-ignited Derek's determination. "I can't let her go" he whispers to himself.

Addison felt like someone was watching her, she turned towards Sam's house and saw him. Derek was standing in Sam's backyard, smiling at her. She instantly felt a wave of excitement and fear, she gave him a slight smile in return. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, then she noticed him walking towards her, her stomach started doing flips.

Derek was now standing in front of her, he really didn't know what to say, he hadn't planned on seeing her tonight, not after what happened today.

Addison stood in front of him motionless, she was speechless, she hadn't planned on having to talk to him tonight.

"Addie?" he said in wonderment.

"Derek?" she said with amazement.

Fate had interjected once more.


	14. Improbable

**Summary: ** This chapter is an homage to **'Improbable'** an episode of the **'The X-Files' **written by Chris Carter.

**Improbable:**Unlikely to take place, be true, or occur.

**Thanks** go out to my beta **Agent Extremis**. You know **A.E** I am really getting tired of thanking you, when really I'm the one doing all the work. LOL just kidding you are freaking AWESOME!

**Disclaimer:** It would mean that all we are are checkers on a checker board being moved around by some ... forces completely outside and unbeknownst to us.

_Previously on Ouroboros:_

_Derek was now standing infront of her, he really didn't know what to say, he hadn't planned on seeing her tonight, not after what happened today._

_Addison stood in front of him motionless she was speechless, she hadn't planned on having to talk to him tonight._

_"Addie?" he said in wonderment._

_"Derek?" she said amazement_

**Improbable by Agent Addek**

The moonlight was beaming over the endless deep ocean. The stars were twinkling like drops of diamonds in the sky. The ocean waves were ferociously crashing up against the shore. There could have been an earthquake at that moment and still they would be entranced by the other's presence. In this very moment in time nothing else mattered, no broken promises, no hurtful actions, and no shattered hearts. There was no room to remember that. In this moment they were lost in the echos of who they used to be, in this moment they were Derek and Addison again.

Addison and Derek stood face to face for what seemed like an eternity. Addison felt her her heart racing, she felt this pull towards Derek. All she wanted at this instant was to be kissed and held by him again she didn't know why, and she couldn't help it. Derek wanted to feel her, he wanted to take her his arms, when he saw the vulnerability in Addison's eyes, he decided to take a chance.

He reached out to touch her face because he knew that if he could feel her then this was real, this was not a figment of his imagination. This was fate yet again bringing him to Addison. He smiled at her when he saw her shiver as soon as his hand made contact with her cheek. She leaned into the palm of his hand and put hers over his. They stood in front of each other, drinking in the moment. She lifted up her hand to Derek's face, mimicking what he had just done. She searched his eyes, those eyes that always had the ability to melt her heart, they seemed so different now.

He took this moment to lean in to kiss her. At first it was a light peck on the lips, he didn't want to scare her...but when she didn't flinch, he began kissing her more passionately. He let go of her face and pulled her closer to him. Addison wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with the same Intensity. They continued to kiss, neither wanting to stop to breathe, neither wanting to break the spell they were under. They were so caught up in the moment that neither had noticed that they had a captive audience.

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Naomi had broken many traffic rules trying to get to her friend's house. She knew that Addie needed her, she knew that Derek being here was only gonna open up old wounds that had barely healed. She drove up to Addison's driveway and quickly exited the car and walked to the front door. She rang the door bell twice but then remembered that Addison said she would be on the back deck. Naomi fished out the key that Addison had given her and opened the door. She placed her purse and keys on the coffee table and quickly walked to the back. When she looked out through the glass doors she was instantly shocked still.

"Oh my God!" Naomi said as she clasped a hand over her mouth. She stood behind the doors watching the scene transpire before her. Naomi was completely stunned.

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Addison could feel Derek's hands up and down her back as he pulled her to him. It felt amazing being in his arms again. Feeling the touch of his lips on hers, feeling his tongue exploring her mouth once again, and his smell. Wow!...his smell was overwhelming her senses. Addison kept trying to match his fervor...it felt so amazing having him want her this way again.

Derek was completely intoxicated with the taste of Addison. Having access to her like this again was beyond anything he could have imagined. The way she fit so perfectly in his arms, it was like they had been made specifically to hold her. And her scent, GOD, how he had missed her sweet smell... a mix of citrus and vanilla. He kept pulling her closer to him, wanting to feel her fully pressed up against him. He was the first to break this exploration of each other.

"Addison, I've missed you so much!!" He dipped in again to kiss her. "You don't know how long I've been thinking about this with you again." He gave her a loving lopsided smile.

Addison was quiet, it was like she was coming out of a haze once he stopped kissing her. Why did this man always have the ability to make her lose all rationality? Then it hit her like a ton of bricks, she had just allowed Derek to kiss her!, and not only that, but she had kissed him back! She had kissed him back with passionate abandon. She hadn't even thought of what she was doing to herself, nor what signal this was sending to Derek, and she certainly hadn't been thinking of Pete either. She wanted to move away but she was glued to her current position.

Derek noticed the array of emotions that were dancing across her face. He tried to placate her by pulling her to him again but this time she stiffened. He looked at her, confused for a moment but then he realized that she was now looking at him with an expression that he could only describe as a mixture of regret and mortification. He reached out for her again, hoping that he had not read the situation correctly but to his dismay she pulled away with more force this time. He looked up to meet her gaze, the very gaze that was now burning a hole into his soul.

"Derek stop!" Addison insisted as she pulled away. "I don't know what I was thinking?" She said more to herself than to him, as she paced in front of him.

"Addie?" He questioned, trying to get her attention once more.

"Derek please just stop, Please." Addison begged. "What were you thinking?! Do you think you can just come to my home and plant one on me?!" she said angrily.

"Addison, I'm sorry. I..." Derek attempted to explain but the sudden slap of Addison's hand across his face stopped him. He was shocked into silence.

"I can't even believe you kissed me Derek! I can't believe you think you have the right to do that!" She said in livid tone as she folded her arms in a defensive stance.

Derek was still taken a back by the slap she had just squared against his jaw. What was going on today with him getting punched and slapped around? He rubbed his jaw, trying to soothe some of the sting out, before he spoke. "Addison, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry, I got carried away in the moment. Please believe me that I would never intentionally force myself on you." He paused for a moment when he realized what he had just said, he saw a flicker of recollection in Addison's eyes but just as quickly as it was there it was gone. "I'm really sorry Addie. I'll just... I'll go. I'm sorry." Derek turned to walk away.

"Derek, Derek wait." Addison said with desperation.

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Naomi was making her way out door. She couldn't stand there and watch her friend throw away the life she had made for herself here. She had to go knock some sense into that girl.

As soon as she started to walk towards them she saw Addison pull away from Derek. "Derek stop!" she heard Addie say. Naomi smiled, 'There's my girl', she thought to herself. As she turned to walk back into the house though, she overheard Addison call out to Derek again, "Derek, Derek wait."

'Oh Shit!' Naomi thought to herself. She turned back to face the divorced couple. She didn't know if she should interrupt or not? Then thought better of it and just waited for the scene to unfold. Naomi knew this was not going to end well.

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Derek stopped in his tracks. He turned to look at her, she was looking at him with such sincerity and remorse.

"I'm sorry Derek, I shouldn't have slapped you. It was completely uncalled for. You may have pursued the kiss but I kissed you back and I didn't stop you." She tucked back a strand of stray hair behind her ear and looked down. "I apologize for that, this shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have allowed it."

"Addison, you have nothing to apologize for... I was completely out of line. It was extremely forward and presumptuous of me. I'm sorry. You did nothing wrong. I would have slapped me too." he said, trying to lighten the mood.

Addison smiled a bit and then stared him in the eye, she was certain that he was being sincere.

"Look Derek, when I saw you earlier today I was extremely shocked that you were here in Los Angeles. I know you said you wanted to talk, and I think that's a good idea.. for us to talk." she said stammered.

"Thank you Addie for accepting, I know you don't have to, but I really appreciate you wanting to." he said thankfully. "So when would you like to meet? I'll probably be here for two weeks, so please just let me know when it would be a good time for you?" he asked.

Addison raised an eyebrow at his mention of him staying for two weeks but chose to ask him more about it later when they met. She briefly considered having him come over to her house, but then decided against it. A public place is the best for meeting him, she didn't want to have another moment like she had just shared with him. For some reason she knew she couldn't trust herself to be alone with him.

"Okay, how about we meet tomorrow for brunch? I know this great place by the pier. Actually where are you staying? Maybe I should come to you since you don't know the area that well." Addison offered.

"I'm staying near the beach at the ah... The Huntley Hotel. I think it's on 2nd Street and Wilshire." Derek replied.

"Oh that's perfect. Actually you're not too far from The Ivy...you're within walking distance. All you do is take Wilshire towards the beach and then make a left and the restaurant is about two blocks down. Do you want to meet me there around 11:30ish?" she asked.

"Sounds good to me. Oh, is there a number I can call you just in case?" Derek asked.

Addison hesitated for a moment, "Ahh.. yeah umm...do you have something to write with?"

Derek smiled and pulled out his cellphone, wiggling it in front of Addison.

"Okay, it's ah..310 ah.. 223 uhh.. 1013, that's my new cell number." she said quickly.

Derek typed the number into his blackberry. They stood in silence for a bit. Addison kept trying to avoid making eye contact with him so she kept staring at the ocean. He kept trying to say something funny to break some of the tension between them. He couldn't think of anything so he just said, "I guess I should let you get back to what you were doing...I'll see you tomorrow then."

He really wanted to lean in and kiss her goodnight but knew that he couldn't...what should he do? Addison could tell he didn't know what to do, so she did the only thing she could think of...she leaned in to give him a quick hug. Derek was taken aback by her kind gesture but quickly reciprocated.

"Good night Addison." He said as he pulled her a little closer to his chest than he should have.

"Good night Derek." She said as she fought the feelings that were starting to overtake her again. Addison abruptly pulled away. Derek just smiled and turned to walk away. She looked after him even more confused than she had been earlier. She turned to walk back to her house and was met with the sight of Naomi. 'Shit!!'

"Nai" Addison said hesitantly.

"Addison" Naomi replied sternly.

"How long have you been standing there?" Addison asked.

"Since the kiss." Naomi said matter-of-factly.

"Nai, it wasn't what it looked like, I swear." Addison tried to explain as she walked past Naomi into her home.

Naomi followed close behind her. "Then what was it Addison? Why is it that when I walked out to the back I saw you in your ex-husband's arms?, and to top it off you were kissing. So what was it Addison?" Naomi said sarcastically.

"I know what it must have looked like, but I don't know what happened...and when I realized what was going on, I stopped it. Did you see that?" Addison said exasperated.

Naomi noticed that her friend was beginning to get a bit frazzled again, so she decided not to push her too much. She didn't want to stress her out anymore than she already was.

"I'm sorry, it's none of my business and I shouldn't have come at you like that. I'm just worried about you Addie." Naomi said with concern.

"I know, I know you are. I have no idea what came over me! It was like I had no control over my actions! I was completely lost in Derek and our kiss, but when he stopped kissing me it was like the rational part of my brain started to function again and I pushed him away Nai. I pushed him away because I couldn't believe that I had allowed that to happen! I couldn't believe I was doing that to Pete!" Addison said with sincerity, hoping that her friend would believe her.

"I did see you stop him. I even saw you slap him." Naomi said with a chuckle.

"Oh my God! I can't believe I did that" Addison chuckled as well "He wanted to pull me back into a kiss, so I just reacted on instinct." Addison said still embarrassed.

They grew silent. Naomi wanted to know exactly what was going on with Addison and Derek, but she didn't want to make Addie feel uncomfortable.

"So what was he doing here?, I mean how did he know where you lived?" Naomi asked curiously

"He was over at Sam's, he didn't actually know I lived next door, Sam didn't tell him. He saw me outside. He was a bit shocked at first, then walked over to me." Addison replied.

"I am so kicking Sam's ass for even bringing him over, especially after knowing what he put you through. I can't believe it didn't cross his mind that it was a bad idea." Naomi said a bit upset.

"It's okay Nai, Sam and Derek were friends before, I get it, they wanted to catchup. It's not Sam's fault you know...besides you were friends with him too." Addison said understandingly.

"I know, I just...I can't stand what he put you through Addison. You're my best friend, no one can treat you like that and get away with it, not even Derek!" Naomi said defiantly.

"So, are you gonna tell me what I really walked in on?, or do I have to beat it out of you?" Naomi said playfully.

"Honestly, I don't know what to tell you Nai, it was like a magnetic pull. I just couldn't stop myself." Addison said bewilderedly.

"So what made you pull away?" Naomi asked.

"Well, Pete mainly...I couldn't do that to him, he's been so good to me." Addison said with remorse.

"But you wanted Derek to kiss you didn't you?" Naomi said more as more of a statement than a question. She knew her friend well enough to know the truth.

"Naomi, I was married to Derek for almost 12 years, I knew him for 3 years prior to that, so he was part of 15 years of my life. No matter how hard I try, a part of me will always love him... a part of me will always want him, and a part of me will always think 'what if?' All those feelings don't just go away just because we ended our marriage, just because I moved to another state. They won't go away just because I have finally been able to move on." Addison stated genuinely.

"I know all those things don't go away. Hell, I even understand those feelings because I've felt the same with Sam to some extent, but you can't let him do this to you again. You've managed to put yourself together again, you are in a relationship with a man who adores you, who would sooner hurt himself than hurt you. Please Addie, don't do this to yourself, don't do this to Pete." Naomi pleaded with her friend.

"I'm not Nai, Derek is my past, I know that. Pete knows that and so does Derek. I just need closure, real closure, and I think Derek does too. Our divorce happened so quickly and I know he didn't mourn the end of our relationship, and I sort of did but not really because I was too busy putting up a front. I mean the closest I got to closure was when I spoke to you all those months ago, but I never got it from him. I need that. So don't worry, I just want to talk to him and put this behind me." Addison said reassuringly.

"I know you really want to believe that Addison, I know you do, but I also know you, and I know Derek." Naomi began but Addison interrupted her.

"What do you mean?" Addison demanded with defensive confusion.

"You're Addison and Derek." Naomi simply stated.

Addison pondered her friend's statement. It use to hold some truth to it. No one ever really worried about them working this out, they just expected them too, because they were Addison and Derek, things just lined up for them in the end.Things were different now, at least she thought they were. She was in love with Pete, or least she felt that she was falling for him.

The women were so enthralled in their conversation that they didn't hear the car pulling up into the driveway, they didn't hear the car door slamming, they didn't hear the door being jiggled, and they didn't hear the footsteps behind them.

"We're not Addison and Derek anymore, that's my past. Pete and LA are my future now. So don't worry about me or Pete, Nai, we're fine, we're better than fine." Addison said confidently as she reached to hold her concerned friend's hand. "I need to ask you a favor though, could we please not tell Pete about this?" Addison suggested as she heard a voice behind her which startled her completely.

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"Don't tell Pete about what?" Pete asked cautiously.

Addison and Naomi were both surprised.

How long had he been standing there? What did he hear? Oh my God. Shit! All these thoughts were racing through Addison's head. She didn't want to lie but she felt that she had no choice.

"Ummm...I sort of felt dizzy again and I didn't want Naomi to tell you because I know how it scared you earlier today." Addison said quickly. Pete instantly put the bags of food he was carrying down and rushed over to her.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to take you to the hospital to get you checked out?" he said with honest concern.

Addison felt horrible for making him worry like that again, but this was better than telling him the truth. He would probably be threatened more by Derek and there was no need for that because there wasn't anything going on between her and Derek.

"No I'm fine, really. Naomi checked me out and I think it's just the lack of food, but you brought dinner so after I eat I should feel much better." Addison said soothingly to Pete.

Naomi eyed Addison, not happy with the lie she had just told Pete, but decided to go along with it.

"I assure you she's fine Pete. Just make sure to feed our girl and she will be 100 again. Besides, she's taking the day off tomorrow to rest. Right Addie?" Naomi said sardonically.

Pete was visibly relieved as he gave Addie a hug.

"That sounds like a good idea. You're right, some nourishment and a little down time is definitely in order."

"Well I think it's time for me to go. I don't want your dinner to get cold so I'll see you at the office tomorrow Pete." Naomi gathered her things, while Pete reclaimed the bags of food before walking towards the kitchen to ready their dinner.

Naomi then linked her arm through Addison's and they walked to the front door.

"Call me tomorrow and let me know how your "meeting" went." Naomi whispered.

"I will. Thank you so much for coming over Nai." Addison hugged her friend goodbye. "I love you."

"Love you too. Now go eat, get some rest, and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight."

Naomi exited and walked towards her car.

"Goodnight, drive safe." Addison called out to her.

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"Thank you so much for dropping me off Sam. I'm really glad we did this." Derek said appreciatively.

"It was really good catching up with you Derek. Just think about what I said okay? Oh and I'll get you that number for Dr. Boone, he's also a really sought after holistic doctor." Sam said.

"Yeah I almost forgot about that, that would really help since I'm staying for two weeks and I won't be seeing your quack after what happened." Derek chuckled.

"Good choice. I think it would be a conflict of interest if you wanted to continue to see Pete." Sam said as he laughed along with Derek.

"Well, I really hope that we can hang out while I'm here. So I'll call you...maybe we can go shoot pool somewhere." Derek suggested as he stepped out of the car.

"That sounds like a plan. See you later Derek." Sam replied.

Sam drove off and Derek stood outside his hotel for a moment. Tomorrow he would finally get to speak with Addison, he had so much to tell her, so much to apologize for.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are you feeling better now that you've eaten?" Pete asked, still concerned with Addison's well being.

"I do actually, thank you." Addison replied genuinely. "Hey babe, I'm gonna go upstairs and get ready for bed, okay?" Addison said as she headed towards the stairs.

"Addie, I thought we were gonna talk about what happened today?" Pete called after her.

Addison stopped midway up the stairs. "I'm just really exhausted right now, can we just talk about this another day? I promise I will tell you whatever you want to know, just not tonight, okay?" Addison pleaded.

"Okay baby, I'm just gonna finish putting away the dishes and I'll be up in a bit." Pete replied.

Addison walked into the bathroom and immediately closed and locked the door. She wanted to make sure that she would have some privacy for a bit. She couldn't stop thinking about the kiss she had shared with Derek a few hours ago. 'What the hell is wrong with me?' she kept thinking to herself. Poor Pete, he was trying to be so understanding...she felt awful for lying to him. Not only that but she wasn't going to tell him she was meeting Derek tomorrow. Why was she hiding that from Pete? She leaned over the sink and splashed some cold water onto her face. She looked up and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and was surprised to see the face staring back at her. It was the Addison she thought had disappeared a few years ago. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the image she had just seen, that Addison was gone. That was the Addison that would do anything to be with Derek, and she was no longer that Addison. Her inner twisted turmoil was suddenly interrupted.

"Addison? Addison are you okay?" Pete asked as he knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yeah I'm fine babe, I'm just changing. I'll be out in a minute." she replied. She quickly took off her sweater and dress, then reached for her night gown.

"Okay baby." he said as he walked over to the bed. Pete stripped down to his boxers and started to pull back the covers on the bed. He slipped in and waited for Addison to join him.

Addison took one last look in the mirror, took a deep breath and exhaled. She had to stop thinking of her ex-husband, she just had to. There was a very gorgeous man waiting for her outside. She turned off the lights and exited, then went over to the bed. Pete was already lying down, as she got in under the covers and turned off the light on the night stand, Addison could feel Pete scooting closer to her, he slipped his hand over hips and started to pull her next to him. She stopped him with her hand.

"Goodnight Pete" Addison said, hoping he would get the hint.

Pete tensed up a bit. All he wanted to do was hold her but she wasn't even allowing him that, and to top it off she was turned away from him. Usually she would face him and sleep in the crook of his arm, they had been doing that for a while now, even before they made love. Something was wrong, and he knew it had to do with her ex-husband.

"Goodnight Addie." Pete replied.

She pulled away even more to the point were they didn't have any body contact. Addison hoped he would understand that she was just really tired and didn't want to be held right now. She closed her eyes hoping to fall asleep soon.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison had arrived at The Ivy about 10 minutes before she and Derek were supposed to meet. She wanted to get some coffee in her since she didn't really sleep. Everything was on replay in her brain and she just couldn't fall asleep. She knew that Pete probably got about as much sleep as she had. Addison had felt him tense up when she stopped him from wrapping his hand around her, she knew that she had given him cause for concern but it would all be over soon. All she had to do was talk to Derek, say her peace and everything would just go back to normal.

Derek was walking as fast as he could towards the pier, he was running late, and to top it off he wasn't feeling too good. He woke up this morning with a bit of tightness in his chest. He was having a little trouble breathing, but he did some of the breathing exercises he was told to do and it helped him somewhat. However, he still felt odd. He was all sweaty and felt a bit cold and the faster he walked to get to his destination, the more out of breath he felt. He had to calm down. 'Breathe Derek, breathe' he thought to himself. He saw the restaurant and walked in towards the hostess who looked at him with concern.

"Are you okay sir?" she asked.

'Great!' Derek thought, I must look like shit. "I'm okay, thank you for asking. I'm actually meeting a friend here, I believe under the name Montgomery." Derek stated.

"Montgomery, hmmmmm...let's see, oh yes, right this way sir." the hostess said as she guided him to the outside patio.

Derek felt the tightness in his chest again, but this time the pain seared through him and he gripped his chest. 'Breathe Derek, Just Breathe!' he kept thinking to himself. I don't want to freak Addison out.

Addison noticed Derek entering the patio, she waved him over but something was wrong. He looked pale and he had his hand on his chest, he didn't look good. She quickly stood up as he came up to her.

"Derek are you okay?" Addison said with obvious concern.

"Yeah, I'm ahhh.. I'm good Addie." Derek said breathlessly. Suddenly another shooting pain went through his chest and he couldn't breathe. His knees buckled and he fell towards the ground but Addison caught his arm before he fell completely.

"Derek!" Addison yelled. "Derek what's going on?! Derek talk to me!"

"Addie, my chest, I can't ah... it's hard to breathe." he managed.

"Derek! Oh my god! Okay, don't talk Derek...I'm gonna get help."

Fellow patrons had started to gather around them, some of the waiters had made their way through the small crowd. "Someone call 9-1-1. Derek stay with me." Addison was beyond panic. "Derek can you hear me? Derek it's gonna be okay, help is on the way. Derek?!"


	15. Darkness Falls

**Summary: ** This chapter is an homage to **'Darkness Falls' **an episode of **'The X-Files' **written by Chris Carter.

**Darkness:** means lacking or having very little light, lacking brightness.

**Falls:** means to drop or come down freely.

**Thanks** go out to my beta-bitch **Agent Extremis.**

**Disclaimer:** It definitely wasn't Bigfoot.

_Previously on Ouroboros:_

_"Derek!" Addison yelled. "Derek what's going on?! Derek talk to me!" _

_"Addie, my chest, I can't ah... it's hard to breathe." he managed._

_"Derek! Oh my god! Okay, don't talk Derek...I'm gonna get help." _

_Fellow patrons had started to gather around them, some of the waiters had made their way through the small crowd. "Someone call 9-1-1. Derek stay with me." Addison was beyond panic. "Derek can you hear me? Derek it's gonna be okay, help is on the way. Derek?!"_

**Darkness Falls by Agent Addek**

The sun was shining brightly over Santa Monica beach. Beach goers were enjoying the sunny California day, the seagulls happily flapping around,and the waves were crashing up against the pier. You could hear the thrilled screaming of the children riding the rollercoaster. Tourists were milling around on the streets, cars honking haphazardly, and the distant sirens of the ambulance nearing the restaurant were getting stronger as it approached, but Addison could not hear anything but the racing heart beat of Derek.

Everything was in slow motion, voices seemed so distant, she couldn't comprehend anything that was going around her. Addison hadn't expected this to happen when she made plans to meet Derek. She hadn't planned on holding his hand and hoping that he was okay, and she certainly didn't plan on feeling an enormous ache in her heart at the thought of losing him. 'He has to be okay, he has to be okay' is all she could think about, it was her inner mantra.

"Derek, stay with me. Derek can you hear me? Please stay with me Derek, help is on its way." Addison said with as much composure as she could gather. She could not break down, she had to keep calm for Derek.

"What the hell is taking them so long?!" She yelled to no one in particular.

"Ma'am, I think they're almost here, I can hear them." the hostess said reassuringly.

"They're here!" one of the waiters yelled out.

"Move out of the way, coming through." the paramedics said as they walked through the crowd.

"What happened?" the older paramedic asked Addison.

"I don't know. He was walking towards me when I noticed he was pale, that he was sweating, and then he grabbed at his chest in pain. He said he couldn't breathe and then he collapsed." Addison replied, almost on the verge of tears.

"What's his name?" the younger paramedic asked.

"Derek, Derek Shepherd." Addison answered.

The paramedics were attending to Derek, the older one spouting off orders to the other. Addison was so focused on holding Derek's hand and talking to him that she didn't pay attention to what they were saying. She was brought out of her trance when she felt them lift Derek onto the gurney.

"We're taking him to St. Ambrose Hospital. You can follow us if you like." the older man instructed.

"No I'm going with him." Addison said matter-of-factly.

"Are you related to him ma'am? Only next of kin can ride with him, but you can meet us at the hospital." he stated.

"He's my husband and I'm not leaving him!" Addison said defiantly as she jumped into the back of the ambulance.

The paramedic gave her an understanding nod, closed the doors and went around to get in. As soon as the ambulance started to move Addison picked up her phone, she couldn't do this alone...what if something was terribly wrong with him?! She dialed her friend's number while one of her hands was tightly holding Derek's, he was still unconscious.

"Come on Nai, please pick up, please pick up the phone." Addison whispered into the receiver as it rang.

"Hello?" Naomi answered.

"Nai, it's me. I need you to get to St. Ambrose, something's wrong with Derek! I don't know what's wrong, I'm so afraid I'm gonna lose him Nai." Addison said rapidly.

"Addie calm down, just calm down, Okay? Now where are you?" Naomi asked, trying to distract her friend for a moment.

"I'm in the ambulance on the way to the hospital with Derek. Please just get there, I don't know what's going on Nai." Addison said desperately.

"Okay, I'm on my way Addie, okay? I'm on my way, just hang in there." Naomi said supportively as she hung up.

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Naomi had been unaware that Pete had walked into her office to hand her some files and that he had overheard the whole conversation.

"Where is she, what's wrong with her?" Pete questioned worriedly.

"She's on her way to St. Ambrose, but she's fine..." Naomi didn't get to finish her sentence as Pete stormed out of her office. "Pete wait!" Naomi yelled out. Pete stopped and looked back at her. "I'm coming with you, she asked me to meet her there." Naomi explained as she grabbed her purse and headed towards Pete. "Dell, tell everyone that Pete and I had to step out of the office. If they ask, we're at St. Ambrose with Addison. Oh and please cancel all my appointments." She looked towards Pete who was already waiting for the elevator. "Pete's too. Thanks Dell." Naomi smiled weakly.

"Naomi, is everything okay?" Dell questioned with concern.

"I hope so." Naomi responded as she stepped into the elevator with Pete.

The elevator ride down to the garage was pretty tense. Naomi could feel the worry radiating off of Pete. She didn't know if she should tell him what was going on, but she didn't want him to think that Addison was in trouble. They stepped off of the elevator and and walked towards Pete's car. They quickly got in and then exited the parking lot.

"What did she say Naomi? Is she okay?" Pete questioned.

"She's fine Pete...she's not the one that they're taking to the hospital." Naomi quietly replied. She couldn't lie to him, they would just have to deal with the repercussions later.

"So if Addison's okay, who are they admitting?" Pete bewilderedly asked.

Naomi was silent for a moment, considering whether to tell him...he was going to find out regardless.

"It's Derek." Naomi simply stated.

Pete was shocked into silence. Confusion began to engulf him. 'What the hell was Addison doing with her ex-husband?' Pete thought. Better question was why Addison didn't tell him she was meeting with him?

Naomi could sense the tension and puzzling fear that was now consuming Pete, but she couldn't worry about that now. She needed to get to her friend who she knew was absolutely frantic.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Derek we're almost there okay. Just stay with me Derek, please." Addison pleaded as she touched her hand to his forehead. All that kept running through Addison's mind was, 'I can't lose you Derek, I won't lose you'.

The doors opened abruptly and Addison snapped out of her haze. The paramedics quickly wheeled Derek out and Addison followed close behind. She wouldn't let him be alone, she held on to Derek's hand tightly as she noticed the doctor and team of nurses coming towards them.

Naomi and Pete, who had arrived a few minutes prior, noticed Addison rushing behind the gurney. They both started walking towards her when the emergency doors opened and the doctor and nurses appeared.

The paramedics gave the doctor the information, but Addison was not worried about that at this moment, all she cared about was holding on to Derek and hoping he would hold on to her.

"Ma'am you can't go with him. You have to stay in the lobby and someone will update you as soon as we know anything." the E.R. doctor told her.

She wasn't going to let him be alone, she had promised she wouldn't let him be all by himself .

"I'm Dr. Montgomery Shepherd, and he's my husband, I'm not leaving his side." Addison said sternly.

"Well good, then you know the situation. You just need to sit tight for me and let us do our job Dr. Shepherd." he replied.

Addison nodded in understanding. Everything seemed to stop as she saw them wheel Derek through the doors. She didn't notice anything, all she could hear was the sound of her racing heart. As she stood motionless in the middle of the lobby, she felt helpless.

Naomi and Pete, who had witnessed this entire exchange, stood silent for a moment. Naomi gave Pete an apologetic smile and walked up to Addison.

"Addie?" Naomi whispered hesitantly.

Addison felt comforting arms around her. "Nai, you're here. Thank you so much for coming. I don't know what's wrong with him." Addison said as she tried to hold back the tears that had been threatening. "What could be wrong with him Nai? I can't..I just can't lose him." Addison sobbed.

"Addie calm down, breathe honey."Naomi tried to soothe her. Naomi turned to see Pete who had an expression that could only be described as being punched in the gut, but she couldn't worry about him, she had to concentrate on Addie.

"Pete?" Naomi called out. Pete looked towards her."Can you please get Addison some water?"

"Yeah...uhh...I'll be right back."he replied.

"Come on Addie, let's sit down. Everything is gonna be okay."

"How do you know Nai? I mean, what if something is really wrong with him?! He hasn't regained consciousness, he said his chest hurt and he couldn't breathe. Oh my god! What if he had a heart attack? I can't do this, I just can't! I need to see him! I need to make sure he's okay."

"Breathe Addie, breathe. We're in one of the best hospitals in southern California, Derek is in great hands. He'll be fine Addison, I know he will." Naomi tried to reassure her friend even though she herself was terrified of what could happen.

"Here Addie, drink this." Pete said as he handed her a cup of water.

"Pete. Hey, when did you get here?" Addison asked absent-mindedly.

"Hey, how you holding up?" Pete asked with obvious worry as he took a seat next to her.

Addison stared at him with swollen eyes. She was afraid to speak, because if she did, she would lose all of her composure again.

"Pete, can you stay with her while I go and call Sam? I can't get any reception in here." Naomi explained.

"Yeah go ahead, I'll stay with her." Pete replied.

Addison was hunched over in her chair, her face in hands. Pete knew that she was afraid, he knew that she would be worried about her ex-husband. 'It shouldn't be affecting her this much' Pete kept thinking to himself, he shook his head, he couldn't think that way. He had to be there for Addison. They would deal with whatever was going on with them later, right now she needed a friend.

"Come here Addie." Pete offered, as he gathered her into his arms.

As soon as she felt his arms around her, she gave into the emotions that she had been trying to hold in.

"I'm so scared. What if he doesn't make it? What if this was the last time I got to speak to him? What if I never get to tell him how much I love him? I won't be strong enough to lose him for good." Addison said as she sobbed uncontrollably into Pete's chest.

Pete couldn't do anything else but hold her. Addison was breaking his heart with each word that she spoke but she was completely oblivious to it...she was too lost in her own pain and fear. Pete just kept rubbing her back, trying to soothe her as much as he could.

"How is she?" Naomi mouthed to Pete, who had managed to sedate a distraught Addison. Addison felt someone else's presence and immediately turned, thinking that it might be the doctor.

"Is he.." Addison stopped when she realized it was Naomi.

"The doctors haven't been out yet, but I'm sure we will know something soon. Just hang in there, okay? You're not alone, we're here with you Add." Naomi reached for Addison's hand supportively.

"Did you reach Sam? He should be here too, he should be here for Derek." Addison said in exhaustion, tears still glistening on her eyelashes.

"I did, he's on his way."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Almost 4 hours had gone by, most of it was spent in silence. There was takeout in some bags on a nearby table that was untouched. Naomi had not moved from Addison's side. Pete had been pacing back and forth near them, and Sam had now taken residence on the other side of Addison.

The doors swung open and Addison immediately recognized the E.R. doctor that had been tending to Derek. She stood up and waited for him to come closer to her. She stopped breathing, she was afraid of what the doctor might say. Sam, Naomi, and Pete also saw the doctor approaching and they all stood in unison behind Addison.

"Mrs. Shepherd, he's awake, he..." Dr. Anderson didn't get to finish his sentence.

"Take me to him, I need to see him!" she demanded.

"Of course, right this way." Dr. Anderson said as he led Addison towards Derek's room.

Pete stood there, completely dumbfounded by everything that had taken place in the past 4 hours. Addison had referred to her ex-husband as her husband, which he could possibly excuse because of the shock she's in, but then she had told Dr. Anderson that her name was Dr. Montgomery Shepherd. To top it all off, when the doctor referred to her like that, she had answered without hesitation. 'What the hell is going on?' He wondered in frustration . He felt someone patting him on the back, and when he turned, Sam and Naomi were there, looking sympathetically at him.

"Pete, you have to understand that she's in shock. She doesn't realize what she's said. Just don't take it the wrong way." Naomi said reassuringly.

"I know she's in shock, but I just can't help but think that.."

"No Pete, don't second guess what you have with her, she cares about you and she's with you. She just also happens to still care deeply about her ex-husband, but it's to be expected, he was her family for many years. She's just worried about him." Naomi said comfortingly. Sam nodded in agreement.

"Yeah man, Addison has had a lot to deal with in the past couple of days. She's gonna worry about Derek regardless of what happened between them, but that's it, it's no more than that. Don't worry about it." Sam said supportively.

"I hope you're right, I hope that's all it is." Pete replied dejectedly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The walk to Derek's room seemed like the longest walk she had ever taken. Dr. Anderson finally came to a halt in front of a room and opened the door. Addison took a deep breath and slowly let it out before she walked in, she didn't know what to expect.

She quickly made eye contact with Derek who was on his hospital bed, attached to a heart monitor and had nasal oxygen tubing. He looked worn out, but smiled with genuine joy when he saw her. She quickly went to his side.

"Hey you. How you feeling?" Addison asked tenderly.

"Like a truck hit my chest." he said half jokingly.

"Not funny Derek." she smiled at him and then turned her attention to the doctor."So what's the prognosis Dr. Anderson?"

"Your husband suffered from a severe panic attack" Derek looked towards Addison at the doctor's statement "We were able to get a hold of his files and he has been suffering from them for quite sometime now, but never to this extent. We still don't know what caused him to collapse and why he was unconscious for so long." Dr. Anderson explained.

"What do you mean, you don't know why he was unconscious for so long? Didn't you run tests? You must have some sort of idea." Addison questioned in frustration.

"We did, but nothing is showing up at the moment Dr. Shepherd" Dr. Anderson turned his attention to Derek who was mesmerized by Addison at the moment. "I would really like to keep you for a few days and find out what caused such a serious reaction, it is a definite cause for concern."

"I really appreciate that Dr. Anderson, but I would rather go to my own doctor. He's been treating me for the past few months and I would just feel more comfortable."

Dr. Anderson was about to protest but Addison beat him to it.

"Derek, you are in no shape to leave this hospital right now and honestly, I'm not gonna let you, so you better make yourself comfortable." Addison insisted.

"Addie, I don't want to stay here, I'd rather go home. You know how much I hate hospitals." Derek half-heartedly whined.

"Nice try Shep, but no, you're staying right here, at least for today. If Dr. Anderson thinks you're strong enough to fly out tomorrow, then yes, you can go back to Seattle and have your personal doctor check you out. There is no way I am letting you out of this room today."

"Yes ma'am" Derek replied with a smile and a salute. Addison smirked back at him and turned back to the doctor.

"So I guess it's settled then. You're staying here today, we will run a few more tests on you, and then hopefully we can get you home tomorrow. If you'd like Dr. Shepherd, I can fax over all of the tests to your personal doctor, so if and when you decide to fly back, he will be up to date on everything." Dr. Anderson offered.

"That would be great, thank you doctor."

"Okay, now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and order your new tests. If you need anything, please just have one of the nurses page me. Please try not to over exert yourself and get some rest." Dr. Anderson instructed before leaving the room.

As soon as the doctor walked out, Addison swatted Derek on his shoulder.

"Ouch, hey what was that for?" Derek asked, a little taken back.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again Derek, ever!" Addison said half-jokingly but with unmasked relief.

"I know, I'm really sorry Addie. I didn't expect for you to find out this way. Did I really scare you?" he asked with a lopsided grin.

"Yeah, you did. Dam Derek! I thought you were having a heart attack! It doesn't make this any less serious, but I'm glad..." Addison didn't finish her sentence because she noticed Sam, Naomi, and Pete lurking outside by the door. "Hold on one minute, I'll be right back."

Derek looked over to see who had distracted Addison. He saw Naomi and Sam, but couldn't really tell who the third person was.

"How is he Addie?" Naomi asked.

"He's doing better. He apparently had a severe panic attack. They're keeping him overnight for observation since he was unconscious for so long. They want to make sure it's nothing more serious. He wanted to go back to Seattle to see his own doctor but I convinced him to stay at least over night." Addison explained.

"Can I go in and see him?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I think he'd like that, but not for too long, he needs his rest." Addison replied politely. Sam smiled at her and entered the room. A nurse was about to walk in behind Sam before Addison stopped her.

"Are you checking his vitals again?" Addison questioned.

"No ma'am, I was instructed by Dr. Anderson to give him something to help him sleep, he really needs his rest." the young nurse replied. Addison nodded and the nurse continued in.

"Hey Addie? I can wait with you until he falls asleep and then we can go home." Pete offered as he walked up next to her and tried to grab her hand.

"No, I'm not leaving him alone, I'm staying with him tonight." Addison said as she slipped her hand out of Pete's grasp.

Pete was puzzled and shocked by her indifferent reaction to him, but decided to shake it off for the time being. Naomi had noticed this unfold so then she spoke.

"Do you want us to stay with you a little longer Addie? Is there anything I can get you?" Naomi asked helpfully.

"No, I'm fine, we'll be fine."

Sam walked out of the room with the nurse in tow.

"She just gave him some medication so he should be out soon. I'll come back and see him tomorrow." Sam informed Addison.

"Thank you so much for coming, I'll see you tomorrow." Addison thankfully replied before she leaned over to hug Sam and Naomi.

"Don't hesitate to call if you need anything Addie, anything at all." Naomi said.

Pete had been silent throughout this whole exchange. Addison was about to walk back in when she realized he was still standing there. Sam and Naomi had also noticed Addison's near disregard of Pete.

"Addison, are you sure you want to stay here alone?"

"I'm sure. I won't be alone. Goodnight Pete." Addison said as she patted his arm and turned away.

For what seemed like the umpteeth time in these past few days Pete was completely bewildered. 'Was this really happening? Did she want to go back to her husband? Ex-husband' he had to remind himself. No, he wasn't gonna think that way, she was with him. He was sure that Addison loved him, she was just in shock and afraid, but they would be fine when Derek Shepherd went back to Seattle. Naomi came up behind him and he was brought out of his contemplation.

"Pete, like I said before, this has had a major effect on her, she isn't thinking clearly. Right now, all she is concentrated on is making sure Derek is okay, but she's with you Pete, you have nothing to worry about." Naomi tried to assure him.

He looked at Naomi. He could hear what she was telling him, but he also saw the doubt in her eyes. He shook his head and then turned towards Derek's room. He saw Addison as she took a seat and reached out for his hand. He saw the smile that settled upon Derek's face and Addison mimicked the same smile. Pete turned to walk away but not before looking at Naomi again.

"I hope you're right." Pete said wistfully as he walked away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, I'm back." Addison said as she reached for Derek's hand. She beamed happily when he turned to look at her, he was extremely sleepy.

"Hey you, you came back. I thought you had left me." Derek said pensively.

"What? No, I told you I'd be back in a minute. Okay, I took longer but I came back." Addison replied reassuringly.

"I'm glad you're here Addie. I wouldn't want to be here alone." he said groggily.

Addison stared at him for a moment. To think that she could have lost him and would have never seen him again. Never would have been able to touch him, or talk to him, or kiss him. She was so caught up in the emotions that had been bubbling over the past few days that she didn't fully realize what she was about to do. She instinctively stood up, her hand still entwined with his, then spontaneously leaned over and kissed him.

Derek could feel her soft lips upon his. He could taste the sweetness in his mouth, a sweetness that he knew could only belong to Addison. 'Was he dreaming? Did he finally kick the bucket and this was his heaven?' Then he heard her whisper the most tender words he had ever heard.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else Derek."


	16. Unruhe

**Summary:** This chapter is an homage to **'Unruhe'**, an episode of **'The X-Files' **written by Vince Gilligan.

**Unruhe:** Means 'unrest' in German.

**ThanX** go out to my **AWESOME** beta **Agent Extremis**.

**Disclaimer: ** Ich habe keine Unruhe. Ich habe keine Unruhe. Ich muss gespart nicht werden.

(Translation: I have no unrest. I have no unrest. I don't need to be saved.)

_Previously on Ouroboros:_

_Derek could feel her soft lips upon his. He could taste the sweetness in his mouth, a sweetness that he knew could only belong to Addison. 'Was he dreaming? Did he finally kick the bucket and this was his heaven?' Then he heard her whisper the most tender words he had ever heard._

_"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else Derek."_

**'Unruhe' by Agent Addek**

Addison had spent the last few hours watching Derek sleep, making sure that he was still breathing. She kept leaning over and putting her hand on his chest, making sure it was still moving. Mostly she had been thinking, thinking about what could have happened if something had been terribly wrong. What if she had really lost him? What if right now, instead of sitting here beside him watching him sleep, she were actually planning a funeral? Actually, she wouldn't even be planning it, it would be someone else, maybe Meredith. Would she even be a part of it? Would she have even been able to say goodbye? She shook her head, he was okay for now, the test results had come out clear so far.

Addison stood up and walked towards the window, even from this depressing hospital room the view was still amazing. That is what she loved about this city, that she could be feeling unhappy, but just looking out to the ocean and watching the waves crash up against the shore always brought a smile to her face. It was amazing how something so simple as the ocean view could make her forget her troubles for a moment.

She looked over at him again. She smiled when she noticed the small grin forming on his lips, 'he must be having some dream' she thought. Her stomach started growling. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, she was feeling the effects of not eating anything today. She needed to get something to eat, it was already past dinner time but she didn't want to leave him alone. Addison saw the door handle move, a nurse walked in.

"I have to wake him up for the test that Dr. Anderson ordered."

"Okay, let me do it though." Addison replied. "Derek? Derek? Hey, they're here to take you for the next round of your tests." she softly whispered in his ear.

"Addie?" he answered sleepily.

"Hey you, the nurse is here to take you. I'll be here when you get back okay." Addison assured him.

Derek nodded in understanding.

"Dr. Shepherd, I need you to sit up for me so I can help you get into the chair. You might still be a little groggy from the medication I gave you earlier." the nurse explained as she removed the covers and put the wheel chair next to the bed.

"See you in a bit Derek." Addison said as she stared after him and the nurse.

"Okay I should probably go get something to eat? Actually I really should since I'm talking to myself, I must seriously be delirious." she said with a chuckle.

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He couldn't stop pacing, he couldn't stop his mind from racing. The past few days' events kept replaying in his mind. He just couldn't get the words she had said out of his head. The ones she spoke as he had held her in his arms, trying to console her, trying to reassure her that her ex-husband would be alright. Pete knew that she didn't do it to hurt him, he knew that she probably didn't even realize that she was breaking his heart with each uttered word.

Pete walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. He needed something to calm him down a bit, maybe even sedate him, so that he would stop having this feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't gonna lose her, he refused to give her up without a fight. He plopped down on his couch, shaking his head, "Get a hold of yourself, she's just worried about him." he said out loud. That man had caused her a lot of pain and humiliation, he knew that. He still remembered that night a few months ago, when he had overheard her conversation with Naomi, she had sounded so hurt. Derek had broken her heart and Pete knew that he had helped her mend it back together again, well at least he hoped he had.

He stood up again and walked over to the window. He loved Addison, and he knew, no, he felt, that she loved him too. Even though she hadn't said it yet, no one was gonna come between them, especially not Derek Shepherd.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison stepped out into the cool Santa Monica evening and then rushed over to her car. She wanted to be back by the time Derek was done with his tests. She slid into her car and turned the ignition. Addison knew she wanted to get some of Derek's favorites so that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable in the hospital. Even though he was only going to be there overnight, she knew that Derek could be such a baby when it came to hospitals. She smiled to herself, she knew exactly the place to go to get all of Derek's favorites.

As Addison entered, she smiled when she inhaled the comfortable smells of homemade soup and baking bread. Izzy's Deli had fastly become one of her personal favorite homey diners, it always reminded her of the Shepherd home. She knew what she wanted and quickly went up to the counter to order.

For Derek, she ordered his favorites homemade minestrone soup and turkey on rye bread, with extra tomatoes, spouts, pickels, and mustard, no mayo. For herself, she ordered a caesar salad with chicken and a side of garlic bread. She knew the order would take a bit, which left her plenty of time to call Derek's doctor and Richard.

Dr. Vaselenak was the first one she called. Addison wanted to make sure that he would see Derek upon his arrival to Seattle. She left a detailed message with his service, stating that Derek would be arriving tomorrow and would come in to see him, and if the Doctor had any questions, he could call her back.

Addison checked her watch, it was now 8pm and she knew that Richard would still be at the hospital. She dialed the number she knew so well, she was nervous to be honest, she hadn't spoken to Richard in quite some time. A familiar voice picked up the line.

"Dr. Weber's office, this is Patricia, how may I help you?"

"Patricia, hello. This is Addison Montgomery, may I speak with Richard please."

"Of course, just one moment please."

"Thank you."

"This is Dr. Webber."

"Richard hello, it's Addison"

"Addison, well this is a blast from the past. How are you? Should I prepare your contract?"

"Hahaha very funny. I'm afraid I'm not calling for that. Richard, Derek is here in Los Angeles."

"I'm sorry Addison...that stubborn man, he finally tracked you down didn't he?"

"Well yes, but that's not all. He apparently suffers from panic attacks and he ended up in the emergency room. He actually gave me quite a scare."

"Is he alright?"

"Yes, for now he is. They are still running some tests and Dr. Anderson wanted to do more here, but you know Derek, he's being stubborn and he wants to go back to Seattle and see his own doctor. So I was calling to let you know that he will be flying back tomorrow. He will need someone to pick him up at the airport and make sure that he goes to his doctor. You know how he can be sometimes."

"Yes, I know. It's almost like dealing with a child at times. What time will his flight get in?"

"I don't know yet actually, but as soon as I do, I will call you with the information. I just wanted to make sure that someone knew about his condition. Can you please keep an eye on him?"

"Of course Addison, you don't even have to ask. So when should I expect you back here in Seattle?, in my hospital where you belong."

"I'm happy where I'm at right now, but thank you for the offer. Look, I'm sorry to cut this short but our order is ready. I'll call you soon."

"Okay, don't be a stranger Addison, call me sometime."

"Will do, so long Richard."

"Bye Addie."

Walking out of Izzy's Deli with her order in hand, she hurried back to the car. She needed to make one last stop before going back to the hospital.

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He had just been taken back into his room, his eyes scanned it entirely but he couldn't see her. He could feel the anxiety kicking in, 'She said she would be here when I got back.' he started thinking to himself. The nurse wheeled him closer to his bed and helped him get in.

"Excuse me, do you know where my wife went?" Derek asked. He knew he was taking liberties referring to Addison as his wife, but, well she had been his wife, and if he hadn't been stubborn and an asshole, she would still be his wife.

"I don't know Dr. Shepherd, but I'm sure she'll be back soon. Now I need you to lie back and relax. As soon as Dr. Anderson gets the test results, he will come in and see you. If you need anything, just page me okay?" Derek nodded as she walked out.

Where could Addison be? Did she change her mind? She probably thought, "oh there isn't anything wrong with him, he doesn't need me here"...but I do need her, I need her more than anything. I can't go back to Seattle without her there. His heart started racing, he began feeling shortness of breath. What if, after tonight, he would never see her again?

Derek's door suddenly swung open. When he saw Addison enter with bags in her hands, he immediately relaxed and smiled. 'She came back' his relief was obvious.

"Hey you. Have you been waiting long?" Addison asked as she set down their dinner. She noticed that he hadn't answered, so she turned to look at him. He still had a huge grin plastered on his face.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"It's just that ah... I thought you had left. I didn't think you were coming back." He admitted sheepishly.

"I told you I'd be here. They took longer than expected at Izzy's, but I got you your favorites." Addison said with a smile. Derek raised an inquiring eyebrow at the mention of a familiar name.

"Hahaha, no Izzie has not expanded into L.A. yet, although I can see her doing that, she makes the best muffins." Addison said with a chuckle and Derek joined her.

"How are you feeling?" she asked with a genuine concern.

"I feel a little light headed and a bit nauseous. I started to hyperventilate a little a while ago, but I'm better now that you're here." He explained honestly to her as he reached for her hand. He caught it before she could move and they intertwined their fingers.

"You need to eat, that's why I brought you your favorites." She gave him a quick squeeze, then moved towards the table to grab his food.

"Wow, that smells amazing. I can't believe you remembered." Derek said appreciatively, with a hint of surprise.

"Like I'd forget. Remember that time in med school, when you were as sick as a dog?, and you wouldn't let me take you to the hospital and I had to help you recuperate at your place." she said as she shook her head and laughed at the memory.

"Yeah, I had to find some way for you to stay with me at my place, and it worked like a charm." he said with a mischievous grin.

Addison walked over and swatted him on his arm. "So that whole weekend you were just pretending to be sick?! I should have known! I remember being so worried! I even called your mom about your favorite soup because I knew how much you loved the way she made it. I especially went and bought all those ingredients for your sandwich and then drove to your mother's house to pick up your soup! You are so busted Derek!" Addie teasingly said as she handed him his bowl. "Well, at least I know you're not faking it now." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to ah..."

"It's okay Addie, I know what you meant. Thank you for bringing me a piece of home. You know, there isn't a time when I have this that I don't think of you and us...that weekend in my apartment...all those other times when I really was sick and how you took such good care of me." He looked over at her, she was looking down at her twiddling thumbs. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable, so he decided to change the subject.

"So, what else did ya bring me?" he said inquisitively.

"Well, only if you behave." she replied good-naturedly.

i

"Don't I always?" he said in mock offense.

"Yeah right, it's like dealing with a child sometimes. Here, I brought you a strawberry banana rasberry smoothie, your favorite."

"You're my favorite."

"Hahaha, you're funny Derek Shepherd. Now eat up before it gets cold." she said as she walked towards him to hand him his sandwich. Addison took her seat next to him and started picking at her own salad. Derek stared at her as he took a bite of his sandwich, he shook his head.

"What?" Addison asked as she took a bite.

"You sure know how to live it up, don't ya." he said with a smirk.

"What?" she asked, a bit confused.

"Addie, you probably haven't eaten all day because you've been here dealing with me, and all you're having is a salad? You should eat better."

"This is good, I love this salad. Besides, you should talk, you should eat better, it might help you, you know, to change your diet."

"Touche." Derek replied, while chewing another piece of his sandwich. "This is really great, Addie. Thanks."

"You're welcome." she replied. She looked up to meet his eyes, those eyes that could see right through her. Derek returned her look and they both froze in time for a moment, then Derek extended his hand to her and she put her hand in his.

"Addison, I'm so sorry I..."

"Derek, there's nothing for you to be sorry for. You had a panic attack, how could you know...hu"

"That's not what I'm sorry for. I'm so sorry for everything that I put you through, for pushing you..."

"Derek don't. Please, not here, not now. You need to get better first. We can talk about everything later, okay?" Addison looked away nervously.

Derek impulsively grabbed her hand tighter and pulled her closer until she looked at him. They had a staring stance for several moments, then he tugged her to him. He could see the confusion and the questions in her eyes, but she still gave in. Their faces were less than an inch apart, he could feel her breath on his face, he could feel the tension leave her body, if he leaned in, he could feel her sweet lips again.

Addison kept staring into his eyes. What was he doing? What did he want to accomplish by holding her to him? She didn't know how it happened but somehow she was now face to face with Derek. She could feel the energy that was radiating off of him. She felt it in every part of her being that he wanted to kiss her, and she couldn't deny that she wanted him to.

Derek moved his hand from her arm to the back of her neck. He slowly pulled her towards him, they were so close he could practically taste her.

"Dr. Shep..., Oh I'm sorry, I..." Dr. Anderson surprisingly exclaimed as he walked in.

"Oh don't be Dr. Anderson, we were just eating." Addison said quickly. She felt like a teenager that had just been caught by her parents. She looked to the doctor and then to Derek, still feeling embarrassed. Derek just laughed to himself a bit.

"Well Dr. Shepherd, I've got your test results back. Everything appears to be normal. Of course, I really think you should have more extensive exams done by your personal doctor when you get home, but I don't see a problem with you flying home tomorrow. Although, I would like to give you a sedative to help you get a full night's rest tonight. Any questions?"

"So, he's okay?" Addison asked with a noticeable relief in her voice.

"Yes, Mrs. Shepherd. All blood work, ekg's, and MRI's came back negative. He just needs to stay calm and relaxed. No excitement is best for him, at least for tonight." Dr. Anderson assured her.

"Is a sedative really neccessary?" Derek asked.

"Yes, it is."

Derek nodded. Dr. Anderson approached him and pushed the medication into his I-V. "You have a goodnight, I'll see you in the morning for discharge."

As the doctor walked out of the room, Addison got up to clean up their odds and ends from dinner. "Addie, are you sure you want to stay here tonight? That chair doesn't look very comfortable at all." Derek slurred as the medication started to take effect again.

"Yeah, I'm not leaving you here alone. Besides, the chair isn't that bad." she replied with a smile.

Derek scooted over a bit on the bed, then patted the mattress with his hand. "Well you can always slip in here with me and keep me warm." he said playfully, as he waggled his eyebrows up and down. "Come on Mrs. Shepherd."

"Hmmm...I would, but remember what the doctor said, you can't have any excitement." she said teasingly.

"Fine, be that way, but how about tomorrow? He only said I couldn't have any excitement for tonight, he didn't say anything about tomorrow." Derek replied sleepily, as he half laughed at his own joke.

"We'll see, we'll see. Go to sleep Der, I'll be here when you wake up." She dragged her chair closer to his bed. He was already dozing off. Addison just kept staring at him. She reached up to touch his forehead, ran her hand on his face, then his lips. She felt another surge of emotion overtake her, tears threatening to fall. She didn't realize until now how afraid she had been...worrying that these new tests might not have had a good outcome. Addison gave into her emotions and sobbed quietly, "Oh my god, oh my god, he's okay. He's gonna be okay." she whispered, trying to reassure herself. She leaned down on his shoulder and closed her eyes, she soon fell into a deep sleep.

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Darkness all around him, freezing cold. He felt the emptiness in the pit of his stomach. Where was she? Where did she go? He ran around the room in circles, looking for her, hoping that in one of the dark corners he could see a glimpse of her red hair. Did she leave him? Was she really ever here? He had probably imagined the whole thing. He probably had imagined her touch, her lips, her smell, the way she felt when he held her. Oh god. Tightening in his chest, he couldn't breath! Oh my god it's happening again and she's gone!

Derek was startled awake. His heart was racing and he had shortness of breath. He forgot where he was for a moment. His eyes finally adjusted and he looked out the window, the sun would soon be rising. He felt some weight on his shoulder so he turned to see what was causing it. To his delight it was his favorite redhead. She had fallen asleep next to him, well sort of, she was still sitting on the chair but the top half of her body was on his bed. He couldn't help but smile. She looked so peaceful, without a care in the world. He stretched out his hand to touch her face, a face that he'd thought he'd never see or feel again. He ran his fingers lightly over her forehead, then her cheeks, her eyes, her lips...everything looked and felt as he remembered. When her eyes began to flutter, he instantly pulled away.

"Good morning sunshine." he said with a lopsided smile.

She leaned back and stretched a little. "Wow, I can't believe I actually slept." she said a bit groggy.

"Yeah you did, I think you drooled on me a little." he said jokingly.

Addison responded by smacking him on his arm. "Hey, I'm gonna bruise if you keep hitting me in the same spot." Derek said teasingly.

"A well deserved bruise it will be." Addison said with a smile.

"God you're beautiful." he stated without thinking. Addison was stunned into silence. She was about to get up but he stopped her. "Addie wait." She sat back down and eyed him tentatively. "You're breathtaking Addison and I can't believe that you're not in my life anymore. I've missed you so much. I don't even care at this point if there is anything wrong with me. If I have to go to Seattle and be away from you, I don't care to know."

Addison remained quiet, she was taking in what Derek had said. 'He couldn't mean what he was saying, could he? He just had something life threatening happen to him, and he was afraid...he didn't know what he was saying. Then why is he looking at me like he used to look at me?!' So many thoughts running through her head, she didn't know what to say so she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Hey ummm... I should probably wash up and go pick up your stuff from the hotel. I also need to buy your plane ticket. I already made arrangements for someone to pick you up at the airport in Seattle. I also called Dr. Vaselenak and told him you would be coming in as soon as you arrived." Addison uttered the words quickly as she got up and walked over to the bathroom.

Derek couldn't help but smile. Whenever Addison was nervous she would ramble and that's exactly what she was doing at the moment. What he must have put her through for her not to believe his words? He couldn't just walk away from her, even if that meant that he would have to get checked out in Los Angeles some more. He was a stubborn man but he wanted Addison more than anything else.

Addison stepped out of the bathroom refreshed, then walked towards the table and picked up Derek's room key.

"Okay, so I'm gonna go pick up your stuff, book your flight out for today, and I should be back by the time you get discharged." She smiled at him and then turned to walk away.

"Addie?" he called out. She stopped but didn't turn to look at him."I know it's not easy for you to believe me when I say this, but, I love you, I've never stopped." She stood there for several seconds but she couldn't look at him. If she did she would see his eyes and she was afraid to see the truth, his eyes never lied.

She walked away, she had to get out of there. What was he doing? Why was he saying this now? After everything that's happened, why now? She made it to her car and drove towards his hotel. This would all be over soon. He would go back to Seattle, to Meredith, and she could go back to Pete. It was all going to be normal again.

It didn't take her long to get to his hotel. She slid the key card in and walked into his room. She saw his suitcase by the foot of his bed and began folding and packing the clothes that had been laid out. She kept trying to concentrate on the task at hand but she couldn't get the words out of her mind of what he had said to her. He could be so infuriating sometimes. Well, who is she kidding, he's infuriating most of the time. She wasn't going to hold him to what he was saying. He was just afraid and she had been there with him, so naturally he feels some attachment to me again, right? She couldn't think about this now, she had to concentrate on packing his stuff and getting him a flight out.

She looked towards the night stand to check the time, 7:00am, it was still early, which gave her plenty of time to get everything in order. She went into the bathroom to get his toiletries together. The man was certainly a creature of habit, everything was right where she knew it would be. He was flying back to Seattle today, she would probably never see him again. He was going back to his life, his life without her. He was going back to find out what was wrong with him, although he could have easily done that here but he's stubborn. How would she know if he was okay? How would she know that he would make back to Seattle without further incident? What if he panicked on the plane? Would the flight attendants know what to do?

Her mind was going through all the possible scenarios. The doctor said he was fine but what if he missed something? What if he missed something in Derek's tests and then something happened to him and no one was there to help him? She couldn't let him fly alone, not as a friend, not as someone who cares deeply about him, and certainly not as a doctor. She had to go. She had to make sure that he got to Seattle safely. She would take him to his appointment with his doctor, help arrange things at the hospital, and then fly back. She would be gone 3 days tops. Anyone would do that right? Pete would understand, he knows how much she still cared for Derek. He would understand that she just wanted to make sure he arrived okay. She had to do it, otherwise she would drive herself crazy waiting for him to call, and sometimes Derek could be so forgetful. She packed the rest of his stuff and left. She knew that she had to hurry to her house to pack a bag because she didn't want to be stuck in traffic.

The drive to her house was uneventful. She hurried in, ran up her stairs and straight to her closet. What should she bring? She wasn't going to be there too long but she still wanted to have choices. Addison packed more clothes than she needed and definitely more shoes that she needed, and then grabbed the rest of her essentials. She quickly showered, changed, and was out of her house twenty minutes later.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison pulled her mercedes into the now familiar parking garage. She needed to let Naomi know of her impromtu trip to Seattle. She would just leave a note for Pete as she didn't have time to wait for him to arrive to the office. She looked at her watch as she rode the elevator, it was already 7:45am. She was hoping Naomi had come in early today like she usually did as she still needed to purchase the airline tickets so she had to be quick. She walked in and Dell was already at his station so Addison realized that she could have him book the flight while she spoke to Naomi.

"Good Morning Dell."

"Good Morning Dr. Montgomery."

"Is Naomi already here?"

"Yes, she should be in her office. She had an early appointment with one of your patients. I thought you weren't coming in today? I was instructed to cancel all your appointments for today and tomorrow."

"That's actually perfect. Hey Dell, can you do me a favor?"

"What do you need?"

"I need you to book me two first class tickets on the next flight out to Seattle, Washington. Here's my credit card." Addison explained as she handed him her card.

"Under what name Dr. Montgomery?" Dell inquired.

"Addison Montgomery and Derek Shepherd. Thanks Dell."

Dell watched her walk to Naomi's office as he shook his head. This was definitely not good.

"Hey Nay, you got a minute?"

"Addison, I didn't expect to see you here. Sam and I were gonna come and check on you and Derek later today. Is everything okay?" Naomi asked with a tinge of concern.

"Everything's fine. Well as fine as it can be anyway. I ummm... I wanted to come by and ask you for a few days off ah..."

"Honey you don't have to ask, I already had Dell clear your schedule for today and tomorrow."

"I'm gonna need more than that actually. It would be great if I could get the rest of the week off, I'll be back on Monday."

"Okay, I don't think that'll be a problem. What's going on?" Naomi asked curiously."

"I'm flying back with Derek to Seattle he.."

"What? Addie no! Please don't tell me you're going back to him!"

"Of course not, I'm with Pete. I love Pete. It's just that Derek needs me right now and I just want to make sure he makes it back to Seattle okay and sees his doctor. You know how hard-headed he can be sometimes."

"Addison, you can not stop your life, your relationship, and your work for your ex-husband. What about Pete, have you told him?"

"No, I was gonna leave him a note. I just came here to inform you of my plans. I have to rush back to the hospital to pick Derek up."

"I can't believe he convinced you to go. He's probably using this whole situation to his advantage. It's my fault for leaving you alone with that man."

"Nay, I love you for wanting to protect me, but I'm okay. Besides Derek doesn't even know I'm going. I just want to make sure he's okay. I promise that I'll be back in 3 days... 5 days tops. I'll be here come Monday morning, promise. It will be a mini vacation, I could see Callie, Richard, Miranda...and I can make sure that Derek is okay. Okay?"

"Fine, but you better get your ass back to this practice by Monday morning. If not, I'm flying out there and dragging you back here myself."

"I will and don't worry, I'll be back." Addison walked around Naomi's desk and hugged her friend. Addison turned to walk out to the reception area with Naomi in tow.

"Did you find any tickets Dell?"

"Yes Dr. Montgomery, I booked you a flight for 11am, you arrive in Seattle at 1:30pm." Dell replied as he handed her the confirmation and credit card.

"Thank you Dell"

Addison then turned to Naomi. "I'll see you in a few days okay?"

"Okay. Have a safe flight and tell Derek I hope he gets better SOON!" Naomi said as she saw Addison enter the elevator.

"This is gonna be bad." Naomi told Dell. Naomi knew that Addison might not be coming back, even though she had promised.

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Addison rushed through the hospital doors with Derek's change of clothing. She knew that he had probably already been released and might be waiting for her. She jogged the last few steps and dashed through the door.

"Hey I'm here, sorry I took so long. I had to go by my house and then to the office to speak with Naomi. I brought you a change of clothes." She finally stopped and took a breath.

"It's okay Addie, they just released me. Breathe woman breathe." He chuckled as he tried to get out of bed to go change.

"Hey wait, let me help you." she hurried over to his side.

"I'm okay. I'm just going to change. I feel fine, I'm just a little groggy from all the medication. Honestly, I don't even think I have to go home to go get checked out..." Derek stated as he grabbed his clothes from her arms and began to change in front of Addison without thinking.

"Derek, there aren't gonna be any ifs, ands, or buts about this. You need to get checked out by your doctor ASAP! So you better not even argue with me about this! Besides, I already booked the tickets so we have to go." She said.

"What?" Derek asked dumbfounded.

"What?" Addison replied confused.

"You said 'we have to go', does that mean you're coming with me." Derek asked hesitantly.

"Well yeah, I thought about it and I can't let you fly alone, especially not after your attack. I'll just fly with you, take you to your doctor, make sure that you're okay and then I'll come back." she said quickly.

A loud thump and splash from behind Addison made them look in unison. Pete stood there with his mouth slightly ajar, he looked shocked and coffee was spilled all over the floor.

"Pete?" Addison questioned cautiously.

"Don't you knock?, I'm changing here." Derek said with annoyance as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"You're going to Seattle?" Pete asked Addison.

"Look let's talk outside. Derek, I'll be right back. Just finish getting ready." she said as she stepped out with Pete. Derek quickly changed. He knew he shouldn't listen in on their conversation, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want the quack to make Addison change her mind about going to Seattle.

"You're going to Seattle with him?" Pete questioned her again.

"Look, it's not what you think. I'm just going to make sure he makes it home safely, it's no big deal. I'll be back in a few days." Addison reassured him.

"Were you even going to tell me? Or was I just going to figure it out when I didn't see you for a few days?" he replied with a hurt tone.

"I was going to leave you a note, but I was in such a hurry to make our flight that I forgot. I was planning to call you I swear. I know things have been crazy for the past couple of days, but everything will be back to normal when I get back." she assured.

"Okay." he said deflatedly.

"Okay?" she asked.

"Well, what else can I say Addison? You're going whether I want you to or not. So, okay." he stared at her for a moment, then spoke again. "Just promise me you'll come back to me." he beseeched , as he took her in his arms and pressed his forehead up against hers.

"I promise, only a few days. When I come back, I'm all yours."

"Have a safe flight...I just want you to know, I love you."

"Thank you. I'll call you later tonight."

Addison was about to go back into Derek's room but Pete grabbed her arm and turned her towards him and kissed her. It was slow and sweet at first but then grew more desperate and he kissed her harder. She pulled away first, and then looked at him.

Derek cringed when he heard them kissing. He tightened his fist at his sides, he really wanted to punch this guy out. Addison was his wife and this guy probably had his hands all over her. Derek was more determined than ever to fight for her. He walked back to his bed and sat down, he was just going to have to lay it all on the line.

"I'll call you tonight Wilder." she smiled at him and then went back into the hospital room.

Pete was frozen for a few seconds. He had just confessed that he loved her and all she said was 'thank you'. He peeked into the room and saw Addison gathering Derek's things. He looked towards the bed where Derek was sitting and their eyes met, they stared each other down for a few moments, each throwing down the gauntlet. Pete walked away, there was no way that he was giving up Addison without a fight. If Derek Shepherd thought he was just going to swoop in and win her back, he had no idea what he was up against. Derek may have had her past but Pete was determined to have her future.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Traffic to LAX had been horrendous so they were both a bit drained and frazzled. Thankfully, the airport itself was pretty calm and they had gotten through the process quickly, which was fortunate as they arrived at the gate with only a few minutes to spare.

Once on the plane, Addison went about making Derek comfortable. She gave him the window seat because she knew that he liked the view, she handed him a pillow and reclined his seat, then unfolded a blanket and gently placed it around him.

All the while Derek was grinning like an idiot, fully enjoying the attention from his Addie. He still couldn't believe that she was actually here with him. He wanted to say so much but he didn't want to scare her. He could bide his time, he could wait forever if that's what it took. It was all about her, the way it should have been always. He was struggling to keep his eyes open, he wanted so badly to stay awake, to talk to Addison, to bask in and savor this time with her, to just be with her, but his exhaustion was proving to be too strong.

"Are you comfy?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you. You should fly with me all the time, I can get used to this." He said sleepily.

"Oh yeah, I don't think you could afford my fee." she said teasingly. "You should sleep. you look so tired. I'll wake you when we're landing."

"Okay, thank you for coming with me." he said with sincerity as he started to doze off. "I love you."

Addison watched him as he closed his eyes, and then she let the breath out that she had been holding. She looked at him again, just to make sure he was okay, before picking up Bel Canto, a book by Ann Patchett that Violet had recommended. She had been meaning to read this book for a while and this 2 1/2 hour flight was the perfect time.

Even through her frequent concerned glances over at her sleeping companion, she managed to finish the book. As she closed the cover, she looked out the window and almost stopped breathing when she saw the Seattle skyline. It suddenly hit her like a strike of lightning! I'm back in Seattle! I'm back in the city that holds so many devastating memories and so much pain. Why am I even back here? Where am I going to stay? This is not happening. What have I done? I can't do this, I can't be here.

She's taken out of her inner conflict when she hears the overhead speaker. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are now in Seattle, Washington. We will be arriving at Tacoma International Airport in 10 minutes. Please fasten your seat belts and prepare for landing. Thank you and have a pleasant stay."

PLEASE REVIEW


	17. Folie A Deux

**Summary: ** This chapter is an homage to **'Folie A Deux'**, an episode of** 'The X-Files' **written by Vince Gilligan.

**Folie A Deux: ** A madness shared by two.

**ThanX** go out to my Beta **Agent Extremis** who has been** AMAZING** throughout this whole process.

**Disclaimer:** "Hiding in the light".

_Previously on Ouroborus:_

_Even through her frequent concerned glances over at her sleeping companion, she managed to finish the book. As she closed the cover, she looked out the window and almost stopped breathing when she saw the Seattle skyline. It suddenly hit her like a strike of lightning! I'm back in Seattle! I'm back in the city that holds so many devastating memories and so much pain. Why am I even back here? Where am I going to stay? This is not happening. What have I done? I can't do this, I can't be here._

_She's taken out of her inner conflict when she hears the overhead speaker. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are now in Seattle, Washington. We will be arriving at Tacoma International Airport in 10 minutes. Please fasten your seat belts and prepare for landing. Thank you and have a pleasant stay."_

**'Folie A Deux' by Agent Addek**

Addison composed herself as much as she could. She didn't want to freak out, she needed to stay calm for Derek. She had made this choice, she had come to Seattle to help. Once she was sure he had gotten a clean bill of health from his doctor, she would go back to Los Angeles. She took a deep breath and leaned over to wake Derek.

"Derek?" she pushed on his arm a little. "Derek?" He slowly opened his eyes. As soon as they focused on Addison, he smiled. "I didn't want to wake you, but we are about to land in a few minutes."

"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't keep you company during the flight, I was more tired than I thought." he said sleepily.

"Derek, it's understandable. You've been through quite an ordeal these past few days, don't worry about it. Besides, I was able to catch up on some reading." she said with a reassuring smile.

They made their way off of the plane and went to claim their baggage. Addison had made some arrangements to be picked up by a car service and when she noticed a driver holding the Montgomery-Shepherd sign, she waved him over. They got into the car and gave the driver the address for Derek's doctor.

"Addie, you didn't have to get a car, I could have called Mark to pick us up."

"Wait, who could pick us up?" she said, taken aback.

"Mark. Oh come on Addie, you haven't been gone that long." Derek said with a chuckle.

"I didn't know that you and Mark were speaking, let alone picking each other up from airports." She said dumbfounded.

"A lot has happened since you've been gone Addie, a lot a lot a lot." Derek said with a sigh.

"Yeah, I guess there has been."

She pondered what Derek had meant but didn't want to dive into that conversation now.

"This will be easier for now. Besides, I still have to rent a car later today."

"Addie, you don't have to rent a car, you can use my truck or I can drive you."

"Well, I'll worry about it later. Actually, what I need to do is call the hotel to make a reservation."

"What? Addison no! You can stay with me."

"Are you serious? No. There is no way I'm staying in that tin can."

"Oh come on Addie, it'll be fine, just like the old days." He flinched when he saw the expression on her face.

"I don't think I want to relive those days." She said with a hint of pain.

"I'm sorry Addie, I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to say it like that. It's just that regardless of all the bad times that we might have had there, we did have some pretty great times there too."

"Yeah we did...but I can't stay there Derek, I'm sorry." She turned away and looked out her window.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence until the car came to a stop. "I think we're here." Addison stated.

"Yup, this is the place. So you sure he knows I'm coming in to see him?" Derek questioned.

"Yes, I called him and left him a message last night." Addison replied as they stepped out of the car and walked to the entrance of the building.

Addison went up to the reception area with Derek in tow. "Hello, I'm Addison Montgomery, I set a tentative appointment with Dr. Vaselenak for Derek Shepherd. I believe he's expecting us."

"Hmm...hold on one sec. Oh yes, he's expecting you. Go ahead and take a seat, he should be with you shortly." the receptionist replied.

They began to walk towards the chairs when the receptionist called out to them. "Ms. Montgomery, Dr. Shepherd, the doctor would like to see you now, right this way please." She lead them to Dr. Vaselenak's office. Derek walked in first with Addison close behind him.

"Dr. Vaselenak, thank you so much for seeing us today. Umm... this is Dr. Addison Montgomery, she was the one that left you the message." Derek stated. The doctor shook both of their hands and signaled for them to take a seat. "It's nice to meet you Dr. Montgomery."

"Likewise. I really appreciate you seeing Derek with such short notice. Was St. Ambrose able to fax you their file on Derek?" Addison asked.

"Yes they were. Derek, I've been going over it and I agree with Dr. Anderson, everything came back negative. However, I would still like to run some exams on you myself. I still can't explain why you were unconcious for so long, and that gives me some pause for concern. I'm going to send this request to your hospital, you can take the tests there."

"What kind of tests will you be requesting?" Addison asked with concern once again.

"The same ones he has taken before, except they will be a little bit more extensive." he answered. "In the meantime Derek, I really need you to take it easy. I would really rather you not go to work at least for a week. I also hope that you are doing what I had suggested you do to help diminish the episodes. Actually, I don't understand what happened? You had been making major progress with your therapist." At this Addison raised an inquiring eyebrow. "What happened in Los Angeles that caused this? Where you able to get a hold of Dr. Pete Wilder? He could have been of great help to you." Dr. Vaselenak questioned.

Addison was a bit stunned to say the least and she looked towards Derek for any type of reaction to this. 'He was there to see Pete. Derek didn't come to LA for me, he went to see Pete, and why wouldn't Pete tell me Derek was his patient?' A million questions were running through her mind. She had to wait to speak with Derek about it in private.

Derek looked at her and smiled nervously before responding to his doctor's questions. "I had a few surprises when I got to Los Angeles, events that I couldn't have predicted that might have caused me to over exert myself, but I am so glad they happened."

"Well Derek, you really have to be careful. Like I said before, panic attacks aren't dangerous but they can be very crippling if you don't keep them under control. You have the power to control them, you've already taken steps to do that, I just don't want you to regress. Whatever it is that you need to deal with, do it."

"I will, thank you doctor."

"Okay, I'm ordering the tests from Seattle Grace and they should be expecting you tomorrow morning. If you have any more incidents or questions, please don't hesitate to call me. It was a pleasure meeting you Dr. Montgomery." Dr. Vaselenak stood and extended his hand to theirs in parting before leading them out of his office.

Derek and Addison walked back to their waiting car, neither of them speaking. Derek finally broke the uncomfortable silence.

"William, could you please take us here?" Derek said as he handed the driver directions.

"Yes sir." the driver replied.

Addison remained quiet. She was turned away from Derek, glancing out the window, but she wasn't really focusing on anything. Derek wanted to break this sudden tension between them.

"Fifteen years together Addison, you must have seen the therapist coming." Derek joked in a mock serious tone.

He watched her for any reaction, he finally saw the smile he was looking for.

"Look Addie, I know you probably have a lot of questions and I will answer them all, but I just want to make a quick stop at the trailer and drop our stuff off and then have William drive us to a place that I want to show you."

"Derek, I already told you...I don't want to stay at the trailer with you. I..."

"I know Addie, and if after our talk you still want to stay at a hotel, then we will go back and pick up our bags and we can stay at a hotel."

She had caught the "we" part but decided not to pursue it yet. "Fine. Where are we going anyways?"

"A place that I think you will really love. There isn't much there right now, but there could be." Derek said with a wistful smile.

Addison stared at him curiously. She was about to ask him a question when her phone rang. Derek gave her an inquisitive stare.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Addison, I've been trying to reach you for the past 3 hours, you never called me with Derek's flight information."

"Richard? Oh I'm so sorry, it completely slipped my mind that I had called you to pick Derek up. We're actually already in Seattle, I had a car service pick us up. I'm really truly sorry that I forgot to call and tell you."

"Wait, I thought Derek was flying alone. You're here in Seattle with Derek?" He asked a little confused.

"Yes, I couldn't let him fly alone. I didn't want to risk him having another episode, so I thought it would be best if I flew with him. I'm just here for a few days Richard."

"So, you're telling me that my favorite Neo-natal surgeon is in town for a few days? Would said surgeon be interested in working with her favorite Chief of Surgery while she's here?" he asked unabashedly.

"Richard, I won't be here that long. Besides, I'm just here to make sure that Derek is okay." she explained.

Richard was quiet for a few moments. He knew that if he stayed quiet long enough, Addison would give in. She could never really deny him anything. He gained a triumphant smile when he heard her sigh.

"Fine, I'll come in for a day or two while I'm here, but I have to be back in Los Angeles by Monday morning."

"Great! I'll have your badge, keys, and office ready in a couple of hours." he said with undeniable excitement.

"You are seriously incorrigible. Derek and I should be by the hospital early tomorrow morning. See you then." She hung up the phone and then turned to Derek. "What?" she asked with humorous exasperation.

"Nothing, it's just that...never mind, I don't want my arm to be smacked again." he said jokingly.

"Derek, spit it out." she said half-seriously.

"Well Addie, what can I say? You can never turn Richard down and it's... Owwww! You see, that's why I didn't want to say anything. I thought you came to make sure I was okay, but now I'm convinced you just came down here to smack me around a little." he said with a huge chuckle as Addison went for his arm again. Derek caught her hand and stopped her.

They both burst out laughing. He looked at her and saw that recognizable glint in her eye. God...how he had missed her beautiful greenish-blue orbs, they always had the amazing power to make him lose his breath. Addison noticed the look that Derek was giving her. He seemed so happy, she hadn't seen this side of him in so long. The car came to a stop as they arrived at the port and the moment quickly dissipated. Addison instantly pulled her hand away and quickly turned. Derek was left missing the feel of her hand in his.

"Would you like to step out onto the ferry or would you prefer to stay in the car?" William asked.

"I think I'm gonna step out William. I ahh...need some fresh air."Addison said thoughtfully. Derek noticed the change in Addison's demeanor. Before she had seemed happy and light, now it seemed like she was carrying the weight of the world. 'What could have changed?' he wondered. Then the light bulb went on in his head, the ferry! They had never had the best moments on the ferry and they were mostly his fault. Who was he kidding, all the horrible memories in Seattle were his fault. He saw William step out of the car and go around to open Addison's door. She quickly bolted from the car, almost like she was trying to get as far away from Derek as possible. As soon as he saw her walk away, he stepped out as well and swiftly followed her.

Addison didn't have to look back to know that Derek was following her, she could feel him. She walked up to the top and quickly went to the spot where she had last stood almost 2 years ago. All the memories started to flood her mind.

Flash:

Addison is standing, staring out into the ocean. She turns around and sees Derek. He finally notices her and stops smiling. She waves at him but he just walks away. She turns back to the ocean, hurt and upset by Derek's indifference.

Flash:

Derek and Addison are on the ferryboat on Thanksgiving. She had thought about it the whole previous night, how she should broach the subject, she had to ask her husband to sleep with her, she missed him, and wanted to feel him again. Rip off the stitches she said, no anesthesia.

Flash:

Addison standing on the side of the ferry, staring at her rings. The rings that were supposed to bind her and Derek for life. The rings Derek had non-chalantly told her to remove with soap. The rings that were no longer symbols of eternal love. She looked at them once more before resigning herself. She knew she had to let him go, she had to move on. She couldn't think anymore, because if she did she would lose her courage. She mustered up all her inner strength and flicked them into the ocean.

All the memories hit her like a ton of bricks! It was almost too much for her to handle. She leaned on the railing and held on a little tighter. 'What was I thinking coming back here?'

"Addie?" Derek asked hesitantly as he approached her. "Are you okay?"

She couldn't conceal her inner turmoil. "I uhhhh...it's just that.. I shouldn't be here Derek. I shouldn't be back on this ferry, in this city, with you. I should have stayed in LA." she blurted out as she looked out into the ocean. Its endless abyss somehow always managed to soothe and calm her.

"Addison, I'm sorry. I know you don't have great memories of this city. I understand you not wanting to be here, but I really appreciate that you came here to make sure I was okay." He looked at her for any reaction, all he saw was her weary expression. "Come here, let's go sit down." he reached for her hand and led her to a bench. "Do you want to go home? I completely understand if you do." he held his breath.

Addison was quiet for a few moments contemplating his question. Part of her did want to go home, part of her just wanted to crawl into the comfort of her bed, be held by Pete's strong arms, feel safe and loved, and forget about the past few days. Then there was the other part of her that was glad that this happened. Well, not the part where Derek was admitted to the hospital, but the part where she got to see him, touch him, hold him, and talk to him again. She realized she hadn't answered him and noticed the worry on his face.

"No Derek, I don't want to go home, well at least not today." Addison said with a slight smile. "I want to make sure everything checks out with you first and then I can go home. It's just that.."she audibly sighed. "I was a little overwhelmed, but I'm okay now." she said unconvincingly.

Derek noticed this but decided not to push her, he knew they needed to talk. He had to tell her the truth. He had to apologize for the part he played in the demise of their marriage, and he needed to tell her how much he has missed her and how much he still loved her.

Addison decided to break the silence that had once again engulfed them. "So, can you at least tell me about you and Mark?" she asked.

"What have you heard?" he said teasingly.

Addison laughed a good hearty laugh. "You know what I mean. Are you back to being Derek and Mark?" she said with a hint of envy.

"We're working towards it everyday. I think we both realized that we can never go back to the way we used to be, but we also can't not be in each others lives. He's my brother, ya know?"

"Yeah, I do."

Addison noticed that they were getting closer to the port, so she stood up. Derek noticed it as well and followed. The ride to the trailer was again spent in silence. Addison didn't feel like talking and Derek didn't know what to say. William drove them up through the familiar drive way, which instantly brought back painful memories for Addison. She never thought it would be this hard. How can so much time have elapsed and still hurt the same? Whatever happened to time heals all wounds? Derek interrupted her pondering.

"Addie, I'm just gonna drop off our bags and grab a few things. You don't have to come in if you don't want to." Derek reassured.

"I'll stay in the car, don't take long." she simply stated. Derek nodded in understanding and stepped out of the car. William came around to help him unload the bags and carry them in.

Derek entered his trailer and instructed William to leave the bags by the bed. He opened drawer after drawer, he couldn't remember where he had left the blue prints. He rummaged through a few more until he found them. He moved on to his next mission. Pictures, he wanted to show her that she had not been forgotten. Even though she hadn't physically been here, he thought of her often. He opened the last drawer and pulled out the wooden box where he kept his treasured photos of them. Some of their happiest moments that were captured on film...these had kept him sane the past few months. He had longingly gazed at them so much that the edges were starting to fray. He gathered a few more things and then went back out to the car.

"Derek, where are we going?" Addison said as she noticed that Derek was loaded down with various items.

"Some place I wanna show you, it's not too far from here Addie." He explained as he leaned over the seat to point out the dirt road that led to the land he bought. Addison watched him curiously but decided to wait until they arrived at wherever they were going.

The car came to a stop at the end of a clearing. Addison noticed the open space and the amazing view of the Seattle skyline. William exited the car and came around Addison's side to open her door. She stepped out and inhaled deeply. That was one major difference between Seattle and Los Angeles, the fresh crisp air.

"William, go ahead and go for a drive okay?, we need a couple of hours. Do you have a card on you so I can give you a call when we're done here?"

The driver handed Derek his card and stepped back into the car. Addison stood watching the car disappear down the road. "Derek, what's going on? Why are we here?"

"Come with me Addie." Derek instructed as he held out his hand to her. He guided her closer to the cliff drop and pulled out a blanket which he then set on the grass. He then rummaged through the picnic basket and offered her some yogurt, muffins, and orange juice. Addison gave him a curious glance. "I really didn't have a lot of edible food in my fridge, so I brought what was still good." he said sheepishly. "I figured you'd be a bit hungry."

Addison smiled at his thoughtfulness. He hadn't ceased to amaze her in the past few days. She readily accepted a yogurt from him and eased herself down onto the blanket. "So...?" she trailed off.

Where to begin, thought Derek. There was so much that he wanted to tell her but he didn't know how to start. The beginning always seemed to be the right place. He took a deep breath and gathered his courage.

"Addie, so much has happened since you've been gone, I honestly don't know where to begin. I will tell you why we're here, but I need to tell you what led me to this very moment." He looked up to gage her reaction, she nodded for him to continue. "I don't remember when we started to unravel...when I think back now I feel like it was a slow progression, but I want you to know that I never set out to push you away..." he was suddenly interrupted by Addison.

"Derek, we don't need to go there. I mean, I appreciate that you want to give this...us closure but it's okay, it's in the past."

"That's just it Addie, it's not. It never was. No matter how much I tried to convince you, me, and everyone else for that matter, the past always played a part in our present. It even plays a part in this very moment. I need to tell you how sorry I truly am for the part I played in the demise of our marriage." He paused trying to collect his thoughts. Addison had been stunned into silence, she didn't know if she wanted to hear what he had to say, but she was more afraid of not hearing it.

"A little over a year and half ago, I started having panic attacks. At first I ignored them because I thought they were only occurring because of lack of sleep. They only happened a few times so I didn't give them much attention. Then they became more frequent, to the point where I was actually afraid for my health. At the time, I didn't know what was happening to me. Dr. Vaselenak diagnosed me and told me in so many words, that I was probably suffering from them because of stress, lack of sleep, or more times than not, because of unresolved issues. The funny thing is, that when he said that, I thought it was completely bogus. I thought I had everything that I wanted. You had moved on, I was working towards some sort of relationship with Meredith, and I had even made plans to build us a house in this very spot..."

At this comment Addison flinched. "...and I had started to mend my friendship with Mark." Derek reached for the glasses, poured some juice in each, and then handed one to Addison. She reluctantly took it, still startled by his revelation. The thought of Derek and Meredith building a home together shouldn't affect her this much, but it did. She took a sip and waited for him to continue.

"After I was diagnosed, I decided to take a trip with Mark. This is where I had my epiphany, or where Mark actually knocked some sense into me." he said with a slight chuckle. "He made me realize things that I had been in denial about, things that hit me like a ton of bricks. Addison, I realized that the main reason I was having these episodes was because I kept denying what I truly felt, what I truly wanted, what I needed...all that time I only needed one thing..." He paused again, looked up and stared into her eyes. She needed to see the truth in his eyes. "I needed you Addie, I needed you."

Addison took a quick breath intake, her heart started pounding quickly. She didn't know what to say, what to do? What was he saying. "Derek ,what are you saying?" she asked hesitantly.

"Addison, what I came to understand is, that everything that I did in Seattle was because of you. I was in so much pain, I wanted to hurt you back, I needed to numb it, that's when I met Meredith. I don't deny that I care about her but I was never in love with her. I thought I was, I honestly wanted to be, I needed to be in love with her to hurt you. It didn't work though, because every time I hurt you I was hurting myself. I had to constantly remind myself that you cheated on me with my best friend, my brother, the man who stood next to me when I married the love of my life." He stopped, he noticed the tears welling up in her eyes. A lone tear fell down her face, he reached up and wiped it away with his thumb. "Addie don't cry, I don't blame you for what you did, I'm mostly to blame for that. You made a mistake, but I forgive you Addison, I forgive you."

She leaned into his hand, she couldn't speak. If she spoke the emotions that had been boiling up inside her would spill over and she didn't want to breakdown. He caressed her cheek a bit longer and then continued.

"You tried so hard to make us work again when you were here and all I did was pine away for another woman, a woman that I led you to believe I was in love with. Addison, how could I have been so cruel?! How could I have tried to intentionally hurt you over and over again?" Derek put his hand through his hair, still horrified and consumed by his past actions. "When I asked you to leave, I thought I would be able to move on and finally be happy, be with the women that I thought I loved, how wrong was I I had had the woman that I truly loved and I let her go, I had pushed her away. You were all I could think about after you left, which infuriated me to no end. I didn't want to think about you, I didn't want to miss you, and I certainly didn't want to feel that love that I had been so successful of pushing away. Luckily, my heart wasn't having any of it.!" He stood up and began pacing, Addison just watched him. "Even though you weren't here, you've never been out of my mind." He reached for the wooden box that held some of their pictures. "These kept me going after you left. Even when I was trying my hardest to deny what I felt for you, I would still pull these out and stare at them for hours. I was trying to relive those days in my mind, the days when we were at our happiest." Addison looked at the many pictures Derek had kept and a slow smile crept across her face when she saw their wedding picture. She couldn't believe that he had kept a copy as well.

"I can't believe you still have all of these. When I forgot to bring them with me to LA, I thought for sure you would have gotten rid of them." she said softly as she looked through the photos.

"I couldn't part with them Addie. Even when I thought I hated you, even when I was moving on, I just couldn't bring myself to part with them. I'm so sorry Addie, for everything. I should have let you in. I should have told you about the demons that I was trying to fight. I should have let you help me through them before everything got so out of hand. I was too stubborn, too proud, but look where that got me." a strangled laugh escaped him.

He paused for a few moments to collect his thoughts. He had to tell her about his father, all of this had started with him. "I went through a lot with my father, that is why I never liked to talk about him and why I refused to have a relationship with him. He did quite a number on us, on me especially, enough for it to be a big part in my therapy." Derek took another sip of his juice. "Yeah, I'm in therapy. After I went to see Dr. Vaselenak, he recommended that I see one, he also ahh.." He looked away from her, "...he recommended that I go to a Holistic doctor, that's how I heard about Dr. Wilder." As he finished, he risked a look over towards Addison who was just staring at him with her mouth slightly open.

"So you didn't come to LA to look for me?" the question was out of her mouth before she realized it. She blushed when she saw the slight smirk on Derek's face.

"I didn't go to LA to look for you Addie because I didn't know you were there. If I had known, I would have been there a long time ago, believe me. I had been trying to find out where you were living for several months, but no one would tell me anything, not even my mother."

Addison smiled at the mentioning of his mother. Mom had always taken her side. It's not that she didn't love her son, it's that she knew how much Addison loved him, and how hard she had tried to make it work.

"But you know what, I'm glad that they didn't tell me, because I got to work on myself before I found you. I had so much to do for myself and for you. I'm attending AA meetings." He saw her questioning face. "I had a problem Addie, a problem that I chose to ignore, but not anymore." he simply stated.

"I had to work on that and so much more so that I wouldn't become him. My father was an abusive man, he beat my mother. He never beat me or my sisters, but he might as well have because the damage was still done." He snuck a glance towards Addison again, she gave a sympathetic look. "When I got older, I swore that I would never be like him. That I would never hurt the ones that I loved, but things don't always turn out the way that you want them to." He walked back towards her and sat down again. "When I starting stressing out at work, I started having the urge to drink to help me relax. Then I began noticing a pattern, a pattern that was all too familiar to me. When my father was stressed at work, which was everyday, he would drink, which in turn turned him into an alcoholic. So when I felt I was doing the same, I began to push you away, I didn't want to risk hurting you. Stupid huh?"

Addison couldn't believe the things that Derek had been trying to deal with on his own all of this time. If only he had just allowed her to help him cope. If only she would have known, things could have turned out so differently. She couldn't control her frustration and anger any longer. The words exploded out of her. "Derek! What the hell where you thinking?! Keeping something like this from me for so long! I could have helped you! Why didn't you just let me help you?!" She stood up and started pacing. "Do you realize that everything could have been prevented?! Do you know that if you had just let me in, Mark and I would have never happened?!, nor you and Meredith!, or our divorce!! Shit Derek!, what were you thinking?! How could you not think that I would help you? How could you not trust me?! I loved you, I would have stood by you, no matter what. I would have done anything for you! Why Derek? Why?" she turned to look at him,challenging him to give her an explanation.

"Addie, I didn't want you anywhere near me! Don't you understand? At that time I was so terrified of what I might do, I didn't want to expose you to the darkness from my past. I didn't want you to be alone either, so I sent Mark in my place. I trusted him to take care of you, make you laugh, and keep you happy. I never imagined that I was setting both of you up." He got up and walked over to her.

"I know he fell in love with you Addie, he told me, and you know what? I can't blame him. You are an amazing woman Addison. You're beautiful, smart, funny, sophisticated, compassionate, you're a brilliant surgeon, and a wonderful wife. I should have never let you think that you were anything less than all those things. I stopped seeing you, all I saw was my own pain and I pushed you away." Derek couldn't hold his emotions anymore, tears were now streaming down his face, he had held back for too long. Addison didn't even think twice as she leaned forward and took him in her arms, he sobbed on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Addie, I'm so sorry. I pushed and pushed until you actually left and all I really needed this whole time was you. I love you so much, how could I have let you go? I've missed you so much." Addison just held on to him, her mind was reeling, her heart was beating rapidly. She found herself crying with him, crying for him, for her, for them. She hadn't expected Derek to tell her what he did, and she didn't expect the happiness that overtook her body when he said those three words she had been wanting to hear for so long.

"Derek, shh...you have to calm down Derek. Please I don't want you to have another episode. Shhhhh...shhh..." she soothingly whispered as she rubbed circles on his back. Derek just held on tighter. He didn't want to let her go, he was putting everything on the line for her this time. She led them back towards the blanket and they both eased down onto it.

"I made so many mistakes, I don't know if you can ever forgive me for all of them" he sobbed as he loosened his arms around her. "Walking away from you in New York, sleeping with Meredith, but one of the biggest mistakes was forcing myself on you that night." He said with palpable pain. Addison was caught off guard by his mention of that night so many years ago. She hadn't talked about it since that night with Mark.

"No! It wasn't like that, I told you. You may have been a bit rough when you came to me that night, but we still made love. You still loved me that night." She lifted his face up to meet her gaze. "You didn't hurt me Derek, you loved me. Even in your drunken haze, you still loved me. So don't ever think about that night again, do you hear me?"

"How could I not? I remember holding you one night and you were having nightmares about it. I scared you Addison, I was responsible for you screaming in your sleep in the middle of the night." Derek turned away from her with a look of sheer self-disgust.

"Derek, look at me." He turned back to look at her, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. "Derek, it wasn't about that. Do you want to know what caused me to have so many nightmares?" he nodded. "It was the worry of you leaving me Derek. You had been so distant for months and then everything was great and perfect again, but I always had that fear that you would leave me." Addison said with a slight tremble in her voice, he reached out to touch her face again.

"Oh Addie, what the hell did I do to us?"

"Derek, it wasn't just you, I played a part in it to, I..."

"No Addie, this started with me and ended with me. I was the one who couldn't forgive my father, I was the one who couldn't let my past go, I was the one who left you alone, I became indifferent. It was me."

"Derek, I understand that you had a lot to do with it, but you didn't dig that hole alone, and I won't let you take all the blame for it. We both did so much damage, but that's in the past now Derek, we can move on with our lives."

"That's just it Addie, I can't move on with my life without you."

"Derek, I'm with Pete, I can't..."

"Please let me finish?" he begged. She motioned for him to continue.

"Addison, I ended things with Meredith after my talk with Mark. I told her the truth, that even after everything that happened, I really chose you. It was always meant to be you, but I was just too stubborn to accept it, and this land, these blue prints..." he reached for the blue prints and unrolled them for Addie to see "...were all made with you in mind. Look at the bay windows, the big porch, the walk-in closet, the his and hers bathrooms with the big round bathtub in the middle connecting them. I designed it with us in mind, with our dreams. Five bedrooms, our master bedroom, two offices, and the children's bedrooms, one boy-one girl in that order, so he could look out for her." He took a deep breath. "Look, I know you're in a relationship with Pete, and I have no right to ask you this, but I have to. If I don't, I will regret it for the rest of my life, and I already have so many regrets when it comes to you, to us. Addison is there any way that you would be willing to give me another chance to make this right? Would you give me the opportunity to love you the way I should have been loving you all along? Please tell me it's not too late? Please tell me that you still love me as much as I love you? Please?" he begged.

Addison couldn't hold back the sob that had been threatening to come out. She put her hand over her mouth to try and stifle it but to no avail. It was all too much, he was saying all the right things, but she just couldn't believe him, she didn't want to believe it. "Derek, I can't do this, so much has happened, as much as it pains me...I don't...I don't believe you."

"You have to be willing to believe me." Derek implored.

"I wish it were that simple Derek."

"Addie, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in seven billion." They looked at each other for several moments, neither breaking eye contact. He reached out and found her hand, they laced their fingers together. Both reveling in the moment. It seemed as if time itself was standing still, allowing them their solitude.

A sudden noise startled them. They turned in unison towards the road where they could hear a car approaching. Addison let go of his hand and quickly got up. Derek cursed under his breath when he noted it was their driver.

"Will you come back to the trailer with me?" Derek asked her hesitantly.

"I can't Derek, I need to think, I need some time alone. I just want to get my things from your place and find somewhere to stay."

"I'll come..."

"No Derek, I really need to be alone. I won't be able to think with you there. Please understand." she pleaded

"Okay, but promise that you'll call to let me know that you're okay. If you need anything, please call me. Okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I will." she gave him a slight smile. She was still a little stunned by all of Derek's confessions. She was practically glued to her spot. Derek took notice of this and reached for her, then led her to their waiting car.

As soon as they arrived at his trailer, he exited the car and turned to face her, silently begging her to change her mind. She turned away. He hurried into his trailer and grabbed her bags. William was waiting with the trunk open, Derek handed him the bags and let him adjust them. He walked over to Addison's window, "Addison, I just wanted to tell you that I love you with all my heart, but I understand if you can't forgive me. I understand if you don't want to give me another chance." He leaned in through the window, hesitated for a second before giving her a kiss. It was slow and sweet, he desperately wanted to savor this kiss if it was going to be their last. Addison was a bit caught off guard but slowly opened her mouth and instinctively reciprocated. They continued to kiss passionately for a few moments before she broke off the kiss. "I'll call you when I get settled." she whispered.

He stepped back and watched her go. He stood in the middle of the road and watched the car disappear into the forrest of trees. Then an overwhelming feeling came over him. It was so strong that it buckled his knees, and he barely made it back to the stairs to sit down. He felt a tremendous ache in his heart. He had finally been able to tell her everything but maybe it was too late. He let out a strangled cry and held his hand to his heart. Lightning erupted and the rain began to pour down in sheets. Derek didn't move, nothing mattered without her.

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	18. I Want to Believe

**Summary: ** This is an homage to **'The X-Files: I Want to Believe' **written by Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz

**ThanX **go out to my beta who still doesn't want this to be an** ADDEK** fic. LOL. Sorry **Agent Extremis**, no can do.

**Disclaimer:** Don't Give Up!

_Previously on Ouroboros:_

_He stepped back and watched her go. He stood in the middle of the road and watched the car disappear into the forest of trees. Then an overwhelming feeling came over him. It was so strong that it buckled his knees, and he barely made it back to the stairs to sit down. He felt a tremendous ache in his heart. He had finally been able to tell her everything but maybe it was too late. He let out a strangled cry and held his hand to his heart. Lightning erupted and the rain began to pour down in sheets. Derek didn't move, nothing mattered without her._

**'I Want to Believe' by Agent Addek**

The tall trees swayed side to side. You could hear the swooshing noises they made as they slapped up against each other. The wind was howling, almost like it was in pain and the water began pouring down more rapidly. It was almost as if it were trying to wash away the sins of the past. Darkness would soon be swallowing what was left of daylight and all he could do was sit there despairingly on his porch. It didn't matter that he was drenched in water, it didn't matter than he might get sick, and it didn't matter to him if he didn't even wake up tomorrow. Without Addison there by his side, his life no longer mattered.

Time seemed to go by so slowly. Why was is it that when you are in pain everything seems to lag? Why is it that everything hurts? Why is it so hard to breathe? Why is it hard to even think about? Derek stared out in front of him, not really focusing on anything in particular. His vision was blurred by tears and the rain. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there but he didn't care. Lightning could strike him down right now and he would gladly welcome it.

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She could hear the gravel crunching under the tires. Her mind was racing, she didn't know what to think. Derek had just dropped a big bomb on her. What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to say? She wanted to go back and confront him. How dare he tell her all of this now! After all of the pain, the heartache, the tears, the loneliness, things could have been so different. If he had just said something...anything...they would still be Addison and Derek. They would still be in New York...no Mark, no Meredith Grey, no Pete Wilder. Oh my god, Pete! I just left him to come with Derek. I didn't even think what this would look like to him and how leaving with my ex-husband would make him feel.

Addison felt her head spinning so she put her fingertips to her temples and rubbed them in small circles. She needed air, she needed to breathe fresh air so she lowered her window and was startled when water began splashing in. Addison hadn't realized that it had begun to rain but she didn't care if she got soaked. She needed air, she needed to breathe, she was suffocating in the back of this car. Tears began streaming down her face, she was so torn. Addison wanted to go back and talk to Derek. Yell! Scream! Tell him what he had put her through, but she didn't want to risk his health.

She realized that they were getting closer to the port, but she didn't know where to go from there. She couldn't go to a hotel room, it would only drive her insane. Where should she go? The answers that she needed she could only get from Derek, but could she really be around him right now? Could she be around him without wanting to slap him or kiss him for that matter? Her husband...ex-husband, had just confessed to her that he was still very much in love with her and that he had never stopped. He loves me. After everything that transpired in these past few years, he loves me. "I can't just leave, I have to see him. I have to go back." she whispered to herself.

"William, I'm so sorry to do this to you, but could you please drive me back to the trailer?" she asked hesitantly.

"Are you sure ma'am?" he asked with a hint of concern. He knew that as a driver he was paid to provide a service for his clients and one of those services was not to see what took place sometimes, but in this instant he felt compelled to ask her.

"I'm sure. Thank you." Addison replied with a gracious smile.

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The rain was starting to dissipate but Derek still didn't want to move. He knew that he was drenched but he just couldn't bring himself to care. The pain in his heart had now spread throughout his whole body. His bones ached, even his very core ached. It was like his body knew that he was missing something very important, something that he just couldn't live without. He was brought out of his inner turmoil when headlights suddenly beamed into his eyes. He couldn't tell who had just arrived and tried to shield his face with his hand to get a better look. The outline of someone was approaching him and even though he couldn't see, he could feel that it was her, she had come back.

"Addison?" he questioned hopefully.

"Derek, what are you doing out here?" she asked with surprise . She noticed that he was soaking wet and her care taking instincts kicked in. "Jesus Derek, you're drenched. Come on, let's get you inside." She instructed as she helped him up.

"You came back Addie, you came back." he whispered increduously.

"Derek, have you been out there since I left?" she inquired with concern and he nodded his reply. "Derek, what were you thinking? You're gonna get sick if we don't get you out of these wet clothes. Come on, let's go get you dried off and into something warm." She went to pull out some clothes for him.

"Addie, I'm fine." He tried to reassure her.

"Well, you won't be for long if you don't get into this shower and let the hot water run over you. Derek you could get sick." She opened the shower door and turned the nozzle to let the water start flowing. "Come on Derek, get in. I'll make some juju while you shower."

"Thanks for taking care of me Addie." he said gratefully as he turned to get into the shower.

As soon as she heard the clicking of the door she grabbed on to the sink and let out the breath she had been holding. Seeing Derek sitting alone in the dark and drenched had made her heart ache. The last time she had seen him that heartbroken was when Meredith had almost died, but this time it was because of her, because she had left him there. How could things have changed so drastically since she'd left? What if she had stayed and continued to fight instead of throwing in the towel when she had found out about his affair with Meredith? He didn't pursue the divorce, she had. Even after he had slept with Meredith, he still didn't end it. She had to do it, she was the one who filed. "Oh my god, things could have been so different!" She murmured to herself. "No!" She shook her head, she couldn't think that way. She couldn't change what happened.

Derek stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist. Addison couldn't help but admire him for a moment. His body was something she had explored for many years and it shocked and warmed her that she still remembered every scar, every wrinkle, every muscle.

Derek cleared his throat and Addison looked away embarrassed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare."

"It's okay Addie, you've seen me many times. Besides, I don't mind." he offered.

"I set your clothes on the bed. The juju should be ready in a bit." She turned back to her task at hand. Derek walked towards the bed and let his towel drop. He was at ease because it wasn't as though he hadn't changed in front of her many times before. He quickly changed and got comfortable. He watched her in the tiny kitchen while she got their cups ready. She looked so fragile. 'I wonder why she came back? What changed her mind?' He couldn't stop the various questions that were plaguing his mind at the moment.

Addison grabbed the hot cups of juju and walked towards Derek. She handed him one and set hers down. She took a seat by the foot of the bed and didn't say a word. She had to get her thoughts in order before she spoke. Derek watched her, he could see the confusion that played across her beautiful features.

"Addie?" he began in order to get her attention.

She didn't look at him at first. She looked at her hands as if they held all the answers. Then she took a deep breath and looked at him. Derek was floored, there was so much intense emotion in her gaze that it almost took his breath away. My god, what he had done to her?

"Addie, you came back." is all he could muster up to say.

"Yeah, I did." she whispered. She absentmindedly reached out for her cup, she needed to buy herself some more time before she spoke. All Derek could do was wait...wait for her to say whatever was on her mind.

"You stopped seeing me." She finally said. Derek looked up and met her eyes. He wanted to apologize but he knew that right now she needed to do the talking. "I know now why you pushed me away, but back then I had no clue. All that I knew was how you treated me and how it made me feel. It slowly ate away at my confidence...in you, in me, in us." She brushed off some imaginary lint from her skirt.

"Derek, you have no idea how much it hurt to feel your indifference towards me. It was physically painful most days but I carried on...putting on the act of the perfect wife, the perfect doctor, but inside I was dying. Everytime that you sent Mark in your place it was like a slap in the face. You didn't have time for me so you would send your replacement." She got up and turned her back to him.

"Work became everything to you Derek. To some level I understood it because I chose the same life, but when I was trying my hardest to make us work, you would dismiss it every single time with a 'Not now Addie'. You didn't even notice that we were falling apart Derek...and I thought, as well as felt, that you just didn't care to notice." She wiped a tear that was slowly trickling down the side of her face. "Even now when I think of that time, it's still too painful. It feels like I can't breathe. Jesus Derek, why? Why did you let this happen to us? I tried Derek, I tried so hard to make us work. You never even apologized for standing me up on our anniversary, for leaving me to wait and figure it out on my own. So on one stupid lonely night I gave in to Mark. I was too angry, too hurt, and too weak to keeping fighting his advances on me. I just wanted to feel comforted, loved, and wanted. It was never about him, it was always about you. I needed you and you weren't there."

"Addie, I know." She looked up to meet his gaze.

"You know what?" she questioned softly.

"Mark told me. He told me how he fell in love with you. How on that night that he went over to see you, his intention was to ask you to leave me for him. I know all of this and I've forgiven you."

She looked at him and almost laughed at the irony.

"You've forgiven me??" she questioned ruefully. "Derek, it's not about forgiveness anymore, this is about forgetting. Forgetting the pain of what we put each other through. Forgetting what you did to me, what I did to you, what I did to myself, Derek! It's not about forgiveness, it's about living with the choices we made. My god Derek, do you know what I did? Do you? Did Mark tell you everything? How I stayed when all I wanted was you. How I kept letting him love me even when all I could think of was you. How I got pregnant and even though being a mother was something I wanted so much, I couldn't bring myself to have his child because it would mean the end of us!! So I had an abortion. ME!! Derek ME!!" Derek gasped in shock at this revelation but his reaction went unnoticed by Addison as she continued, "Me, the woman, the doctor that dedicates her life to saving these little innocent human beings. ME! I had an abortion because I knew that you would never take me back if I had kept that baby." Addison's body shook violently as she sobbed. She had finally told him about the pregnancy, then she fell into a heap on the floor.

Derek instinctively rushed over to her, setting his own labyrinthine emotions aside. He rubbed her back in a circular motion trying desperately to console her. "Shhh Addie, shhhh." She continued to sob but was now in his arms and then she wrapped her arms around him tightly, hoping to lessen the agony she was feeling. "It's okay Addie, it's okay."

"NO!" She said in a strangled cry, "It's not okay Derek, it's never gonna be okay! Do you know why?" She stared at Derek challenging him to give her an answer but he just sat there stunned, taken aback by her raw emotion. "Because that might have very well been my last chance to be a mother."

"What are you talking about Addison? You have plenty of time to be a mother, you..." She cut him off before he could continue.

"That's just it, I'm out of time! I'm out of chances. It's the biggest irony of all of this mess. That was it for me. It's like some karmic joke Der, I'm a fucking karmic joke!" She tried to get up off of the floor but Derek held her. She turned to stare at Derek.

"Just talk to me Addie, tell me. I'm here, I'm right here."

"You're here?! You're here?! Well it's a little too late for that Derek don't you think?" Addison retorted bitterly as she stood up and towered over Derek. "Why now? Why not when I first got here? Why not when I was fighting to save our marriage? I gave up everything for you, everything! The life I knew, my friends, my practice, my last chance at being a mother. WHY?? Why NOW??" She turned away from him. She needed to get her bearings and she was beginning to unravel. She took a deep breath and calmly turned to look at him again. "What's so different now? I'm still the woman who betrayed you with your best friend, the woman you left for an intern you barely knew, the same intern you made a fool of me with. You treated me like shit Derek. You humiliated me in front of my colleagues and you treated me like I was nothing, like I meant nothing. Then you asked me to leave, to leave and never come back and I did. I did exactly that. And now, now after all of that, after everything, you have a fucking epiphany and you decide that you want me back, that you love me?" The words seethed out of her.

Derek stood there trying to say something...anything, but he couldn't. "What am I supposed to do with that Derek? I've moved on. I've met a wonderful man who loves and trusts me. He's helped me to put the pieces that you broke back together again. I can't just walk away from that, from him, from our life together because now you've realized that you're still in love with me. I realize that so much has led up to all of these deleterious events, but that doesn't change the fact that this happened and that we caused each other so much irreparable pain. I just can't go back Derek. I can't, I won't. I'm tired, I'm so tired." She sat at the edge of the bed again, drained and exhausted.

Derek was dumbfounded. He knew that he had hurt her and that he had put her through so much, but he had never realized the magnitude of what he had done. He watched her for a moment. She looked so frail and broken. It tore him up inside to know that he was the cause of that.

"Addie, I know we have been through so much. I fucked up, you made mistakes, and we caused so much pain to ourselves and to Mark and Meredith, but it shouldn't stop us from trying. Don't give up on us, please. If there is even the slightest chance that you are still in love with me, don't give up." Derek pleaded as he sat next to her and tried to take her hand.

Addison moved her hand before he could grab it. "What does it matter Derek? What difference does it make if I'm still in love with you? It doesn't make any of it go away. Please Derek, don't make this any harder than it already is."

"It does matter Addison, don't you see? It matters because if we're still in love with each other then I want to believe that we can get past this together. Fight Addie, fight to save us."

"I don't know if I have the strength to fight this battle again Derek." she said despondently.

"I promise you Addie, I promise you that this time you won't be fighting alone."

He reached for her hand again. This time she let him take it. "Addison are you still in love with me?" Derek asked hesitantly as he looked up and was consumed by her big blue wet intense gaze. He took a deep breath and waited anxiously.

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	19. Redux

**Summary: ** This chapter is an homage to **'Redux'**, an episode of **'The X-Files' **written by Chris Carter.

**Redux** means to be brought back, restored

**ThanX **go out to my beta **Karen **who stepped in for **Agent Extremis** who hasn't been feeling well. **Karen **you have been a trooper for putting up with my rants on how unfair Shonda is for not giving me some **ADDEK** lovin'. =)

Get well soon **Agent Extremis. **

**Disclaimer: ** All lies lead to the truth.

_Previously on Ouroboros:_

_"It does matter Addison, don't you see, it matters because if we're still in love with each other then I want to believe that we can get past this together. Fight Addie, fight to save us."_

_"I don't know if I have the strength to fight this battle again." she said dejectedly. _

_"I promise you Addie, I promise you that this time you won't be fighting alone." _

_He took a deep breath and reached for her hand again, this time she let him take it. "Addison__,__ are you still in love with me?" Derek asked hesitantly, he looked up and was met with her big blue wet intense gaze. He took a deep breath and waited anxiously. _

**'Redux' by Agent Addek**

The Seattle skyline was emitting an array of purples, blues, and flashes of white as lightning began to erupt. The rain came back with a vengeance and rapidly pounded loudly over the small trailer. It was kind of fitting that this very night lightning was striking again.

They were both silent in the small cramped trailer, Derek could hear the roaring thunderous sounds outside, but it seemed that Addison was completely oblivious. Derek watched her, he could see the various emotions dancing across her face.

He felt like an eternity was passing as he waited for her answer and yet Addison remained silent. If he could only know what was running through her mind right now. Was she even considering this?...Them? Could she possibly forgive and forget and move on with him by her side? He wanted to know, he needed to know but he couldn't push her, he had to be patient and wait. It was his turn to wait. It was his turn to fight, his turn to make them work, to keep them together. If she chose to give it another go, he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her.

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Addison could hear the fulminating thunder, the lightning was flashing all around them, but it didn't matter. She was too distracted by the different uncertainties that were traversing through her mind.

She kept cursing the love she felt for Derek. No one else had hurt her, filled her, driven her to the point of insanity, and loved her like he had. But she didn't know if she could ever forget what had happened between them, if she could believe him. How could she believe in him, in them after their tumultuous past? How would things be different this time? Their second chance was when she first moved to Seattle and that ended up badly. That nearly destroyed her.

She loved him of that she was sure of, he was the great love of her life, but could they really try this again? Could they be together without drudging out the past? Would she be able to be with him and not be constantly afraid of him changing his mind again? Is she really able to trust that he's over Meredith? And what about Derek, could he be with her without worrying that she would cheat on him again? How would they make this work? How could they move forward without constantly thinking of the past? She wouldn't be able to give him the family that he always wanted. Would she be enough? Did she even want to find out? But then again why not just try? This is what she had wanted from him for so long, granted it took him a while, but that was so Derek, for a neurosurgeon sometimes he was a bit dense. Could she really walk away from him? Could she really go back to Los Angeles and not wonder what could have been? They had hurt each other immensely, but maybe there was a reason for it all? Maybe they were meant to face that in order to never forget how hard they fought to be together. Maybe there is something to the saying, "Something worth having, is worth fighting for" and god how they have fought. So many questions plagued her, she turned to look at him, she saw the fear that began to over take his features, he was worried, he was afraid of her answer. This man that now sat in front of her, vulnerable yet strong, uncertain yet confident, this was the man that she had fallen in love with.

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Derek didn't want to make her feel like he was pushing for an answer but he wanted to know that she was okay, she had been quiet for so long.

"Addie?" he said in order to bring her out of her pensive state. He gained her attention and was instantly met with such intensity, he was taken aback. He had never seen so much passion, anguish, and confliction play across her face.

The lightning boomed unyieldingly outside extinguishing the trailers electricity. They both stood up, hands still intwined. They looked around them, trying to find another source of light but neither moving away from each other. They stood there face to face both breathing heavily, only inches apart. The trailer was illuminated for a few seconds. Derek could see the need, want, and love in her eyes. He knew the answer, but he needed to ask one more time.

"Addie, are you still in love with me?"

She turned away from him, it was too much, she couldn't deny when he was so close to her.

"Addie?" he said her name like a prayer. She turned to meet his gaze again.

"God help me yes, yes, I'm still in love with you." she slipped her hand out of his grasp quickly attempting to walk away, but Derek caught her arm and stilled her. He pulled her to him, silently begging for permission. She nodded slightly and he leaned in and captured her lips. Derek slipped his hand behind her head pushing her towards him more. Addison reached up to Derek's face, putting her hands on either side of him and caressing him with her thumbs as they intensified the kiss.

Derek guided them towards the back, coming to a halt when they reached the foot of the bed. He looked at her for an answer, she answered by grabbing him by the collar and falling onto the bed with him on top of her. He lifted himself above her, drinking her in. She was beautiful.

"Are you sure, Addie?"

"Yes." she simply stated.

He leans in to capture her swollen lips once more, this time slowly, savoring every nip and lick. He glides his hand down her side, then slides it up again, bringing her skirt up with it. Addison begins to unbutton his shirt, she shoves it off his muscular shoulders and explores his bare back with her hands. Derek pulls back and begins to undo his pants, wanting to free himself completely of the interfering garments, as he pulls them off his boxers come down with his pants, freeing his cock. Addison sits up a bit and unbuttons her blouse, it slips off her shoulders pooling at her waist, Derek reaches for the last button and then tosses the blouse over his shoulder. He smoothes his hands over her hips and pulls her skirt over and down her hips, sliding it completely off.

Derek gets on all fours taking her in. She's a gorgeous vision in front of him. Her smooth tanned skin is a beautiful contrast to her red maim. Her lacy bra and panties hardly leave anything to the imagination, not that he doesn't know her body completely, but it's been a while since he last had the pleasure of having her in his arms. Her pouty lips, her heavy lids, the way she licks her lips and swallows. He can feel his racing heart, it has been too long. "Addie", he whispered suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. She meets his gaze and nods, she knew exactly what he wanted, wanting the same thing. Derek's hands, lips and tongue are everywhere at once caressing, probing, nipping, and kissing, groping and kneading. He slides completely down, until he's at the foot of the bed, and begins to make his way back up, kissing every single inch of her, kissing and licking the past away.

Addison moans in pleasure enjoying the sensations as he makes his way to her stomach. Derek splays his hands on her slender waist and buries his face in the smooth flesh of her stomach. He opens his mouth and lets his tongue kiss her above her hip. Addison arches her back and hisses at the sensation it sends to her warm wet core. She lays her hand on his chest and slowly slides it until she grabs a very aroused Derek. He groans at the contact, pressing himself against her hand. She grips him harder and moves her hand up and down his erection.

"Don't stop, Addie." his voice was raspy.

She could feel him throbbing, he felt amazing. His cock was hot and hard, his skin was stretched so tightly that it felt like silk. Addison ran her hand along his shaft slowly, bringing her thumb over the tip of his cock and smiling as she feels the warm liquid gathering there. She swirls her thumb and spreads the moisture along his length, sliding her hand up and down his thickness.

"Addie, it feels so good, baby." he manages to say.

His husky tone makes her feel her desire pooling low in her belly. Addison moaned; wanting more, needing more, she pulls on his hips. "I want you Derek, I need you in me now." she pleads. Derek leans in and her legs automatically part so that he is cradled between them, his erection nudging at her entrance. She firmly grabs his hips guiding him to her center. Their eyes meet, intense and hot. He lifts himself on his forearms and cups her face with his palms, his fingers tangling in her hair. "I've missed you so much, I love you, Addie." He slowly lowers his head and kisses her. Addison reciprocates and then pulls away. "I love you too, Derek." he smiles at her then slowly enters her, the sensations flood through Addison and she gasps his name into his mouth, as he continues to slide excruciatingly slow in and out of her.

"Oh god Addie you feel amazing, I love you so much, so much..."

"Ahhhh Derek, you feel so good, more, I need ahhh yes, I love you Oh God." she panted.

Derek sped up a little more, lengthening his strokes and swiveling his hips, Addison met his fervor as they both moaned at the amazing sensation. He could feel her walls tightening around him, his desire was reaching its climax too he didn't know how long he could keep going.

"Oh, Derek, ahhhh, a little more, harder, Derek, harrrrrdeeeeeer."

Derek drove his pulsing cock into her furiously. He felt her legs lift up a bit higher and he sank deeper into her feeling his thickness slam into the entrance of her womb, he was in so deep. Addison screamed and Derek felt her muscles tighten and spasm around his rigid shaft, the vibration of her muscles pulled him over the edge. Derek threw his head back and shoved himself one more time and began to jerk inside her emptying himself completely. They were both still for a few moments, until Derek slipped out of her and they instantly missed the nearness of each other. He rolled off of her and then grabbed her and pulled her to him, reaching for the blankets at the same time and pulled them over their worn out and sated bodies.

"You okay?" he whispered.

"Yeah, I am, I'm better than okay." she smiled, "You?"

"I'm doing pretty damn good, that was amazing, Addie, you are amazing. "I love you". He leaned in and gives her a light peck on the lips.

"I love you too." she said in a breathless voice. They were both silent just basking in each others presence, content. Derek wrapped himself completely around her, and they both drifted easily to sleep.

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_She could feel the grains of the sand with her feet, reveling in the smell and feel the ocean breeze. Addison walked from the shoreline into the water, needing to touch it, needing to feel it move through her hands, only then would she believe that she was there. The sun was shining brightly and the water glistening. She could hear the soothing sounds of the ocean surf. Mild waves began to crash against the shore, soaking her completely but this didn't deter her from going further into the water. Addison was completely mesmerized by the vastness of the sea, feeling a pull towards it. She floated with the waves until she found herself completely surrounded by its endlessness. _

_She looked up, the sun had begun to fade and the waves were no longer tranquil, they began to gain momentum, clashing against her, dragging her further into this __immeasurable mass of water. She began to struggle trying to stay above water, but the waves were unrelenting. Addison found herself under water she couldn't come back up, she couldn't breathe, she tried to swim, to swim and find the oxygen she needed but to __no avail. She began to feel the pressure in her head__.__ She looked around shocked by how clear everything was, the ocean seemed bottomless. She tried again trying to find relief, then nothing, it all faded to black._

Addison awoke and instantly sat up in bed trying to catch her breath, it had all been a dream, she wasn't drowning she was safe. She looked around her and recognized where she was, she noticed that the rain had stopped. She looked out the window and the sky had now cleared leaving only a starry moonlit night reflecting upon both their bodies. She turned to her right and saw Derek peacefully sleeping, her breathing instantly began to even out. She laid back down turning herself to face him, she was in awe of this man, they had been through so much, and now here they were. They had survived. No more Mark. No more Meredith. No more Pete. Addison's eyes widen, "Oh my god, PETE!" she whispered aghast.

How could she have forgotten again that she was still very much in a relationship with him? She didn't stop for one second to think about him when she was falling into bed with her ex-husband. He's been nothing but supportive, amazing, and loving. How could she disregard him like that? What the hell was she thinking? She felt Derek stir and quickly shut her eyes, her heart still racing, she couldn't deal talking to him right now.

Derek opened his eyes. He instantly felt the tension radiating from her body, he could hear her agitated breathing. He leaned towards her and laid his hand on her hip, he felt her flinch, he knew something was wrong.

"I can feel you thinking."

"I'm sorry I can't sleep."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Addie?"

"It's nothing Derek really, please lets just go back to sleep we have an early appointment tomorrow."

"Addie, look at me please."

She sighed then turned to look at him, she didn't want to talk about this, not wanting to think about yet another one of her many mistakes because of her damn impulsive nature.

Derek could see the tears that were beginning to pool in her eyes, and a million different scenarios began to play in his head. He was afraid to find out, but he couldn't let them fall asleep and pretend like there was nothing wrong, he wouldn't repeat the same mistakes that led them so far away from each other before.

"Addie?" he questioned softly.

"Why do I keep doing this Derek? Why do I keep doing things without thinking and how they are gonna affect the people around me. Why the hell am I so selfish? I can't believe I did this, I can't believe I did this after everything." she said in an exasperated tone.

"You regret what happened tonight?" he said wounded.

"Yes, I mean no, not us, not saying what I said or doing what we did, but yes to doing what we did without thinking of anyone else."

"Addison I don't understand what you mean, just tell me."

"Derek, I fucked up again, I made love with you when I'm suppose to be in a committed relationship with Pete. How could I do this to him? I'm a horrible selfish person." she explained as she slapped her hand against her chest in disgust. She could feel the tears streaming down her face now there was no stopping them. She looked away from Derek, she couldn't look at him right now.

"Addie, come here." He said as he reached for her chin and turned her to him. "You are the most caring, loving, compassionate, and thoughtful woman I know. Look I know that you care about Pete, I know you said he helped you cope and I know that he loved you when you needed someone to show you love, but you're not in love with him, Addie, and I think he knows that. I know that doesn't justify what happened, but we love each other Addison, we fought so hard to get to this moment, so how can this, us, be wrong?"

She eyed him, searching his eyes, asking silently if he meant it. He was so different but still the same in so many ways. She gave him a small crooked smile and reached up to touch his face. This man always managed to turn her life upside down, sometimes it was a good thing and sometimes it wasn't but she couldn't deny that she would have it any other way.

Derek watched her as she mapped his face with her delicate fingers. He was in such awe of her. This woman in front of him was the woman that he had emotionally and mentally put through hell and yet here she was, lying in his arms once again. He was amazed by her strength, her beauty, her heart.

He lovingly took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it lightly. "Just go to sleep and tomorrow we will figure this out together" he said reassuringly.

"Thank you." she smiled in appreciation for his comforting words.

Derek leaned in to kiss her, they kissed for a moment and then Addison pulls away when she feels his stubble. "Scratchy beard", she says then turns away with a little chuckle. Derek smiles and tenderly kisses her cheek then pulls her body towards him spooning her, letting Addison know that he was there.

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He had arrived at the office extra early this morning. He was going insane at home. He couldn't stop himself from feeling insecure, how could he when they had been on shaky ground for the past 5 days. He has to call her. He has to know how she's doing, when she's coming back. He thought he would hear from her yesterday when she arrived but nothing, he chalked it off to her getting settled and catching up with friends. But what if that wasn't what was going on, what if that man was convincing her right now to take him back. Sure he was being paranoid, sure he was being diffident, but when it came to Addison, Pete just couldn't help himself.

Pete heard someone knock on his door and looked up. He was met with Naomi's curious stare.

"Pete, what are you doing here this early?" she asked curiously. Naomi was usually the first one in the office everyone tended to arrive an hour later.

"I just had some paperwork to catch up on, that's all." he stated unconvincingly.

"Okay come on spill it. What's wrong?" she said as she made her way towards his desk and sat in front of him.

Pete hesitated, he didn't want to involve Naomi, cause of course he was aware that Addison was her best friend, but he was also friends with Naomi right? So why couldn't he ask her for advice, especially since she's so close to Addie, she would know her better than anyone.

"Pete?"

"Yeah, uhmmm...I haven't heard from Addison, she hasn't called. Last time I spoke to her was yesterday morning when she was rushing to get to the airport, she hadn't even told me she was going. I found out cause I walked in on her and her ex-husband's conversation. If I hadn't been there I wouldn't have known." he stated defeated as he looked down towards his desk.

"Look Pete, I know that you might feel a bit threaten by Derek." at this Pete turns up to look at Naomi with a yeah-right look, "Oh come on Pete the moment you found out that he was Addison's ex-husband, you both got into your own pissing contest. I'm not saying that your wrong to worry, Derek did a number on Addison, but she cares about you Pete, she wouldn't do anything to hurt you." Naomi finished. 'Well not purposely anyway.' she thought to herself.

"You know her better than anyone, what should I do? Do I have a reason to worry?" he asked with apprehension.

Naomi was quiet for a moment, she does know Addison, that's why she didn't think going with Derek was a good idea, but she knew she couldn't stop her. Those two somehow always managed to find each other, and she would be happy for both of them if they did, they were her oldest friends and she loved them. Naomi knew Addison had never stopped loving Derek, of that she was sure of, and the moment Derek called out Addison's name at the office 5 days ago, she knew that he had finally realized that he was still in love with her too. Then there was Pete, someone she also considered a dear friend, she had seen him help Addison put herself together again, he made her happy, and he took care of her. Maybe things would be different, maybe Addison and Derek would finally be able to let go of each other and she could move on with Pete.

"Pete, I think that if you are this worried about her, you should call her. You are going to drive yourself insane with all these assumptions, so just call."

"Okay, I'll call right now." He had wanted some reassurance that it was okay to call her so he took out his cell phone, dialed and waited. The phone rang a few times then went to voice mail. A frown appeared on Pete's face and Naomi knew she hadn't answered. "Hey Addison it's me, just calling to see how your ahhh...flight went? Call me when you get a chance. Okay ahh...yeah." he flipped his phone shut. He turned to look at Naomi and gave her a deflated stare.

Oh crap she knew she had to do the calling and kick her skinny ass. "You know what maybe she didn't hear it, its early she's probably getting ready to go to Derek's appointment. I bet you she's in the bathroom blow drying her hair and she didn't hear it ring. Let me try her." Naomi reached for her phone, pushed number 3 and waited for her red headed friend to answer. It rang and rang again; she looked up and gave Pete a smile, it rang and then went to voicemail. "Hey Addiegirl, it's your best friend remember me, I know you've only been gone a day, but just give me a call and let me know you got their safely. Call me. Bye." she hung up and turned her attention to Pete again. "Nothing to worry about Pete, she's probably getting ready, we'll hear from her later. Look I have to go get ready for my first patient, but if you need to talk, come find me okay." she got up and gave him a reassuring smile as she left.

Pete watched her go, she had not managed to plaque his insecurities about this; he needed to get a hold of Addison. Only after hearing her voice would he know what he needed to do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek put a pillow over his head and reached out to find the offensive device that was waking him up. He clicked a button and sent it to voicemail, he was still on leave from the hospital, and everyone knew Addison was with him, so no one had to call and check up on him. He lay in bed a little longer then realized the shower was running, he smiled it seemed like old times. He quickly got out of bed and decided to get some breakfast for the both of them, this was gonna be a long day and they both needed their sustenance. He got dressed, wrote a note for Addison, got his keys and left.

Addison was enjoying her hot shower but she needed to hurry, she had let Derek sleep in a bit since today he would be having a lot of different exams done. She also wanted to give herself time to think a bit about the events that had taken place this past week. Things change so quickly, she felt like she was in a whirlwind that she had no control over, she needed to talk to someone, anyone who could give her some outside perspective. She loved Derek and wanted to be with him very much, but she still had doubts, and she was still in a relationship with Pete. She shut of the water, stepped out the stall, and wrapped a towel around herself. She opened the door slowly not wanting to make any excessive noise; she still wanted to give him a few more minutes. She padded towards the bed and noticed it was empty, she panicked for a second when she noticed the yellow piece a paper stuck onto the mirror.

_Went to get us some breakfast, I'll be back in a bit._

_D_

Addison smiled to herself, she had been afraid that he had left because he realized this had all been a mistake. She shook her head, this was definitely something else she had to work on, trust. She had to trust that he wouldn't leave her again. She knew they had to have a conversation about so much, they had already talked about how they hurt each other and why, but now they had to discuss what they wanted to do, where do they go from here. She walked over to the night stand and picked up her phone her LCD was flashing. Addison flipped her phone opened and noticed the two missed calls; she read through them and set her phone down. She couldn't talk to either of them right now, Naomi would know something was up and she didn't want to hear any lectures this early and Pete, Pete would want answers would want reassurances and right now she didn't really know what was going on. She felt horrible but she had to deal with things here before she could deal with things back home.

Addison heard Derek's truck approaching and rapidly made her way to the bathroom to grab a few items before Derek jumped in the shower. She made her way back to the bed and began to dig through her suit case to decide what she should wear to the hospital. She decided to go with the DVF black knee length pencil skirt, along with her sleeveless ivory silk chiffon top with black ribbon, and her Christian Louboutin platform pumps, all of that paired up under her Stella McCartney black belted coat. She hadn't been there in over a year and in Forbes-Montgomery fashion she wanted to make an entrance.

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She was nervous Derek could tell by the way she kept readjusting her skirt, that and she kept changing the stations on the radio. He kept watching her, she looked gorgeous, she always did, but this, this was her ready to go face the world kick as neonatal double board certified hot surgeon look. He smiled then reached for her hand to stop her from changing the station again.

"Addie, it's gonna be okay." he said reassuringly.

"I know it's gonna be okay, why would you think I wouldn't think it would be okay?" she said defensively.

"Addie you haven't stopped fidgeting since we left the trailer, that and your wearing your ready to take on the world outfit. Your nervous about going back to the hospital and I understand, I didn't exactly make it easy for you, but your not alone this time Adds, I'm with you by your side. Plus you have friends there who have missed you and love you, so you have nothing to worry about, okay?"

"I hate that you know me so well, you know that, it gets a bit annoying." she said as she winked and smiled at him.

They pulled into the parking lot, and Addison tensed up a bit. Those people in there were vultures and they were gonna circle around her like a fresh kill. She sat in the truck while Derek came around and opened the door for her.

"You ready?"

"As ready as I'm gonna be. This place reminds me too much of high school."

"Oh come on, its not that bad, besides remember I'm walking in there with you and I'm walking out with you so you won't be alone. When have you ever been afraid of anything anyway?"

"I'm not afraid, I'm just not completely excited about being here." she gave him a tight smile.

"Come on, lets get walking Mrs. Shepherd," at this Addison raised her eyebrow, "What? You let the doctor call you that before." he got his answer when she smacked him on his arm then looped her arm with it. "Ouch alright fine, lets get going Gyno Queen." he chuckled completely amused with himself. Addison eyed him and he stopped. She took a deep breath as they walked arm in arm readying each other for the gossip that would surely be circulating the hospital by lunch.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh my god!! Is that who I think it is, it can't be them, both of them together again?" Christina said as she turned to look at Izzie who was distracted by Alex's note taking at the nurse's station.

"What? Who are you talking about?" Izzie asked when Christina yanked her head to look at the object or objects of her attention. "No freaking way, seriously? Wow!"

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We can't let Mer see them, she's gonna flip out. She's gonna loose it again and I'm gonna be stuck hearing her whine about her McWhatever again. Why does this always happen to me?"

"Yeah because this is about you and not Meredith's ex-boyfriend coming back with his ex-wife. You two definitely hang out way too much, your starting to sound like her."

"Izzie can you stop trying to shrink me and help me think of a way too either tell her or hide it from her."

"Hide what from whom?" Meredith asked as she approached.

"Uhmmm nothing" they both responded in unison as they got in front of Meredith to obstruct her view. .

"Okay what's going on you guys, why are you? ..." Meredith stopped when she heard Mark call out Derek's name, she looked over her two friends shoulders and saw him standing there, she wanted to walk up to him and welcome him back but then froze to her spot when she noticed he wasn't alone there was an arm wrapped with his, who was he with. "Oh my god!! She's back. Addison's back." is all she could say.

"Ahhh huh, why don't we go find a really cool surgery I know Hahn is performing a heart valve replacement, you can scrub in instead of me?" Christina offered.

Meredith was quiet all she could do was stare at the Shepherd's ex-Shepherd's whatever, why was she back? And more importantly why were she and Derek here together. He had told her that he had made a mistake by leaving Addison, but she somehow thought that he would realize that he was wrong. She couldn't go through this again.

"Oh hey Mer you can scrub in for me with Sloane he's doing corrective jaw surgery. You want it? Maybe being in plastics for the day will be good for you." Izzie looked at Christina with a concerned glance they new the look in Meredith's eyes, they new it too well.

Meredith couldn't stop staring, she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She couldn't believe that this was actually happening. Why would Derek do this to her? He was supposed to love her, take care of her but he was just like everyone else in her life, he left her again. She couldn't let him do this to her, she wouldn't let him do this to her.

"I hate my life."

"Oh Mer come on, lets just go, you don't have to see this." Izzie tried to pull her away but Meredith was glued to her spot and Christina was right there with her. "Christina, a little help here?"

"Mer lets go." Christina tugged at her. They finally managed to move her but knew that this was far from over.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Derek my man" Mark shouted out as he saw his approaching friends. "Addison it's nice to have you back." he leaned towards her for a hug.

"Hey Mark," Addison said as she hugged him back," How are you? Oh and I'm not back. I'm just visiting."

"Sure you are." he said with a wink. "I'm good, just living up to my reputation I..."

"Manwhore?" Addison interrupted with a sly grin.

"Hahaha funny Montgomery or is it Shepherd again, I can't keep track with you two." he threw back.

"Alright you two cut it out, or am I gonna have to send you to your corners." Derek finished with a chuckle.

"Look as much as I would love to hang out with both of you, I have things to do." She turned towards Derek. "I'm going up to speak with Richard, meet me up there before you start, okay?" she asked.

"Are you sure I can go up with you?" he asked cautiously.

"Of course, I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay I just have to catch up with my best bud." he said with a smirk then leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips, Addison returned the kiss then turned towards the elevators. Derek watched her as she walked away, he sighed.

"Earth to Derek, hello!!" Mark waved his hand in front of his friends face. "Derek!!"

"What?" he questioned annoyed.

"Dude you've got it bad. So are you, you know back?" Mark gestured with his hands.

"We're working towards it, nothings figured out yet, but it I think she might consider it. I'm a little worried I know she has her concerns and I hope she shares them with me; I don't want to make the same mistakes you know? Which reminds me, I need to ask you something, but if its weird for you, I understand." he hesitated.

"Why would it be weird?" Mark replied clueless.

"Mark I know that you still uhhh...care for Addie and us being together is..." Mark cut him off.

"Derek, all I want for her is to be happy and I realize now that no matter what, it's with you when she's her happiest. Your Derek and Addison I never had a chance. Besides I'm with Callie now and things are good. So what can I do for you?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Good Morning Patricia, is Addison in with Richard?"

"Yes Dr. Shepherd go right in." she politely smiled.

Derek made his way into Richard's office and immediately heard laughter.

"What's so funny?" Derek asked feeling a bit out of the loop.

"Oh nothing, just Richard being Richard trying to bribe me back to Seattle by offering me Chief." Addison said nonchalantly.

Derek was a bit caught off guard and couldn't hide his shock at her mention of "Chief". Richard and Addison looked and each other then burst out laughing. "See I uhhh... told you heeee would be stunned oh wow haaahaaa... into silence, Oh Derek you are so predictable." Addison said as she tried to catch her breath. Richard was on the verge of tears as he joined Addison in laughter once more.

"Oh yeah that's nice mock a sick man. You're both supposed to be professionals and make sure your patients get the best of care and I honestly don't feel taken care of." he feigned a pout at Addison.

"Oh be a man Shepherd." the chief said as he waved him off. "Okay I better get back to work after all I am a professional. It was great catching up with you Addie. It's good to have you back even if it's only for a few days. And you," he said as he turned his full attention to Derek, "go get your test done so we can figure out what's wrong with you and get you back to work. I can't have my head of neurosurgery out too long."

"Oh thanks Richard, I'm so touched for your concern with my health." he shooed both of them out.

"Talk to you later." Addie said as she walked out and waved her goodbye to the chief.

"You were always his favorite, wow you're such a teacher's pet Addison."

"Oh shut up, you're just jealous. Admit it?"

"Yeah sure, I'm jealous of you and the chief." he stared at her a few seconds "Fine maybe just a little teeny bit." he chuckled and Addison smiled.

"See I knew it."

They continued to walk down the hallway to the neurology department to meet up with Dr. Vasalenak.

"Okay so here I go, wish me luck." Derek said as he approached his room

"Wait I'm coming with you." she said as she followed behind him.

"No Addie its okay, you go catch up with Miranda and Callie, I'm sure they would love to see you, besides I'm just taking the same tests I took before except a bit more extensive, but I'll be fine."

"Derek but that's why I came with you, so you wouldn't be alone. I wanna be here with you."

"Addie I love you for that, but honestly I don't think this is gonna take too long. I would really rather you catch up with the girls. Plus I know you wanna go and make sure everything is in order in your old office and I'm sure you have a few files to go through. So please go do that, and if anything happens, I will have someone page you. Okay?" He leaned in and gave her a reassuring kiss.

"Fine, but if you need anything, please page me."

"I will."

She stood in the middle of the hallway and watched him go.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She hadn't realized how much time had passed since she was so immersed in her files. It was nice being in her old office, everything seemed the same, is as if Richard hadn't allowed anyone in her office. Addison smiled to herself, she knew it was no longer her office, but she couldn't help that if felt like it still was. She heard a knock on the door and instantly panicked. She looked up and was met by Callie's glare.

"Women this is where you have been hiding for the past 6 hours? Are you avoiding me or something?" Callie asked as she flopped down in front of Addison.

"What? No I'm not hiding from you. Why would I want to...wait did you say 6 hours? I haven't been here for 6 hours, what time is...Oh shit its 2 o'clock in the afternoon? Oh my god I haven't heard anything about Derek, I have to call..."

"Oh don't get your panties in a bunch, I went and checked on him when I was aimlessly looking for you, he's fine. The doctor is just gonna run a few more test and he should be ready in a few hours. What are you doing here in your office going through files? You don't come in till tomorrow, so what's your damage?" Callie inquired.

"What's with the twenty questions, Calliope?" Addison asked with a satisfied smirk when she saw the disgust on Callie's face.

"You are so not gonna be joining me for lunch, I'm gonna let all the kids pick on you." she said as she stuck out her tongue.

"I missed you." Addie said as she stood to walk over to Callie.

"Me too." she stood up and they embraced. "So do you want to tell me all about it here or do you want to join me for a tuna surprise in the cafeteria?"

"Honestly I don't feel like being talked about today, how about we order in, and then you can tell me about you."

"Hahahaha nice try Montgomery, but lets order and then talk about Y. O. U." Caliie said as she pointed at her just in case Addison missed the memo.

"Wow you can spell, I'm impressed." Addison said with a triumphant smile.

"You are so not funny. Okay so what are we ordering?" Callie looked at Addison expectantly.

"I feel like Thai actually, you up for that."

"Yeah that sounds good. Okay hand over the menu, I'll do the ordering while you put your files away." Callie instructed.

"Fine, fine I will put these away, but you're helping me go over them after were done."

Callie gave her, her best glare but Addison just laughed and waved her off. Callie placed their order then focused her attention on her visiting friend.

"So you gonna tell me what's going on or do I have to beat it out of you?" she said with a sly grin.

"You'd do anything to break bones wouldn't you? Even if that meant breaking the bones of your really good strikingly gorgeous red headed friend." Addison teased.

"Hahaha, you think really highly of yourself don't you? Strikingly gorgeous my ass." Callie teased back. "And I know what you're doing. You're trying to avoid so stop it and spill it already."

"What do you want me to say?" Addison questioned trying to buy herself more time.

Callie stared at her and raised an inquiring eyebrow.

Addison sighed, "I think I'm making a huge mistake. Derek and I finally talked about our past; we talked about what led to the end of our marriage. And he's saying all the right things, everything I'd wanted him to say when I came out here, but I don't know. I just don't know if we can really work this out. I slept with him last night and it just felt so right but again I did it without thinking about how this would hurt Pete. I'm still in a relationship with him and I've already betrayed him with my ex-husband. What kind of person does that? Don't answer that. Why do I get myself into these messes? I'm so confused and I don't know what to say to Derek, he thinks we're gonna try again, and I want to, I really do, I just I don't know what to do."

Callie just sat back and watched Addison, her friend always managed to make things a lot more complicated than they had to be, well at least when it came to matters of the heart.

Addison became uneasy with Callie's staring and questioned her annoyed, "What?"

"Nothing, nothing really. I don't think it's as complicated as your making it. Do you love him?"

"What?"

"Oh come on Addison, it's not a difficult question, are you still in love with Derek?"

Addison was quiet for a few moments she knew the answer to the question, she had no doubts of how she felt for him but it wasn't that simple, Callie just didn't get it.

"Addison?"

"Yes, I'm in love with him."

"Then it's as simple as that, everything else will just fall into place."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because you are both on the same page, and I know how much you love him, even before you just confirmed it, I knew you hadn't moved on from him. And Derek well I've seen him pining over you for the past few months, I was here when he finally realized how much he was still in love with you, I know this is for real, this isn't gonna be like last time Addison."

"I know and that's what scares me, I'm afraid that I'll wake up and it will all have been a dream, and I'm back in LA without him, I couldn't bear loosing him again Callie, I won't survive it again."

"Well I don't think he's going anywhere, he's committed to you. I know he is."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"So what do I do about Pete? He's been so good to me, so loving and patient. I don't want to hurt him."

"I think you'll hurt him more if you keep stringing him along, you've got to cut him loose."

"I know, but I can't do that to him over the phone."

"I know that's not the best way to do it, but you won't be able to fully be in the moment with Derek here while your trying to iron things out if your still feeling guilty about Pete. So as awful as it sounds, I think that you should just call him and tell him and when you go back talk to him in person."

"What if he won't see me?"

"Well then at least you tried and that's all you can do."

The knock at the door startled them out of the conversation.

Callie stood and walked up to the door, took their order, paid and sat back down.

"Okay I'll drop this conversation for now cause this calamari looks delicious, but we're not done." Callie stated as she reached for the sweet-n-sour dipping sauce.

Addison smiled and then reached out as well.

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The test were finally over almost 9 hours later, he needed to call Addison, she had called to check up on him a few times so he knew she was probably still in her office going over files. Mark had called him an hour ago to let him know that the mission had been successful and that his accomplice was really pleased with the way things had turned out. He smiled at thought of Addison's surprise when they got back to the trailer.

He was brought out of his reverie when he heard a voice that was familiar. "Are you really doing this?"

"Dr. Grey?" he questioned.

"Oh don't Dr. Grey me. Why did you bring her back here Derek?"

"Please don't make a scene."

"I'm not trying to make a scene Derek, I just want to know. I have a right to know."

"Dr. Grey, you are crossing a line, my personal life is no longer your concern." Derek tried to walk away from her but she stopped him in his tracks, people began to gather in the lobby's nurse's station.

"Derek I need to talk to you please come with me to an on-call room, I just want to talk to you." She pleaded as she put her hand on his arm to coax him.

Addison was rounding the corner when she saw them together and was instantly flooded with memories she had been desperately trying to forget. Her heart started beating a little faster, 'This can't be happening again, he swore he was over her. Oh my god this isn't happening.' She wanted to make a quick escape but for some reason she was glued to her spot and caught some of their conversation.

"Dr. Grey, we have nothing to talk about, if you have questions about a case Dr. Duchovny is more than capable of answering any of your questions, I'm on leave until further notice. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go fine my wife." he finished.

"Your wife, SERIOUSLY!" She shouts no longer caring if anyone were watching, she wouldn't let him do this to her again.

"Please keep your voice down Dr. Grey."

"Is that all I am to you now Derek, just a colleague? I'm more than that and you know it, and she knows it too."

Addison had heard enough, she was not going to allow this woman to get away with this again. She straightened herself up, stood up to her full stature and got ready to face the woman who had once been able to come between her and Derek. She approached them, neither aware since they were both caught up in the moment. She looped her arm with Derek's from behind and she instantly saw the shock in Meredith's face, felt the tension in Derek's body, and heard the collective gasp of the people watching.

"Hey you ready to go?" she questioned nonchalantly.

"Addie?" he said a bit caught of guard. He looked to Meredith and then back at her. "Yeah actually I am, I'm done here." he emphasized the last phrase. "I just have to give this to Richard and then we can go."

Meredith was frozen and couldn't help but watch their exchange. She wanted to move, she wanted the ground to swallow her whole but for some reason she was glutton for punishment.

"Okay well go ahead, I'll wait for you here." she said as she eyed Meredith, then turned and smiled sweetly at Derek.

"Okay, uhmmm I won't be long." he said as he began to walk away but then gave her a double take but Addison's face said it all, 'Keep walking' so he did. He knew that this had been a long time coming, but he also knew that Addison would not make a scene. So he picked up his pace and continued to Richard's office.

As soon as Derek was out of sight Addison turned her full attention to Meredith eyeing her like a lion eyed their prey, ready for the kill.

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Thank you so much everyone for being so patient with me. I know I have been so horrible at updating. I will seriously try to make an effort to update more frequently because I myself can be an unpaitient reader when it comes to the fics I love. So thank you, thank you, thank you. You guys ROCK!!

Please REVIEW. =)

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In case you were wondering about Addison's look

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	20. Paper Hearts

**Summary: ** This chapter is an homage to **'Paper Hearts',** an episode of **'The X-Files'** written by Vince Gilligan.

**Paper Hearts:** fragile crossroads of love.

ThanX go out to my beta **Agent Extremis**, & ThanX for the title & her interpretation of the cheesy meaning. :P And to **Karen** for stepping in when AE was sick. =)

**Disclaimer:** "Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask."

I would like to dedicate this chapter to the prolific director Kim Manners (The X-Files & Supernatural). He will be sincerely missed.

As Kim would say, "Kick it in the Ass!"

_**Previously on Ouroboros:**_

Meredith was frozen and she couldn't help but watch their exchange. She wanted to move, she wanted the ground to swallow her whole, but for some reason she was a glutton for punishment.

"Okay, well go ahead. I'll wait for you here." She said as she eyed Meredith and then turned and smiled sweetly at Derek.

"Okay, uhmmm I won't be long." He said as he began to walk away...but then he gave her a double take but Addison's face said it all, 'Keep walking', so he did. He knew that this had been a long time coming, but he also knew that Addison would not make a scene. So he picked up his pace and continued to Richard's office.

As soon as Derek was out of sight, Addison turned her full attention to Meredith, eyeing her like a lion eyed their prey...ready for the kill.

**'Paper Hearts' by Agent Addek **

When Addison Forbes-Montgomery Shepherd walked into Seattle Grace Hospital almost 4 years ago, I never imagined the upheaval that she would be bringing into my life. This woman who stood in front of me, was the same woman who dashed all my hopes and dreams of a future with Derek. I couldn't compete. I mean, look at her...she's statuesque, she has legs that go on for miles. Her designer daily wear costs more than I make in a month. She has beautiful red flowing hair, she's gorgeous, and as much as I hate to admit it, she is absolutely brilliant and exceptionally kind. But I think I may have pushed her too hard.

Have you ever seen a lioness up close and personal? I have. And let me tell you, you can be completely mesmerized by her beauty and her strength, but don't let this fool you. She may be beautiful and seem tame, but if you cross her...she will strike and take you out in one swift motion. First, she will slowly stalk her prey...carefully creep near it and then when she's ready, she makes a final rush and leaps onto her un-expecting victim. How do I know? Well, because I was the fool who thought she could take on a lioness.

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Meredith stood still. She was completely frozen to her spot. She saw the look in Addison's eyes, saw the moment that Addison realized that Meredith was indeed afraid of what was coming to her. It's as if Addison could smell the fear and uncertainty on her.

Addison walked up closer to Meredith until she was so close to her, that she was completely towering above her. Neither of them heard the collective whispering from the people around them. Neither of them could do anything else but stare at each other. Addison still didn't know what the future held for her and Derek, she still wasn't sure what she wanted to do, but she was no longer going to let this woman interfere with them. Addison had waited long enough for this moment and she was going to make damn sure that this time Meredith got the memo. Don't ever mess with a Forbes-Montgomery!

Addison smirked when she saw the look of realization register on Meredith's face. She took a breath and then spoke. "Meredith, I'm only going to tell you this once, and I will never repeat it again, because you won't need to be reminded. Leave Derek alone. He's not feeling 100% and he doesn't need you to make it any worse. He left you. Get over it! He's made his choice yet again and it's me, it's always been me. I may have stepped aside from some misguided sense of guilt, but I'm not walking away this time."

Addison looked around them and saw over a dozen pairs of eyes all concentrated on her and Meredith. She smiled and then continued to speak. She kept her voice completely calm and only loud enough for Meredith's ears . If there was one thing that could be said of Addison, is that even when she was confronting someone that she didn't very much care for, she was still a pillar of cool, calm, class, and collectiveness. "We are getting back together, and the sooner that you accept that, the sooner you can move on with your life. You may think that he's the only man for you, he has an ability to do that to a woman, but he's not yours to have. We found each other a long time ago, and nothing and no one has been able to come between us. Not even you. I hope we have an understanding now, and for your sake and your career's sake, stay away from him...stay away from me...stay away from us." She was about to continue but was distracted when she noticed Derek walking towards them from the corner of her eye. Addison turned to acknowledge him and smiled.

"Hey Addie, you ready to go?" He questioned with a tinge of curiosity.

"Yeah I am. I think we're done here." She said as she sent a knowing smirk Meredith's way.

All Meredith could do was nod. What else could she do? She knew she had had this coming. Addison had never once ever confronted her about what happened with Derek. Besides, she had no words, she was floored . She had just essentially been bitch-slapped by a world class renowned neonatal surgeon, who pretty much threatened her career. Nope, she wasn't even gonna try to tempt her. After all, she knew what a lioness did to their prey after they captured it...and Meredith did not feel like being torn apart into little pieces. She stood there, still unable to move, and watched them, along with the rest of the hospital. They seemed so comfortable together, so different. Derek was really, actually seriously trying to be with her. He seemed so attentive and completely enthralled with the red-head in front of him. He was looking at Addison like he used to look at her, but there was something more in his gaze...something that was only meant for Addison. She couldn't bring herself to look away, she felt like a curious passerby watching the aftermath of an accident.

"Okay then, shall we?" He asked her.

"We shall." She simply replied

Derek turned to put his coat on and then helped Addison into hers. He took her briefcase and then slid his arm around her waist. He stopped to admire her before they made their way out of the hospital. Neither of them cared that they had just left the entire hospital full of dumbfounded physicians. Addison watched him as they walked out together in each other's arms. This time Derek never looked over his shoulder to look for Meredith. She smiled at him as they continued to walk in step to his car.

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The extensive road that lead to the trailer was completely covered in mud, which was understandable considering the enormous storm Seattle was rocked with last night. The road seemingly endless with a few twists and turns, was lightly lit by a star-filled sky that had no clouds in sight. There really was a calm after the storm. Laughter could be heard coming from the jeep which was bravely trekking through the muddy winding path .

"Derek, tell me again why I need to put this blindfold on?" Addison asked with a curious chuckle.

"Come on Addie, just put it on. We're almost there. Your surprise will be ruined if you don't." He insisted.

"Fine, fine. But you better not get any ideas mister." She jokingly warned as she wrapped the blindfold around her head tightly.

"Don't worry Addie, your virtue is safe with me. Ow!! Hey that hurt." He said with shocked laughter.

"That's what you get for being smart, Shepherd. Are we there yet?"

"Stop acting like an impatient child and sit still. I'll let you know once we're there. I think you're gonna love it."

"Hmmm...you seem so sure of yourself. How do you know that I'm gonna love it?"

"Because I know you, I know what you like." He replied as he wiggled his eyebrows.

Addison caught the sexual innuendo and even though she couldn't see through the blindfold, she was able to find his arm and smack him again. "I heard those eyebrows wiggle, you think you're so suave Shepherd."

"Hey, didn't your mom teach you to keep your hands to yourself? Be nice or you won't get your surprise." He mocked.

Addison feigned a pout and Derek couldn't help it, he quickly leaned in to give her a kiss. Addison reciprocated but then pulled away. "Hey, no fair! No taking advantage of a woman who can't see."

"Oh come on! Admit it? You liked it?"

"Maybe a little bit."

They both laughed out loud. Then a comfortable silence came over them. Addison wanted to ask him something before they arrived at the trailer, but didn't want to break the easiness that they were experiencing. They were goofing around like they used to and she was enjoying it, but she needed to get this off her mind.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Umm... at the hospital, when you were talking to Meredith...for a moment, I thought that you had lied to me again. I thought that...you know...and then I heard you say what you said to her and I felt...I don't know...like this relief wash over me. I just wanted you to know that I believe that you want this."

"Really?" He questioned cautiously.

"Yeah, I do."

"Look Addie, I know we have so much to talk about still, but one thing you can be certain about is my love for you, and my commitment to you, to us."

He reached out to loop his free hand with hers. He saw a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Hey Addie?"

"Yeah?"

"Back at the hospital when I came back to find you, it looked like you and Meredith were ahh...talking. Is everything okay? She didn't give you a hard time did she? I just don't want her to feel like she can get away with saying or doing anything to you. I won't allow it and neither will Richard..."

"Everything's fine Derek. We just had a little chat. Well, I chatted she listened." She said with a satisfied smile.

"Oh, oh....I see. Did you go all Forbes-Montgomery Shepherd on her?" He said with a small chuckle. Addison flinched at the name but Derek didn't notice.

"Yup."

"I'm glad. Okay enough about all of that, we're here!"

"Ooh can I take the blindfold off?"

"Nope not yet, hold on a sec." Derek exited the jeep and quickly walked over to Addison's side and opened the door. "Okay, give me your hand and watch your step."

"Derek, come on. This is ridiculous...let me take the blindfold off."

"Quit your whining, just walk with me. Don't you trust me?" At this Addison came to halt and stiffened a bit. "I didn't mean it like that Adds, just come with me." Addison relaxed in his arms and began walking with him again. "We're taking it off in 1...2....3... Surprise!!"

Addison took a quick intake of air. She was happily amazed by the sight in front of her. The small tin can had been completely lavished with white christmas lights. The porch had been converted to a dining area. There was a table with all the trimmings along with two white lit candles and a beautiful red orchid floating right smack in the middle of a glass vase filled with water. She could hear the music playing lightly in the background and she could see the smoke coming out from the grill. Addison, to say the least, was completely and utterly dumbfounded.

Derek snuck up behind her and caught a glimpse of her look of amazement, she looked breathtaking. How did he ever get so lucky? "Do you like it?"

"Derek...I uh...I love it!! When did you have time to do this?"

"Uhmmm...well you know how when Callie found you she told you I was still having my tests done?" Addison nodded. "Well, she sort of lied. She was trying to keep you distracted while Mark and I went on the hunt for all of this, and once we had everything, I placed the order for the food and I went back to the hospital to finish up the exams. That's why they took longer than originally intended because I asked him to give me a couple of hours. Then, once I was back at the hospital, Callie left you to "operate on a patient" when she was actually here helping Mark set up." He smiled, happy to have fully carried out his plan.

"Derek, this is amazing." Addison leaned in to kiss him. He encircled her small waist completely and pulled her closer to him as they continued the kiss. They pulled apart after a few moments and then Derek led her to the table.

"Have a seat. I'm gonna check the food and start warming up desert."

"Hmm...desert. I can't wait!"

"Well, you're gonna have to, cause we're not eating it until you eat your dinner young lady." He teased.

"Sure, fine, whatever." Addison feigned annoyance with a roll of her eyes. She burst into fit of giggles, feeling completely elated.

Derek returned to the table with two bottles of champagne. He took her glass and filled it up, then took his glass and filled it up with the other bottle. Addison eyed him with one of her not-so-happy stares.

"What?" he questioned.

"Ahhh...correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you attending AA meetings?"

"Yeah, I am. Well, I was until I went out to LA."

"Okay, so why are you drinking Derek? You said you had a problem and it needed to be fixed. How can it stay that way if you drink?"

"Addie, look at the bottle." He said with a chuckle.

"Oh...oh I'm sorry...I thought...I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I mean, I got it because I wanted to make a toast, and since I can't drink, I got the closest thing that looked like champagne, without the alcohol of course. I meant what I said Addie, I'm changing all the bad habits." Addison couldn't look at him because she was embarrassed that she had just accused him of falling off the wagon."

Addie look at me. I'm fine. Besides, I want you to do all the drinking so I can have my way with you." He said with a wicked grin.

"You're incorrigible Derek." She laughed.

"But you love me." He cracked.

"Yeah, against my better judgment." She threw back.

Addison reached out for her glass and took a quick sniff of the golden liquid alcohol. She could smell the hint of lemons and pears. "Hmmmmm...this smells amazing, what is it?"

"I wanted to celebrate tonight and I wanted to make sure that you were drinking something special. It's a vintage 1990 bottle of Dom Perignon."

"A 1990 Dom? Wait, isn't that what we had...?"

"Yup. We had this on that night."

"Yeah, that was the night that uhmm...that we first slept together." She said shyly, trying to avoid his gaze. "You remember what we drank?"

"I remember everything Addie....everything we did, what we said. I'm sorry I made you think that I didn't remember all of the amazing moments we shared."

"It's okay Derek, it's in the past. We aren't the same people anymore. We've learned and we've been able to forgive each other. It's fine." She said as she looked away.

"It's not fine Addie, but I'm going to make it right, if you let me. Look, I know you're afraid...I'm afraid too. I'm afraid of making the same mistakes. I'm afraid that I will hurt you again...that you will hurt me...but you know what terrifies me the most?" Addison shook her head. "What terrifies me the most, is the thought of never seeing you, holding you, or loving you again. I can live without many things Addison, but you, you I cannot live without."

Addison was floored by his complete and honest disclosure. He was ready, he was finally ready. Was she? Could she jump into this, into them again? She couldn't deny what she felt any longer. By denying herself to be with Derek, she would be denying herself to ever truly be happy. "I want this Derek, I do. I'm just so scared. I'm afraid that this is only temporary and that a year from now, you'll leave again...and that, that would kill me. I barely survived you the first time, I won't be able to do it a second time. I can't be in love by myself Derek. It hurt too much. It ached everywhere." She looked into his eyes, letting him see the pain that she still felt from the years that he had abandoned her.

"Addie, you know I hate making promises...because I don't always know if I can keep them, but this, this I'm willing to promise to you. I won't ever stop loving you or leave you. You would have to leave me if you wanted out, because I'm in this Addie, I'm in this forever. I'd marry you again right this second if you'd agree. I need you to know that you were never in love by yourself because I never stopped loving you for a second. Even when I was with someone else, you were always with me here..." He pointed to his head. "...and here." He pointed to his heart. "Addie, you are a part of my soul and I'm sorry that I made you feel like you weren't loved." They gazed at each other for several minutes but Addison finally broke away.

"I won't lie to you Derek, I'm still afraid of getting hurt. I still don't trust you...but that being said, I'm in love with you and I can't imagine spending my life without you. Believe me, I have tried to move on. I've been trying since the divorce and I did a really great job of fooling everyone, but I couldn't fool myself. I thought that I could have a life with someone else, but the memory of you, of us, was always there haunting me. It's not going to be easy Derek, but it's us. I'm willing to try for us, I just don't know how we'll do this."

"Look Addison, I know that it will take time for you to believe in us again...for you to trust in us, in me...but I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. Whatever you want, whatever you need, just tell me and it's done. I know it won't be easy, nothing that we want is ever easy...and we may fight sometimes, but I would rather spend the rest of my life fighting with you than living without you."

"So where do we go from here?" She softly asked.

"I really don't know, but I'm willing to figure it out together. All I know is that I love you."

"I love you too, but we still have to have some sort of an idea Derek. I mean, we live in different states. I have a home that I made for myself, a job that I've come to love, and friends that I can't imagine leaving behind. And what about you? You have all these plans of building this amazing house on this property. You have a practice here, you have a life here without me. I just don't know if I can uproot my life again...and I don't want to ask you to do that for me." She said sadly as she looked down at her hands.

"Addison, we've already made a big step, the biggest step. You love me and I love you and we want to be together. Everything else will fall into place, it has to." He said as he reached for her hand.

"But what if it doesn't?" She pulled her hand away. "What if things just don't work out? What if we realize that it's too much work to make us work? Where do we pick up? Do we date? Do we start back up where we left off?"

He kept listening as she threw questions at him, questions that he didn't know how to answer. "Do we try a long distance thing? I mean, I don't know if I could date you...there is too much history between us, too much that we know of each other. Yes we have changed, and to some extent I was able to put myself back together again, and I realize that I'm stronger than I thought. And you...you were able to deal with a past that was haunting you...but we are still the same. We have the same habits...like...dislikes. So what do we do? How do we do this?" She asked desperately.

"Addie, I don't know?" He said as he put his hands through his hair. He wished he held all the answers to her questions. He wished he could reassure her that things would be okay, but he couldn't. "Look, I wish I could give you an answer to all of your concerns, but I just don't know. I just know that I have faith in us. I believe that because we both want this, really want this, that it could work...that we will make it this time. We already know what it's like to live without each other, so we know that we don't want to go through the pain of being apart again. So let's just pick up where we left off. Start from what was supposed to be our second chance. We can't repair the damage that was caused, but we can move forward together, and live our lives side by side like we promised in front of God, our family and friends."

"But where would we live Derek?"

"I'll move to Los Angeles. It's only fair that I come to you this time. Like you said, you uprooted your life for me when you left New York, now I'll do the same for you. I'll leave Seattle and move to Los Angeles."

"But you hate LA!"

"I will love it because you're there. Besides the weather is always nice and I'll get to see you in a bikini most of the year." He chuckled and she gave him a small smile that reached her eyes.

"Derek! I'm serious."

"What did I say?"

"What about the house and the property?"

"Addie, we can still build that house for us, it will just have to be our getaway home. Just like we had in New York, when we had the brownstone and the house in the Hamptons. We will have a home in LA, and one here and anywhere else you want one." He smiled.

"So you're serious about coming to LA? What about Richard? What about being chief? Aren't you the next in line?"

"Addie, I'll be fine living anywhere in this world as long as it's with you. Richard will have to understand, he knew this was coming the moment that I realized I was still very much in love with you. And chief...well, that isn't as important as you and us."

"Derek, you can't be serious. That's what you have always wanted. That's what you worked so hard for. Why do you have to give that up?"

"I want you more Addison, don't you see." He reached out and took her hands in his. "I want you...and everything else is just a bonus. Besides there's always a possibility that I can still be chief somewhere else. I'm just not going to allow it to consume me, or our lives."

"I just wish that I was as certain as you that everything will work out." She said hesitantly.

"I don't have all the answers Ad, but you wanted some sort of a plan and this is what I could come up with right now. We can work out the other details, but at least now we know that we want to be together. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. But please Addie, don't feel pressured into this. We can take it as slow as you want to take it. If you want to go back to LA and figure stuff out on your own, then do that. If you want me to come with you, I will. Whatever you want."

"I want us Derek, I know that. I just don't know how everything's gonna pan out in the end. Of course I have doubts, but I want to do this. I'm just afraid. I'd still have to go home and take care of things before we could move forward, and before you come out there. I'd have to end my relationship with Pete. I wanted to call him and tell him, but he deserves better. I don't want to hurt him, Derek. Even though we're going to do this, I still care for him a great deal...I still love him." She couldn't look at him, she didn't want to see his reaction.

"Are you saying that you're in love with both of us?" He asked with a tinge of jealousy evident in his voice. He started pulling his hands away from her.

"No!! No...!! I'm in love with you Derek." She caught his hands before he could completely pull away. "It's always been you, but I do love him. He came along when I desperately needed someone, so I have to at least give him that."

He relaxed once he understood what she meant. "I understand. I get that. He deserves his closure. So do you want me to stay in Seattle while you do this? Or do you want me to come with you?"

"I think it's best that I do this alone. He doesn't need for me to rub it in his face. But I do know that I don't want to leave LA at least for now, so if you're serious about moving out there, I won't object to that. I don't know if you'll move in with me, or if you'll get your own place, but we can start by having you be in the same city." She smiled.

"Okay, I'll give Richard my notice. How long should I wait before coming out there?"

"I don't know, a couple of weeks maybe."

"I'll start looking for a position out there and I'll search for a hotel near you for the time being then..."

"Derek, don't be ridiculous...I have room in my house. You can stay with me while we figure this out."

"Addie, I appreciate the offer, but I think that it would be easier for you to clear your head and figure stuff out while I'm not constantly in your space. Look, we know we want to be together, so I'm not afraid that you will change your mind, we just have to figure out how we're going to do this. Okay?"

"Okay. Uhmm...There is sort of one more thing though..."

"Yeah?"

"We can't sleep together until it's officially over with Pete. I don't want to betray him like that again."

"Okay, whatever you want. I'm not gonna lie to you, it's going to be extremely difficult to have you near me and not hold you, kiss you, or touch you."

"Derek stop it! You are not allowed to seduce me into sleeping with you." She feigned offense. They stared at each other for a few moments then burst into laughter.

"It's great to hear you laugh again." Derek interjected.

"Yeah?" she questioned.

"Yeah." He lifted up his glass and encouraged her to do the same. "To us, we don't have it all figured out, but we will. We may have taken the long way round the road and it's been a bumpy ride, but we've finally arrived. I love you Addison."

"I love you too Derek. To us."

They both took a sip from their glasses and smiled at each other.

"So...you ready to eat?"

"Yeah, I'm starved."

"Okay, let me go grab our dinner...I'll be back. Don't go anywhere."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

She laughed and continued sipping her champagne, it was truly delicious. This trip to Seattle brought unexpected things to her but she was so glad she came. Addison knew things weren't going to be easy. They would probably be harder than before, but she was willing to face anything as long as they were together.

She was still lost in thought when the ringing of her phone brought her out of her relaxed trance. She dug through her purse and found her buzzing iPhone. It was Pete. She couldn't bring herself to pick up. She knew that she hadn't called him since she had left LA, but what was she going to say? 'Hey sorry I didn't call you back, but I was too busy drudging up the past with my ex-husband only to later fall into bed with him and making sweet mind-blowing love....and now we've decided in the last 24 hours that we are going to jump back headfirst into the complexity that was our relationship and we're moving in together in LA none the less. Oh and F.Y.I Pete, we're over.' She shook her head...she couldn't do that, she couldn't deal with it right now. She looked at her phone one more time and then pressed the ignore button, sending him to her voicemail.

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The ocean waves were unyielding this evening. They kept crashing up against the shore with such a watery rage. The sky seemed to be more foggy that usual and the moon couldn't really be seen...not even from the amazing view that Sam had from his backyard. Pete stood outside the house alone...staring sporadically over at Addison's darkened, empty home. They were over at Sam's this evening, it was his turn to host their weekly meetups.

Naomi stood by the sliding door watching Pete, he looked so hurt. She wasn't used to seeing this man in so much pain. And of course, she knew what was causing that pain. Sam came up behind her and caught her off guard. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"What? Oh...hey, I'm just watching Pete. He looks so lost. I don't know what to do, how to help him."

"Nai, it's between him and Addison. You and I both knew the moment that we saw Derek at the practice, that this would happen. They're Derek and Addison, Nai." Sam said matter-of-factly. "I did talk to Derek though, and I told him that if he hurt her again he would have to deal with me."

"And me! I wish I could just grab Addison and shake her, you know? What is she thinking?"

"She's not Nai. Addison's in love with Derek, you can't help who you love. We know that better than anyone. She needs you to be supportive, whatever her decision may be."

"I can't just stand by and watch him destroy her again. Addison could be so happy with Pete if she just allowed herself to."

"Nai, stay out of it."

"I can't, I won't Sam. I'm her best friend and it's my job to keep her safe, even if that means keeping her safe from herself."

Naomi walked outside to speak with Pete. Sam shook his head and returned to join Cooper, Violet, and Dell in the living room.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Cooper asked curiously. Violet and Dell both turned their attention to Sam as well.

"Yeah, it is, it will be." They all nodded in understanding and continued their game of quarters.

"Hey you, what are you doing out here by yourself?"

"Naomi, hey. I'm just thinking."

"Listen Pete, if you need to..."

"She's still not picking up her phone. It sent me to voicemail again. What's going on Naomi? What should I do? I don't want to lose her." He said deflated.

"I don't know Pete, I think she's just trying to figure stuff out. Derek was a huge part of her life and when things ended badly, she moved here...but there was never any closure. I think she needs that before she can move forward with you."

"You really think that's all it is?"

Naomi stared at Pete. Should she tell him the truth? The truth that the moment that Addison and Derek realized that they were still in love with each other, that nothing and no one would be able to come between them. That he's just going to be added to the list of casualties that they leave behind. She couldn't do that to him. He was a good man and he loved her friend. Why not give him a fighting chance? She knows Addison just as well as Derek does. She knows that she's a sucker for grand gestures and it helps if she cares about the person. And Naomi knew that Addison did love Pete. So why not?

"Pete?" He looked up to meet her eyes. "Go fight for her. She's probably confused right now and she doesn't know what to say, but go fight for her. Show her that you can be counted on. Tell her how you feel...and bring our girl back home." She smiled at him and then turned and walked back to the house, leaving a confused Pete.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Derek!! What are you doing in there? I'm starving!"

"Woman hold your horses, I'm trying to get this salad just right."

"You're making a salad? I thought you ordered everything?"

"I did. I'm just trying to put it into a presentable bowl. I know how snotty you can be about that." He said with a chuckle.

"Hey!!"

"I'm just kidding. Okay, close your eyes and no peeking Addie."

Derek peeked out the window to check if she had indeed closed her eyes, and when he was convinced that she indeed couldn't see, he strolled out with a cart filled with a few different trays. Derek began to set the table. First, he set down the edamame in the center of the table, close to Addison. He knew how much she enjoyed it so he made it more accesible to her. Then, he set their salads down, which were a combination of arugula, toasted pecans, sliced pears, goat cheese and a lite vinaigrette. He left the main course on the heated cart and then sat down.

"Okay, open your eyes." He was smiling and completely pleased with himself when he heard her gasp in appreciation. "You like?"

"Derek, this looks wonderful!"

"I'm glad you like it. I was actually able to recreate our whole menu from that night. For dinner, we'll be having fillet mignon wrapped in asparagus with a side of red roasted potatoes, and toasted brussel sprouts. Plus desert...but that's a surprise." He grinned.

"Oh my god Derek, I can't believe you did this. It's all so great."

"I just wanted to do this for you, so you know that I do remember the little things. Oh, I also got you a bottle of your favorite Bordeaux to go with desert."

"A Chateau Lynch Bages Pauillac?" He nodded. "Derek, that's fantastic. Thank you for recreating that evening." She gave him an appreciative smile. "It was a very special night."

"Yeah it was."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now let's eat. Weren't you the one that said you were famished." He smiled.

"I am. I'm probably gonna inhale this whole salad right now."

She laughed as she started to pick at it with her fork.

"Hey, slow down, I don't want you to choke on a pecan."

"Well you know the heimleck, you'll save me."

"Hahaha very funny Addison." He said as took another bite of his salad."How's the champagne?"

"It's great. It's nice and uhmmm...creamy, very smooth"

A realization dawned on her, so she stopped and put her glass down. "Derek, I don't ahhh...I don't have to drink you know."

"Addison, don't be silly. This is my problem not yours, but I appreciate the gesture." He smiled.

"Okay, are you sure?"

"Yes! Now drink up." He said with a laugh and she joined him as she continued to eat her almost-gone salad.

"Hey, you weren't kidding when you said you were going to inhale that salad." He chuckled. A piece of arugula flew across the table and hit him right smack in the middle of his forehead.

"Hey, that's not very nice Addie. Didn't anyone ever teach you not to play with your food?" He teased as he chucked a sliced pear right back at her."

"Hey now, be nice." She pouted.

"Aw...I forgot Addison Forbes-Montgomery Shepherd can dish it out but doesn't like to take it." He said with a laugh.

Addison suddenly got quiet again and Derek had no clue why. A small uncomfortableness came over them until she spoke.

"Do you still see me as a Shepherd? I mean, we've been divorced for a while and it was really hard for me to make the adjustment to being Forbes-Montgomery again...and just to hear you, especially you, call me Shepherd, it just ahhh..I don't know..."

"Addie, regardless of whether we had gotten back together again or not, to me, to my family, you will always be a Shepherd. Face it, you're stuck with us. You never stopped being my wife just because we signed a piece of paper saying that in the eyes of the law we were no longer bound together. I always still thought of you as my wife. Sometimes I had to be reminded and corrected by others or myself. To me, you will always be Addison Forbes-Montgomery Shepherd, no matter what." He finished and looked down at his salad.

"Thank you." She said, just barely above a whisper. He looked up to meet her eyes and he could see a hint of tears. He nodded in understanding. He wanted to break the sadness that had taken over her features.

"Hey, you ready for the main course?" He asked her with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

She laughed a good hearty laugh."Yes, bring it on."

Addison was about to get up to clean up their plates but Derek stopped her.

"Let me do it. Tonight it's all about you sitting, relaxing, and taking in this beautiful night. I'll be right back." He grabbed their plates and made his way into the trailer.

Addison sat in her chair, doing as he requested as she looked out on the Seattle evening. Tonight was beautiful. If it wasn't for all of the grime around them, she never would have known that there had been a storm. The sky tonight had definitely cleared up and the air was crisp and fresh. Not a sound could be heard, except for the soft music that Derek had playing for them. This was definitely one of the perks of living in the middle of the Seattle forest, it was just them out here, together. Although 2 years ago she cursed it, especially when Derek was treating her like she didn't exist. The loneliness in this area could be all-consuming, but things were different now. She really wanted to believe that they wouldn't make the same mistakes. She had to believe that, because otherwise, she wouldn't be here and she wouldn't be taking this enormous risk with her heart. Addison knew that this was borderline insanity and that her family, friends, and everyone else, would be shocked. But no one but she and Derek truly knew what they had experienced and if they were willing to take this risk, who were they to say that it's too sudden, that it isn't right, that they shouldn't do it. Addison was brought out of her revire when she heard Derek calling out to her.

"Addie?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want some more edamame?"

"Uhmm...Yes please."

Derek came out of the trailer with dishes, utensils, and a bowl of edamame. Addison watched him as he tried to balance everything. She choked back a laugh when he almost dropped a dish. He finally made it to the table, set down the edamame, and then began to set down the plates. Derek turned his attention to the cart, removed the lid and let the steam out. He grabbed Addison's plate and served her a big portion, then took his and did the same.

"Hmmmm...this looks really good Derek." She took a bite of her meal. "Oh my god. Wow, this is really delicious Derek!!"

"It is, isn't it? I got it from this restaurant out by the harbor. They make the best steaks."

They continued to eat, both enjoying their meals.

The easy silence they were enjoying as they were eating, was interrupted by Addison's ringing phone. Derek looked at her as Addison fumbled through her purse to shut it off. It was Pete again.

"You gonna answer that?" He inquired curiously.

"No, I'll call him back later." She simply stated.

"Him?"

"Yeah, it was Pete." She said as she picked at her dinner.

"Oh." Derek replied. "What does he want?"

"I don't know, I haven't talked to him since I came out here with you."

"You can pick up if you want Addison, I can wait."

"Derek don't."

"What?"

"Don't do this? You have to understand that to him, we're still in a relationship. He has no idea that you and I are trying again. Just please don't."

"I know, I'm ahhh...I'm sorry Addie. I just can't help it sometimes. Just knowing how you feel about him and how he feels about you....it scares me. I'm afraid he'll try to change your mind." He stated honestly.

"Derek? Look at me?" Derek avoided her gaze but then turned up to look at her. "I'm not changing my mind. I'm in this. I just have to talk to him, that's all."

"Okay. I'm sorry for being so insecure about this. I just don't want to lose you Addie."

"You won't." She reached out to touch her hand to his face and smiled. They sat in silence, just staring at each other. All that could be heard was the music playing in the background.

Suddenly, a familiar seductive rhythmic melody filled the air which Addison instantly recognized. "Is that...isn't that...Samba Pa Ti?" Addison asked as she strained her ears to hear. "You have it on your playlist?"

"I do." He smiled proudly.

"This is our song Derek. I haven't heard it in so long."

She smiled, delighted with his choice in music. She met his gaze. Addison could feel the tension building. She needed to move, she needed to feel Derek near her. She adjusted her legs to the side and crossed them over, slowly swaying them side to side to the music. She was beckoning him to come to her. Her eyes were filled with something he recognized.

"I ahh...I'm glad you like it." He said nervously. He wanted her, he needed her now. He couldn't stop staring at her mouth. It was so inviting, begging to be kissed.

The sensual melody continued to play in the background. They continued to gaze at each other, the candlelight flickering in their eyes. Derek couldn't take it anymore so he stood up and walked towards her, extending his hand, inviting her to take it. She reached out and grabbed it. He led her to the free area on the porch and they began to slowly sway to the music. They continued to stare at each other, completely enthralled in the moment. The music bringing about so many memories, memories of some amazing lovemaking. Addison broke the gaze first and laid her head on his shoulder. Derek rubbed his hands up and down her back. Addison mimicked him, then landed her hands at the top of his ass. Derek laid his hands on her waist and turned into her so he could take in her sweet spicy scent. He lightly kissed her neck and Addison gasped in surprise. She turned up and looked at him. She saw so much passion in his eyes, all of it just for her. He gripped her waist tighter and pulled her to him, rubbing his hard erection on her, letting her know what she was doing to him. Addison hissed when she felt him, she could feel him throbbing, he was sending jolts to her core. She leaned in closer, both of them slowly leaning in for a kiss. They inched and inched, trying to see how close they could get without kissing. It was too much, they reached for each other desperately. Derek grabbed Addison's ass and lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around him. They passionately kissed as he walked them into the trailer.

They came to a halt at the foot of the bed. Derek threw her on it as he quickly took his shirt off. He was a wild man in need of the woman in front of him. Addison followed his lead and slipped her blouse off. She was left on the bed in her bra, skirt, panties and stilettos. Derek got down on all fours over top of her, found her skirt and pushed it up,tearing off her panties. Addison gasped in surprise. "Addie, if we have to stop, we have to do it now." He said as he shook with desire for her.

"I want this, I want you." She said breathlessly.

Addison laid her head back down and spread her legs to give him better access. Derek attacked her with his tongue. She swiveled her hips, bucking up into Derek's face, panting his name.

"Derek, Oh god, Derek...ahhhhh...Derek."

He licked and flicked her clit with his tongue, feeling her wetness spill on his chin. Her scent drove him insane. He slipped his tongue into her and Addison bucked her hips up into his face harder, wanting more. He circled his tongue around her folds then flicked it up to her clit.

"Oh god, oh god!!! Ahhh...more Deeeeereeeek!!"

"You like that baby? Tell me what you want." He said in between licks and kisses.

"More! I want ahhh...YES!! More..."

Derek grinned wickedly, he loved that he could drive her insane with just his tongue. He continued to lavish her wet tight core, reveling in the taste of her. He kissed his way up and Addison instantly missed his mouth on her mound.

"Wha...Why'd you stop ah...?" She asked, drunk with sexual confusion.

"Sit up Addie." He asked. She obliged and he went to unhook her bra and free her supple soft breasts. He undid his pants and pulled them off quickly and then freed his throbbing hard thick cock from his boxers. Addison watched him, completely filled with want. She wanted him now.

"Derek, I want you."

"What do you want Addie? Tell me what you want baby?"

"I want you in me."

"Tell me?" He said as he began to suck on her breast. Addison hissed. She wanted more she needed more.

"I want you to fuck me Derek. Fuck me."

That's all the encouragement he needed. He got on his knees and then gripped her around the waist and bunched her skirt up. He lifted her up and then sat her on his lap, letting her slide down onto his cock slowly. They both gasped in pleasure.

"Ooooooh Derek, ahhhh...yes. Yes. ahhhhh..."

"Oh Addie, you feel so fucking good. You feel amazing. Yeeeeaaaaah!"

He continued to pump into her and Addison met his fervor. She rode him harder and harder, letting her breast flap in front of his face. Derek took the opportunity and slipped a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it as he drove his cock into Addison.

"I want more Derek, harder, hardeeeerrr."

He laid her down, never slipping out of her and then he drove into her harder. Addison spread her legs wider and then wrapped them around his upper back, giving Derek better access into her. "Jesus Addison, you feel fucking amazing. I missed you baby. I missed you. I love you. I wanna ahhhh...I wanna oh yeah...I wanna stay like this inside you forever." He said as he continued to go deeper into her. He could feel her muscles tighten on his rigid cock. He leaned down to kiss her, he needed to kiss her and feel her mouth on his.

"Ahhh...Derek, yeah baby, yeah, you feel so good. I want you to stay in me like this, always ahhhh.. always...I'm gonna come ahhh..." She let out a strangled, satisfied cry like she never had before. She felt her orgasm shoot right through her. It was coming in waves and she was squeezing his shaft tightly. She could tell that he was close. "Come for me Derek. I want you to come in me. NOW!!!" She said in his ear. That's all he needed, he bucked into her harder. Addison reached for his ass to push him in further and slapped his ass a few times as he came. He came so hard, he was screaming out complete nonsense. She rode it out with him, feeling completely satisfied.

Derek was still on top of her. He couldn't move. He still had his mouth on one of her breasts, he kept sucking lightly but Addison's giggle stopped him.

"Sorry, it's a little sensitive."

"Oh sorry." He smiled sheepishly. "That was amazing."

"Yeah it was." She leaned up, inviting him to kiss her. She wanted to explore his mouth a little longer. Derek slowly slipped out of her as they kissed and she hissed when she felt the cold. He quickly reached for a blanket and wrapped it around her. "I'm sorry. It's a little cold in here. We left the door completely open."

"It's fine, I'm good. I'm really good." She said with a satisfied grin.

They laid there in complete silence, just enjoying being together.

"Do you want your dessert now?"

"How'd you know?" She laughed.

"Like I said, I know you." He wiggled his eyebrows and then slipped out of bed. "Wait here, I'll be right back."

"Nice ass!" Addison teased.

"Thank you." He grinned.

Derek quickly came back with a tray filled with fresh rasberries, dark melted chocolate, whip cream and a glass of bordeaux. Addison sat up in bed, completely naked from the waist up.

"Hmm...why don't you get comfortable and eat this while I clean up." He said as he put the tray next to her, then he leaned down to grab his boxers and slipped them on.

"And by comfortable, you mean get completely undressed." She teased.

"Well yeah. I'm just putting these on just in case anyone's out there while I'm bringing stuff in...but when I come back to bed, I want you naked. You're my desert tonight."

Addison laughed a good hearty laugh."Derek!!" She said as she smacked him on the side of his arm. "Well, I guess you better get to picking up. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can get back into bed with a very naked red head." She smiled seductively.

"Woman, you're going to be the death of me. I'll be right back."

Addison watched him get to work. She smiled, she felt good about this. She felt good about them. She couldn't doubt this, she had to believe it. And she was working on it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

This was turning out to be a very long day. She had just finished up one surgery, had already performed one other and she still had one more to go. Derek was going to pick her up when he came in for his test results, which was in about 3 hours and she couldn't wait. She wasn't used to this kind of schedule anymore. She walked up to the nurses station to put her chart back, then turned around and leaned on the counter. She couldn't help but think about the incredible evening she had last night, she felt really good today. She smiled to herself when she remembered his mouth on her, oh yeah, she definitely felt good.

"Why are you so happy this morning?" Questioned an irritated Bailey. Addison just looked at her nonchalantly.

"What?"

"Oh you nasty, you slept with that ex-husband of yours, didn't you? No, no I don't even want to know." Bailey finished.

"Know what?" Callie asked as she approached. She noticed the look on Addison's face. "Someone got laid last night." She teased.

"Callie!" Addison said in mock offense.

"What? It's true. So did you like your surprise?"

"Yes, I loved it. Thank you so much for helping him out."

"Ah, I couldn't bring myself to say no to the poor schmuck. Plus Mark asked, so I couldn't say no to him. He's so cute when he pouts."

"You are so weak." Addison teased.

"Hahaha look whose talking." Callie threw back.

"Can you both please pretend like your professionals? I already have enough of childish behavior from my residents, I don't need it from my attendee and 5th year resident."

"Oh come on Miranda, lighten up. You know you want the details."

"Yeah, I wanna know the details of dumb and dumber. I don't think so. Why does everyone want to talk to me about their sex lives? I'm no therapist." She then turned to Addison. "You so stupid Addison. Stupid stupid woman."

"Miranda?"Addison said offended.

"Look, you're a grown woman who can make decisions for herself, but this needs to be said... Addison are you crazy?! Are you really thinking this through? You've been able to build a life out in Los Angeles, you're dating a wonderful man and you have a great house on the beach. You've got a life Addison, why do this with him? Why risk getting hurt again?" Miranda sincerely asked.

"Miranda that's not fair. You don't know Addison and Derek's history, everything that they've been through. He loves her and she loves him." Callie defended.

"Oh and I suppose you know? Come on Torres, you and I were here when he treated her like she meant nothing to him. We watched her deal with his blatant disregard for her and to top that off, he was lusting after Grey. Now you tell me that he deserves her?" Bailey challenged.

Addison kept quiet through their exchange. What could she say? Everything Miranda had just said was true.

"Yes, that's all true, but you and I have seen him make a complete transformation. You can't deny that he's a changed man, and that he loves her. You and I know that better than anyone. How many times did he beg us to tell him where Addison was? How many times did he say he was sorry for the things he had done? We saw him part ways with Grey, he cut her out completely. He has been nothing but a professional with her. He's given us no reason to think that he isn't serious about this. We have to be supportive. This is her life and her choice. Our job is to be here and root for her, or help her pick up the pieces if it falls apart." Callie passionately finished.

Bailey looked from Callie to a quiet Addison. She was lost in thought.

"Addison? Addison?"

"Huh?"

"Where'd you go?"

"Uhmm...nowhere. Just thinking about what you were saying. Look Miranda, I'm not stupid. I may seem extremely foolish for taking this chance, but I can't walk away from him. We've talked things through and we've forgiven each other. And yeah, things maybe far from perfect right now, and maybe they will always be that way...but we love each other and we want to make this work. It may seem insane to others but it's just right for us. We're Addison and Derek, it has to be okay." With that she walked away from her two friends. She needed to prepare for her next surgery and she couldn't be distracted by her friends concerns.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on Addie, pick up. Pick up. Pick up." Naomi pleaded to her friends phone.

"Hey Nai, you got a minute?" Violet asked as she poked her head in. Naomi signaled for her to come in and take a seat.

"Addie, it's me. Uhmm..I've been trying to get a hold of you all day, please call me as soon as you get this. I think I messed up Adds. Call me, it's important." Naomi finished and hung up.

Violet stared at her curiously. She didn't want to pry but she really wanted to know what that message was all about. She stared at Naomi expectantly.

"What?"

"You know what?"

"I think I may have just made something a lot worse than it had to be." Naomi said dejectedly as she flopped down on her chair.

"Okay, you wanna tell me or do you want me to guess?"

"You know how Addison went to Seattle to make sure Derek was okay?"

"Yeah, you told me she didn't want him to fly alone so she accompanied him. But if you asked me, I think there is a lot more to that trip than what she made it seem."

"Yeah well, you're probably right. Addison and Derek have a very complicated relationship. They always have. They remind me so much of Sam and myself."

"Okay, so what does that have to do with what you did?"

"Well, the moment I saw Derek in this office, I knew that he was here for her. Although it turns out, he didn't know she was here, but once he found out, it became about that. And the moment she saw him, I knew that was the end for Pete and her. I knew that we would be losing her to him."

"So you're saying that Addison's not coming back, that she broke things off with Pete?" Violet asked with a tinge of concern.

"Well, that's the thing, I'm assuming that that's what's happening. I haven't actually talked to her, but I know her, and I know Derek. They are going to be alone together, things are gonna happen. And Pete was worried, so I sort of encouraged him to go and bring her back." Naomi finished sheepishly.

"You what? Naomi are you crazy! Did he go?"

"Yes, he flew out there early this morning, he's probably already there."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh my god did you see him yet?" Izzie and Christina ran up to Meredith and pulled her closer to the nurses' station.

"See who?" Meredith asked curiously.

"That fine piece of man that just walked in here a few minutes ago. Christina and I were downstairs and we some him heading this way, so we ran up here to see him."

"Mer, Izz, there he is." All three women lined up at the counter. All three were completely taken with the handsome stranger.

"Wow." Is all Meredith could say.

"See, I told you. I wonder what he's here for. Maybe he's a new attendee?"

"Excuse me..." Pete said as he approached them.

"Yes?" All three answered in unison. Pete was taken a back at first, but then smiled. Izzie couldn't stop smiling, Christina was fidgeting like crazy, and Meredith just stared at him.

"Uhmm...could you tell me where I could find Dr. Addison Montgomery?"

All three women instantly frowned. Why did she always get these deliciously attractive men.

"Depends on who's looking for her." Christina said, trying to buy more time with him.

"Oh I'm sorry." He extended his hand out to her. "I'm Pete. Dr. Pete Wilder."

Meredith saw Addison approaching and elbowed Christina to make her aware. Christina noticed the red-headed surgeon and pointed Pete towards her.

"She's right over there." Christina said begrudgingly.

"Thank you for your help." He smiled sincerely.

"Anytime." she replied devilishly.

"Oh my god!! Why does Satan always have these attractive men looking for her. What does she have that we don't?" Izzie stated the obvious.

"Because she's hot." Alex answered as he joined them by the counter.

"Oh put a sock in it Evil Spawn. Besides, I'm a hot person. So are Izzie and Meredith."

Izzie and Meredith both smiled appreciatively at Christina.

"Yeah, you are hot in your own girl ways, but Addison...I mean Dr. Montgomery, well, she's just in a different league." With that Alex smirked and walked away, leaving all three residents with a dissatisfied look on their faces. They returned their attention back to the handsome stranger and the woman that they couldn't compete with.

"Addison?" Pete called out to her.

Addison stopped in her tracks. She recognized his voice. She looked up and was met by his questioning eyes.

"Pete? What are you doing here?"

He quickly walked up to her. "I hadn't heard from you and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Naomi said you might need me."

"Naomi said? Pete, I'm fine. I was just catching up with friends and catching up on patient files. I'm sorry I didn't call."

"So you're okay, we're okay?"

She couldn't look at him.

"Hhhhmmm...Hi I'm Callie and this is Miranda." Callie cut in to help her shocked friend.

"Hi, it's nice to finally meet you. Pete, Pete Wilder." He shook their hands and smiled genuinely.

"Pete, I have to finish up some paper work...can I catch up with you in an hour?"

"Addison, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just want to finish up here and then I can come meet you at your hotel. Where are you staying?"

"At the Archfield, the one you're staying at."

Shock passed through Addison's face.

"Are you not staying there?"

"Can we talk later Pete? I have a patient that I need to speak to in a few minutes."

"Addison, why do you keep avoiding my questions? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine."

"Come're babe." He said as he got closer to her and searched her eyes. "Addie, are you really okay?" He reached out to touch her face and brought her closer to him. She let him. She didn't know what to say or do. "I missed you." He slowly leaned in. He was so close to her lips, she wasn't pulling away, she couldn't.

"Addison?" She froze. She knew that all too familiar voice. She quickly pulled away from Pete and turned to meet Derek's intense gaze. Derek walked closer until he stood in front of Pete and Addison. Addison looking from Pete to Derek. Both men had questioning eyes.

Everyone was watching them. Everyone was holding their breath and Meredith Grey had a triumphant smile. This was going to be interesting.

Have you ever seen a terrified lioness being circled by two territorial lions? I have, and let me tell you, it's pretty damn entertaining.

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Thank you so much for reading. I know it takes me forever to update, I'm making an effort to update more often, although sometimes life gets in the way. Thank you so much to all of those who have been so patient with me.

PLEASE REVIEW!!! =)


	21. Sein Un Zeit

**Summary:  **This chapter is an homage to **'Sein Un Zeit'**, an episode of **'The X-Files'** written by Chris Carter.

**Sein Un Zeit** means being and time. The totality of all things that exist during an appointed or fated moment.

**ThanX** go out to my beta **Agent Extremis** for being so patient with all of my messed up tenses and bad grammer. ;-)

**Disclaimer:** No one shoots at Santa Claus.

_Previously on Ouroboros:_

"Addison?" She froze, knowing that all too familiar voice. She quickly pulled away from Pete and turned to meet Derek's intense gaze. Derek walked closer until he stood in front of Pete and Addison. Addison looked from Pete to Derek, both men had questioning eyes.

Everyone was watching them, everyone holding their breath, and Meredith Grey had a triumphant smile. This was going to be interesting.

Have you ever seen a terrified lioness being circled by two territorial lions? I have and let me tell you, it's pretty damn entertaining.

**'Sein Un Zeit' by Agent Addek**

Monitors beeping, rolling carts with medical equipment, and hospital staff whispers was all she could hear. Time was passing by so slowly, as if it was allowing her time to decide. She didn't know what to do. Two men she deeply cared about were on either side awaiting an answer from her. Derek had always had her heart. He was the man that she had always wanted to spend her life with, the man who she had been trying to forget to no avail. Then there was Pete, the man who helped her put herself back together again. He had helped her to believe that she could be loved.

Addison looked from Derek to Pete, still in shock from having them both in front of her. Pete couldn't wait any longer, he called out her name to get her attention.

"Addison?" Pete questioned cautiously. Derek instinctively became territorial and reached for her hand. He held it tightly, trying to pull her towards him. Addison looked down at their intwined hands and then turned to meet his gaze, she slowly loosened her hand from his grip. Derek couldn't hide the overwhelming fear, hurt, and disappointment. He gave her a questioning stare but she resignedly made her way over to Pete.

It seemed like the entire hospital was holding their breath. Richard, Miranda, and Callie were floored. Christina and Izzie's jaws went slack. And Meredith...well Meredith had a huge smile plastered across her face.

As Addison was getting closer to Pete, Derek called out her name. **"**Addison?" he said desperately. She turned back to look at him, smiled ruefully and then turned back to Pete. Derek was stunned, heartbroken, and lost.

Everyone continued to watch the scene unravel before them...they couldn't look away. Addison was now face to face with Pete. He grinned and reached out for her and tried to guide her away to find some privacy, but Addison stopped him.

"I'm so sorry Pete." She said deploringly.

"For what?" He asked confused.

"I didn't expect this to happen, I didn't know. You have to believe me!"

"Addie..." He reached out to touch her face. "...please don't do this. Come back to LA with me. Let's go home Addison." He pleaded.

"I'm so sorry...I can't. I love you, I do. I hope you know that...but I can't."

"You're still in love with him aren't you?" He stated disheartened.

She looked away from him. She couldn't look him in the eye and tell him what he now knew to be true. He slid his hand from her cheek to her chin and lifted it so he could see her eyes.

"Addison?"

"Yes, I love him. I never stopped. I wish I didn't, believe me. It would be so much easier if I didn't."

Derek, who had been dejectedly standing near them, was completely shocked by the sudden change of events. Only a few seconds before he thought he had lost her.

Meredith was no longer smiling. Christina and Izzie were now by her side, still dumbfounded. Richard, Miranda, and Callie found themselves in a mixture of confusion and happiness.

Pete couldn't breathe. He felt like he had been brutally punched in the stomach. He searched her eyes, begging her to take it back. He couldn't believe it, this couldn't be true. Then he saw what he was afraid to recognize, the truth was there...her eyes never lied. He refused to let her go without a fight. Naomi had said that she was probably confused...that she loved him,that she just wanted someone to fight for her, and fight he would.

"Addison, he hurt you." He said as he pointed towards Derek's direction. "He left you, he stopped seeing you. He didn't love you enough to fight for you. I would never do that to you. I love you Addison, I love you." He said genuinely.

"I know you love me and I love you too. It wouldn't be this hard to tell you this if I didn't care about you...but I choose him. It's always been him, I chose him a long time ago, I..."

"But he didn't choose you Addison, he chose someone else, remember?" He said it pointedly.

"Pete, it was always me and I knew it. Deep down, I always knew it was me. I was just waiting for him to realize it and he finally did. You don't know how very sorry I am that you had to end up getting hurt because of us. We're Addison and Derek, I always knew that someday he'd come back for me. I'm so sorry." He looked down. He couldn't allow her to see the pain that her words were causing him. She touched his face with her hand and he instinctively looked up to meet her eyes. When she saw the acceptance in his pained orbs, she leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek, but Pete turned his face and caught her lips instead. He held her tightly to him, kissing her passionately. Addison froze but then instinctively reciprocated, not instantly pulling away.

Derek clenched his fists defensively. He started walking towards them to put a stop to Pete's advances on Addison but the chief forcibly held him back. "Derek, let the man have his last moment with her. She's staying with you, just let them be." Derek stayed put but didn't loosen his tighten fists.

Addison felt the tension around them so she pulled away from Pete's grasp and instead chose to press her forehead to his. "Goodbye Pete. Thank you, thank you for loving me enough to let me go."

"You were never mine to keep Addie. Like you said, you always belonged to him." He smiled lamentably. Addison found his hand and gave it a tight squeeze then stepped away and walked back towards an awaiting Derek, but Pete followed her. She noticed Derek tense up, getting ready for battle, so she turned back only to come face to face with Pete once more. She noticed the stern look on his face. She turned back to Derek and saw his fists tighten again and then she saw Mark coming up behind him, supporting his brother.

"Pete?" She questioned warily.

Pete came to a stop. Addison was in between himself and Derek again. She reached out for Derek's hand in support of him. Whispers soon filled the room once more. Richard, Alex, and George readied themselves to separate the men if need be. Everyone held their breath, no one could blame Pete if he punched Derek.

Derek held Pete's stare for several moments until Pete finally spoke. "You better spend the rest of your life deserving her, because she's absolutely worth it. You hurt her and I will come back and personally kick your ass. She's a wonderful woman and I hope you know that you are one lucky son of a bitch to have her love you the way she does." He gave Derek one last threatening look and then turned his attention to Addison and his face instantly softened.

"Be happy." With that he walked away.

Relief and happiness flowed through Derek until he noticed the pain that crossed Addison's face as she watched Pete walk away. He squeezed her hand to let her know that he was there for her and then pulled her towards him to hold her. She easily relaxed in his embrace and then looked up to meet his eyes. Derek was still so elated that he didn't waste any time and leaned down to kiss her and she unconsciously reciprocated. They continued to kiss passionately as the staff that had gathered was all a buzz.

Meredith couldn't stand to watch anymore so she turned to leave with Izzie and Christina in tow.

Mark, Callie, Miranda, and Richard walked over to them, trying to get their attention. Mark spoke first, "Jesus you two! Get a room!" Derek chuckled and pulled away from Addison as she blushed, being a bit embarrassed for getting carried away.

"Sorry." She said impishly.

"Alright you two, get a hold of yourselves and take this somewhere else where my staff won't be able to turn around and file sexual harassment charges on both of you." Richard said with a slight grin as he walked away. He was happy for them. He'd known this day would come, he just hadn't known that it was going to take them this long to figure it out.

Miranda was eyeing them both. She finally pinned Derek with one of her stares. "You lucky, lucky man. You better not do anything foolish again because you won't be getting any more chances with this amazing women, I'll make sure of it." She then turned to Addison, smiled at her and then walked away.

"I think she was serious." Derek stated.

"Uhmm...yeah Bailey doesn't mess around, Shepherd." Callie said teasingly. She noticed Addison had been quiet throughout everyone's exchange. "Addison?" She seemed lost in thought.

Derek noticed it too, "Addie?" She finally looked up to meet their questioning eyes, a bit confused.

"Hmm...?" She questioned.

"Hey, where were you just now?" Derek asked with a tinge of concern.

"Uhmm...nowhere. Just listening."

Callie and Mark both gave Derek a inquiring stare and then excused themselves to give them some time alone.

"Hey Addie, are you sure you're okay?" He asked again. He knew something was bothering her. Had she changed her mind? Did she regret what just took place? He had a thousand different questions and only she could answer them. So he reached out for her hand and guided her to her office.

Once in the office, Derek pulled her towards him again and tried to hold her, but Addison pulled away and flopped down on the couch. Derek flinched at her reaction, he was suddenly overcome with panic.

"What's wrong Addie?" He asked cautiously.

"Nothing, I'm fine." She dismissed.

"Addie, please talk to me...tell me what you're thinking?" He begged. He wouldn't let her shut him out.

Addison wanted to spare him these feelings. He didn't need to know what she was thinking or feeling, but she couldn't shut him out either. Addison knew that this was the trap that they wanted to avoid. Not talking about things was what had gotten them into trouble before.

She waited for a few moments and then looked into his eyes and spoke. "I'm not saying this to hurt you Derek, but I love him... and it hurts to know that he won't be a part of my everyday life anymore. He was the person I counted on. He was there when I needed him and I've hurt him. I can't believe I did that to him." She cried softly as tears streamed down her cheeks. 

Derek was floored. He was overcome with a mixture of crushing emotions. He felt anguished. He was torn between jealousy, understanding and the realization of what she was going through, because he had once said the same thing to her. He hesitated at first but then took a seat next to her and pulled her into his arms, holding and soothing her. He had to hold her. He couldn't bear to see her in pain even if it was over someone else. It was cruel and cosmic. He had once crushed her like this, except he had done it to hurt her...but not his Addie, she was too caught up in her own grief and loss to even realize that this was killing him. But he owed her this, he would be the friend that she needed now and let her feel what she needed to feel. There was no room for bruised egos or jealousy at this moment, she just needed him and he would not deny her that.

Addison relaxed in his arms and allowed herself to be comforted by him. She felt a pain in her chest, a knot in her throat, and an uneasiness in her stomach. How could she let him go like she did? How could she hurt him? All he did was love her. She cried a little more. She couldn't control the overwhelming emotions that were racking through her.

Derek continued to hold her, stroking her hair and calming her down until the tears subsided.

"Addie?" He questioned softly.

Addison pulled away from his lap and tried to compose herself. She looked at him and was met with sincere concern.

"Are you okay?" He asked tentatively.

She smiled faintly, "Yes, I feel a bit better. Uhmm...Thank you." She whispered, her throat hoarse from the crying, "I needed that." She smiled shyly.

"I know...thank you for trusting me with this Addie. I want you to be able to tell me anything. I don't want us to hold anything back."

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." He reached out to tug back behind her ear an errant strand of hair. "I told you before, I'm ready for this Addie...all of it." He stated matter-of-factly.

They stared at each other for a few moments. They knew that there was still so much left to talk about and do, but they had made progress.

A realization finally dawned on Addison and she abruptly broke the spell they had been under.

"Oh shit!! What time is it? We should probably go meet up with Dr. Vaselenak, your test should be in."

Derek looked down at his watch. "We still have a few minutes, but yeah we should. You wanna go wash up first?"

"Yes. Wait for me?"

"Always." He said with a smile as he stood up and helped her from the couch.

Addison smiled a big genuine smile this time and then hurried out her office.

Derek watched her go as a surge of relief and gratitude washed over him, thankful that she had chosen him. He took a few minutes, then walked out to meet her.

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The visit with Dr. Vaselenak had revealed what Dr. Anderson had previously told them at Saint Ambrose, Derek was having a reaction to all of the stress. Why wouldn't he? In a matter of a week, things had changed so drastically. Derek hadn't known that he would see her in LA and she certainly hadn't thought that she would see him in her city, but somehow, they had been brought back together. She was insane for taking this chance with him, but she had once said that all things happen for a reason. This was their moment.

So now she sat on the trailer's porch, contemplating what was coming. Derek had stepped out to go and get them something to eat and she had decided to stay, shower, and change into something more comfortable. Addison stared out into the forest of trees surrounding the property. It seemed so convoluted in front of her, but she could still see the tiny clearing that led to that amazing property Derek owned. She squinted her eyes a bit trying to make out what was up ahead, but it was too far and blurry. Addison could hear the slight breeze and could smell the nice crisp air. She noticed the mud that had been caused by the storm was now pretty much dried up. She continued to take in her surroundings. She was actually going to miss this place. Not Seattle, but the quiet...the space that belonged to them where nothing and no one could touch them. It would be so much easier if they could stay at the trailer forever and not face the world. They could be relatively happy here. She half laughed to herself, who was she kidding?! One more week in this small cramped silver tin can and she could not be blamed for her actions.

She inhaled deeply and was about to get more comfortable but was startled by her ringing cell phone. Addison reached for it and recognized the familiar number...nope she wouldn't deal with this today, she sent it to voicemail. Addison couldn't help but think of what she would face once she headed back to LA. She had broken Pete's heart and no matter how much progress she had made with everyone at the office, they would take his side...and why wouldn't they? She hurt him, she left him for her ex-husband! But they had to understand that she hadn't planned on this to happen. Addison couldn't help that she was still in love with Derek any more than...well...any more than Naomi and Sam could stay away from each other.

Naomi...there was another person she would have confront. Her friend...best friend, had sent Pete to come and get her. What was she thinking? Addison shook her head. She knew that Naomi was trying to do what she thought was best, but by doing that, she hadn't given her a chance to tell Pete on her own terms. She would have to talk to her when she got back.

Should she even go back? Did she really want to face her colleagues, her friends? What were they going to say? Would they accept Derek? Well, Sam would, he's missed Derek, but what about everyone else? And why is she trying to make it easier for Derek? He certainly didn't make it easy for her when she first came to Seattle, in fact he made it hell. Addison rolled her eyes and chided herself for thinking that. They were starting over, no more self-sabotage. They were going to give themselves a real chance this time. No more games, no more excuses, no more Mark or Meredith, just them.

Just them. She smiled. It's crazy how she was so ready to just completely give up on the notion of ever being with him...and now, now it was completely a possibility. But it terrified her, it scared her to no end! Addison was brought out of her reverie when she heard Derek's truck approaching, she stood up and walked over to him.

"Hey, what do you say we eat out here? It's such a lovely evening." She said as she offered him a smile.

"Yeah it is." He said as he admired how beautiful she looked, even when she put very little effort into it. "Okay, do you want me to set up a table?..."

"No, we can just sit on the lounge chairs and take in the peacefulness of this place. Oh hey, did you bring the beer?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Like I'd forget. I know how much you love your Moo Goo Gai Pan with your Shiner Bock." He teased.

She laughed and took the food from him as she walked back up to the porch. Derek followed her to go inside and grab the cooler for the beers. When he walked back out, Addison had already set everything up. She had laid down one of the throw blankets and had set up the food in front of them. She seemed so relaxed and carefree. He smiled goofily at her and then sat down next to her.

"Did you get this from Bamboo Gardens?" She asked as she dug through the bag for some chopsticks.

"Like I'd go anywhere else. I know how picky you are when it comes to your chinese, especially if it runs the risk of getting cold." He said with a sly grin.

"Yeah well, I don't want none of that..." She said as she waved her hand in a circular motion at his lower extremities "...today."

"Hey hey now, don't say things you don't mean." He said with a wicked grin.

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Life had prepared him for many things. He had traveled all over and had lived in not so great conditions. Pete had had a wife who wasn't a very nice woman that had made him miserable. When she died he felt relief, only to then feel guilt for feeling relief, but even so, he had coped with it. He was a strong man, he knew that. He could withstand a lot of pain...well almost any kind of pain, until he fell completely in love.

He had never been in love before. He had definitely loved, but never the kind where it was gut wrenching, can't breathe, can't live without you kind of love. Mostly because he never allowed himself to get caught up. Pete was a serial dater. He'd met gorgeous intelligent women and have a night or two of fun and then on to the next one. He wouldn't have admitted it before, but he hadn't wanted to risk his heart. And with good reason.

But Pete Wilder had finally taken the plunge, the road less traveled...and look what happened? He'd gotten his heart broken by a woman he had so desperately tried to keep at arm's length. From the moment he saw her, he wanted her, there was no denying that. How could he not want her? She was gorgeous, intelligent, funny, and although he would never admit it to her, brilliant, and also one of the most compassionate people he had ever met. But Pete always knew she'd be trouble. After the first time he kissed her in that stairwell, he knew that if she stayed he would be in a predicament, so he had been glad that she was only visiting.

Well to his surprise, that lovely fiery redhead came bursting back into his life. Again he tried, tried really hard to keep away from her, but it didn't work. With every smile, every look, every thing she did, Addison absolutely captivated him and his heart without even trying. So he gave in, he gave in completely and it was the most invigorating feeling that he had ever had... especially when she loved him back. And she did love him, of that he was sure of, but not enough. He quickly caught on to the fact that Addison was still in love with her ex-husband when he showed up in LA. To be fair, he knew that Derek hadn't known that she was there, but it hadn't stopped Pete from wishing that he wasn't so damn good at his job. Then, maybe perhaps Derek wouldn't have ever had a reason to be in LA, and maybe, just maybe, he and Addison could have continued to explore their relationship. How was he supposed to go back without her? How could she just let Derek back into her life after all he had done to her? Was she really serious about being with him? And what about him...what had he done wrong? Did he not love her enough? Not tell her how much he needed her? He shook his head, none of that mattered anymore because she had made her choice and no matter how much it pained him, he wanted her to be happy. If that meant Derek was her happiness, so be it, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

He continued to sit on the uncomfortable airport chair waiting for his flight to be called, he needed to get out of this city. This trip to Seattle was not what he had envisioned it to be. He was going home without the girl. He looked down at his hands, trying to concentrate on anything other than the aching feeling in his chest and the arduous thoughts in his head. He tried to keep the tears at bay but he lost his struggle when a lone tear escaped. Pete finally gave in and leaned his face forward, resting it in his hands, and a sob escaped him before he could stop it.

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She could feel his muscles underneath her fingertips as she glided her hands up and down his back. She adjusted her legs around him to grant him closer access to her. His skin felt amazing! She continued to explore his body as he explored hers. Addison could feel the slight stubble tickling the side of her neck as he kissed and sucked on it. She reached for his face, wanting to look into his eyes. They gazed at each other for several moments and then Derek dipped his head to capture her inviting lips. They kissed passionately as his fingers trailed up her thigh, making their way to her panties, readying himself to feel her warmth envelop him.

Addison could feel his want for her, could feel his hard girth even through their constricting clothing. She couldn't deny that her body wanted him too. She wanted to feel him inside her, to make her be in this reality that they were in. Addison felt like this wasn't really happening, like she would soon wake up back in LA without him, but she knew this was real. She also knew that she had just broken another man's heart and by doing that, broken a part of hers as well. She couldn't lose herself in this, in them, it wouldn't be fair to Derek or herself. So she gently pushed on Derek's chest.

"What's wrong?" He panted.

She was quiet, she didn't know how to tell him. Addison didn't want to hurt him, but she couldn't do this tonight as much as she wanted to.

"Addie?" He said her name with worry.

"I'm sorry Derek, I'm just...I...I don't think I can do this tonight. I want to, I really do, but it's...can you just hold me?" She whispered the last phrase.

Derek was taken aback. His brain was still trying to come down from its aroused state, but as soon as he heard her utter 'hold me', he understood what she needed. And as much as he wanted to touch her, kiss her, and make love to her, if all she wanted was to be held, then he would hold her. He smiled at her and then slowly rolled over on his back and pulled her towards his chest. Addison beamed up at him and then adjusted her head underneath his chin and smoothed her hand over his chest. Derek embraced her slender form completely and held on tightly.

"Are you okay?" He finally asked.

"I am, I just suddenly got this overwhelming feeling to have your arms around me." She smiled shyly.

"Thank you." He simply stated.

"For what?" She asked a bit puzzled.

"For feeling comfortable enough to tell me. I'm glad you didn't feel like you couldn't ask me to stop, you know what we were about to...just thank you." He said sincerely.

"I'm trying. It's hard you know. Our history is stacked against us, but I don't care, I really want this to work." She sniffed as a few tears escaped. "Do you think we can make it this time?"

Derek felt her tears pooling on his chest as he held her closer. "Addie, I'm afraid too. I'm afraid to close my eyes and wake up to find you gone and find that this has all been a dream. I don't know how things will work out...honestly, I wish I did. But I want them to and I feel like you do too. As long as we're honest with each other from now on, and that we give it our best shot, I don't see why we can't make it. I love you and I will try my damnedest to make you happy." 

"I love you too." She whispered. She turned to kiss his chest and Derek reciprocated by kissing the top of her head. They both laid in bed holding onto each other. Derek began to stroke her hair and Addison slowly began to drift off into sleep, feeling safe surrounded by Derek. He felt her breathing even out and he laid his hand on her to feel her heartbeat. He smiled, it still beat the same way.

Before everything fell apart, that had been one thing that he would do when she was sleeping. He would lay his hand or sometimes his head on her chest and he would listen to the rhythm of her heartbeat. It let him know that she was there, it grounded him. It's funny how he ever thought at one point that he could live his life without her. Addison had been everything to him, what he would have missed had he not realized it. He knew things were going to get worse before they got better, but he was ready to face them because he had her by his side, and he would be there for her no matter what. It wasn't going to be easy for her, but he would not allow anyone to give her doubts or make her feel guilty for what happened. He turned to look at her, she seemed so serene and breathtaking. How he wished that he could protect her from what they would both soon face. Derek wanted to spare her any more pain. She had been through so much and he couldn't deny that most of it had been at his hands, but he knew now that he would try his utmost to never hurt her the way he had before and she was absolutely worth the effort.

She would be leaving soon he realized. Addison would be heading back to LA without him. Sure, he would be meeting up with her once he arranged everything with Richard, but knowing that they would be apart for at least of couple of weeks, or any length of time, was so daunting to him. Derek found it so peculiar that he had been able to go for a little over a year and a half without her, but now that it finally hit him how much he'd missed her, her absence was something he didn't want to think about. What was he going to do with himself? He wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything, of that he was sure of. He would just have to busy himself by packing and searching for work, a place to live, and making plans for them. And what would she do? Would her colleagues give her a hard time? Would she be around Pete? Was he going to try and get her back? Would Addison let him try? He shook his head and berated himself. No, he wouldn't think that way. He trusted her. Derek was suddenly startled by the ringing phone. It was Addison's phone. It kept ringing and ringing. He tried to reach for it so that it wouldn't wake her, but he was too late. She began to stir in his arms.

"Sorry. It's your phone...I couldn't shut it off in time." He said sheepishly.

"It's okay." She said groggily. "Who is it?"

"Hmmm..." He turned the phone over to see. "Naomi. Do you wanna pick up?"

"Nahhh. I'll call her tomorrow." She said as she fixed herself on his chest again. "Derek?"

"Yeah?" He answered as he rubbed her arm lightly.

"I think I need to go back home tomorrow." She said softly.

He paused for a moment. He knew she had to leave and he had to let her go. Addison was beginning to worry, so she turned to see his face. He gave her a lopsided smirk.

"Okay." He simply stated.

She beamed. Addison was so happy that they somehow managed to be on the same page. Derek's heart skipped a beat. Even in this darkness he could see her radiant smile. She always had the ability to give a smile that could derail a train. He leaned down and kissed her lightly, then nuzzled her head. Both laid in bed contentedly.

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So there you have it folks...THE END!!!

LOL Just Kidding. :P

It's funny, this is the first time there's no big cliffhanger but I hope you all still like it.

As always PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

Till Soon

Liz

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	22. Empedocles

**Summary: **This chapter is an homage to **'Empedocles'**,an episode of **'The X-Files'** written by Greg Walker.

**Empedocles: **

A Greek philosopher who established the four ultimate elements which make all the structures in the world -fire, air, water, earth. The four elements are, however, simple, eternal, and unalterable, and as change is the consequence of their mixture and separation, it was also necessary to suppose the existence of moving powers - to bring about mixture and separation. The four elements are eternally brought into union, and eternally parted from each other, by two divine powers, Love and Strife. Love (Greek: φιλία) explains the attraction of different forms of matter, and Strife (Greek: νεῖκος) accounts for their separation. If the elements are the content of the universe, then Love and Strife explain their variation and harmony. Love and Strife are attractive and repulsive forces which the ordinary eye can see working amongst people, but which really pervade the universe. They alternately hold empire over things, - neither, however, being ever quite absent.

(Courtesy of )

ThanX go out to my betaAgent Extremis_._

**Disclaimer:** _"The pizza man is not above suspicion." -Fox Mulder_

_Previously on Ouroboros:_

"_Derek?"_

"_Yeah?" He answered as he rubbed her arm lightly._

"_I think I need to go back home tomorrow." She said softly._

_He paused for a moment. He knew she had to leave and he had to let her go. _

_Addison was beginning to worry, so she turned to see his face. He gave her a lopsided smirk._

"_Okay." He simply stated._

_She beamed. Addison was so happy that they somehow managed to be on the same page. Derek's heart skipped a beat. Even in this darkness he could see her radiant smile. _

_She always had the ability to give a smile that could derail a train. He leaned down and kissed her_

_lightly, then nuzzled her head. Both laid in bed contentedly._

**'Empedocles' by Agent Addek**

The ride to the airport was easy and uneventful. They held hands as he drove. Addison had her window rolled down, letting the early fresh Seattle breeze caress her face. Her hair began to flip wildly, so she let go of Derek's hand to pull it into a messy bun. He snuck a glance her way and smiled. The morning sun was bathing her features with it's light and illuminated her completely. She had her eyes closed and a sweet smile that made him melt. Derek turned back to pay attention to the road in front of them, but not before he sought out her hand and entwined his with hers again.

They arrived at the airport, parked his jeep, and both jumped out. Derek grabbed her bags, then searched for her hand once more. He wanted to have her near him as much as possible...he wouldn't be seeing her for at least a couple of weeks and he wanted to take advantage of the next

hour or so that he had left with Addison. They checked in her bags, got her ticket, and then went in search of the terminal. They found a couple of empty seats near the gate and sat down.

Settling down on the uncomfortable airport seats, he broke the sudden uneasy silence that was slowly engulfing them.

"I wish you didn't have to go yet, but I get that you need to." He stated honestly.

"I don't wanna go either Derek, but I have to. There's so much I need to do before you come out there. I need to deal with the fall out and it's not going to be easy...but I need to face it, alone." She replied truthfully.

"You think they're gonna give you a hard time?" He questioned curiously.

"I don't know...I think Sam, Naomi and Dell will be okay, but Violet will definitely side with Pete. Cooper usually sides with Violet, and Pete...well, I think he has a very good reason not to want me around." She said downheartedly.

"Hey now, don't let it get you upset...I'm sorry I brought it up. I was just curious about your relationships with them. I don't want you to go up against them on your own, but I understand that you need to do this alone...I do, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I just got you back Addie, I don't want to lose you again, even if it's only until I come out there." He said sheepishly.

Addison couldn't help but smile. She was seeing a completely different side of him. He was no longer afraid to say what was on his mind. He truly was changing and making an effort...she could feel it, she wasn't going to be fighting for them alone. Addison was confident that he would be with her every step of the way. She loosened her hand from his grip, then reached to touch his face. She caressed it lightly. He put his hand over hers before turning it to kiss her palm. It was sweet and genuine.

"We can talk everyday." She offered. "You can tell me how you're going to convince Richard to let you out of your contract." She chuckled.

"See...even more reason for you to stay. You know he can't deny you anything. He would let me off the hook and probably give me the best recommendation ever if you stayed and asked him with me." He said teasingly.

"Ha! That ain't happening Shepherd, you gotta deal with daddy Weber all on your own." She

laughed.

"Oh, so it's daddy now huh? I see how it is." He said as he attempted to tickle her side, then leaned in to kiss her and took her by surprise. She giggled into his mouth a little, but then kissed him back with tenderness. They pulled away from each other after a few moments, the calmness was back.

"Flight 1013XF flying from Seattle, Washington to Los Angeles, California will now start boarding. Please get your boarding pass ready. Thank you."

They stood up and Addison adjusted her carry ons as Derek watched her. He really didn't want her to go. As much as he trusted that they were really going to get back together, he couldn't help but be a bit pessimistic. For some reason, he thought that as soon as she was away from him, she would realize that she'd made a mistake by giving him another chance. He shook his head, "Shit Derek, get a grip." He softly berated himself.

"Okay, so I'll call you once I land just to let you know I got there safely."

He nodded in agreement, "Do you think you'll have time to talk tonight?"

"Of course...I probably won't go to work today and just get settled at home and sort stuff there. By the way, we really have to talk about you staying at the house."

"I thought we had already decided..." He stopped when she raised her eyebrow, "...fine we can talk about that tonight." He conceded. "I love you Addie."

"I love you too."

Derek reached out and pulled her towards him. He kissed her once more, promising so many

things in that moment with his lips on hers. She reciprocated and then slowly pulled away.

"Please take care of yourself. Don't do anything that'll stress you out. Promise me?" He nodded in understanding. "I'll see you soon Shepherd." She said with a warm smile as she walked away.

Addison could feel him watching her, but she didn't look back...she couldn't. If she did, she would run back into his arms and stay in Seattle with him, and she had to go home. She had to go and make things right. Besides, she couldn't see herself moving back to Seattle anytime soon. She had a tight grip on her boarding pass and really didn't want to let it go when she handed it to the flight attendant. The flight attendant smiled uncomfortably and pulled on it harder until Addison

released it. She walked through the corridor and felt her stomach knot. She was afraid to leave. What if he changed his mind? What if after she was back in LA, he decided it had all been a mistake? What if Meredith convinced him to go back to her? She chided herself. No, she wasn't going to do this. She wouldn't psyche herself out. She thought back to the things that he had said, the things that she believed he had meant whole-heartedly. Addison smiled and continued on to her seat.

He stood there and watched her go with a lopsided smirk. He saw her stand in line and then hand her ticket to the ticket agent...saw her disappear through the passageway, but then the uneasiness hit him again. She was leaving him. What if she got home and decided she didn't want him there? What if Pete convinced her to give him another shot? His heart began pounding rapidly. Derek felt an attack coming. He had to calm himself down, he couldn't keep freaking himself out

over things that hadn't yet happened, things that he knew wouldn't happen. He'd just promised Addison that he wouldn't stress out. He began doing his breathing exercises as he took a seat. 'Think of a place you feel calm...' He thought to himself. '...think of someone that calms you...'

Images flashed in his mind, the river, fishing, it always soothed him...Addison, having her in his arms. He could feel the nausea settling and felt his heart rhythm start to steady. Derek grinned. He had been able to control his panic attack. This had been the first time he had done it successfully.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The flight was rather quick. It had helped that she'd preoccupied herself with reading a book instead of thinking of everything that was waiting for her in LA...the many questions that still remained about she and Derek. She was finally home. Addison walked in to her house and thought how funny it felt that she hadn't been there in ages, but in reality, she'd only been gone for a week.

"Ms. Montgomery, where do you want these?" Asked her driver as he stood by the door with her bags.

"Oh...just set them...uhmmm...you know what?...just leave them right there." She pointed to her living room floor. "Thank you." She reached into her purse and pulled out a 100 dollar bill and folded it. She smiled at him when he turned to her. "Thank you so much for your help David." She said as she shook his hand and handed him his tip.

"No, thank you Ms. Montgomery. Thank you. Here's my card if you ever need to be taken anywhere, just call me." He grinned appreciatively, then made his way out.

Addison walked behind him to close the door. She turned around, closed her eyes and inhaled. 'Home sweet home' She thought. She opened her eyes and looked around. Everything was

where it should be, but the house seemed changed. She decided that it needed light and air circulation, so she went and opened the back doors that led to her deck. She then drew all of the curtains and opened the windows.

"There, much better." She said loudly to herself. Addison looked around again. She really had no idea what to do with herself. Obviously, she realized that she had to talk to Naomi, and of course.

she wanted to talk to Pete, but she couldn't very well show up at the practice and do it there. So she would have to wait until the work day was over. She looked at her wall clock, it was only 1:00 pm. She frowned. Okay, maybe she could try Naomi...see if she could talk to her sooner.

Addison grabbed her bags, then noticed something sticking out from the side of the couch...it was Pete's jersey from his favorite hockey team. She had stripped it off of his body that night when they

had returned from El Capitan, right before he had laid her down on that very sofa and made love to her. She shook the memory away. Addison picked up the jersey and walked around the house looking for anything that belonged to him or reminded her of him. She knew she was probably overreacting, but she didn't want to keep having these flashes every single time she saw something that brought her back to certain moments they had shared, it was too hard. It would be easier if she didn't care about him, but she did. She loved Pete, just not the way that she loved Derek.

She went back to her bags, piled some random things she found that belonged to him, and then headed up the stairs. Addison entered her bedroom and placed the bags on the bed. She noticed some of Pete's clothing on the chair by the window. It's as if everything was making itself visible to admonish her. She walked out of the bedroom and straight to the storage closet at the end of the hall. She quickly found what she was looking for...a medium sized plastic storage box. Addison returned back to her bedroom, then began gathering all of Pete's things. She set them inside, closed the lid, and then set the box down. This was going to be a lot harder than she thought. She pushed the bags aside and plopped down onto the bed. She could feel a headache coming. Addison slowly rubbed her temples trying to alleviate the pressure. She felt like the room was closing in on her...she needed some fresh air. She swiftly stood up, grabbed her phone, and left the room.

As soon as Addison neared the back, the ocean breeze hit her face. It was so inviting, it felt nice against her skin. She settled on the lounge chair and took in the beautiful Malibu scenery...the sun was shining brightly over the massive ocean, making the water glisten with silvery speckles that looked like floating diamonds. She smiled happily. Sitting there surrounded by the soothing sea relaxed her.

Addison closed her eyes, she could hear the melodic splashing of the tide up against the shore. The seagulls called each other as they flapped their wings and landed on the beach. The singing of the light wind flowed around her. She really loved living on the beach and she really hoped that Derek would love it as well. Why wouldn't he? Being near water had always helped calm him,just like it did her. He loved fishing and the Malibu Pier wasn't that far away, he could wake up early on his days off and drive the 5 minutes that it took to get there. They still had so much to discuss, but where he would be living when he moved out here, was still up in the air...even though he had offered to get his own place to give her space. But why live somewhere else? If they were jumping back in head first, why not just do it all the way, she mused. She reached for her phone and dialed.

"Hey you." She smiled when she heard his greeting.

"Hey yourself." She teased.

"How was your flight?"

"It was good, I got some reading done."

"Really, you call those trashy novels reading?" He mocked.

"I'll have you know that those novels you call trashy are really well written." She shot back jokingly.

"I'm sure...I miss you."

"Me too. I was just thinking about you actually."

"Really?" He replied with a sly grin.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Shepherd." She laughed.

"So why were you thinking of me?"

"I'm sitting outside on my deck and it's such a beautiful day. The sun is out, but it's not hot nor cold, it's just right. The waves are nice and calm...and I just thought of how much I love water and how much you love it too, and I hope you grow to love it here like I do." She stated genuinely.

"I will Addie. I already love it because you do...and you're right, I enjoy being near water, especially water I can fish in." She chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing...it's just that I actually thought about you and fishing. The Malibu Pier isn't too far from where I live, I thought you could go fish when you needed to unwind."

"Wow, you're encouraging my fishing? I thought you hated that."

"I don't hate you fishing! I hated you bringing the fish into the small trailer. You know I love to eat fish. I just didn't like the overpowering smell seeping into my clothing before I had to go to work. Besides, at that time, everything in that trailer bothered me because I felt I was imposing and you were only allowing me to stay there out of some misguided duty." She finished.

"I'm sorry Addie."

"Don't apologize Derek, I didn't bring it up for that. It's just how I felt then."

He decided to ease the conversation before it veered off into something else.

"So...does this mean you'd come fishing with me since now I actually know you don't hate it?"

"Ah...yeah...no. Nice try though."

"Thank you. I thought...you know, she's bringing it up, why not ask?" He snickered.

"So, what are you up to?"

"I'm actually on my way to meet with Richard. I'm turning in my letter of resignation."

"Really?" She said with a tinge of surprise.

"Yeah, unless...well, unless you've changed your mind about me coming out there?" He questioned with apprehension.

"What? No! Not even for a second. I meant what I said Derek, I want to give us another try. I may be terrified out of my mind about the many different ways this could go very wrong, but I would rather try than not at all."

He couldn't help but feel a strong warmth and a smile spread across his face.

"Good, 'cause I was coming there either way."

She laughed a good hearty laugh. "Well good."

"Hey Addie, I have to get going, but it was really good to hear your voice. Will you call me

\tonight?"

"Yeah. Good luck with Richard."

"Thank you. I love you."

"Love you too."

She ended the phone call and stared out in front of her. She felt so content. Even though she had her doubts, she was really looking forward to having him live here. Her phone starting ringing, she turned it over and saw the office number, it was probably Naomi. 'Good' she thought. She wouldn't have to do the calling.

"Hello?" She answered in a reserved manner. Addison was still very upset with Naomi and wasn't letting her off the hook easily.

"Addison? Finally, I've been trying to reach you. Why haven't you called me back? I've worried..."

"I'm fine Nai, and I was busy. I had..."

"Oh, too busy to call your concerned friend while you're out of state?" She said defensively.

"Well, I'm back, so you don't have to worry anymore on my account." Addison stated coolly.

"When did you get back?"

"Earlier today."

"Addie, what's with the attitude?" She questioned a bit hurt.

"I think you know why?" She said matter-of-factly.

"Addison, I...."

"Nai, I don't want to hear it right now. We need to talk, can you come over?"

"Yeah, I'll sneak out early. Addie I just want you to..."

"Naomi, can we talk about this when you get here?"

"Alright, I'm sorry, I'll be there in a couple of hours. I'm glad you're back Addie."

"I'll see you later okay? Bye." She said shortly.

"Bye..." Naomi didn't get to finish, Addison had already hung up.

Addison rested her head back on the chair. She hadn't wanted to be so short with her, but she needed to know that this was not something that was going to be swept under the rug. She loved Nai and knew that she loved her too, but she could be a bit nosy and overprotective. She rubbed

her eyes. This was going to be a stressful evening, she would definitely be needing some wine. Addison propped herself up and walked into the kitchen. Just as she suspected, no more wine. She saw her keys on the counter top, grabbed them and readied herself to go and do some shopping.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek flipped his cell phone closed. He probably had the silliest grin on his face, but he didn't care. Addison still wanted him to come out there. The few hours away from him had not changed her mind.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Patricia called over to him. "Dr. Webber is ready to see you."

"Thank you Patricia."

He walked into Richard's office still wearing the smirk. Richard noticed, but didn't want the answer to what he already knew.

"Have a seat Derek." He said as he gestured to the seats in front of his desk.

"Thank you sir." Derek said as he obliged.

"So, did you see Addie to the airport this morning?"

"Yes, she had a fairly early flight. We left right after she spoke to you."

"I won't lie, I wasn't happy to learn that she wanted to go back. I honestly thought we'd be getting her back for sure." He said disheartened.

"She's made a life there Richard, we couldn't expect her to leave all of that behind."

"I suppose not, but that doesn't make me miss having her around in this hospital." He offered with a sad smile. He shook his head, "So did your doctor finally clear you for surgery?"

"Yes he did, but ahh..." Derek was cut off by Richard before he could finish.

"Okay, well...I have a few surgeries that we could really use your hel..." He began as he searched the top of his desk.

"Chief?" Derek tried to get his attention.

"Hold on, let me find that folder...I know it's here..."

"Chief?" Derek said a little more loudly.

"I know I have it here somewhere, let me call Patric.."

"Richard??" He finally called out more forcibly. Richard looked up to acknowledge him with a startled look. Derek handed him a white envelope.

"What's this? Derek, if this is what I think it is, I won't accept it." He said as he set it down in front of him.

"Richard, you knew this was coming. I have to do this...for me, for Addison." He stated truthfully.

Derek chanced eye contact and saw the dismay in Richard's eyes.

"I know you do. I just...I guess I thought she would move back here and I'd have both of you working together in my hospital."

"I can't ask her to do that, she has a life there. It's my turn to go to her."

"Is there anything I can say that will change your mind?" Richard asked with a sly grin.

"Nothing, I'm sorry." Derek replied apologetically.

"Hey, I had to at least try." He smiled. Then his tone turned back to serious. "I understand though, she's worth it. You've got your chance Derek, make it count."

"I plan on it sir."

"Don't worry, I'll give you the best recommendation. I might be able to make some calls on your behalf too."

"I'd appreciate any help you could give me."

"So when do you leave?"

"As soon as I have everything ready. I'm thinking two weeks, but it might be sooner."

"Okay then, I'll try to arrange some of your minor surgeries, but you'll still have to take care of the more critical ones that you've been personally requested for. After that you're all done." Richard said as he stood up.

"I have three cases that need my personal attention, so I'll make sure to move them up." Derek said as he stood up as well. He reached out his hand to Richard and clasped it in his. "Thank you sir. Thank you for understanding."

"No need to thank me Derek, like you said, I knew this was coming. I've been preparing for this day the moment Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd graced this hospital with her presence." He said with a chuckle. Derek joined him.

"Yeah, I never stood a chance did I?" He half-joked.

"Nope, you never did." They both laughed as they walked out of the office.

"I'll see you when you come and fill out your paperwork, now get back to work."

"Yes sir." Derek mocked with a salute. "I'll see you later Chief."

Derek walked away with a feeling of accomplishment now that he had gotten the difficult part out of the way. He knew that Richard would be understanding on a personal level, even if professionally he didn't agree. He stopped when he heard his name being called out. He turned and saw the man he had known since childhood running up towards him. Mark had changed tremendously in the past few months, just as he had. Even if to the outside world he still seemed like the cocky, irresponsible, man-whore...he had changed. Callie had a lot to do with it, he was sure of that. Even though he and Mark had never really talked about his budding relationship with her, he knew that she had much to do with his transformation. That woman was tough as nails. She was intelligent, beautiful, and pretty damn funny...she actually reminded him a lot of Addie. To some extent, he knew that's what Mark had recognized in her and was attracted instantly.

It should bother him that Mark was still trying to hold on to a piece of Addie. He knew that Mark had loved her, a part of him might still love her, but he had made an attempt to move on, for himself and for them, and he had been successful. Callie had completely captivated him. She was a paradox that he desperately wanted to figure out, so he knew that there was more to what Mark saw in Callie than the shared qualities with Addie. Derek acknowledged him with a bop of his head.

"Hey, you're back?"

"Yeah, for a little while anyways."

"Where's Addie?"

"She left this morning."

"So you going out there." He stated as fact not a question.

"Yeah, I'm moving to LA." He said with a silly grin.

"You don't strike me as the surfing type." He chuckled.

"Definitely not, but there's water, so there's always fishing."

"I'm happy for you man." He said genuinely. Mark caught Derek's eyes and saw the question looming. 'Was he really happy for them?' Mark cleared his throat a bit uncomfortable. "So when do you leave?"

"I have to get a few things together...find a job, an apartment, and give her some time to do what she needs to do...so probably in a couple of weeks."

"Well, I'm happy for the both of you...really I am..." Mark noticed Meredith walking towards them, she stopped by the nurses station. "Are you going to talk to her?" He asked as he nodded towards her.

Derek looked over and saw her, then looked pointedly at Mark, "No. I have nothing more to say to her. It's over, she knows it. All I'm concentrating on is getting to Addison as soon as possible."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come in." Addison called out from the kitchen as she was uncorking a bottle of Wild Horse Pinot Noir.

"Addie?" Naomi questioned as she walked through the walkway to find Addison in the kitchen.

"Would you like a glass?"

"Yes please." She answered as she set her things down on the bar stool.

She watched Addison with a curious stare, wondering what her friend was thinking.

"Nai, stop looking at me...here." Addison handed Naomi her glass.

"Let's go sit outside, it looks like it's going to be a nice evening." She said as she walked through the double doors.

"I'm sorry Addie, I didn't mean to stare, I'm just...well..."

"Let's sit for a bit, take a sip of our wine, and enjoy the view for a moment before we jump into all of this. Okay?" She offered.

"Okay." Naomi said, a bit uncomfortably, as she took a seat. She watched her friend again, she couldn't help it, she seemed different. To a normal person, she would seem the same, but they didn't have the privilege of knowing this woman the way she did, and something had changed.

"You know Nai, life is so full of surprises. I mean, I'd always known that, but they seem to happen when you least expect them ha...hence surprises." She chuckled at her own redundancy.

Naomi was about to say something and Addison gestured for her to wait. She gathered her thoughts up again and continued. "I look back at my life and realize I've been thrown so many curve balls...but somehow, I've always managed to pick myself up, well...until Derek anyway. He has been the only exception in my life...I couldn't do it after him. I tried though. Meeting Pete helped me immensely. He was able to show me that I was still worthy of being loved, that I wasn't this horrible person for the mistakes that I'd made in my marriage. He accepted me completely for who I was and who I am, and I fell for him. I love him, I do...just not the way that I have and will always love Derek." She stopped to take a sip of her wine. She allowed it sit in her mouth, letting the different flavors of the cherry, pomegranate, and Asian spices assault her palette.

"If Derek hadn't shown up here, I could have stayed with Pete and it could have probably turned more serious. After all, I'm the marrying type." She smiled at the memory that brought back. She had once said those very words to Pete. "I could have been relatively happy with him,

but I would have been missing out on the great love of my life. I know, I know, it sounds so cliché, but it doesn't make it any less true. I thought I had lost that when Derek chose Meredith, so I bowed out to let him be happy. I loved him enough to let him go. If I wasn't his one, I didn't want him to miss out on his great love over my selfishness." Addison looked up to see if Naomi was following her. Naomi nodded for her to continue.

"So,I never expected for Derek to come to the realization that I, in fact, was his one. I didn't expect him to leave Meredith and get his life together. I hoped, but I didn't count on it. So I didn't assume that he would come to L.A. and find me, and to be honest, neither did he.

Nobody wanted to tell him where I was, but he unwittingly found me. That was it. That's why when he said my name and grabbed my arm to stop me, I knew I had to get away from him...because I knew, I just knew that I couldn't fight it. To my defense, I did put some effort into battling it. It didn't work. When I thought I almost lost him, it was a done deal. I knew that I couldn't keep living my life without him being a part of it in some way. We talked Nai, we finally laid it all out. Everything that we had kept from each other, every lie, every mistake, it was all spoken." Addison demanded as she looked directly into Naomi's eyes. "How can I walk away from that?! How can I walk away from the man that I have loved with every part of being without giving it another shot? I can't walk away from that, I won't. I may seem so naïve and insane, but I don't care...even if it all falls apart in a day, a week, a month, a year, whenever...I would still not regret it, because it gave me that time with him."

A few tears escaped her eyes and they trickled down her cheeks. She reached up to swipe them away and took another sip of wine. "I know I hurt Pete. I won't ever forgive myself for doing that to him. I have no excuse. I just wish that you would have allowed me the time to break it off with him on my own terms. It was awful Nai..."

"Addie, I'm so sorry, I just...I wanted to stop you from making a mistake. I just..."

"I realize that Nai, but at that moment, I felt like you had made it worse. I'm not saying this to hurt you or blame you...I was determined to be mad at you, but I can't. You did what you thought you should do, and in a way it helped me." Naomi raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Having Pete there gave me that final shove to make it real. Being with Derek can be so all consuming, and at times, I felt that once I was away from him, that my clouded judgment would be gone. Having Pete there, having him hold me, and kiss me, made me grasp that with Pete it was safe and easy, and with Derek it was dangerous...and at times arduous, but I wouldn't have it any other way. That's what makes it so special. That we have to fight for it each day. It may seem irrational and twisted, but that's us. We're not perfect and we won't ever be, but we make each other happy.

"I get it Addie. I guess if anyone could, it would be me right? Since I feel the same way about Sam and I. I'm really happy that you found your way back to each other. I'm just sad that it ended up hurting Pete. I shouldn't have sent him out there." Naomi berated herself.

"What's done is done. We can only help him move forward."

"We?"

"Well, not me...I think I'm the last person he wants to hear from. What I mean is, he needs his friends...the people that care about him to help him through this. Especially because, uhmm...I have something to tell you..." She began uncertainly.

"You're going back aren't you?"

"No, I'm not."

Naomi shot her a surprised look. "Okay?"

"Derek is moving out here. He turned in his letter of resignation today and should be here in a couple of weeks."

Naomi was about to say something but an unannounced visitor beat her to it.

"He's what?" Pete said in complete shock.

Both Naomi and Addison stood up startled. Naomi shifted her gaze from a rattled Addison to a confused and seething Pete.

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So there you have it folks.

It only took me a month to update, I think it's progress, right?? ;)

Okay, maybe not, but I hope my new ADDEK story made up for it??? LOL :D

Okay, well I hope you enjoyed this and uhmm...yeah....

PLEASE REVIEW!!!

Hugs and Kisses,

Bizzy (I'm trying it out) LOL :D

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	23. Quagmire

**Summary:** This chapter is an homage to '**Quagmire'**, an episode of **'The X-Files'** written by Kim Newton.

**Quagmire: **refers to a predicament or situation from which it is difficult to extricate oneself.

**ThanX** go out to my **AWESOME** beta **AE**. =)

**Disclaimer: **"You're so... consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or its mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to your megalomaniacal cosmology."

_**Previously on Ouroboros:**_

"_Well not me, I think I'm the last person he wants to hear from. What I mean is, he needs his friends...the people that care about him to help him through this...especially because uhmm...I have something to tell you." she said uncertainly._

"_You're going back aren't you?"_

"_No, I'm not."_

_Naomi shot her a surprised look. "Okay?"_

"_Derek is moving out here. He turned in his letter of resignation today and should be here in a couple of weeks."_

_Naomi was about to say something but an unannounced visitor beat her to it. _

"_He's what?" Pete said in complete shock._

_Both Naomi and Addison stood up startled. Naomi shifted her gaze from a rattled Addison to a confused seething Pete._

**'Quagmire' by Agent Addek**

The night was letting the moonlight in this evening. The beach was tame tonight. He always thought of it as a place of beauty and peace. It extended far beyond anyone's knowledge, it was filled with life, light, and wonder, but it also held death, darkness, and uncharted territory. He stood outside of her house, it seemed unrecognizable to him now. He had shared many moments with Addison in this house and now all of that had been ripped away.

Pete noticed that the were lights on and saw Naomi's SUV. It was better if someone was there so he wouldn't have to dwell on the could've beens. He just needed to pick up some things he'd left there and be on his way. Pete took a deep breath and went in. He could hear voices coming from the back, he instantly recognized Addison's voice. 'She's back!' He thought to himself. Did she change her mind? Had she realized that she'd made a mistake by choosing Derek? His heart began pounding rapidly, he felt a surge of anticipation and hope. He walked purposely, following the sound of her voice, then came to a halt when he heard his name. He shouldn't have been listening, this was a private conversation between friends, but he wanted to know what she was thinking and feeling. Pete stood attentively in the kitchen, then he heard her say she loved him and he couldn't help but smile, but that smile quickly turned sour when she went on to say that she was in love with Derek. He shouldn't have been eavesdropping on Addison, she hadn't changed her mind, she wanted Derek. He clenched up both fists. Then why come back here? Why not stay with that asshole in the city where he lives?' Pete felt his blood start to boil. How could she think that he would make her happy? That he wouldn't break her heart again? Pete had stepped aside because he loved her enough to let her go, he didn't want to fight for a woman who didn't want him, but standing here now and listening to her reasoning convinced him that she was making a mistake. Even if she did love her excuse of an ex-husband, she still loved him. He had a chance to win her back, especially since she was here and Derek was in Seattle. Then she said the words that he had not expected, "Derek is moving out here."

He could no longer stop himself, he walked outside and couldn't contain his outburst. "He's what?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Both Naomi and Addison stood completely stunned, neither could say a word.

"He's moving here?" He exclaimed, his jaw set in anger. "Here to LA? Living with you in this house?" He knew he wasn't making much sense, but how could he when he couldn't understand why she would be doing this? Pete was filled with hurt, anger, and disillusionment. "What?!...you're gonna have him work at the practice now too? I mean, might as well right? It isn't enough that I lost you to him, now you have to rub it in my face?" He stormed off.

Addison watched Pete as he bolted, then turned back to Naomi who gave her an encouraging nod to go after him. She rushed to him. "Pete wait!!" she pleaded.

She reached for his arm to stop him. He flinched at her touch. She removed her hand rapidly as if she had just been burned, her resolve leaving her for a few moments but she continued. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way...I don't want to hurt you I..."

"But you are hurting me, intentionally or not Addison, you are."

"I know and I'm sorry. I just wish..."

"I don't need you to wish, I need you to stop this." He forcibly grabbed her on either side of her forearms. Addison flinched when she felt his grip tighten. "I need you to make this pain in my chest go away, I want you to take away this knot in my stomach, and I wish you could help me get rid of these memories of you and I together. Most of all, I need you to make me stop loving you. Unless you can do that, I don't want to hear you say that you wish or I'm sorry." Pete could tell that he was hurting her, so he briskly let her go. He roughly ran his fingers through his hair. "Why did you do this Addison? How could you do this to us? Why are you doing this to yourself?" He begged for the answers.

"I thought you understood, you said you understood. You let me go, I thought..."

"Just because I let you go, doesn't mean I'm not going to be hurting Addison. Just because I stepped aside, doesn't mean I understand your reasons for ending us. We were happy."

Addison was sobbing uncontrollably, she hadn't expected this outburst from Pete. He had held back in Seattle, he had bottled it up, and now knowing that Derek was moving here to be with her, had set him off. Pete watched her face contort in confusion...that beautiful face that he was hoping to wake up and go to bed to every day. It pained him to see her in distress but he couldn't hold back, she needed to know how much she had hurt him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naomi could hear the shouting and was about to go inside to put an end to it. She understood why he was hurt and upset, but that didn't mean he could yell at Addison. Naomi started walking towards the house when someone's voice startled her.

"Nai?" Sam whispered.

"Shit Sam!! You scared me!" She said as she reached out to smack him but she missed. Sam was already walking around from his side of the fence.

"What's going on?" He asked curiously.

"Long story short...Addison and Derek are back together. She broke it off with Pete after I sent him to go fight for her in Seattle." Sam shook his head in disapproval. "I know, don't give me that look, I shouldn't have interfered. Anyways, she came back today...and apparently, now Derek is moving out here. Pete overheard our conversation and lost it. Hence the screaming."

"So what were you doing about to go in there?" He admonished.

"Listen to him! He's yelling at her! I get it, he's angry, but he doesn't need to treat her like this."

"Nai stay out of it. He won't hurt her. This is between them, you let them deal with this..." They both turned when they heard more shouting. Naomi eyed him, he stared at her for a moment, shook his head then turned to walk inside. As much as Sam wanted to stay out of it, he wasn't going to allow Pete to talk to Addison that way. They walked up behind Addison and Naomi put her hand on her shoulder for support. Pete took a step back when he saw them.

"Then why are you here? If you hate me so much, why are you here?" She asked, just above a whisper.

"I don't hate you Addison. Honestly, I wish I could...it would make it a hell of a lot easier to forget about you. I didn't even know you were here. I came to get my things, I didn't expect you to be back. I'll just grab them and see my way out." He scanned the room searching for anything that belonged to him.

Addison brushed some of the tears away. "I put all your things in a storage box, it's upstairs in my room."

"Well that didn't take long, did it?" He stated indignantly.

Sam cut him off, "Pete..." He warned.

"It's okay Sam." Addison said as she gave him a sad smile, then she turned back to Pete to explain. "It wasn't like that...I got home and seeing some of your things brought me back to certain moments. Believe it or not, this is really hard for me too." She said as she started up the stairs. "I'll be right back."

Naomi broke in, "I'll come help you." Addison nodded slightly and then they walked up the stairs together.

Sam and Pete waited.

"I don't get it Sam, if this was so difficult for her, then why do it? Was she really that confused about what she wanted?"

"Pete, I can't begin to explain what her reasons may have been, but what I do know, is that I won't let you treat her this way. I know you're angry, but that doesn't make it okay."

"I know Sam, I just..." He couldn't finish what he was about to say because he heard their descending foot steps.

Just like she had told him, she had put his stuff in a box, just like that. The anger in him began to build again, he had to leave, this was too much for him. Pete yanked the box away from her and without a word started walking away.

"Pete wait!! Please don't go, we need to talk, I still care about you..."

He came to halt, then turned to meet her eyes. "You could've fooled me." Then he walked away.

Addison stood in the living room and watched him go as tears freely trickled down the side of her cheeks. She hadn't expected this to work out easily, but she also didn't expect this from Pete. He was furious and resentful, she understood that, but having him lash out the way he did, made everything so real. It wasn't just about her and Derek, other people were being affected by their actions, other people were being caused pain. Seeing Pete like that was like being slapped in the face with the reality of her choices. She defeatedly slumped onto the couch. Naomi instantly went to her and Sam went to grab her a glass of water.

"Here Addie, drink this." He said as he handed her the glass. She reached for it and took a sip.

"Thank you Sam."

"You're welcome. I'll leave you two so you can talk. Addie, you shouldn't come into the office tomorrow. Just take whatever time you need to regroup okay?" Sam offered. Addison nodded in understanding. Sam leaned over and hugged her reassuringly, then smiled at her and said his goodnights.

Naomi watched him leave, then turned her attention to Addison. She broke the silence that was slowly coming over them. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't even know what to say Nai...he was really angry, he wouldn't even let me explain."

"It's natural for him to feel that way, it's still new and raw. He'll come around Addie, he will. Regardless of what he may be feeling now, Pete cares about you, he won't be this way with you forever."

"I just...I don't get it. He was hurt but understanding in Seattle..."

"He was still in the shock and denial stage. He's had time to sit with it now and he's hurt and angry. Plus, I think hearing you say that Derek was moving here, made things a lot worse."

"I know...I know. He was going to find out sooner or later, but not like this. I wanted to tell him when it was the right time."

"Addie, when would it had been the right time? It wouldn't have mattered... he would have felt the same. You're just going to have to deal with it."

"Things aren't going to be good at the practice are they?"

"Well, you don't have to worry about Sam and I...and probably not even Dell, but I won't lie, Violet is really protective of Pete. Cooper will side with her in front of her, but not when it's just you and him. And Pete...well Addie, you're just going to have to accept what he's feeling until he no longer is. Then you can try and save your friendship, because you had one before this."

"You know, the funny thing is, that I knew it would be this way. I guess I just hoped it would turn out differently." Addison said regretfully.

"Well, at least you won't have to deal with it alone, you'll have me and Sam and...Derek. Wow! Is he really moving out here?" Naomi questioned, still unconvinced.

"Yeah, he is. We haven't ironed out all the details yet, but he's coming out here in a couple of weeks.

"So has he found a job yet?"

"I don't think so. I know he was going to make calls, but I don't know."

"I'd offer him a job at the practice, because honestly it would help us to not only have a world renowned neonatal surgeon but a renowned brain surgeon as well, but I don't think that would bode well with everyone right now." Naomi chuckled.

"Yeah, I don't think that would be good."Addison replied with a small genuine laugh.

"So are really ready for this Addie? I don't mean to pry, but are you seriously thinking this through?"

"I know it sounds crazy Nai, it sounds crazy to me when I say it in my head...but even after what just happened with Pete, I still want Derek here. I still want to make it work, we've already lost so much time. Talking to him cleared up so many things. I'm afraid, I'm afraid to believe...but I can't let that stop me from being with Derek." She stated honestly. Naomi watched her, then rubbed her arm in support and understanding.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Nah, I'm okay. I think...I think I just need to be alone for a while."

"Okay, but if you need to talk or need me to come over, just call me okay?"

"Thank you Nai." Addison wrapped her arms around her and gave her an appreciative squeeze.

They both stood up from the couch and walked towards the door. Addison stood there as Naomi walked to her SUV. "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight Addie."

She closed and locked the door, then laid her head against it. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath...the worst was over. She found her way to the couch, grabbed the throw, wrapped it around herself, and curled up. She was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Addison closed her eyes, she needed to rest, but the ringing of her phone startled her. She reached out to grab it and grinned slightly when she saw who was calling.

"Hey." She said hoarsely.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, I was ah...I was thinking?"

"Addie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"No, you're not fine. I can hear it in your voice. What's wrong?"

"Pete overheard me talking to Naomi about you moving out here and he lost it."

Derek tensed up on the other end. "Did he hurt you?"

"God no, he would never hurt me Derek. He was furious and hurt...we argued." Derek physically relaxed a bit, but was still a bit edgy. "How did he..."

"He came over to pick up some of his stuff. He didn't know I was here and he overheard our conversation." She sniffled.

He wanted to accuse Pete of spying on her, he wanted to ask her how long they had been living together, but she didn't need to deal with his accusations or his insecurities. She needed him to understand and calm her down. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That you have to go through this by yourself. I should be there with you, by your side."

"Thank you, but as much as I want you here, it's better that I'm doing this alone. This is my mess, I have to clean it up."

"I know you do, but you've already hurt enough for a lifetime. I don't want you to hurt anymore." He said sincerely.

Addison felt a warmth envelop her and she couldn't help but smile at his genuine concern.

"I love you for that, but I'll be okay. I just hate that I did this to him."

Derek understood that. Even though she wanted to be with him, a part of her still cared about Pete, and he could hear in her voice that she was afraid to lose him completely. He wanted to reassure her because he knew that's what she needed.

"I don't know Pete, but if he loves you as much as I think he does, he'll come around. Maybe you can be friends." He offered.

"You think so?" She asked genuinely.

"He'd be a fool to want you out of his life. I know I was."

She smiled to herself, then cleared her throat and decided to change the subject. "So, are we going to talk about you moving in with me."

"Do you really think that's a good idea? Don't get me wrong, I want to...I just don't want to rush you into anything. I don't want to push you."

"Well, then it's a good thing you're not doing the pushing." She chuckled.

"Addie..."

"Derek, I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Naomi...we've already wasted enough time apart, and somehow, we found our way back to each other, this is our chance Derek. I know it's scary and we have no idea how it's gonna turn out, but I would rather give it my all and fail, than not try at all. Living or not living together won't change that. I know you and you know me, I want to believe that we have matured and learned from our mistakes. It doesn't mean that I don't have doubts, or that this doesn't scare me to death, but I want this."

"How can I say no to that? Okay, I'll move in with you, but if at anytime you need space and you'd rather try this with us living separately, just know that you can always tell me and I'll understand. Okay?"

"Okay." She said as she yawned.

"You sound tired...you should get some rest."

"Yeah, I think I will."

"I love you Addie."

"I love you too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

She hung up the phone feeling a lot better. Addison stood up and went to lock up and turn off the lights. She made her way up to the bedroom, then changed and slipped into bed. As soon as her head hit the pillow she dozed off. All her worries had disappeared for now and would have to wait until tomorrow.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison stood in front of the elevators staring ahead. Sam had told her to take the day off, but she would just be avoiding the inevitable. She had woken up feeling a lot more confident about the situation. Sure, she would have to deal with Pete and possibly Violet, but it was nothing that she couldn't handle. She inhaled deeply, slowly released her breath, then clicked the button. When the doors opened she stepped in and pushed her floor number. She started biting down on the side her bottom lip, she was definitely nervous. The ding of the elevator got her attention and she swiftly stepped out.

Dell was the first to greet her. "Addison, welcome back." He smiled.

"Thank you Dell." 

"How was your trip?" He asked out of politeness. He knew what had happened, but it wasn't any of his business.

"It was ah...it was good." She smiled stiffly.

"I didn't know you were coming back today...so you don't have any patients scheduled."

"It's okay, I'll just be in my office catching up on some paperwork. If anybody calls needing to come in today, please book them." She instructed as she walked away.

She opened the door to her office and walked towards the desk, setting her purse on top. Normally, her routine would be to go grab her morning drink in the lounge, but she didn't want to have a run in with Pete. She shook her head. Nope, she wasn't going to change what she would do at the office. If she wanted things to go back to normal, she would have to do what she'd always done. She adjusted her dress and then headed to the lounge.

Addison noticed Sam and Naomi having their morning coffee. Naomi was stunned to see her. "Addison, I didn't think you were coming in today?" Sam turned to her, also caught off guard.

"I thought it was best if...ah...if I got it over with now. Sooner or later, I had to come back and deal with all of this." She explained as she opened the fridge.

"Good for you." Sam offered.  "Thanks. Hey Nai, my day is pretty open, so if you need any help let me know."

"Yeah, I think I can use your help with a couple of my patients. Let's go to my office so we can..."

"Good mornin..." Violet didn't finish when she noticed Addison. She eyed her and then cringed in disgust. Cooper, who was walking next to Violet, also noticed Addison and was about to go greet her when Violet gave him a death glare and yanked him back. "We'll just come back later, this room seems a bit crowded." She said pointedly, then turned to leave. Cooper smiled uncomfortably and then followed Violet.

"Well, that went better than I thought." Naomi attempted to gloss it over.

"Yeah right?" Addison half-laughed but stopped when she noticed Pete walking by. She attempted a smile but he just shook his head and kept walking.

"This is exactly why people in the office shouldn't date. No offense Addie, I love you...but you have to fix this. We can not have animosity in this environment." Sam said without thinking. Naomi eyed him in disapproval.

"Sam!" She berated.

"It's okay Nai, he's right. I'm sorry. I'll fix this Sam, I promise."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison busied herself with paperwork along with some of Naomi's patients throughout the day. She was trying to steer clear of Pete and Violet, but obviously it wasn't meant to stay that way. One of the patients she was helping out with, needed a psyche consult and Naomi was currently with another appointment, so she would have to go and talk to Violet herself.

She knocked on the door, walked in, and braced herself.

"I'm sorry to bother you Violet, but I have a patient that I need a consult on."

Violet stared at her briefly, then looked back down and continued writing. "The nerve." She snickered to herself.

"Violet look, I don't..."

"I don't want to hear it Addison. I'm busy, come back later." Violet said dismissively.

"Violet, whatever you're issues are with me personally, shouldn't affect our work. We need to be professional." Addison stated.

"Haa..." Violet said as she shook her head in disbelief.

Addison couldn't take it any longer. This was ridiculous! "If you have something to say to me, then say it Violet. Just get it off your chest...because obviously, we won't be able to work together until you do. So say it!"

"I don't need to say anything to you." She looked down to her files again, then changed her mind. "You know what, I do! What were you thinking?! How could you do that to Pete?!"

"Honestly Violet, I don't think it is any of your business." Addison was about to walk away but then decided against it. "Fine, I'll answer, if it will help stop whatever it is you're doing now. I didn't mean to hurt him, it happened Violet and I'm terribly sorry that he had to get hurt. But wouldn't it have hurt him if I had stayed with him, knowing that I love someone else? Would it have been fair to him just so I could spare him these feelings? You may not believe me, but I love him...and it kills me to know that I caused him pain." "Yeah right." Violet spat.

"I don't owe you anymore explanations, but for what it's worth, I never meant for any of this to happen. Violet, you can't tell me that you've never unintentionally hurt someone?"

Violet pondered her question for a moment, but her need to loyally defend Pete outweighed her rational mind and she just stared back at Addison contemptuously.

Addison threw the file in front of Violet. "I need this consult as soon as possible." Then strode out and swiftly went to her office.

She was livid. Who did she think she was? Why was it any of her business? Addison could feel a headache coming. What the hell was she going to do? Maybe she should work in the hospital for a few weeks, give everyone time to get over it. But what would happen when she came back? All the resentment would still be there. Should she quit? No, she enjoyed working there too much. She couldn't think about it now, she could feel the headache getting stronger, she needed some Advil.

Addison rose up and went to the lounge to get some water. As she reached up to the cabinet to grab a glass, she heard someone walking in. She turned and was shocked to see Pete. She smiled apprehensively. "Hi." She offered, just above a whisper.

All Pete did was watch her intently. Addison felt uneasy. Why wasn't he saying anything? Did he really hate her that much...that he couldn't even say hello? "I'm sorry, I'll get out your way." She said apologetically as she began her exit.

Pete was still watching her when she passed by him. He suddenly reached out and grabbed her hand, which stilled her before she could get away.

Addison came to a halt, her heart pounding rapidly. She was afraid and apprehensive, yet somehow excited. He roughly turned her to him, they came face to face. She could feel his hot breath on her. Her brain telling her to pull away but she couldn't.

Violet and Naomi, who were having a conversation down the hall, were witnessing the whole exchange. Neither looking away, both waiting to see the outcome of this encounter.

Addison was finally able to speak. "Pete?" She questioned in a raspy tone. She could feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins. She still had a strong reaction to his close proximity. Pete still hadn't said a word. He just stared at her, watching the confusion on her face and feeling the reaction she was having towards him. He began to lower his head to her, then pulled her towards him, capturing her lips. Addison stiffened and began to push against his chest, but Pete didn't stop his assault on her mouth. She didn't want to kiss him, she didn't want to give him hope, but damn he felt good. Her hands gave up on pushing him away and she let them hang loosely at her sides. Her lips began to respond to his, remembering their taste. She was slowly losing this battle. Pete took the opportunity to grab her arms and put them around his shoulders, Addison instinctively tightened them around his neck and he engulfed her slender waist with his strong arms...both losing themselves completely in the moment.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Runs for cover** Don't throw things at me. You knew this was coming right? **crickets** Okay, maybe you didn't, but I tried to drop little hints. Fine, be mad...but I promise there is a method to my madness, I swear. :D

PLEASE REVIEW!!! I promise I'll make it up to you all. =)


	24. The End

I know it's been forever and a day since I last updated, but I do have a good excuse...no, not procrastination, although it is a dear friend of mine, my hard drive took a turn for the worst and is no longer with us. It left me at a time when I needed it most, but that's how life works sometimes. So I've had to do without it for almost 3 months now, hence I haven't been able to update. I still don't have my lovely computer, so my AWESOME beta AE will probably be posting these updates for me. (Gets on knees) **PLEASE AE**

This chapter is homage to **"****The End****" **an episode of **'****The X-Files****'** written by Chris Carter.

**End**** -** The concluding part. The journey coming to the end.

**ThanX** to my beta **Agent Extremis****.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them, just have my way with them. =)

_**Ouroboros**_

_Chapter 24: The End_

What is a moment? It's only but an instant, a flash, a breath, a split second in the grand scheme of life. Then why is it that so much can change in that moment? Mistakes are made, miracles can happen, and life-altering decisions made. Why is it that I've seemed to live my life like this? Seemingly going through it without thinking about the consequences until it's too late and I have managed to destroy everyone and everything I love. There has to be an end to this, I can't keep doing this to myself or to anyone else. There's truth to the saying "We only hurt the ones we love", but how long do we...do I, expect to get away with it?

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison suddenly stopped reciprocating. The different thoughts that had just invaded her mind snapped her out of Pete's embrace. Pete instinctively held her tighter and closer to him but Addison shoved at his chest harder.

"Stop!" She finally managed to shout.

He was shock-stricken. Pete looked around and noticed Naomi and Violet who were trying to pretend like they hadn't just witnessed what had happened. He grimaced, then turned back to a stunned Addison. She hadn't meant to shout at him, but she needed him to back off.

"Addison?" He questioned with trepidation.

She looked up from the floor where her eyes had been glued for the past few minutes, then reluctantly met his eyes. She couldn't bring herself to tell him now. He looked so terrified waiting to hear what she had to say.

"Pete I...I uhh...I can't. I'm sorry, I can't." Addison stepped away from him and quickly walked to her office.

Pete stood frozen. 'What the hell had just happened?' He could feel her responding to him, she had wanted him to kiss her. Then why had she stopped? Pete had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, 'This could the end for them, maybe it was truly over.' But then why was his heart still hopeful? His lips were tingling, his mouth still had her lingering taste, and her smell was still engulfing his senses. A smirk colored his face, he knew he could get her back. Pete watched her enter her office then turned and walked to his own.

XXXXXXXXXX

Naomi and Violet were still floored. Had they really seen what had just happened? They turned to look at each other, mouths still slightly open from the shock. They gave a knowing glance and neither wasted time. Naomi ran after Addison, while Violet ran after Pete.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison briskly walked to her desk as she attempted to catch her breath. 'What the fuck was she thinking kissing Pete?!' It would only make him think that there was still hope for them when there wasn't. Her inner turmoil was interrupted by the thump of the door. Addison instantly looked up and was met with Naomi's confused face.

"What the hell was that?" Naomi questioned in exasperation.

"I don't know." Addison stammered.

"You don't know? Addison you just kissed Pete!" Naomi annoyingly stated.

"Really Captain Obvious...I know I kissed him. I just...uhh...I don't know." She sighed.

Naomi could sense her friend's frustration so she took a deep breath, then sat in front of Addison.

"Did you want to kiss him?" Naomi asked cautiously.

"No...I mean yes! Yes and no." Addison answered honestly.

"Okay..." Naomi prodded.

"It's just that only 2 weeks ago we were together and happy. We went away and it was amazing. So being near him again just...I was drawn to him. In my head and my heart I knew it was wrong, but my body wanted him. I wanted his hands on me, his lips on my skin...I wanted for a moment to feel him again." She finished guilt-ridden.

"Addie, it's only natural that you feel this way. This past week or so has been such a whirlwind for you. I get it." Naomi comforted as she leaned to squeeze Addison's hand lightly.

"Really?" Addison asked, nearly shocked.

"Yeah I do. Besides, I also remember what happened before you went away with him.

Addison raised an inquiring eyebrow

"Don't you remember?" Naomi questioned.

Addison shook her head. "No. I don't." She said confused.

"You called me in a panic because you were having dreams about Derek. You even said you kept thinking of him that weekend. Even then you knew, you knew that you weren't fully committed to Pete because you were still in love with Derek. I think you may have even sensed he was coming for you. You've always had that connection with each other."

"Oh my god! I forgot about that."

"It's not surprising. So much has happened since then, but you can't keep doing this to Pete, Addie. It isn't fair to him. You have to let him go if you're serious about Derek and you."

"I am. All I've wanted since before LA and Seattle, back in New York, was my husband. He finally came back to me. The man I fell in love with is finally fighting his way back to me. I can't give that up. I won't." Addison said with conviction.

"Then you have to tell Pete that and mean it. If not, all he'll do is hang on to you, hoping that you'll change your mind. The sooner he realizes that it's really over, the sooner he can heal and move on."

"I know you're right, I just don't want to keep hurting him."

"Addison, that can't be avoided."

"Nai, he's going to hate me. I don't know if I can handle that."

"You will, you've survived worst things. Besides, if you give him time, he'll eventually come around. Pete loves you, he could never just shut you out." Naomi stated confidently. "I'm going to leave you so you can figure out what you need to do. I also think you should go home early today and maybe take a few days off for yourself." She said with a slight smile.

"Yeah, I think I might."

"Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will. Thanks Nai."

Addison watched her go, so many things still running through her head.

XXXXXXXXXX

He found his way to the couch and plopped down, a smile still graced his face. She had felt amazing. He couldn't believe that just a few days ago he thought he had completely lost her. But now he had a chance to get her back. Naomi had said to fight for her...and maybe in Seattle he gave up too soon, but not here. Yes, he was aware of the fact that Derek was moving to LA, but he wasn't here yet. Addison was confused. Her asshole ex-husband seemed to have that effect on her, but now that she was away from him, she could clear her head. Pete couldn't help it...the more he thought about it, the more confident he felt. Violet storming into his office brought him out of his reverie.

"Are you okay?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Violet stared at him perplexingly, then began to pace. "Okay, maybe this is your way of dealing with loss...I mean one of the stages is denial so..."

"Violet, I'm not in denial." Pete reassured her with one of his classic grins. "Actually, I'm finally snapping out of it. I'm fighting for Addison. She just needs to know that she's so worth the fight. I love her and I know...look, I felt her. She wants me...she wants us."

Violet continued to pace in front of him, then stared him in the eyes, doubt written across her face. "Pete, she pulled away. We saw her trying to get away from you." She stated reluctantly.

"I know she pulled away, but it's only because she was confused. Violet, she kissed me back, her body responded to my touch." He affirmed more to himself than to her.

Sadness settled over Violet's features, then she reached out to him and gently put her hand on his arm. "I don't want to say this to hurt you. I care about you, and if I felt and thought that Addison really wanted you back, I would be the first to tell you to fight for her because I know how much you love her...but that isn't the case here Pete. You have to let her go. Move on, or you're just going to end up hurt again."

"I won't Vi. I promise." Pete reassured her.

Violet watched him. She could see it in his eyes that somehow he believed it to be true. She shook her head, then gave him a soft sad smile and stood to leave. "I hope you're right. If you need anything, you know I'm here for you. Call me anytime."

"Thank you Violet." He smiled. He sat quietly contemplating their conversation. 'Was Violet right? Was he in denial?' His eyes caught sight of Addison and any nagging doubt instantly disappeared. She looked beautiful. He could see that her lips were still swollen from his earlier onslaught. He smiled at the memory. Addison seemed to be walking with a sense of purpose. 'This was it.' He thought. Today would be the beginning or the end.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison felt her stomach churning; she really didn't want to do this now. Telling Pete it was over a third time was just ridiculous and completely her fault, but she had to. She entered his office and noticed him on the couch. The smile he was wearing when he first noticed her, quickly disappeared as soon as he sensed her nervousness.

"Addison?" Pete spoke her name with apprehension.

She didn't say a word. She continued her way in until she reached him. Pete instantly stood up and found himself face to face with her.

"Pete, we need to talk." She simply stated.

Pete was silent but nodded his understanding.

"I'm really sorry about what happened earlier. I don't know what got into me. I'm sorry, it shouldn't have happened." She quickly blurted out.

"What do you mean?" Pete asked as he reached out and placed his arms on either side of her. "Addison, it happened for a reason. We're not over, there's still something between us." He defended. "You have nothing to apologize for. I realize you must be so confused with all that has happened, but whatever took place in Seattle, it's over. I forgive you, we can work through it."

To say that Addison was shocked would be an understatement. She took a few steps away from him, as his arms slid away from her. What had she done? This poor, beautiful, mislead man was breaking her heart. Naomi had been right...he wasn't going to move on until she let him go.

"Pete, nothing's changed. I'm in love with Derek, I always have been. He's moving out here in a few weeks. I'm so so sorry...I never meant to hurt you, I swear."

"You don't mean that Addison. You wanted me when you kissed me. I could feel it when I was holding you. You wanted me!" He accused.

"I won't lie to you...for a moment, I did. I wanted you, but not the way you want me Pete. I care about you, I do, but I'm in love with my husband, I..."

"What husband?" He spat angrily. "He left you for someone else, remember?"

Addison flinched but quickly composed herself. "That's true he did, but he never stopped loving me and I never stopped loving him. Please, let's just stop doing this to each other. I don't want to do this with you, it's hard enough as it is." She pleaded with him to understand.

"I won't make it easy for you. I gave up too soon before, but I won't, not again. I'm fighting for you. We can do this. I know we can Addison! You just have to give us a chance." He said desperately. "What if things don't work out how you want them to? What if he changes his mind? What if he hurts you again and leaves?"

Addison could see the desperation and pain in his eyes. The crease at the top of his brow that only graced his face when stressed now seemed to be permanently there. Her heart was beating rapidly, palms sweaty, she could feel her nerves going crazy like little lightening bolts inside. Her instinct was to always self protect and run. 'What if Pete was right? What if things didn't work out and Derek left again? What if she was making a mistake?' She shook her head and internally berated herself. No more doubts, she wanted to be with Derek. She loved him and he loved her and even though Pete might be right, she would be damned if that scared her away from getting her life back, the life she lost several years ago in an instant.

Addison had to tell Pete it was really over. It had been over even before it started. Derek's ghost had always been between them and that wouldn't have changed with time. She loved Pete, but not the way he loved her. Addison straightened up, took a deep breath, then stared him straight in the eye.

"You're right…" She started. A smile began to tug on the corner of Pete's mouth. Had he done it? Had he changed her mind? "...things can always fall apart, but I can't let that stop me. Pete, I know you must be tired of hearing this, I don't want to hurt you and I'm terribly sorry that I have, but I'm not in love with you. I do care deeply about you and I selfishly still want you in my life, but you have to understand, that life is with Derek." She watched his face for a reaction.

The smile that he almost had a few seconds before quickly faded. Pete looked away. He didn't want her to see the pain she was causing him. He mustered up his courage and met her eyes. He saw the truth. The same truth he had seen in Seattle, the one he had convinced himself he hadn't, in order to hold on to her.

"Pete, please just let me go." She turned and walked away.

He knew that it was no use trying to scare her into not leaving, but he couldn't help himself. "If he leaves you, I won't be here again to pick up the pieces!" He shouted almost frantically.

Addison stopped in her tracks, faced him, then walked towards him. She reached for his hand and gave it a light squeeze. "He won't and you won't have to." She simply stated. "Goodbye Pete." Then she leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Pete knew it was over. "Goodbye Addison." He said softly. Addison walked out and he couldn't help but shed the tears that had welled up in his eyes. He plopped back down onto his couch and Violet, who had been walking by his office door since Addison had entered, rapidly made her way in. "Pete, I'm so sorry." She offered sadly.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison needed to get out of there. She quickly gathered her things and drove home. She entered the front door and swiftly made her way to the living room where she placed her briefcase and purse on the loveseat and removed her heels. She walked to the kitchen and opened up a bottle of wine. She desperately needed a drink. She reached for the cabinet and poured herself a large glass.

She proceeded up the stairs to change her clothes. Today was a gorgeous day and she wouldn't waste it by wallowing inside. Addison rifled through her closet and settled on a slinky sundress, then grabbed her favorite sweater for later.

As she walked outside with a glass of wine in one hand, her phone in the other, the cool, fresh, ocean breeze instantly hit her. God, she never got tired of the smell and the ocean mist. She placed the items on the table before unwrapping the sweater from her waist, then sat on the most comfortable lounge chair on her deck.

Addison closed her eyes and tried to stop herself from thinking. It had been an emotionally exhausting day, but she had done what needed to be done. Pete knew it was over between them, he knew she had chosen Derek, and he finally seemed to accept it.

Addison sat up quickly as soon as it hit her. She had to tell Derek that Pete had kissed her and she kissed him back. She couldn't keep this from him, could she? It meant nothing, and she had set Pete straight, but would it be so horrible if she didn't tell him? No, she couldn't keep this from Derek. They were starting over, trying to move forward, no more secrets and lies...the very things that got them in trouble before.

Addison reached for the phone and dialed his number. She was nervous. She didn't know what his reaction would be and she couldn't blame him if he got upset...she'd just kissed another man.

"Hey you." Derek answered. Addison could hear the smile in his voice. Her heart sank. Could that one kiss derail the progress they had made?

"Hey." She replied.

"What ya doing?" He inquired curiously.

"Just sitting outside, taking in the day. You?" She wanted to keep the conversation going as long as possible before she told him.

 "I'm still packing up things in the trailer. Never realized how much stuff I had until I started digging through it." He chuckled. "Oh, I sold it by the way."

"What?" She questioned in surprise.

"I sold it!" He reiterated happily.

"But you love that trailer."

"I love you more. Besides, it wasn't practical to keep it. Where were we going to keep it? In your driveway?"

"Uh…I…"

He laughed. "Exactly. Besides, it's still going to be in the family. Mark bought it."

"Mark? He isn't the outdoors type."

"I know, I was surprised as well, but he said he would buy it if he could stay on the land until we built something."

Addison's heart fluttered. He wanted to build them a home there. Derek was somehow so confident that they would work.

"Addie?"

"Yeah. I'm still here, just shocked. He's changed."

"Yes he has. Callie's been good for him."

"Apparently."

"So I've got some good news." He blurted. "I got an offer." Derek waited for her response.

"Really? That's wonderful Derek. Where?"

"At St. Ambrose Hospital."

"What?"

"Yeah I know. Charlotte King called me, said she'd been trying to bribe you for a while and thought that aside from getting the best neurosurgeon, she could also be halfway to getting you to accept an offer."

"How did she…? Cooper."

"Huh?"

"Nothing, I just realized that the men at the office are just as bad at gossiping as the women." She smiled. "So what did you say?"

"Well, it's the same position I have here, but with a little more pay. So I said yes."

He had said yes and she was about to tell him about Pete. Derek was about to uproot his life, and once he found out what she had done, it could be blown apart. Oh my god, what the hell had she been thinking? She couldn't breathe.

"Addie…" He asked with concern. "Addie?"

Addison took a deep breath, then spoke. "I'm here…"

"Sorry, I thought I lost you."

"Derek, there's something I need to tell you." The seriousness in her voice scared him. Was this it? Was this the moment it all ended? Was this the moment that he lost her again?

"Addie…?" He said fearfully.

"Derek, I'm so sorry." She sniffled.

"Addie for what? Please just…"

"I kissed Pete."

XXXXXXXXXX 

So there you have one chapter closer to the end, or the beginning. LOL  I hope you all enjoyed it.

Please REVIEW!!!! :)

On a happy note, I'm glad to report that 2 weeks after I finished this chapter I got my computer back. So hopefully I will be finishing up this story and updating my other ones. =)

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	25. The Beginning

This chapter is homage to **"The Beginning",** an episode of **'The X-Files'** written by Chris Carter.

**Beginning:** The point in which something begins. Origin or source.

**ThanX** go out to my beta Agent Extremis.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them, just borrowing them for a bit.

_The Ouroboros often represents self-reflexity or cyclicality, especially in the sense of something constantly recreating itself, the eternal return and other things perceived as cycles that begin anew as soon as they end like a phoenix._

_It can also represent the idea of primordial unity related to something existing in, or persisting from, the beginning, with such force or qualities, it cannot be extinguished._

_-Wikipedia_

**Ouroboros**

Chapter 25: The Beginning

So many things in life are uncertain. You never know what awaits you...there's twist and turns along the way. Surprises always seem to await you around the corner. The only things that any one person can be sure of, is that there is always an end and a beginning.

Our life together has always been in a circular pattern. We go 'round and 'round making the same mistakes at different magnitudes. It's almost like we are constantly testing each other and self-sabotaging. We don't mean to do it. I know Addison doesn't want to hurt me and I certainly don't mean to hurt her either. I honestly think we're afraid to fully embrace what we have, it can be all consuming at times. Sometimes it feels like we'd rather just have each other in moments, than not at all, because then, we'd only have ourselves to blame if we fail. We broke this ongoing cycle a few years ago. I became extremely absent, she slept with Mark, and I thought I'd fallen in love with Meredith. It was never meant to be broken, we were supposed to find our way back to each other eventually. That's how it had always seemed to work out. It took us a hell of a lot longer than either of us expected, but here we are, and no matter what, I'll be damned if I ever let her go again.

XXXXXXXXXX

He'd been silent for far too long. Was he filled with so much anger that he couldn't even bring himself to say anything to her? Addison bit into her bottom lip a little harder than she intended to and drew blood. She was nervous. Why wouldn't she be? This was one of those moments that could drastically change everything again. She wanted to give him a few more seconds to take it all in. Addison was consoled only by the fact that at least he hadn't hung up on her. He was still on the other line, she could hear him breathing. She let out the breath she'd been holding, then spoke.

"Derek, please say something." Addison pleaded. "It didn't mean anything, I swear. I don't know why I let it happen…I mean, I do know why I kissed him, but it's…he's not who I want. I'm sure now. I'm sure more than ever that I really want to make this work. I want you…only you, it's…it's always been you." She said desperately.

"Addie." He called out her name, but not loud enough for her to hear him.

"Derek!" She pleaded again.

"Addie?" He said her name louder and finally grabbed her attention. "I know." Derek simply stated.

"You do?" She asked with apprehension.

"Yeah I do."

"Derek I'm so sorry."

"Please stop apologizing Addison."

"No, I want to. I didn't even want to tell you because I was so afraid of your reaction, but I knew I had to, I…"

"Addie shh..it's okay."

"How can it be okay? I told you I wanted to be with you and then I come home and I kiss Pete. Who does that?"

"Addison, I'm not going to lie to you. For a moment, anger and jealously did course through my body, but then I thought about all the things that have happened to keep us apart...and this is not even a blip on that radar. Look, we do things, you and I, we do things that derail us from the life we started together so long ago, but I think it's time we stopped. Let's stop fighting against it, let's give into this…you and me, and let's be happy. I love you, I want you, and I will fight for you, for us."

Addison had expected many reactions from Derek, but certainly this was not one of them. "Derek, I don't know what to say…I"

"Say that you're just as tired of this as I am. Say that you don't want to keep making it a challenge for us to be together...that you love me, want me, and that you're just as tired of fighting it as I am."

"I do and I am. God Derek, I'm so tired. I just want us again."

"Okay then." He said with a relieved smile. "Look Addie, we both know it won't always be easy. We are who we are, and we'll probably repeat some of the same mistakes, but I promise you that I won't ever let it go as far as it did. Never again, I promise you that." He said this with so much conviction that she didn't doubt a single word.

Addison had tears cascading down her face. He was right. They always liked to learn the hard way, but here they were again, both willing to jump back into the insanity that was them. "I promise too. I love you." Was all she could bring herself to say.

They were quiet for several minutes, both taking in the moment and the silent vows they were making to each other.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"I'm okay, but I'd be better if I was with you." He stated genuinely.

"I wish you were here too." She sniffled.

"Addie?"

"Yeah?"

"What would you say if I flew out there in two days?"

"Really? What about the hospital? You're not even done packing."

"I can always get Mark and Callie to help me pack, and I only have one more surgery left since I performed two others earlier today. After tomorrow's surgery I'm done. Richard said I could go sign the paperwork, then I was free to go."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I miss you and I want you here with me. So, okay."

"Okay then. I'll go ahead and book my flight… Wow! I can't believe we're actually doing this."

"It's been a long time coming."

"Yes it has." He said with a chuckle. They fell silent for a few moments, taking it all in. Addison exhaled softly, then quickly blurted out.

"I'm taking some time off."

"What? Why?"

"Because I want to give them time at the office to get past this."

"How about you?" He asked with concern for her and not so much for the people she worked with.

"Yes me too, but everyone else as well."

"What happens when you go back?"

"Hopefully, things will go back to the way they used to be."

"Whatever you feel you need to do Addie, I fully support you."

"Thank you." She said appreciatively. "I think it will be good for us too, you know?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. We'll be able to be together without any interruptions. Just finding our way back to each other."

"I'd like that." He said with a wicked grin.

"When do you start at St. Ambrose?

"Well, I told Dr. King that I needed to finish out 2 weeks in Seattle and that then I would still need time to move and settle in. So I think I'll probably have a month before I start…Addie?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?" She asked incredulously.

"For giving us another chance."

"We're both giving us another chance."

"Yeah, I guess that's true. Hey, I'm gonna get going. I have to finish up packing and make a few phone calls to make some arrangements. Can I call you later?"

"Of course. Email me your flight information once you have it. I'll talk to you later."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

She clicked the phone off and regardless of what took place earlier, she couldn't help but smile. Derek was coming home. It sounded funny saying that but he was. Even if he'd never lived in this house with her, this was their home. She quickly stood up, gathered her items and swiftly made her way inside. She had so much to do before he arrived.

First things first, she needed to call Naomi and let her know about her temporary leave, and then of course do some shopping.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, what was so important that you made me leave a very hot, very annoyed, sexy Latina woman in my bed?" Mark asked as he walked into the trailer.

"Why didn't you bring her with you? I actually needed both of you to help me." Derek said as he continued to look through his cabinets.

"Uhm…because she was pissed off that I actually said I'd come over when I had promised her we would be staying in. So…"

"Well, call her and tell her to get over here. I really need both of you. If it helps, tell her it's for Addison." He offered.

"Fine, but you're going to make it up to her by providing the pizza and beer." Derek waved him off, then turned around to keep piling items into cardboard boxes.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Addison?" Naomi called out as she entered the front door.

"Back here!" Addison yelled out. Naomi followed the sound of her friend's voice as she tried to make her way through the many shopping bags scattered around the living room. "Uhmm...where?"

Addison raised her hand from behind a pile of towels. "Here."

"Someone went a little nuts while shopping today. What gives?"

Addison stretched out her hand to Naomi, "Help me up please?" Naomi obliged. "Wanna join me outside? I have a bottle of red ready to go." She offered with a wink and a smile.

Naomi watched her curiously, then quickly followed. "So what's with all the new stuff?" She asked as she took a seat and grabbed the glass of wine that Addison handed her.

"I'm taking you up on your offer?"

"What offer?"

"You know from earlier...you said I should take some time off."

"I did say that didn't I?"

"Yeah, are you taking it back?...because I've already decided that I was going to. So you can't take it back."

"No. No no…I'm not taking it back. I just ah…I thought it was going to be a lot harder for you to take the offer. Why the sudden interest?"

"Well, that's why I asked you over. I spoke with Derek today. I told him what happened with Pete and uhh…"

"Oh my god! Did he honestly break it off with you because of one stupid kiss?! The nerve of that man, Addie you deserve so much better. He's infuriating! He comes out here and professes his undying love, then in one instant, he just changes his mind?!" Addison was going to interrupt her, to finish telling her what they discussed, but she knew that once Naomi got into one of her rants, the best thing to do was to let her finish. All she could do was listen and smile. "You take all the time you need honey, I'm here for you and so is Sam. I need to call that man and give him a piece of my mind!" Naomi reached for her cell phone, ready to dial.

"Nai. No don't call him. Please just put the phone down."

"Are you still defending him, after all of this?"

"I'm not defending him. He hasn't done anything that I need to defend him for."

"Okay, now I'm confused."

"Well, if you let me finish, I could have saved you the confusion."

"Well, alright then. Go ahead."

"We talked, he understood, and we've moved past it."

"Just like that?"

"Yup, just like that."

"Wow! I'm shocked. I expected worse... a lot worse."

"He's changed Nai, he really has."

"Well good. I'm glad."

"He's moving sooner than we originally thought." She quickly stated.

"Oh. When?"

"He'll be here day after tomorrow." She said with a tentative smile.

"Wow!! That's really soon. I thought he wouldn't be here for at least a few weeks. Why the sudden urge?"

"It just feels right Nai. We both want it."

"Then I'm happy for you…so, is that why you went on a massive shopping spree?" She asked with a chuckle, trying to lighten up the conversation.

"Yeah…I guess I did go a little nuts huh?"

"Well…yeah. You kind of did."

"I wanted to get things that I know he likes. Plus, I wanted a whole new comforter set...new sheets, towels...you know, just everything. I even got a new bed, it should be delivered tomorrow morning."

"What? Why?"

"I know this might sound silly, but I just wanted the bed that we sleep in to only have been slept in by him and I. It's our bedroom you know. I'm not getting rid of the old bed completely though, I'm just adding it to the other guest room. You know, the one with the twin bed. I have no idea why I got a twin bed for that one when the other room has a queen size bed in it." She laughed nervously.

"It's not silly Addie. I get it." Naomi said with a comforting smile.

"Good, because I was starting to think that maybe I was loosing it...I just really want things at home to be perfect. We aren't, and we won't be, but our home is something that I know I can do." They both contemplated her words silently. She was taking a risk with her heart again, with someone who had devastatingly hurt her before, but she had to be admired for her strength and hopefulness.

Naomi decided to change the subject back to her excessive shopping. "So, what else did you get?"

Addison smiled at her appreciatively, knowing that she was helping her not dwell on her fears. She cleared her throat, then turned to grab a bag near the couch. "Well, I got him some stuff for the office here and the one at hospital. I even got him some new scrub caps."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Tell me again why we're helping him pack?" Callie asked for the hundredth time since she arrived.

"Because he can't do it all by himself Cal. Besides, the sooner he's done, the sooner he can get to Addison. And the sooner she'll be happy." Mark offered her with a smile.

"Fine, fine, fine…but I'm only doing this for her. Then I'm going to constantly remind her when we visit them." She said with a devilish grin.

"Wow, you really are all about the love aren't you?" He teased.

"Oh shut it Sloan. You know you still owe me for leaving me in bed to come and help your moronic friend, right?"

"Yes Ma'am." He said with a mock salute.

"Are you still complaining about helping me pack Torres?" Derek said as he re-entered the trailer.

"Don't even start with me Shepherd. Did you bring me my goodies?"

"Yes. It's the bag on top."

Callie quickly made her way over to Derek and snatched the brown paper bag. She dug through it and found the objects of her craving desire. Watermelon Sour Patch candy, she couldn't help but smile. "Thank you. These will keep me quiet for the next 30 minutes, then you'll have to find something else to bribe me with."

"Well, I'm glad you brought that up because I did my research, and by research, I mean that I asked Mark. " Derek set down the pizza on the counter, opened the box, and waited for a reaction.

"Mmmhmmm…doing good so far. My favorite...thin and crispy pepperoni and jalapenos."

"And I got this too..." He stated as he pulled out a two 12 pack of Guinness Stout. He watched her for a reaction. Callie's facial expression was stoic at first, then she got a glint in her eyes and a huge smile graced her face. He couldn't' help but chuckle. "That's exactly what Mark said would happen." He said, pleased with himself.

"Alright, you've got me. I'll be your pack slave until all this runs out."

"We'll be done before then."

"All joking aside Derek, I'm happy for Addison. I'm happy for both of you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome…so you know Mark and I will be visiting right?"

"Yup. I think Addie already has a specific room designated for you."

"As she should. She knows what's what."

"Hey Derek?" Mark yelled from outside.

"Yeah?"

"The moving truck is here."

"I guess we better keep packing so we can get all of this out by tonight. Are you going to stay at Mark's until you leave?"

"I think I will. It'd be crazy to get a room for a day and a half and then have Mark pick me up to drive me to the airport."

Callie chuckled. "What?" He asked confused.

"You don't have to give me an explanation, I was just curious."

"I know…but since you stay there often, I didn't know if you'd mind?"

"Not at all. Besides, it's his place."

"Callie, you know as well as I do, that Mark considers it your place...that he'd give you anything you want, right?"

"Yeah I know." She looked down to play with the bottle cap. "I just…do you think it's all happening too soon?"

"No. If it feels right, it's right. Just go with it. Addie and I learned that the hard way."

"I guess."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Don't second guess what's going on between you two. I've never seen him like this over anyone."

"Except for Addison?" She said insecurely.

Derek was taken aback, paused, then softly said, "You're here, you're his future, trust in that." Then his tone changed and he teased, "Besides, you're the one who tamed the beast."

Callie laughed a good hearty laugh, "You make it sound so dirty."

"Wow, you went there. You two were made for each other."

"Derek?!"

"Coming!"

"Let's get out there before he starts throwing a tantrum." She said with a chuckle and a wink as she headed out.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hello…?" She answered groggily.

"Oh Addie…I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have called so late."

"Derek?" She asked as the haziness started to wear off.

"Yeah it's me. Look, I'll call you back tomorrow morning okay? Just go back to sleep."

"No…no, I'm up, I'm up. What time is it?

"It's a little past eleven."

"Oh wow. I guess I was a little more exhausted than I thought." She chuckled lightly.

"Busy day?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I did a lot of shopping."

"Then I'm surprised you're not completely dead to the world." He teased.

"Hey." She said in mock offense.

"What? It's true." He said half jokingly.

"Fine, be that way. You just won't get all the presents I bought you."

"Presents? Really? So aside from the presents I'm no longer getting, what else did you buy?"

"Stuff for the house mainly. Things for our bedroom."

"I like the sound of that."

"What?"

"Our bedroom."

"Me too."

"So I booked my ticket."

"When do you get here?"

"In about 33 hours."

"33 hours?"

"Yup, I arrive at nine Sunday morning. I emailed you all my flight info."

"Did you finish up all your packing?"

"Yeah I did. It took some bribing, but eventually we got it done. The moving truck is leaving early tomorrow morning, so it should arrive a few hours after I get there."

"It takes that long to get here?"

"Yeah, it's about a 17 to 18 hour drive if you calculate the driver getting some sleep. It's about a full day."

"Do you need me to ask Sam or Nai to wait here while I go pick you up?"

"Yeah, that might actually be a good idea."

"Okay, I'll let them know."

"You should go back to sleep. I just wanted to call you and tell you about my flight and to say goodnight."

"Are you off to bed too?"

"Yeah, I've got my final surgery at 9 a.m., but I have to start my prep at 7."

"Then you should get to sleep soon or you won't be well rested."

"I will. Goodnight.

"Night."

XXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm coming!" Addison yelled out as she rushed to the front door. It was only 9 a.m. and she had already been rushing around the house like a mad woman.

"Good morning. I'm looking for Ms. Montgomery?"

"Yes?"

"I'm here from Spacify. Came to drop off a few items you purchased yesterday."

"Oh yes. Sorry, come in." She said as she stepped aside and opened the door for the deliveryman to enter.

"We'll go ahead and start unloading the furniture. Will you need us to set it up for you?"

"Yes, that would be great. I still have the old bedroom set in my room, would you mind helping me move it to another room?"

"Not at all. We're here to help you with whatever you need."

"Oh thank you. That's so kind of you." She smiled appreciatively.

"Okay ma'am, if we can go over the items on this list, just to make sure we have everything."

"Of course."

"I have here an order for the master queen bedroom suite by Fratelli Rossetto, which includes...the master bed, master headboard, master two drawer nightstands, slats to support the mattress, master six drawer single tall chest, as well as a Celsius mattress."

"That all sounds about right. Do I sign here?"

"Yes. Thank you." He replied as he took the clipboard back. "We'll go ahead and get started.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So I guess this is it..." Richard stated as he looked over Derek's paperwork.

"Richard, it's not like it's forever. I'm sure that I can consult on different cases when needed, and so will Addison. Besides, it's not like you and Adele can't visit us. I know Addie would be thrilled to see both of you."

"I know it's not forever, and I'll probably be seeing you and Addie soon, but it's not only a personal loss but a professional one as well. I'm losing my dream team."

"Well to be fair, Addie left a while ago, so you lost half of that dream team when she left."

"So now you're telling me how to feel?" He said in mock annoyance.

"Not me."

"Well Derek, I must say it was a privilege and a pleasure working with you again. I wish you and Addison all the best. I know you'll make it this time."

Derek stood up to shake Richard's hand but Richard walked around his desk and embraced him instead. "Thank you Richard. Thank you."

"Now if you ever need anything, like say Addison and you decide you want to come back to Seattle and you need help packing and possibly a job....give me a call." He said with a chuckle and a wink. Derek couldn't help but join his friend and mentor with a laugh of his own.

"I'll keep that in mind. Okay, well...I guess I should get going.

"What about your things...have you've gotten all of that in order?"

"Yeah, my stuff left earlier today and so did my truck. So I'm all set."

"Well okay then. Don't be a stranger Derek."

"I won't. So long Richard."

"So long Derek."

He exited the chief's office feeling a sense of easiness and happiness he hadn't felt in a long time. It felt like things were finally settling the way they should have been since the beginning. All he had left to do was go to his office and grab a few boxes that needed to be shipped.

"Derek." A familiar voice called out to him. He stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around.

"Yes Dr. Grey."

"I hate when you call me that. It's Meredith, remember?"

"I'm sorry Dr. Grey, if you have a question, I'd rather you address it to your new head of neurosurgery. As of..." He looks down at his watch. "...1:23 this afternoon, I stopped working for this hospital." He said with a tight smile.

"Look, I just came to tell you...good luck."

His eyes softened when he realized she was being genuine.

"I know things between us ended badly...and I didn't make it easy on you or Addison when she was here, but I get it, I do. You love her,always have...guess I just didn't want to see it."

"I'm sorry…Meredith." She instantly smiled when he said her name. He hadn't referred to her as Meredith since he broke it off. "I'm sorry that I dragged you into this. You didn't deserve any of it. You're a beautiful, smart woman and I'm sure you'll find a man that truly deserves you."

"Thank you Derek. So I guess this is it, huh?"

"Yeah, I fly out to L.A. tomorrow."

"Well, I wish you the best. I wish both of you the best." She said with such melancholy in her voice that his heart ached for her. He realized how hard coming up to him and saying what she was saying must have been for her. He nodded slightly.

"Thank you. You too. I know you'll probably give me a run for my money one of these days." He said with a slight grin.

She joined. "Ha, maybe." The sadness was only gone for that instant. "Goodbye Derek." She said barely above a whisper as she leaned up to give him a kiss. He stiffened at first, then relaxed when he acknowledged that this is what she needed to let go. He didn't return the kiss, he just let her be. She pulled away, then stared him in the eye.

"Goodbye Meredith." He smiled and then continued on to his office.

She watched him walk away, her heart still beating rapidly. A part of her still hoping that he would feel something when she kissed him, but if anything, that kiss only confirmed what she already knew...he was in love with his wife. She smiled sadly, then walked away.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Addison stood by the door, taking in the new look of the room. She loved it. A smile graced her face as she went and took a seat on the bed. The room had that fresh crisp "new" smell. She knew Derek would love it.

She quickly stood up, then went to one of the guest bedrooms. Since she had been in a redecorating mood, she had changed the décor of both guest rooms. She glanced into one, then the other. They looked amazing...she couldn't help but be pleased with her accomplishment.

The slight slam of the front door brought her out of her thoughts. "Hello?"

"Hey Addie, it's me." Naomi shouted as she walked in.

"Hey Nai, what's up?" She said as she came down the stairs.

"Not much, just came by to check on you. Did your stuff arrive?"

"Yeah, it got here a few hours ago. It's all set."

"That was quick."

"Yeah. The delivery men were very helpful. They assembled everything and even helped me out with the other rooms."

"I think delivery men are just helpful to you. You seem to charm the pants off of them. I'm lucky if I get them to unload the stuff I order, let alone have them assemble anything."

"Oh shut it. You know you can charm them if you wanted to."

"Sure I can..anyway, I came by to see if you wanted to do a little shopping?"

"Shopping? You really think I need to do more of that? I mean, don't get me wrong I love it, but I really outdid myself yesterday."

"I don't mean shopping for the house, I'm talking about shopping for you and Derek by extension." She said with a wiggle of her eyebrows."

"Nai…" Addison said as she began to blush.

"What? Don't tell me you haven't thought about it? I figured if you went out to get a new bed and all, you'd want to get new lingerie too."

"I can't believe you just said that."

"Don't be such a prude Addison."

"I'm not. I just…you know what, let me grab my purse."

"Ha, I knew it!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Callie, that smells incredible." Derek said as he and Mark sat at the table, ready to be served. They had decided that a quiet evening at Mark's was better than being at a loud bar.

"I told you she could cook like no other." Mark said with such pride.

"Well, I hope you boys are hungry...because I cooked two different kinds of fajitas, chicken and steak. Plus, I made some fresh pico de gallo and guacamole, Spanish rice, and pinto beans." She stated as she set down the flour tortillas.

"So when you come to visit, you mind showing Addison a thing or two about cooking?" He said jokingly.

"Ooh you are so gonna be in trouble when I tell her that…"

"What? Even she knows she's not a good cook."

"You're so gonna be in the dog house, and you're not even there yet. This must be some sort of a new record for you." Mark teased.

"Wow, these tortillas look really good Callie, how did you make'em?"

"Yeah, way to change the topic buddy."

Callie was about to answer, then saw Derek's face and broke out into laughter. "You're afraid of what she'll say if I tell her? Haha that's funny."

"I'm glad my fear of Addison's wrath when it come her cooking entertains you. She knows you know. She just doesn't like it much when it's pointed out, especially by my mother."

"Speaking of your mother, does she know?" Mark questioned.

"About Addison and I?" Mark nodded. "No, but honestly, it's none of her business. I know she was happy to hear when we ended. She was always expecting Addison to mess things up... and when she did, according to my mother, she pretty much said 'I told you so'. I don't get it, Addison was nothing but nice, kind, and generous to her, but she never liked her."

"I think your mom always thought she was this privileged girl who never had to work a day in her life. One who didn't know the meaning of struggling to get what you want. I think if Carolyn had actually taken the time to know Addie, she would have realized that just because she had money, didn't mean that she was happy. I mean, come on, we've both met her parents. Archer was the only stable person in her life."

"Well, I'm done wishing my mother gets along with Addie. All I know, is that if she doesn't accept Addie, then she won't be seeing me a lot."

"I'm glad you're standing up for her. She always felt like you didn't say anything to Carolyn when she would make snide remarks in front of the family."

"Well those days are over."

"Okay boys, hate to break up this road trip down memory lane, but the food's ready."

Callie set down two steaming hot plates filled with chicken and steak fajitas. The different flavors filled the air around them as they happily dug in.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Bye Nai. Thanks again."

"Hey, what time do you want us here tomorrow?"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Well, I'm leaving around 8 a.m. to the airport, so if you can be here by then, that would be great."

"You better have some breakfast waiting for me when I get here." Naomi teased.

"I will, I promise. Goodnight Nai."

"Goodnight."

Addison walked straight to the couch and plopped down. She was exhausted. Who knew that buying lingerie could be so tiring? She had tried on a million things and ultimately walked out with five bags filled with new stuff. She had also done a little shoe and clothes shopping because she simply couldn't help herself. She smiled at thought of Derek's face when he saw her in the different selections she'd purchased.

Addison rubbed her eyes, she was getting sleepy. She knew she should probably get to bed soon since she had a pretty busy day tomorrow, but she wanted to give Derek a call before she went to bed. Making her way upstairs, she set her bags on the sofa in her bedroom. She picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hey Addison."

"Hey, were you asleep?"

"Nah…just sitting and talking with Mark in his living room. He says hello."

"Tell him and Callie I say hi."

"Mark said you should make me sleep on the couch for a week, because I told Callie that when they came to visit, she should give you a few cooking pointers…"

"Ahhh well Mark's a smart man, so I guess you will be sleeping on the couch."

"You know I love your cooking...no matter how bad OR good it is."

"Sure you do."

"Callie's already gone to bed, but I'll be sure to tell her you said hello."

"Smooth…" She chuckled.

"What?" He feigned innocence.

"Funny Shepherd. Well I don't want you to be rude, so I'll let you go. I'm off to bed myself. I've got a busy day tomorrow."

"Hmmm, I wonder with who or what?"

"Oh you know, this man that I can't seem to shake."

"Well this man doesn't want to be shaken. I love you."

"Love you too. Goodnight."

"Night."

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek closed his phone, then turned his attention back to Mark who was drinking his beer. He watched him for a second and Mark noticed. "Does it bother you that you can't drink anymore?" Mark asked curiously.

"Not really. I mean, it's not like I can't drink. I'm just choosing not to. I became someone different when I did...I lost control…can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"I don't even know how to ask this...we've come such a long way since all of this happened, I guess I'm just curious. Also, I just need to know. I need to be reassured that it's over…"

"Whoa…Derek, I thought we'd moved passed this. I thought you had forgiven Addison and I…"

"I have. I just…I don't want to make the same mistakes...and even though I know what lead us down that path, and you sort of told me how it happened, I still don't know…"

"What do you want to know? If I'm still in love with her? If she was ever in love with me? What?"

"Shh…keep your voice down, Callie could hear you, you know."

"We're very honest with each other. I know she has her insecurities about Addison, but mostly they stem from what that stupid ex-husband of hers did. Just tell me what you want to know?"

"Honestly, I don't know...I guess I just want reassurance. I'm uprooting my life tomorrow to be with her."

"She did it for you."

"I know, I know. I guess some doubt still remains. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. You know, she told me yesterday she kissed Pete, and for a moment I was so ready to walk away from her again." Mark stared at his friend curiously. "Meredith kissed me today."

"What? Derek, you aren't going there again are you? I get that what happened between Addison and I hurt you, but you can't keep punishing her."

"No it wasn't like that. It was goodbye for her. I didn't respond. I felt nothing but sadness...I felt sorry for her."

"What is it that you want Derek?"

"I want things to go back to the way they used to be before everything fell apart. I want to be able to leave you and Addison alone and not have that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want my wife back. I want her to forget the pain I caused her. I want to know that you're no longer in love with her."

Mark took a deep breath. He knew that he had to be careful with how he said the next few words that came out of his mouth. "Derek, I won't lie to you. A part of me will always be in love with Addison."

Derek stiffened at this but continued to listen.

"She was the love of my life." Mark simply stated.

"She's the love of mine." Derek responded softly.

"I know, and you're hers. I couldn't ever really come between you two even if I wanted to. In the end, you found your way back to each other and I almost lost my brother and my best friend because of it. I've accepted that and I've managed to move on with Caliie. She reminds me of Addie in a way, but she's still very much her own woman. You don't have to worry Derek, Addison's only ever loved one man and you can be certain that you are that lucky son of a bitch." He finished with a chuckle.

Derek was quiet at first, absorbing what Mark had just said, then joined his friend. "Thank you for being honest. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Because of all this mess I met another amazing woman. I'm good."

XXXXXXXXXX

The steaming water hitting the back of her neck was lulling her. She ran her fingertips onto either shoulder as she massaged in the citrus scented body wash. Addison had woken up early to start her day without rushing. She wanted things in the house to be in order for Derek's arrival, and she wanted to take a nice relaxing shower before she went off to the airport to pick him up.

She could feel the butterflies in her stomach buzzing all around her body, and the urge to break out into giggles. She was excited, there was no other way to describe it.

Addison shut off the water, then reached for a towel hanging on the closest towel rack. She quickly dried off and then padded her way into the bedroom. She had spread out her outfit on the bed. The one she had purchased yesterday specifically for today. She smiled. The dress was colorful and cheery just like she felt. She had debated between four dresses, finally settling on a violet Stella McCartney silk twill strapless dress. She had also had a hard time picking out the perfect shoes. Since the dress was a bit girly, she wanted something chunky and hard to off set it and give it an edge. It took her a while, but she finally found the perfect pair at Bergdorf's. They were a pair of Christian Dior extreme cutout sandals in silver nappa leather.

Addison quickly dressed, then began applying her makeup and jewelry. The ringing of the phone stopped her down pat routine.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Stella from A Votre Sante."

"Oh yes, what can I do for you?"

"I was just calling to let you know that Jose, our deliveryman, is on his way with your breakfast order. Will he be needing a code to enter your building?"

"No. It's a house. Just have him come to the front door, someone will be here."

"Okay, thank you."

"No, thank you."

She hung up the phone, then proceeded to do her makeup.

"Hey, you almost ready?" Naomi asked as she approached her. Addison, who hadn't heard her walking towards her, jumped in surprise.

"Jesus Naomi, you scared the hell out of me!"

"I'm so sorry! I thought you heard me call out your name."

"No, I'd just gotten of the phone." She said as she placed her hand over her racing heart. "It was A Votre Sante. They should be delivering the food soon."

"Ooh Votre. I love that place."

"I know...Okay I need to finish up, I don't want to be late."

"I'll wait for the food."

"Thanks. The money's on the counter."

XXXXXXXXXX

He stood in front of the departure board. His flight was on time and he'd be leaving soon. He would be arriving in Los Angeles in less than three hours. Three hours and he'd be with Addison. He ran his hand roughly through his hair as he found his way towards a seat in the far left of the waiting area. Derek was nervous. His stomach felt queasy. He was breaking into a sweat, his knuckles were white from being so tightly wound. He would soon be with her and they would be starting anew, but could he really go through with this? Throughout these past few months, he wanted nothing else but to get her back...for Addison to forgive him for what he put her through. Now that this was about to happen, he couldn't help but have doubts. Not doubts about being with her, but doubts about himself. Could he be absolutely certain that he wouldn't hurt her again? What if he fell off the wagon and reverted back to his old ways? What if she could be much happier with someone else? Did she trust him? Did he really trust her?

Many questions were spinning in his head. Could he really get on that plane? Would it be the end of them if he didn't go? Of course it would, she would probably never forgive him. His fear was that if he showed up, eventually he would cause her pain...but if he didn't he would still hurt her.

He stood up and began to pace. He had to think. He had to make a choice.

XXXXXXXXXX

The drive to the airport had been uncharacteristically fast. No traffic, it was almost as if the roads opened up so that she could be right on time to pick Derek up. Almost as if the universe was saying everything was aligning the way it should be. She smiled. She couldn't help herself, Derek would be coming out of those double doors in less than five minutes.

To say that she was nervous was an understatement. Today was the beginning, or a continuation if you will, of their life together. Even though she had her doubts, she felt somewhat confident in their ability to do this because of Derek...because throughout this whole ordeal, he somehow believed they would make it. She wished she could have his optimism, but she couldn't help herself, she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. After all, karma had a sick sense of humor when it came to her. Karma seemed to have gotten comfortable about being around her. She shook her head. Those days were over.

Addison tried to get a good look through the door's windows, but she couldn't see him yet. He must've been held up or something, she thought to herself. She paced around for a bit, then went to check the arrivals board. Addison scanned it and quickly found his flight number, it was on time. She decided to take a seat while she waited. Her phone rang, which she happily picked up, glad that it could distract her for the interim.

"Hello?"

"Hey, is he there yet?"

"Nope, not yet. Still waiting. What's up?"

"His stuff arrived. Sam's parking his jeep and the movers are starting to bring stuff in. Is there anywhere you want me to direct them to?...or just the living room for now?"

"Living room's fine. Did he bring a lot of stuff?" She asked curiously.

Naomi couldn't help but laugh. "What?" Addison asked nonchalantly.

"Oh Addie, you are too funny. No, the man kept it to a minimum. I think he knows you well enough."

"What? I didn't mean anything by it, I was just wondering how much stuff we had to rearrange. That's all."

"I'm sure."

"Nai?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it weird that I'm nervous? It almost feels like we've never done this before, I mean...live together."

"No, I don't think it's weird at all. Actually, I'd be surprised if you weren't. Addison, you and Derek have grown a lot over the past couple of years, you're different but the same, and you just have to learn each other again."

"I guess we do. That's why I think taking some time off will be good for me, for us."

"Yeah, I think it is. But you are coming back right?"

"Of course! I love the practice Nai, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. I just want to be reassured. It feels like I just got you back into my life, and as selfish as it may sound, I don't want to lose my someone. You're my someone."

"You're mine."

"Well, now we've gone all sappy. We're such women."

"Yeah we are."

"So when does he arrive?"

"Well, his flight arrived like fifteen minutes ago, so I'm guessing he should be coming out any minute now."

"Are you gonna run into his arms like those mushy movies we both love so much?"

"Ha!! Who me? Noooo…maybe."

"I'd love to see that."

"I bet you would. You're just gonna have to settle with hearing about it."

"Fine, but I want all the lovey-dovey details."

"Deal. I should probably get off the phone. I'll see you in a bit."

"Kay. See ya soon."

Addison hung up the phone and continued to wait. There was still no sign of Derek. She looked around a bit ,then walked towards the ticketing counter. Maybe the arrival board was wrong?

"Excuse me?"

"One minute please." Said the attendant behind the counter who was busy typing away on the computer. "Okay, sorry about that. What can I do for you?"

"Uhmm…I just wanted to make sure that Flight XF1121 arrived on time? I'm waiting for someone and I haven't seen them come out of the terminal."

"Flight XF1121 you said?" Addison nodded her head. "Okay, let's see…hmmmm…yes it was on time, actually it got here twenty minutes early and it looks like everyone should be out."

Addison instantly felt a panic hit the pit of her stomach. She could feel the color drain from her completely, her worst fears were coming true. The ticket agent quickly noticed and watched her with concern. "Miss, are you okay?"

She swallowed the lump that was beginning to thicken in her throat and nodded. She was probably overreacting. Derek was probably on his way out, something must've held him up. "Yes, I'm sorry, I just felt a little light-headed that's all. Thank you for checking."

Addison walked back to the double doors and stared at them...wishing and hoping that this was not really happening, that Derek hadn't changed his mind. She watched those doors, willing them to open, with Derek walking out, apologies spilling out of his mouth for losing track of time. Her heart was beating rapidly, her palms were beginning to sweat, her body was trembling lightly. Where was he? His flight had arrived before she had and she had been waiting for at least thirty minutes. It had been nearly an hour. Maybe he was by the carousel waiting for his luggage? But he would have seen her by now, she would have seen him by now.

Addison began to pace a bit more frantically. Would he really do this to her? After everything that had happened, would he really not show up? She had just spoken to him, he seemed fine, happy even. What could have changed his mind? She could feel the tears begin to build. He wasn't coming. He, once again, didn't show up. How could she fall for his empty words again? She couldn't take it anymore. She turned around to walk away, she had to get out of there, it was almost suffocating her.

It was a slow pace at first, she was trying not to draw any attention to herself, but then her strides became longer. She could hear the rapid pounding of her heart. Her hands were shaking from hurt and anger, the tears she had been holding back were beginning to spill down her cheeks. Addison could hear all these voices around her, surrounding her, invading her racing mind. It was too crowded in her head, she couldn't get out of there fast enough, and as she took that final step out, she heard someone faintly call out her name.

Addison turned slowly and there he was. Was it really him? Or was she so distraught that she was now seeing things? He looked worried. She could see a crease forming on his forehead as he tried to gage her appearance. He walked towards her while she stood still. She was dumbfounded and glued to her spot. All the emotions still running like crazy through her entire body.

"Addie?" He asked with concern.

"You came?" Her voice was hardly more than a whisper.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"I…I thought you weren't coming. You're late." Was all she could bring herself to say.

"I know. I'm sorry. I missed my flight and I took the one right after. I'm so sorry. I should have called but I didn't have time. Are you okay?" He went to reach for her but she pulled away.

Logically, she knew that it wasn't his intention to put her through what she'd just gone through, but it didn't change the fact that she still felt hurt.

"Addie?"

"I'm sorry. I just… I thought you weren't coming and I was standing here…waiting and I didn't see you…and…" She couldn't continue, her throat felt constricted.

He reached for her again, this time she let him take her in his arms. He held her tightly to him, she adjusted her head on the crook of his neck, breathing his scent in. It felt amazing having him hold her. Derek stroked her back to try and soothe her.

"I'm here Addie. I'm here." He said reassuring her.

"I can't believe I thought you weren't coming." She whispered onto his chest.

Derek tensed up a bit. Should he tell her that her fears weren't unwarranted? What difference would it make if she knew? It would only hurt her, right? He inhaled sharply, he had to tell her. They had said no more secrets, no miscommunication...honesty was essential in their new beginning.

"Derek?" She asked confused at the sudden tension she felt radiating off his body.

"I had doubts..." He stated quickly.

Addison watched him, not understanding at first, and then it suddenly dawned on her. He had had doubts about her, about coming here. She instantly pulled away, he tried to grab her but she was too quick.

"You had doubts? What?"

"I had a moment of panic. I was afraid…"

"Of what exactly? Derek…"

"Addie, let me explain…"

"You don't have to. You weren't coming were you? You were going to leave me here waiting for you?"

"No!! Absolutely not!! For a minute, I thought that maybe I shouldn't come, but it had nothing to do with you. Don't you get it? It was about me, Addison. I was afraid I was making a mistake by coming, because I might not be the one who can give you the happiness you so deserve. I love you so much and I'm terrified of hurting you. And I did, I inadvertently hurt you again. This was what I was afraid of, but I couldn't not come, because I love you and I believe in us." He reached for her again, she was still pulling away, so he reached for her face and put his hands on either side of her, holding her gaze to his. "I want to explore things and I want someone who wants to explore them with me. I want to have someone who can change my mind and I can change theirs. I want to have as much doubt as I do certainty. I want those things with you Addie. We had them before and we can have them again. All the choices we've made, have only added to the people we have become, and will become, together."

She didn't know what to say, she was stunned. Only a few moments ago, she thought he wasn't coming, and now, he's telling her that he did have doubts, but he still came. What was she supposed to do with this? "I don't know Derek."

"Addie, look at me. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still me. My heart, my mind, my soul, the man you fell in love with...I'm still here, he's right here." Derek said as he reached for her hand and placed it over his heart. "I just lost my way, but together, we can find that path we began so long ago. Tell me you still want that too?"

She was quiet, all she could do was look him in the eye. She could see the truth in them, this was her Derek. "I do."

Derek couldn't help himself, he swiftly pulled her into an embrace and began his onslaught on her inviting mouth. Addison quickly tightened her arms around him as well and matched his fervor. After a few moments, they pulled away, realizing that they were still in public. She smiled sheepishly as she looked around, a few passersby were staring at them. Derek watched her incredulously, even with the smudged eye makeup, she was still breathtaking. "You look beautiful."

She was caught off-guard but then grinned happily at him. "Thank you."

"I think that might be my new favorite color on you. It suits you."

"Even more so that my salmon colored scrubs?" She teased with a crinkle of her nose.

"Even more." He teased back.

"I can't believe you're really here."

"I can't believe we're really here."

"Yeah."

"You ready?"

"Yeah."

"You?"

"For you? Always."They both stared into each other's eyes with genuine emotion, then walked out hand-in-hand.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well there you have it, the end!!! Finally!! It's been a long road to this ending. It took me forever and a day, but it's done. I have to say that writing this story was such a wonderful experience. It has helped me grow as a writer and lyricist. It has given me confidence to begin other stories with these characters that I enjoy writing for, and given me a better appreciation for them. Obviously, this couldn't have been done without my PHENOMENAL beta Agent Extremis, who was patient, tolerant, and understanding through this long journey. As of right now, this is the end, but I might be persuaded to write an Epilogue when you all review.

So once again, thank you so much for reading. Now I'm off to write for my other babies that I've neglected. Check'em out if you get a chance.

Till Soon,

Liz


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